To have told this woman I don't want to be her friend?

[EddysWildHair]

DS started school last September. I always try and avoid the school gates as I don't want to socialise whilst there but for the past 6 months or so this Prisoner Cell Block H woman has forced her company into me. I just don't like her or want to socialise with her! I've tried standing in different places, ignoring her as much as pos without being totally rude and telling her I'm busy when she asks about going for coffees etc but she just won't fuck off.

Since summer holidays started the school have ran a play group for the little ones so I've been taking DS. This morning she turns up, seeks me out and then starts waffling on about how much her DS has missed mine and how great it is that we can continue seeing each other through the summer holidays. Today she caught me on one of my less tolerant days so I said to her "to be honest, I'm not here to socialise, I like my own company so if I don't seem very friendly, don't take it personally". She said "oh no I'm the same! I like to just come here and then go home, not stand chatting!". I replied "good, well I'll see you around then" and walked to the other side of the room.

5 minutes later she came across to me and said "have you seen how well they play together? Isn't it nice! I was thinking, the leisure centre do a sports club for little ones, why don't we meet up there next week?".

Now I'm sorry but I feel I've been more than patient!!! So I said "because like I told you, I like my own company and don't want to socialise". She replied "but it's not for us, it's for the little ones?". So I snapped and said "why do you constantly say "little ones"? It's really annoying. Anyway can you please leave me alone, I don't want to talk to you. I've tried to be polite but I shouldn't have to keep repeating myself! You're spoiling my time here!". She gasped and said "wow, who pissed on your side of the bed this morning! I was just being friendly!" So I said "and now you've seen my not so nice side and the reason I don't socialise so can you please fuck off?".

She did fuck off but not before reporting me to the group leaders!!! Before anyone says it I know I'm not a nice person but that's why I choose not to socialise!! I'd told her numerous times politely to leave me alone!!! AIBU to think it's her fault we ended up arguining as she just wouldn't take no for an answer???

Rorty

They seem to think the OP should befriend this person, even though she has no desire to do so. If that isn't hard of thinking I don't know what is.

Can you show us a poster who has actually said that though? Because I am reading this thread all wrong if that's the case. I'd say most people are pretty much saying "of course you don't need to be her friend or even speak to her ever again but the exchange that happened in the playgroup was pretty shitty and your general attitude is pretty poor"

MandateMandy Can you clarify 'nastiness'?

Because she used a expletive or because she said fuck off to someone who has ignored 6 months worth of OP ignoring her/trying to escape her attention?

You know the way someone will always say about a mass murdered that they seemed nice enough and kept themselves to themselves? I think the OP can be fairly confident that she won't join their legions.

From the update it sounds like the other mum was trying to make an effort since everyone else leaves her kid out. She sounds relieved that he's got a friend.

Op PLEASE report this stalking and harassment to the police. I literally can't wait to hear what they would say. Actually, don't. They don't have the resources to investigate actual crime.
It's genuinely worrying that there are people who consider someone passing the time at the school gate and occasionally asking for a playdate to be '6 months of incessant harassment'.
It's strange how you consider yourself a cut above this woman op when you are unable to cope with completely normal interactions.

Just read your update OP....you're absolutely horrible

you come across as an awful tit yourself.

All this "how dare you judge someone pissing you off, I'm going to judge you much more harshly" nonsense. You;re not big or clever.

Yes I thought that too Notreally. Poor woman, poor kid.

Op PLEASE report this stalking and harassment to the police. I literally can't wait to hear what they would say. Actually, don't. They don't have the resources to investigate actual crime

Noone said any crime had been committed. Is there any need for such histrionics?

Good Lord.

I thought I could be a cantankerous irritable sod but bloody hell I can usually manage some small talk.

It's usually best to be relatively nice to people unless you really have to be unpleasant. Makes everything run a bit smoother.

It is good that you've noticed how much kids absorb their parents behaviour though op. Yours will soon end up 'not nice' and sweary like his mum no doubt.

They seem to think the OP should befriend this person, even though she has no desire to do so.

Nobody that I've seen (have skimmed thread and read OP's posts but not every last one) has suggested she should befriend someone she doesn't want to. They've just suggested she should not act like an entitled raging dickhead, and make a bit of effort for her son's sake. The mother was suggesting the kids meet up at the sports club, she thought they'd enjoy it, OP was rude and a dick and insists that she's not doing anything to spoil her son's chances of making friends.

OP is all over the place. She's a self confessed 'not nice' person but actually does these amazing martial arts things for people. She doesn't like socialising but actually has this circle of blessed holy people who 'get her'. She hates women who talk about their kids but she joined a parenting forum. Her son is well socialised and her repellent nature doesn't affect his friendships, but she swears off women who suggest he meet up for an activity with their kids.

She is just nasty.

From the update it sounds like the other mum was trying to make an effort since everyone else leaves her kid out. She sounds relieved that he's got a friend

Well maybe everyone else has already had to tell her to fuck off as well. Or maybe she's lovely.
No-one here knows.

BarbarianMum the update made me really sad, she sounds like she's been really OTT out of sheer relief that her child isn't being excluded and has been met with a barrage of unnecessarily aggressive abuse. People make me sick sometimes, they really do.

Nobody that I've seen (have skimmed thread and read OP's posts but not every last one) has suggested she should befriend someone she doesn't want to

Actually they have. You really shouldn't comment about what all the other posts say when you haven't read them.

Bearing in mind this is just my interpretation

nastiness -

Saying someone is Prisoner Cell Bloke H because they are poor??

Calling someone a fucking nut-job (I have a bit of a thing about using phrases that are traditionally used to stigmatize the mentally ill)

The whole "why do you keep saying little ones. It's so annoying"

bad attitude -

only guys get me shite

In fairness, point 2 is a fairly recent bug bear. I used to use similar words until a lovely friend pointed out that they were actually pretty shitty and now I like to pontificate point out how shitty it is to use them.

Everything PoorYorrick said.
And some.

The other woman clearly thought that despite the op being anti-social and 'not a nice person' she may have been willing to suck it up and let her child socialise as a lot of introverts do because they put their child's wellbeing above their own.

There are some people who just, for no apparent reason, make your skin crawl. Sometimes they are people who keep on pushing themselves on you, which is what this woman sounds like. I have known one or two individuals like this - they never do anything you can actually point at and say to others 'x said hello to me and it made me feel sick' or whatever. But it really does start to bother you if it keeps up. Everywhere you go, you start to worry if Creepyperson will be there, and how much effort you will have to make to avoid that person.
OP seems to have managed perfectly well attending this playgroup for several days, with other parents being there - she was probably feeling really releived that she had found somewhere to take her DS where she would not have to deal with creepy clingy woman. And then the woman showed up, followed OP round the room despite having been told twice that OP did not want to talk, harassed the OP and was rude to her until OP finally snapped... and somehow you bucketheads are putting all the blame on OP?

he plays with a big group of kids and to be fair, this lad isn't a part of the friends circle, he's unfortunately like his mother and forces his company of them

Oh my god. Are you actually talking about a four or five year old child? What's wrong with you?

And for all those giving it " yeah you go girl, telling her to fuck right off is the only way" I'd bet good money not one of you would have behaved this appallingly in real life and had you witnessed it would have been shocked.

But on line it's a different story right. It's all a bit of fun to encourage someone who clearly has mental health issues to behave as badly as possible. Yup, that's supportive.. don't tell her the truth, lead her to believe it's normal.

Criticises other woman for using the term 'little ones' yet also uses it.
Displays unhinged behaviour yet refers to other woman as a 'nut job'
Considers self a cut above despite being a barely functional adult.
Self awareness isn't your strong point is it op?

You asked plenty of times she didn't get it so you had to be clear. I wonder if you posted here asking what to do how many people would have said just get a grip and tell her.

Nothing unhinged about repeatedly playing it cool, avoiding, actually stating you don't want to socialise. The other woman got arsey saying who pissed on your bed? Then op told her to fuck off. She's a pushy mum and I think OP is well out of it!

I actually agree with the OP's sentiments. She had made it very clear that she wasn't interested in becoming friends with this other woman and yet the OT persisted, on and on. It's tantamount to harassment imo.

Yes, the OP was rude, in the heat of the moment. We all have our breaking point, after all.

I had a similar problem when DS was a toddler. This other mum just wouldn't take a hint, she kept "popping round" and staying all day! It got to the point where I would hide and not answer the door when I knew it was her - then I didn't want to go out in case she was out there waiting to pounce!

So, OP, as far as I am concerned, YANBU at all!