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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have told this woman I don't want to be her friend?

832 replies

EddysWildHair · 03/08/2017 12:15

DS started school last September. I always try and avoid the school gates as I don't want to socialise whilst there but for the past 6 months or so this Prisoner Cell Block H woman has forced her company into me. I just don't like her or want to socialise with her! I've tried standing in different places, ignoring her as much as pos without being totally rude and telling her I'm busy when she asks about going for coffees etc but she just won't fuck off.

Since summer holidays started the school have ran a play group for the little ones so I've been taking DS. This morning she turns up, seeks me out and then starts waffling on about how much her DS has missed mine and how great it is that we can continue seeing each other through the summer holidays. Today she caught me on one of my less tolerant days so I said to her "to be honest, I'm not here to socialise, I like my own company so if I don't seem very friendly, don't take it personally". She said "oh no I'm the same! I like to just come here and then go home, not stand chatting!". I replied "good, well I'll see you around then" and walked to the other side of the room.

5 minutes later she came across to me and said "have you seen how well they play together? Isn't it nice! I was thinking, the leisure centre do a sports club for little ones, why don't we meet up there next week?".

Now I'm sorry but I feel I've been more than patient!!! So I said "because like I told you, I like my own company and don't want to socialise". She replied "but it's not for us, it's for the little ones?". So I snapped and said "why do you constantly say "little ones"? It's really annoying. Anyway can you please leave me alone, I don't want to talk to you. I've tried to be polite but I shouldn't have to keep repeating myself! You're spoiling my time here!". She gasped and said "wow, who pissed on your side of the bed this morning! I was just being friendly!" So I said "and now you've seen my not so nice side and the reason I don't socialise so can you please fuck off?".

She did fuck off but not before reporting me to the group leaders!!! Before anyone says it I know I'm not a nice person but that's why I choose not to socialise!! I'd told her numerous times politely to leave me alone!!! AIBU to think it's her fault we ended up arguining as she just wouldn't take no for an answer???

OP posts:
MandateMandy · 03/08/2017 20:22

Hahahahaha! Yeah you ageist, homophobic snob!! How can you not want to watch Prisoner with it's stereotypes and shaky sets??

HooplaLoopla1 · 03/08/2017 20:24

MadateMary I'm pretty sure I didn't add your name onto that last post because it wasn't just aimed at you.

FloggingMolly OP said what she said to the other woman but she didn't say she had stopped or was going to stop the other child playing with her child. You can't expect her to be able to control what happens at school.

There are some MASSIVE assumptions being made here...clearly making assumptions about other people is ok, so no one should have a problem with OP doing it about someone she's actually met. Oh wait no, she shouldn't do that should she? Online though, that's fair game eh?

MandateMandy · 03/08/2017 20:25

In a movie of today's events - this is who I am imaging as "annoying" Mum.

To have told this woman I don't want to be her friend?
BarbarianMum · 03/08/2017 20:25

You don't lose moral points by keeping your child away from an aggressive adult, what a strange idea. Or from avoiding an aggressive adult yourself - that's just sensible. The fact that a child might suffer socially as a consequence is sad but when they are so young it's hard to avoid that. Especially if the parent won't do playdates at neutral venues.

N0tNowBernard · 03/08/2017 20:30

I'd love to know what people thought the reference to "Vinegar tits" meant Confused

HooplaLoopla1 · 03/08/2017 20:30

BarbarianMum I didn't say anyone would 'lose moral points' for keeping their child away from an aggressive adult, I said no one gains moral superiority by freezing out a 5/6 y.o because you don't like their parent or something their parent has said or done, which is what quite a few posters have blatantly stated.

Is no one actually reading what has been posted at all now?

Floggingmolly · 03/08/2017 20:32

How in hell would op know the other child is excluded in school, Hoopla? Surely her own child wouldn't come home and tell her proudly how he and his friends had managed to keep the other child out of the golden circle again today?
I suspect that particular nasty swipe was simple spite.

MandateMandy · 03/08/2017 20:32

Bernard Grin hahahaha!

CorbynsBumFlannel · 03/08/2017 20:33

Who has said freeze them out? I wouldn't send my child to a known.aggressive adults house. I also wouldn't want to contact them to invite their child. If my child wanted to play with theirs at school that would be fine as I/they would have no contact with the parent.

Bluntness100 · 03/08/2017 20:34

I'd also assume prisoner cell block h was meant to be there and it means she thinks the woman is rough. I'd have had more respect if she owned it though instead of back tracking on what she said.

Basically I think she was saying the woman is rough and common. The sort you'd find in a woman's prison. Which is why she doesn't like her or want to socialise with her in her own words. However as she knew it would get flamed she ran away fast from it and pretended her phone bizzarely autocorrected to it.

HooplaLoopla1 · 03/08/2017 20:38

Jesus wept! How narrow minded are some people?! My child/ren HAS come out of school before now and said they've not played with someone because or x,y,z reasons. Then, during conversation, s/he has told me that they were the only one not playing with them, that a child was just mean to them, that the child has been mean to a lot of people so my child and others didn't want to play with them...so no, I doubt OP's child came out and proudly declared anything! Although they may have done, I don't know!

Floggingmolly · 03/08/2017 20:41

Op said the child was not in the gang, and was always trying to push his way in. Why are you calling me narrow minded because I didn't put the same wildly imaginative spin on that that you did?
Op has used those words herself, yet you're determined to temper them for her, to make her look better Confused
Whatever...

HooplaLoopla1 · 03/08/2017 20:46

Wildly imaginative, or just accept that there are alternatives to the one you presented?

I've no interest in trying to make her look better - she clearly doesn't care what other people think of her and I don't see anything wrong with that tbh. I just feel there's a staggering amount of assumptions, hypocrisy and double standards on this thread from quite a few people.

Floggingmolly · 03/08/2017 20:49

I didn't present anything! Op typed those words herself. Maybe they also autocorrected from something else...

HooplaLoopla1 · 03/08/2017 20:51

Surely her own child wouldn't come home and tell her proudly how he and his friends had managed to keep the other child out of the golden circle again today?

You didn't type this?

Floggingmolly · 03/08/2017 20:54

I did... but I was trying to imagine how op knew about his exclusion from the gang?? She couldn't, really.

HooplaLoopla1 · 03/08/2017 20:57

She could've known in a multitude of ways as part of conversation with her own child which is why I presented alternatives that you claimed were 'wildly imaginative' and questioned why I'd called you narrow minded. To me, IMO, someone who can only see ONE possible way IS narrow minded.

Floggingmolly · 03/08/2017 21:05

Yes, there are lot's of ways she could have known, granted.
But she didn't say "other mum's ds is a pain and nobody wants to play with him", she chose the very spiteful sounding "my son is part of a big gang of friends and hers isn't, but like her he tries to push himself on people".
The kid is 4 or 5.
Kids fall out all the time; they play with different kids all the time, but op made it sound as if there's some sort of caste system in the playground with her ds being further up the food chain than the other kid.
Very unpleasant to my mind. You can obviously see the good in it.

HooplaLoopla1 · 03/08/2017 21:08

No I can't see the good in it. What I can see if that the OP clearly doesn't have a way with words yet you expect her to when she's describing them at school. But you're right, make another assumption, this time about me and whether I can see the good in it...

Oliversmumsarmy · 03/08/2017 21:12

Basically I think she was saying the woman is rough and common. The sort you'd find in a woman's prison. Which is why she doesn't like her or want to socialise with her in her own words

What the op is saying is the woman "looked" rough not "is" rough. You can only say for certain that someone is something if you have actually had some sort of meaningful conversation.

Floggingmolly · 03/08/2017 21:15

Words are all we have to get our point across Confused. Why do you keep telling me I'm making assumptions? Op's posts aren't all that ambiguous?

HooplaLoopla1 · 03/08/2017 21:18

Your words are telling me you're making assumptions. Those words you're using to get your point across...

Floggingmolly · 03/08/2017 21:22

Oh, give over 😑

BarbarianMum · 03/08/2017 21:26

I thought the OP had a very good grasp of words. Certainly enough to paint a derogatory picture of the other woman and her son, not quite skillful enough to disguise her own prejudices.

DevilsDumplings · 03/08/2017 21:28

Are you for real OP?

I've never met anyone so blatantly rude when out and about.

Is this the first time this scenario has occurred? I'm sure if it's for real, you would have had many previous such incidents.

If I had been the other lady I would have said a big fuck off right back at you. Oh and another thing, what kind of behaviour is that to be doing in front of the little ones. Not a great example imho. Crettin.