To have told this woman I don't want to be her friend?

[EddysWildHair]

DS started school last September. I always try and avoid the school gates as I don't want to socialise whilst there but for the past 6 months or so this Prisoner Cell Block H woman has forced her company into me. I just don't like her or want to socialise with her! I've tried standing in different places, ignoring her as much as pos without being totally rude and telling her I'm busy when she asks about going for coffees etc but she just won't fuck off.

Since summer holidays started the school have ran a play group for the little ones so I've been taking DS. This morning she turns up, seeks me out and then starts waffling on about how much her DS has missed mine and how great it is that we can continue seeing each other through the summer holidays. Today she caught me on one of my less tolerant days so I said to her "to be honest, I'm not here to socialise, I like my own company so if I don't seem very friendly, don't take it personally". She said "oh no I'm the same! I like to just come here and then go home, not stand chatting!". I replied "good, well I'll see you around then" and walked to the other side of the room.

5 minutes later she came across to me and said "have you seen how well they play together? Isn't it nice! I was thinking, the leisure centre do a sports club for little ones, why don't we meet up there next week?".

Now I'm sorry but I feel I've been more than patient!!! So I said "because like I told you, I like my own company and don't want to socialise". She replied "but it's not for us, it's for the little ones?". So I snapped and said "why do you constantly say "little ones"? It's really annoying. Anyway can you please leave me alone, I don't want to talk to you. I've tried to be polite but I shouldn't have to keep repeating myself! You're spoiling my time here!". She gasped and said "wow, who pissed on your side of the bed this morning! I was just being friendly!" So I said "and now you've seen my not so nice side and the reason I don't socialise so can you please fuck off?".

She did fuck off but not before reporting me to the group leaders!!! Before anyone says it I know I'm not a nice person but that's why I choose not to socialise!! I'd told her numerous times politely to leave me alone!!! AIBU to think it's her fault we ended up arguining as she just wouldn't take no for an answer???

I don't like socialising with other people particularly and avoid others at the school gates. I also only really see non-parent friends because I would get bored if people wanted to talk about babies and children all the time. However I really don't think I could bring myself to get that much rage over someone trying to talk to me, even after several months. I think others are right and that her focus is more on her son. I definitely think you could have handled it better.

This thread is hilariously polarized and so interesting.

How lovely are all the posters on here telling op she is horrible, a cunt, a barely functional adult! You're the ones who should deb having a look at yourself, you don't know how it feels to be pestered for 6 months, then sworn at for reiterating what she'd already requested, i.e leave her alone!

Actually I stated upthread that I DO know what it's like to be harassed and how I dealt with it without swearing or losing my shit.

And I haven't resorted to calling OP names either. Because that would entirely invalidate my point!

You can't socialise your child if you model antisocial behaviour. Just saying.

PoorYorick I suggest you RTFT.

THE OTHER WOMAN SWORE FIRST!!!!! READ THE OP! I don't swear at people but if someone starts on me when I'm feeling less than tolerant I might just retaliate as I'm sure the vast majority of you would!

I think most people do know what it's like to have to make small talk with people at work, at the school gate etc who aren't your first choice of person to speak to. We just don't consider it some kind of relentless abuse.
If the op didn't have a child the way she behaves would be entirely on her. But she does. It's not right that she should enforce her anti social attitude onto him. Most kids like to see their classmates out of school. Her child shouldn't be denied that because the op doesn't enjoy it. It's not about her.

*I asked another poster earlier but never got a reply, have you never lost your temper? The vast majority of people have. I think it's naive to believe that if a parent hasn't lost their temper in front of you or your child, that they never could or would

You asked me. And I answered that I have never and will never tell someone to fuck off in front of a bunch of kids - no matter how much they rile me. I have been in extremely stressful situations in front of my children and still...nope...not lost my temper. If you are asking if I have ever, for example, shouted at my own kids to put their shoes on within the safe confines of their own home and a loving relationship then yes I have. This is hardly the same as what to all intents and purposes must have seemed like an aggressive verbal attack to the children who witnessed it.*

My point is, when posters are saying they wouldn't want their child around someone who does that and wouldn't be happy for their child to go to the others house because of 'an aggressive verbal attack', how do you know that couldn't happen anyway? If you send your child off to someone's house for a playdate, you can't honestly say that it's impossible to occur or you would be able to prevent it happening.

Lavender

Whereas you sound delightful. Reported. Awful.

Yes, we working mothers (and SAHMs too, for that matter) have no idea what it's like to have to make small talk and spend some time with people who, as a wise man once said, we'd much rather kick in the eye.

OP is really not in a position to be dictating to people about reading social cues.

Also, it bears repeating...the mum was suggesting an activity FOR THE CHILDREN. It is not all about the OP, much as she likes to think it is.

Everyone who says unwanted social invitations in public places are harassment...I implore you, next time it happens, please do go and report it to the police if you think it is indeed that serious. I can't wait to hear what they say.

This bun fight is ridiculous, have you guys have seen "Bad Moms", the movie?

OP over reacted, possibly, but who can say if they weren't there?

Everyone seems very certain that their interpretation of the character of the protagonists is correct. The language and attacks in this thread are barmy.

I DID tell a dad at the school to leave me alone, and I swore! After months of biting my tongue, being polite, pretending not to notice his inappropriate behaviour. He massively over stepped into my comfort zone, and his chat was inappropriate. For example, twice a group "play date" turned out to be just me and him at a restaurant with the kids. He was lonely, I feel sorry for him, but I didn't want to be his crutch or other.

My social life and children's welfare has survived this "faux pas" admirably. I assume this is because he is a bloke so we can assume he fancied me, or should I get over myself?

Also, I describe him to my pals and partner in far less flattering terms than "prisoner cell block H"!

I am that Prisoner Cell Block H person. I know I was a lot older than a lot of the other mums and I know I don't look good, dress well (I do a very manual job so stilettos and make up are not what you would find me in) and my accents is not Estuary English or RP. Some people I know have called me scary looking.

All through primary no one ever got to know me. So I know what it is like to be in this other woman shoes.

You are nice to people but no one wants to talk to you. You try to find a way to start a conversation and I have had people turn their backs on me for no other reason than I don't fit in to what they think a mummy should look like. As they have never held a conversation or given me the time of day I can only assume it is on what I look like

It was only when dd started senior school did I find a couple of friends who actually spoke to me and realised I wasn't the ogre my face portrays me to be.

I do feel sorry for this woman. I am quite out going but it does hurt when no one even wants to make small talk to you and you know your dc is being not invited to things purely because the mother doesn't want you there spoiling the photos

Saying someone is Prisoner Cell Bloke H because they are poor??
Op said 'I don't know where prisoner cell block h came from, I didn't mean for it to be in there.' Nothing to suggest she said it 'because they are poor'.

Calling someone a fucking nut-job (I have a bit of a thing about using phrases that are traditionally used to stigmatize the mentally ill)
Oxforddictionaries, merriam-webster nor collinsdictionary have it listed as a slur or derogatory word for peoples with mental illness. Maybe she is just ignorant of the fact? I certainly didn't know. I thought it was used to describe someone as crazy.

only guys get me shite
Shite? Maybe she does get on better with men? I don't know her, do you know she doesn't?

The whole "why do you keep saying little ones. It's so annoying"
bad attitude -

It reads as though after 6 months of POLITELY avoiding her and turning her down and telling her straight out she didn't want to socialise and moving herself away OP reached the end of her tether. Nasty? Hardly.

Attempt 1- I've tried standing in different places, ignoring her as much as pos without being totally rude and telling her I'm busy when she asks about going for coffees etc
Attempt 2- * "to be honest, I'm not here to socialise, I like my own company so if I don't seem very friendly, don't take it personally".
Attempt 3- "good, well I'll see you around then" and walked to the other side of the room.
Attempt 4- "because like I told you, I like my own company and don't want to socialise"
Attempt 5 - Anyway can you please leave me alone, I don't want to talk to you. I've tried to be polite but I shouldn't have to keep repeating myself! You're spoiling my time here!".

I think the Op's tone is the reason this thread is still rattling on (well that and the chocolate poster who is bored and on bed rest). If she'd written "I had a bit of a rant at this woman who has been trying to get me to be her friend and now I feel conflicted - was IBU?" (As a genuine question) Then she'd have had more sympathy.
It's all the name calling, my male friends get me, mum's are boring etc shit which has pissed off/entranced everyone.
Op I can see why you were pissed off so NParticularlyU but you don't sound all that nice so the woman's had a lucky escape.

See that's why you talk to people Hoopla and get to the know them. So that you can make a fairly good attempt at judging whether they are going to lose their temper and/or get a bit hairy in front of your child. That's why we all put up with the small talk until you get to know folk a bit better. Of course you are never going to know what someone is like 100% of the time but you can make a good stab at it.

What's that beloved mumsnet phrase - if someone shows you who they are..believe them. I reckon OP showed who she was - both in her losing her temper at a playgroup and her shitty attitude on the OP.

I DID tell a dad at the school to leave me alone, and I swore! After months of biting my tongue, being polite, pretending not to notice his inappropriate behaviour. He massively over stepped into my comfort zone, and his chat was inappropriate

Where was this womans "inappropriate behaviour" She was trying to organise a playdate not trying to get into the ops knickers

If you were told by someone that you didn't want to socialise, several times would you really keep on? I think the other woman has a bad attitude.

Oh please Jack. Come on now. Predictive text is a pain but what could the OP possibly have meant to say that her phone translated as that?

MandateMandy apologies if you have, but have you pulled up other posters who have said the OP is mentally ill, has 'issues', needs help etc or are you just displeased with the OP using 'nutjob' as a term?

Yeah Rainbow I don't believe for a second that the OP didn't mean to write Prisoner Cell Block H. Just don't.

"Crazy" is also a shitty way of saying mentally ill.

And maybe guys do get her - it is more her implication that women CAN'T. Is the Op genetically different in a way that means a penis is required to communicate effectively with her. You and I both know it's a dick thing to say to belittle other women.

Look, I can see both sides to this. When my ds was a similar age there was one mother who used to try to force the kids together. She kept inviting my ds over for play dates and talking about how well the boys got on. Unfortunately her ds was a complete nightmare and my ds decided he didn't want to have anything to do with him anymore. After witnessing him stuffing his pockets with ds toys before leaving our house, rhen denying that he had them, even though I had seen him pocketing them (the boy was no master criminal), I agreed. I tried putting her off hoping she would get bored, just saying we were busy, ds was tired etc etc but she kept on and on. In the end I had to just tell her that unfortunately the boys no longer really played together. I felt quite awful at the time but I've never known anyone be so pushy. I soon saw her hijacking another unsuspecting kid and doing exactly the same with him and his poor mother. So I get it, op, some people really do need things spelling out to them.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with getting your point across but I don't think it ever hurts to be kind. This woman sounds lonely and while that is not your fault or indeed your problem, I think you could have been a little more gentle with her feelings. The woman should certainly respect your boundaries though, and I think a conversation along those lines might have been more appropriate.