To have told this woman I don't want to be her friend?

[EddysWildHair]

DS started school last September. I always try and avoid the school gates as I don't want to socialise whilst there but for the past 6 months or so this Prisoner Cell Block H woman has forced her company into me. I just don't like her or want to socialise with her! I've tried standing in different places, ignoring her as much as pos without being totally rude and telling her I'm busy when she asks about going for coffees etc but she just won't fuck off.

Since summer holidays started the school have ran a play group for the little ones so I've been taking DS. This morning she turns up, seeks me out and then starts waffling on about how much her DS has missed mine and how great it is that we can continue seeing each other through the summer holidays. Today she caught me on one of my less tolerant days so I said to her "to be honest, I'm not here to socialise, I like my own company so if I don't seem very friendly, don't take it personally". She said "oh no I'm the same! I like to just come here and then go home, not stand chatting!". I replied "good, well I'll see you around then" and walked to the other side of the room.

5 minutes later she came across to me and said "have you seen how well they play together? Isn't it nice! I was thinking, the leisure centre do a sports club for little ones, why don't we meet up there next week?".

Now I'm sorry but I feel I've been more than patient!!! So I said "because like I told you, I like my own company and don't want to socialise". She replied "but it's not for us, it's for the little ones?". So I snapped and said "why do you constantly say "little ones"? It's really annoying. Anyway can you please leave me alone, I don't want to talk to you. I've tried to be polite but I shouldn't have to keep repeating myself! You're spoiling my time here!". She gasped and said "wow, who pissed on your side of the bed this morning! I was just being friendly!" So I said "and now you've seen my not so nice side and the reason I don't socialise so can you please fuck off?".

She did fuck off but not before reporting me to the group leaders!!! Before anyone says it I know I'm not a nice person but that's why I choose not to socialise!! I'd told her numerous times politely to leave me alone!!! AIBU to think it's her fault we ended up arguining as she just wouldn't take no for an answer???

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can't fucking stand people who live through their children
Was that meant to be ironic, Custardo? Given that, you know, they were both at a children's playscheme at the time?

Ignore the hard of thinking

"Everyone who doesn't agree with me must be stupid as I can't possibly have a differing opinion"

Fixed that for you

Hey @bollox just saw your reply. Yeah I know she's done that loads. But her outburst today hasn't changed anything. She's admitted she anti social and her description of the other woman makes her sound socially inept.

So yeah back to the original plan of just walking off.

Wow, way to go! How I would love to say that at times. It does sound rather harsh though OP but you did try the polite way first. I did lol at Prisoner cell block H woman!

MandateMandy What do any of those questions have to do with the incident in the OP?

Not your place to interpret what I write. When I want an editor you'll be the first to know.

This is a record amount of bad grace and ill temper for a single thread

Sounds like either she has very thick skin or she might be trying hard for her sons sake (and she said as much) particularly if he hasn't yet found friends. Sounds like she needs to relax a bit and step back.

Sounds like you do too... You're not obliged to be her friend or indeed make your son be his friend but it's painful to hear someone be quite so unkind.

I do dislike though the way nowadays parents (mothers really) feel the pressure to be the gatekeeper of their young children's social lives. I guess it's inevitable with the way people live now (no more knocking on the door to come and play) and the obsession on socialisation.,,

So I said "because like I told you, I like my own company and don't want to socialise". She replied "but it's not for us, it's for the little ones?". So I snapped and said "why do you constantly say "little ones"? It's really annoying. Anyway can you please leave me alone, I don't want to talk to you. I've tried to be polite but I shouldn't have to keep repeating myself! You're spoiling my time here!". She gasped and said "wow, who pissed on your side of the bed this morning! I was just being friendly!" So I said "and now you've seen my not so nice side and the reason I don't socialise so can you please fuck off?".
It was actually the other woman that started swearing. Prior to that OP's comments sound more irritated and exasperated than rude.

OP tried several times on just this one occasion to let the other woman know she wasn't interested, even ending the conversation and walking away.

The other woman kept pestering and then raised the ante asking her who had pissed on her bed when she told her less politely she didn't want to chat.

If the other woman had taken the hint when OP walked away nothing more would have happened.

Not your place to interpret what I write. When I want an editor you'll be the first to know

Post on a public forum it is anyone's place to respond.

Respond - yes
Interpret and give another meaning to someone else's words - no

You called other posters "hard of thinking"

It isn't a massive leap love

I think she was looking for friends for her 'little one', what is wrong with that term, I ask you!!

I wonder what it is you dislike about this mum? It's just odd to react like that as an adult? Your behaviour is reminiscent of the school playground, tbh. That poor woman, it's the reason a lot of us struggle with the school gate and the other mums.

Your little one will miss out on party invitations and play dates.

What about "it's not for us, it's for the little ones" suggests the woman is gagging to be op's friend? She wants to get her child together with other children he likes, and the op feels stalked...

DS has a great social circle - as do I away from this god forsaken place containing people that get me, people that understand not everyone "breathes" the word "child" when they speak

You do realise you are standing at a school gate with a bunch of strangers and the only thing you have in common as a conversation opener is you all have children. What do you think people would talk about when starting to get to know someone.

I cant believe you had a child and didn't expect you would at some point have to talk to people you might not want to.

It might come as a huge surprise to you but have you thought she could have been asked to organise a play date by her ds. She was just trying to help her son fit in. She might not like you but thought if it would help her ds she would try to get to know you.
As for giving her a flyer from Your Martial Arts class when you have told her to fuck off. Words fail me. That is one of the most narcissistic things I have heard of.

I think the problem stems from not you wanting to be solitary. (As you have friends) It is about how you want everything on your own terms and everyone else is beneath you.

Lets hope that your ds continues going to Martial Arts and doing exactly as you want him to or he is going to be very lonely or very very angry.

I suffer greatly from social anxiety - it doesn't give me a free pass to be rude/mean to another person.

Your description of how your child is part of the gang but hers isn't; but tries to push himself in anyway is incredibly spiteful, op.

OP says that her nastiness doesn't affect her son's socialisation, but this woman was suggesting a meet up for the kids...something she thought they'd both enjoy, and OP refused because she didn't want to.

How can she think that she's not ruining her son's chances of making friends? She might not care if everyone in the community doesn't like her, but shouldn't she care about her child?

She wants to get her child together with other children he likes, and the op feels stalked

She is suggesting play dates to someone who pretty much just begged her to leave her alone.
Who does that? Apparently lots of you.

Well you both seem intent on suggesting that people have a problem with OP because we (the Victorians ) feel that it is her duty to put the other person's needs before her own when in fact i'd suggest that a lot of people who have responded negatively and told her she is unreasonable, have done so due to her actual nastiness.

JacquesHammer
You called other posters "hard of thinking" It isn't a massive leap love

Yes I did because some seem to be unable to comprehend the simple fact that the OP does not wish to be mummy friends with this woman, which she has tried to politely communicate on several occasions with no effect. They seem to think the OP should befriend this person, even though she has no desire to do so. If that isn't hard of thinking I don't know what is.

Anyway, let's not derail the thread, diddums tweetie pie.

But your decision not to answer speaks volumes.

Just read your update OP....you're absolutely horrible.

You sneer at women who talk about their kids but you're on a parenting forum. And make the usual Cool Girl response about how men don't act like this. Because you don't seem to realise they're not required to give as much of their lives to parenting.

You insist that your nastiness doesn't affect your son and yet you don't realise that you've just rudely refused a meet up for him because YOU don't want to.

You swear at women who are at best a bit annoying and talk when you don't want them to, bearing in mind you hardly have to spend any time with them.

You pull the whole tedious, 'ooh I know I'm not a nice person, aren't I edgy and self possessed' schtick but when people agree sincerely that no, you are not, you're quick to tell us about all the amazing things you do that make you fantastic after all.

You are horrible about a little boy who is obviously feeling a bit lonely and left out.

You think it is all about you (re: mum asks if YOUR SON might enjoy doing something and you rudely and aggressively refuse because YOU wouldn't enjoy it, and you think she's trying to get to YOU).

You're not introverted and solitary, or even honestly bitchy in a sort of grudgingly admirable way. You're just downright nasty and self centred with a chip on your shoulder. If you didn't have a child I wouldn't care, but I hate to think what you're doing to your son, especially as you don't seem to notice or care.