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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have told this woman I don't want to be her friend?

832 replies

EddysWildHair · 03/08/2017 12:15

DS started school last September. I always try and avoid the school gates as I don't want to socialise whilst there but for the past 6 months or so this Prisoner Cell Block H woman has forced her company into me. I just don't like her or want to socialise with her! I've tried standing in different places, ignoring her as much as pos without being totally rude and telling her I'm busy when she asks about going for coffees etc but she just won't fuck off.

Since summer holidays started the school have ran a play group for the little ones so I've been taking DS. This morning she turns up, seeks me out and then starts waffling on about how much her DS has missed mine and how great it is that we can continue seeing each other through the summer holidays. Today she caught me on one of my less tolerant days so I said to her "to be honest, I'm not here to socialise, I like my own company so if I don't seem very friendly, don't take it personally". She said "oh no I'm the same! I like to just come here and then go home, not stand chatting!". I replied "good, well I'll see you around then" and walked to the other side of the room.

5 minutes later she came across to me and said "have you seen how well they play together? Isn't it nice! I was thinking, the leisure centre do a sports club for little ones, why don't we meet up there next week?".

Now I'm sorry but I feel I've been more than patient!!! So I said "because like I told you, I like my own company and don't want to socialise". She replied "but it's not for us, it's for the little ones?". So I snapped and said "why do you constantly say "little ones"? It's really annoying. Anyway can you please leave me alone, I don't want to talk to you. I've tried to be polite but I shouldn't have to keep repeating myself! You're spoiling my time here!". She gasped and said "wow, who pissed on your side of the bed this morning! I was just being friendly!" So I said "and now you've seen my not so nice side and the reason I don't socialise so can you please fuck off?".

She did fuck off but not before reporting me to the group leaders!!! Before anyone says it I know I'm not a nice person but that's why I choose not to socialise!! I'd told her numerous times politely to leave me alone!!! AIBU to think it's her fault we ended up arguining as she just wouldn't take no for an answer???

OP posts:
Tamatoa · 03/08/2017 17:21

I think OP is trying to give us a hint......unless we keep this thread going for 6 months asking her to come back 😂

JacquesHammer · 03/08/2017 17:24

My reaction is to stand up for someone who is being viciously attacked for standing up for herself

I don't believe the OP was wrong necessarily for being unwilling to socialise, however much I think being kind is easier.

I don't think you need to swear and shout at people to stand up for yourself.

Fluffypinkpyjamas · 03/08/2017 17:25

Oh dear OP. I think you're getting way too much of a hard time. I must ask though, was she more like Bea or Vinegar Tits? Grin

Craigie · 03/08/2017 17:30

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Fluffypinkpyjamas · 03/08/2017 17:33

Really cragie ?! People are being " fucking vile" to the Op whilst complaining about the way she spoke to another woman. Ridiculous and hypocritical.

Original poster
EddysWildHair · 03/08/2017 17:35

Been at work.

I've become more wound up about it as the day goes on and have decided I'm not going to apologise after all. She was told numerous times that I didn't want to chat yet kept on pressuring me to do so. Therefore it's her own fault.

Couple of points: the swearing was not I earshot of any kids (or anyone else for that matter).

DS doesn't particular favour this child over anyone else - he plays with a big group of kids and to be fair, this lad isn't a part of the friends circle, he's unfortunately like his mother and forces his company of them. Now before you all lose it, I don't condone leaving out a child or bullying and have told DS to include this boy in their games which he does try to do - however he's the only one that does so his batshit mother has decided they're best mates.

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 03/08/2017 17:39

I thought that might be the case, OP.

N0tNowBernard · 03/08/2017 17:39

In what way was she batshit crazy other than persisting with trying to create a friendship?

TeamCersei · 03/08/2017 17:40

From the tone of your posts I get the feeling you think this woman isn't good enough to be your friend Hmm
You see yourself as superior

This attitude comes across in most of your posts.

I would love to have been a fly on the playground wall if one of the more popular mothers had tried to befriend you.
It would be interesting to see whether that would have bothered you as much Hmm

itstoolateforthisbollox · 03/08/2017 17:41

In what way was she batshit crazy other than persisting with trying to create a friendship?

If you are persisting with trying to create a friendship 5 minutes after someone has said "I am not here to socialise, I like my own company", then you are at the very least socially inept. If you then get upset and pissy when the person is not happy at your persistence, you are edging towards batshit crazy.

Olympiathequeen · 03/08/2017 17:41

I feel sorry for you for being put in this position and I feel sorry for the other mum for receiving such a tirade. No one comes out of this well but in a similar situation I would learn from this. After all if this was a work colleague who was a pain in the arse you wouldn't have spoken like this. More likely been firm but polite but make it clear it stops. No need for such brutal language.

itstoolateforthisbollox · 03/08/2017 17:41

Wow, you sound fucking vile. Poor woman

And what a fucking peach you must be.

RainbowJack · 03/08/2017 17:43

Good to hear you're not allowing yourself to be bullied into conforming, EddysWildHair

N0tNowBernard · 03/08/2017 17:48

"I've become more wound up about it as the day goes on and have decided I'm not going to apologise after all. "

I'd love the case to be that the word got around that you were so rude and that no-one wanted anything to do with you because of not only your various exchanges but your lack of apology.

However I'm sure that the sad reality will be that if this lady isn't friendly with anyone else, that word won't get around and life will continue as normal for you. No lesson learned and in fact you'll feel like you were in the right. That's why life really sucks sometimes.

JacquesHammer · 03/08/2017 17:48

*bullied into conforming"

😂😭

TeamCersei · 03/08/2017 17:49

You say this woman has complained to the other mothers and the playgroup leader about your foul personality,
Out of 30+ mothers there are bound to be some who are Mnetters Hmm and what with this being in active topics and all......
Well, lets just say,
Even if they publicly forgive you.
I doubt your nasty little outburst will be forgotten in a hurry.

Good luck slumming it with these people for the next 10 years or so.
You are going to need it with that attitude. Flowers

itstoolateforthisbollox · 03/08/2017 17:49

However I'm sure that the sad reality will be that if this lady isn't friendly with anyone else, that word won't get around and life will continue as normal for you. No lesson learned and in fact you'll feel like you were in the right

Good. She was in the right and doesn't need to learn her lesson. You do though, and learn about boundaries while you're at it.

The more women who stick up for their own needs and boundaries, the better.

hannah1992 · 03/08/2017 17:51

Toolate - she's hardly harassing her is she? Yes she's spoke to her in the playground yes she spoke to her at the playgroup so what? It's not like she's found out her phone number and address is it?! For gods sake with an attitude like that that's why people end up lonely because nobody wants to be there friend because of their bad attitude! Yes op didn't want to be friends with her and that's fine yes make excuses why you can't go for coffee or just say you don't want to with a simple no thank you but to tell someone to fuck off when she was only trying to make conversation is appalling. I bet that woman has gone home feeling embarrassed and wondering what the hell she did to deserve it tbh.

JacquesHammer · 03/08/2017 17:52

The more women who stick up for their own needs and boundaries, the better

I have never NOT done that in my life. I have never needed to shout and swear at anyone.

itstoolateforthisbollox · 03/08/2017 17:52

I bet that woman has gone home feeling embarrassed and wondering what the hell she did to deserve it tbh

Unless she has the IQ of a goat I'm sure she knows what she did.

N0tNowBernard · 03/08/2017 17:52

Enjoy your boundaries when you are trapped inside them alone because you've pushed everyone away.

Oh and bollox you don't have to make it your personal job to respond to every poster you know Wink

Floggingmolly · 03/08/2017 17:52

Jesus, you're well named bollox. So much of it; all over the thread.

itstoolateforthisbollox · 03/08/2017 17:53

I have never NOT done that in my life. I have never needed to shout and swear at anyone

How lucky for you. Do you not care that other people may have to though?
We don't have to be polite at all costs you know.

RaspberryRipple53 · 03/08/2017 17:53

This is a wind up,right? Have my first ever MN Biscuit.

YouTheCat · 03/08/2017 17:53

There were other parents there. Why couldn't she have latched on to someone else when OP told her, the first time, that she didn't want to socialise?