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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have told this woman I don't want to be her friend?

832 replies

EddysWildHair · 03/08/2017 12:15

DS started school last September. I always try and avoid the school gates as I don't want to socialise whilst there but for the past 6 months or so this Prisoner Cell Block H woman has forced her company into me. I just don't like her or want to socialise with her! I've tried standing in different places, ignoring her as much as pos without being totally rude and telling her I'm busy when she asks about going for coffees etc but she just won't fuck off.

Since summer holidays started the school have ran a play group for the little ones so I've been taking DS. This morning she turns up, seeks me out and then starts waffling on about how much her DS has missed mine and how great it is that we can continue seeing each other through the summer holidays. Today she caught me on one of my less tolerant days so I said to her "to be honest, I'm not here to socialise, I like my own company so if I don't seem very friendly, don't take it personally". She said "oh no I'm the same! I like to just come here and then go home, not stand chatting!". I replied "good, well I'll see you around then" and walked to the other side of the room.

5 minutes later she came across to me and said "have you seen how well they play together? Isn't it nice! I was thinking, the leisure centre do a sports club for little ones, why don't we meet up there next week?".

Now I'm sorry but I feel I've been more than patient!!! So I said "because like I told you, I like my own company and don't want to socialise". She replied "but it's not for us, it's for the little ones?". So I snapped and said "why do you constantly say "little ones"? It's really annoying. Anyway can you please leave me alone, I don't want to talk to you. I've tried to be polite but I shouldn't have to keep repeating myself! You're spoiling my time here!". She gasped and said "wow, who pissed on your side of the bed this morning! I was just being friendly!" So I said "and now you've seen my not so nice side and the reason I don't socialise so can you please fuck off?".

She did fuck off but not before reporting me to the group leaders!!! Before anyone says it I know I'm not a nice person but that's why I choose not to socialise!! I'd told her numerous times politely to leave me alone!!! AIBU to think it's her fault we ended up arguining as she just wouldn't take no for an answer???

OP posts:
itstoolateforthisbollox · 03/08/2017 17:54

Oh and bollox you don't have to make it your personal job to respond to every poster you know

I'm on bed rest and bored, one has to amuse oneself somehow.

TheFreaksShallInheritTheEarth · 03/08/2017 17:54

The more women who stick up for their own needs and boundaries, the better

Yes, the more women tell each other to fuck off, the better. Hmm

Wheatfield · 03/08/2017 17:54

Sorry but I'm on the OP's side.

This women clearly ignored OP's rebuffs for 6 months and just wouldn't take a hint, whilst the OP didn't have to swear etc, I actually don't think she did anything wrong because I'm not sure she was left with much choice!

I'm totally with you btw OP, can't stand all these 'mummy martyrs' that do everything for the 'kiddies' and never want to bleat on about anything else.

JacquesHammer · 03/08/2017 17:55

bollox you seem to be confusing assertive and aggressive.

There may well be situations where swearing or yelling is appropriate. To another mother at a baby group? Not so much.

Floggingmolly · 03/08/2017 17:55

I think she does, Bernard. She appears to be op's (self appointed?) campaign manager.

MandateMandy · 03/08/2017 17:56

I asked another poster earlier but never got a reply, have you never lost your temper? The vast majority of people have. I think it's naive to believe that if a parent hasn't lost their temper in front of you or your child, that they never could or would

You asked me. And I answered that I have never and will never tell someone to fuck off in front of a bunch of kids - no matter how much they rile me. I have been in extremely stressful situations in front of my children and still...nope...not lost my temper. If you are asking if I have ever, for example, shouted at my own kids to put their shoes on within the safe confines of their own home and a loving relationship then yes I have. This is hardly the same as what to all intents and purposes must have seemed like an aggressive verbal attack to the children who witnessed it.

As for those who are suggesting that the OP and the other mum were not in the vicinity of kids - really?? I have never been to a kids playgroup where the parents are in one room and the kids in another...never. And I've been to a lot of playgroups.

Itsnotwhatitseems · 03/08/2017 17:56

just wondering Op, why have you joined MN if you don't enjoy talking about mum stuff?

Aridane · 03/08/2017 17:57

OMG - I reported the OP to MNHQ as I thought the post was a wind up and OP a troll or goady fucker. I mean nobody surely would behave like OP and think it OK to behave like that. But from this thread it would appear that loads of posters think OP was being reasonable!!!

TeamCersei · 03/08/2017 17:57

love the way there's always a stampede to reassure the op that they're "just fine" on these type of threads.

I know, It makes me laugh.
Up till Page 5 or 6, its all YABU, then there's the stampede of
'reassurers'
''Aw don't be so harsh on OP'
'OP's getting a hard time'
Sad
then it changes again.

I can't be arsed to see which way the tide is turning at the moment Grin

Aridane · 03/08/2017 17:58

(plus the fact it was 'an interesting first post', as they say)

BarbarianMum · 03/08/2017 17:58

Sorry but it doesn't sound like you've made it clear many times that you don't want to even talk to her (yes you've turned down meeting up but not actually said you find her addressing you offensive). Sounds like the first time you made it clear was today - hence her pissing on the bed comment. If you'd only left it there.

Still interested to know what "Prisoner Cell Block H woman" refers to. Is this really about you not wanting to associate with her because you think she's rough trade?

DavetheCat2001 · 03/08/2017 18:03

Horseshit

Custardo · 03/08/2017 18:03

op you are completely right, the woman is borderline stalkerish if she cant get a fucking hint after 6 months - i think i woud tell her to fuck off too.

i like my own company and can't fucking stand people who live through their children.

so good for you

Imamouseduh · 03/08/2017 18:03

Barbarian, OP literally told this woman to fuck off. You can't get more 'rough trade' than that!

nollaig16 · 03/08/2017 18:04

Irrespective of the rudeness, you talk about your own circle of friends, mostly blokes, who get you. I find other women who make a big deal out of getting on better with men are actually being dismissive and a little misogynistic. How do you know she had nothing to say about stuff that interests you? I think you were really rude and dismissive. I think you can apologise but have to accept that she still won't want to know because the behaviour was so unpleasant.

2ducks2ducklings · 03/08/2017 18:10
Shock Good lord! I understand you not wanting to socialise at the school gates, in can be a bit of a mine field. But this woman reached out to you on her own. I would imagine that took a fair amount of courage (it would have done for me anyway). I can't understand the need to be so rude to her. Well, anyway job done. You'll be left completely alone from now on. I hope your 'little one' doesn't get excluded from play dates in the future though if other moms know you're a no go zone!
dustarr73 · 03/08/2017 18:16

I'm laughing at the idea that ok was being stalked.Like the woman was hiding in the bushes at 3am.Or following her around the supermarket.Silent phone calls and mysterious taxis.Thats stalking and harassment.

Saying hello at the school gate or at toddler group is not harassment. And I haven't called the ok any names.

And don't apologise if you don't mean it, cause then that's really mean.

Ktown · 03/08/2017 18:16

At least now you have told her to eff off no one will bother you in the playground or elsewhere. It will have the desired effect and everyone will leave a mile radius around you. Great for you, not so fantastic for your child.

glitterlips1 · 03/08/2017 18:17

Whatever! This is obviously some made up post!

MandateMandy · 03/08/2017 18:17

Itstoolateforthis and RainbowJack

You both seem to be big fans of the OP.

So do you also condone calling women names who you think look "lower class" to you?

Do you agree with her suggestion that women are less worthy of your time and less interesting in men?

Do you agree that saying "Why do you keep saying little ones - it's really annoying" isn't at all like something a school bully might say?

RortyCrankle · 03/08/2017 18:17

So pleased to hear you won't be apologising OP, nor should you. Who knew that once you had a child it was obligatory to befriend every clingy, precious snowflake mummy who insisted they wanted to be your friend, ugh.

Ignore the hard of thinking.

hannah1992 · 03/08/2017 18:18

Too late - I take that back I hope to god she's not embarrassed actually I would be pretty glad I had escaped horrible people

Itsnotwhatitseems · 03/08/2017 18:18

Anyway Op can you please leave us alone, we don't want to talk to you. I've tried to be polite but I shouldn't have to keep repeating myself! You're spoiling my time here.

See how it feels to be on the receiving end Op

MandateMandy · 03/08/2017 18:18

than not in

itstoolateforthisbollox · 03/08/2017 18:19

Do you agree with her suggestion that women are less worthy of your time and less interesting in men?

If OP finds that the men SHE knows are more worthy of HER time than the women SHE knows, that is up to her to decide. It's not for me or your to comment on.

I don't find that personally, but what has my experience got to do with hers?

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