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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have told this woman I don't want to be her friend?

832 replies

EddysWildHair · 03/08/2017 12:15

DS started school last September. I always try and avoid the school gates as I don't want to socialise whilst there but for the past 6 months or so this Prisoner Cell Block H woman has forced her company into me. I just don't like her or want to socialise with her! I've tried standing in different places, ignoring her as much as pos without being totally rude and telling her I'm busy when she asks about going for coffees etc but she just won't fuck off.

Since summer holidays started the school have ran a play group for the little ones so I've been taking DS. This morning she turns up, seeks me out and then starts waffling on about how much her DS has missed mine and how great it is that we can continue seeing each other through the summer holidays. Today she caught me on one of my less tolerant days so I said to her "to be honest, I'm not here to socialise, I like my own company so if I don't seem very friendly, don't take it personally". She said "oh no I'm the same! I like to just come here and then go home, not stand chatting!". I replied "good, well I'll see you around then" and walked to the other side of the room.

5 minutes later she came across to me and said "have you seen how well they play together? Isn't it nice! I was thinking, the leisure centre do a sports club for little ones, why don't we meet up there next week?".

Now I'm sorry but I feel I've been more than patient!!! So I said "because like I told you, I like my own company and don't want to socialise". She replied "but it's not for us, it's for the little ones?". So I snapped and said "why do you constantly say "little ones"? It's really annoying. Anyway can you please leave me alone, I don't want to talk to you. I've tried to be polite but I shouldn't have to keep repeating myself! You're spoiling my time here!". She gasped and said "wow, who pissed on your side of the bed this morning! I was just being friendly!" So I said "and now you've seen my not so nice side and the reason I don't socialise so can you please fuck off?".

She did fuck off but not before reporting me to the group leaders!!! Before anyone says it I know I'm not a nice person but that's why I choose not to socialise!! I'd told her numerous times politely to leave me alone!!! AIBU to think it's her fault we ended up arguining as she just wouldn't take no for an answer???

OP posts:
Andylion · 03/08/2017 16:41

I've read the first 75 or posts, then skipped to the OP's updates, so it's possible another poster has already said this:

what if the OP had posted that a school gates mum kept bothering her and wouldn't take a hint? I know no-one would have posted, 'Tell her to fuck off", (well, maybe one or two would have), but what should the OP have done? She has the right to choose not to socialize with this woman.

Also, I suspect the other mum is not actually suggesting meetups for the sake of the little ones, but more for herself. She is likely lonely, which is sad, but it doesn't mean the OP has to go for coffees, etc, with her.

KidLorneRoll · 03/08/2017 16:42

"Did she specifically ask people to call her a twat and a cunt? No, thought not."

Oh, did she just want validation that what she did was ok then?

GinaFordCortina · 03/08/2017 16:42

I'm totally with you OP. You do not have to engage with someone you don't want to be friends with, and anyone who has been repeatedly, politely told to leave you alone but who will not do so, only has themselves to blame when you run out of patience.Those of you pissing and moaning, try recasting this as if it were a man trying to get OP to date him when she didn't want to. Constant pressure for attention from someone you don't like is actually really stressful and upsetting. It doesn't matter if they are 'just being friendly' - it's not friendly or polite to keep intruding on someone who is making it very clear that they do not want your company.

She wasn't trying to fuck the op. One is incredibly irritating, one is threatening. Do not conflate the two.

YouTheCat · 03/08/2017 16:43

Well, my reaction must be odd too then. I don't really care.

Being polite had not worked. If the OP had started with 'fuck off' then that would have been different.

N0tNowBernard · 03/08/2017 16:43

"No wonder she hasn't come back!"

Yes. Funny how you're not in the same 'room' at the same time. Hmm

Floggingmolly · 03/08/2017 16:43

It's how people generally behave in civilised society, itstoolate. Those who screech Fuck Off instead tend to single themselves out as very, very different.
Posters assuming the other parents will be happy to overlook this and send their kids round to these people' homes on play dates anyway are a little naive, to say the least.

Feilin · 03/08/2017 16:46

You cracked. You made a very hurtful mistake. You were wrong to do so in that manner. However.. i hate these situations too. I dread them. I go out of my way to smile amd be nice and try to make things easier for my little one. Im not a social butterfly more of an ardent wallflower in another room as far away from eveything. I get how you feel.you were wrong though god knows how hurt she was and if it was me id be in a terrible panick about that now too.

Bluntness100 · 03/08/2017 16:46

ot all, by a stretch, and she was only horribly rude because the other woman was horribly rude and could not be made to go away by any other method!

I don't think that's even remotely true. Reading the op this is a woman who says a few words/sentences when she sees her of a morning. . No more. The op has clearly stated she has significant issues. Yes at this instance she didn't get the hint and asked for a play date but it hardly required telling her to fuck off.

Amaried · 03/08/2017 16:47

I'm not sure why you even posted here. You sound 100% convinced that you weren't wrong so not sure why you want others opinions.

For what it's worth, I think you come across as a truly awful person. That poor woman might have been annoying but you were intentionally cruel

Alexkate2468 · 03/08/2017 16:47

I'm not defending OP's response here as I do think she was unnecessarily rude and could have handled it firmly but nicely, but aren't the responses calling OP awful names and telling her how horrible she is just the same level of rudeness. I can't imagine people would say the same face to face unless they were totally awful too. Just because you're behind a keyboard it doesn't make it any better.

Aeroflotgirl · 03/08/2017 16:47

That mum was harassing and pestering her. Don't know what else it is.

ilovewelshrarebit123 · 03/08/2017 16:47

Oh I'm perfectly sane thanks, I'm just telling it like it is, which the OP feels is OK to do! 😉

itstoolateforthisbollox · 03/08/2017 16:48

For what it's worth, I think you come across as a truly awful person

Does that make you feel good, saying that? Make you feel a bit better about yourself, a bit superior?

It shouldn't. OP had a reason for blowing her lid, you're just being a dick online for no good reason.

RainbowJack · 03/08/2017 16:49

Those who screech Fuck Off instead tend to single themselves out as very, very different.

Screech? More MN dramatics to add weight to a ridiculous point.

There are plenty of people who use expletives who aren't treated as pariahs.

This isn't Victorian England.

YouTheCat · 03/08/2017 16:50

Some people don't seem to understand irony, itstoolate.

itstoolateforthisbollox · 03/08/2017 16:50

It's how people generally behave in civilised society, itstoolate. Those who screech Fuck Off instead tend to single themselves out as very, very different

The other woman wasn't behaving like a cvilised member of society. OP tried very very hard to be civilised and it got her nowhere. What choice did she have? How many times is she expected to be polite?

Anatidae · 03/08/2017 16:51

It's ok to not want to chat.

I'd generally put up with chit chat but no, you don't have to if you don't want to.

Where op has been in the wrong is telling her to fuck off and blowing her top.
There are many ways to politely but firmly signal and if that doesn't get through, say outright, that you don't want to chat or be friends. She could have said something like, 'Without meaning to be rude, I'm not very sociable or interested in play dates or making new friends. Nothing personal but I prefer to keep to myself.'

You do t have to subsume your needs or have no boundaries. And yes women are socialised to be 'nice' and that needs tackling. But as soon as you explode you've lost any argument.

TheFreaksShallInheritTheEarth · 03/08/2017 16:52

For you, Aeroflot , and anyone else who doesn't know, from the OED:

Harassment: aggressive pressure or intimidation.

Floggingmolly · 03/08/2017 16:53

What are you on about, Rainbow? Telling someone to fuck off in front of both your kids when all they've done is try to chat to you in the schoolyard is skanky.

Victorian England?? Seriously?

YouTheCat · 03/08/2017 16:56

The OP doesn't say that the kids were right there. As it was a play situation I'd presume they were off playing.

FlowerSour · 03/08/2017 16:56

Honestly, if she was bugging you that much and caught you on a bad day... you ARE being unreasonable to say what you said, but I don't blame you if she was really annoying you that much.

You gave her a chance to bugger off and she didn't. I understand if you want your own company- you're entitled to that.

Saying fuck off is rude but I can see why and I guess the situation was wearing.

Hopefully she won't bother you again OP. Grin

DesperatelySeekingSushi · 03/08/2017 16:57

Have not rtft but have read several whereby a poster has been told to tell those imposing to fuck right off when all subtlety was lost.
You needed bono glasses, headphones and a book OP. Or a t shirt:
chummytees.com/products/im-not-anti-social-just-kidding-i-hate-everyone-t-shirt-hoodie-tank-top

hannah1992 · 03/08/2017 16:58

I hardly think the woman talking to the op was harassing her seems to me like she was just trying to strike friendly conversation about their kids and how they were friends. Perhaps when she had got to know her a bit more she was going to ask ops dc to go round for tea or something. Like I said earlier I wouldn't like my kids going to their peers house if I didn't know there parent at least on speaking terms. Nobody says you have to be best buddies but could at least speak

duracellred · 03/08/2017 16:58

Itstoolateforthisbo""ox - How sad you are also.

itstoolateforthisbollox · 03/08/2017 16:59

I hardly think the woman talking to the op was harassing her seems to me like she was just trying to strike friendly conversation about their kids and how they were friends.

Over and over and over again, even after being specifically asked to leave her alone? If you think that is just being friendly, you're wrong.