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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have told this woman I don't want to be her friend?

832 replies

EddysWildHair · 03/08/2017 12:15

DS started school last September. I always try and avoid the school gates as I don't want to socialise whilst there but for the past 6 months or so this Prisoner Cell Block H woman has forced her company into me. I just don't like her or want to socialise with her! I've tried standing in different places, ignoring her as much as pos without being totally rude and telling her I'm busy when she asks about going for coffees etc but she just won't fuck off.

Since summer holidays started the school have ran a play group for the little ones so I've been taking DS. This morning she turns up, seeks me out and then starts waffling on about how much her DS has missed mine and how great it is that we can continue seeing each other through the summer holidays. Today she caught me on one of my less tolerant days so I said to her "to be honest, I'm not here to socialise, I like my own company so if I don't seem very friendly, don't take it personally". She said "oh no I'm the same! I like to just come here and then go home, not stand chatting!". I replied "good, well I'll see you around then" and walked to the other side of the room.

5 minutes later she came across to me and said "have you seen how well they play together? Isn't it nice! I was thinking, the leisure centre do a sports club for little ones, why don't we meet up there next week?".

Now I'm sorry but I feel I've been more than patient!!! So I said "because like I told you, I like my own company and don't want to socialise". She replied "but it's not for us, it's for the little ones?". So I snapped and said "why do you constantly say "little ones"? It's really annoying. Anyway can you please leave me alone, I don't want to talk to you. I've tried to be polite but I shouldn't have to keep repeating myself! You're spoiling my time here!". She gasped and said "wow, who pissed on your side of the bed this morning! I was just being friendly!" So I said "and now you've seen my not so nice side and the reason I don't socialise so can you please fuck off?".

She did fuck off but not before reporting me to the group leaders!!! Before anyone says it I know I'm not a nice person but that's why I choose not to socialise!! I'd told her numerous times politely to leave me alone!!! AIBU to think it's her fault we ended up arguining as she just wouldn't take no for an answer???

OP posts:
RortyCrankle · 03/08/2017 16:30

I love how the OP committed the crime of the century by telling the idiot to fuck off after six months of politely telling her she was not interested but it's perfectly ok to call the OP a fucking arsehole and other choice names - oh the irony.

itstoolateforthisbollox · 03/08/2017 16:31

No I just assume if someone is that persistent they might be lonely. Its far nicer to be kind for a couple of minutes a day than be unpleasant

That is fine if you CHOOSE to do that, but other peoples loneliness is not your problem. You don't have to make a friend because they are lonely.

When will we stop telling women they have a duty to everyone but themselves, that everyone elses comfort comes first?

itstoolateforthisbollox · 03/08/2017 16:32

Being around people is choosing to itstoolate

No, it isn't, at all. Being around people is not choosing to interact with them, unless you actually choose to interact with them.

SweetieDarling11 · 03/08/2017 16:33

I think you were doing ok up to the fuck off.

If you'd have stated your case and kept polite, you'd have kept the moral high ground too. Now it'll be all about how rude you were, swearing etc. Instead of the message. You could have lied and said you had an ear infection which made it difficult to hear, so for now you can't chat as it's too painful. The ear infection could have gone on and on Smile

itstoolateforthisbollox · 03/08/2017 16:33

I feel sorry for your son

I feel sorry for yours*

*not really, but it makes as much fucking sense as you saying it to OP, ie none. It's such a wanky thing to say.

YouTheCat · 03/08/2017 16:33

Why does one woman's potential loneliness trump another woman's desire to be left alone?

Surely there were other people there that the woman could have interacted with other than the OP who made it very clear she didn't want to chat.

N0tNowBernard · 03/08/2017 16:34

For those that called the OP names and swore I don't see it as hypocrisy actually. It's all about context isn't it? We aren't face to face at a child's playgroup right now with children around in earshot. As much as you might not like it, we do act differently according to a situation and it's fine to swear on MN isn't it?

Also, maybe they might assume that if the OP can dish it out that she's happy to take it too?

Anatidae · 03/08/2017 16:34

It doesn't trump it.

She could have dealt with it without losing her rag.

KidLorneRoll · 03/08/2017 16:34

"I love how the OP committed the crime of the century by telling the idiot to fuck off after six months of politely telling her she was not interested but it's perfectly ok to call the OP a fucking arsehole and other choice names - oh the irony."

The difference being, of course, that the OP is specifically requesting opinions on whether she was being unreasonable or not.

Devonishome1 · 03/08/2017 16:35

Surely not..... you didn't really did you??

YouTheCat · 03/08/2017 16:35

She tried to deal with it politely and then was pursued again 5 minutes later.

inashizzle · 03/08/2017 16:36

So if she was so 'prisoner cell block ' I'm guessing you were lucky she didn't knock your head off Grin.

itstoolateforthisbollox · 03/08/2017 16:36

The difference being, of course, that the OP is specifically requesting opinions on whether she was being unreasonable or not

Did she specifically ask people to call her a twat and a cunt? No, thought not.

Floggingmolly · 03/08/2017 16:36

What duty? To chat politely for +/- 2 minutes per day, rather than snarling that she's got friends who get her and is not in the market for any more?

Just how onerous is that?

guinea36 · 03/08/2017 16:36

It's insulting to women who have been stalked to compare a few friendly overtures at the school gates to being harassed!

Bluntness100 · 03/08/2017 16:37

When will we stop telling women they have a duty to everyone but themselves, that everyone elses comfort comes first?

I think most of us would have said the same if it was a man who behaved as awfully as the op.

Why does one woman's potential loneliness trump another woman's desire to be left alone?

It doesn't, the issue we all have is with the horribly rude way she dealt with it. No one said she should socialise with her.

itstoolateforthisbollox · 03/08/2017 16:37

It's not for you say how onerous it is: nobody has to talk to people when they don't fucking want to. Why is that so difficult to understand?

SoupDragon · 03/08/2017 16:37

I feel sorry for yours*

*not really, but it makes as much fucking sense as you saying it to OP, ie none. It's such a wanky thing to say.

That poor boy has a mother who tells the parents of his school peers to fuck off. Too right I feel sorry for him. It has done him no favours whatsoever.

I am not st all sociable but, for th sake of my children, I forced myself to be friendly and polite to the parents of their peers. It's really not hard not to tell them to fuck off.

itstoolateforthisbollox · 03/08/2017 16:38

It doesn't, the issue we all have is with the horribly rude way she dealt with it. No one said she should socialise with her

Not all, by a stretch, and she was only horribly rude because the other woman was horribly rude and could not be made to go away by any other method!

PittTheMiddleOneNoOneMentions · 03/08/2017 16:39

itstoolateforthisbollox. Yes it really is bollox and it really is too late.

Are you sockpuppeting for the OP? Your reaction is very odd.

itstoolateforthisbollox · 03/08/2017 16:39

That poor boy has a mother who tells the parents of his school peers to fuck off. Too right I feel sorry for him. It has done him no favours whatsoever

And the other womans son is a poor boy who hounds others until someone is forced to tell her to fuck off. You must feel sorry for him too?
And your poor child has a mother who thinks women should put up with harassement to ease the social needs of others. I do hope your poor child is not female....

ilovewelshrarebit123 · 03/08/2017 16:40

You nasty cow, she was trying to be friendly and you sound like a bitch!

itstoolateforthisbollox · 03/08/2017 16:40

Are you sockpuppeting for the OP? Your reaction is very odd

No I'm not and no it isn't.
My reaction is to stand up for someone who is being viciously attacked for standing up for herself. No wonder she hasn't come back!

itstoolateforthisbollox · 03/08/2017 16:41

You nasty cow, she was trying to be friendly and you sound like a bitch!

See? With people like this around, someone has to stand up for the sane and normal people around.....

TheFreaksShallInheritTheEarth · 03/08/2017 16:41

"pestered incessantly.... hounded.... stalked... harrassed..."

I think this is pretty offensive to genuine victims of stalking or harrassement.
For five minutes in the playground someone attempts to be friendly (albeit too often and without recognising that it's unwanted)? Tried to arrange a playdate at a summer play meeting? Seriously that is a minor annoyance, NOT harrassement. There is not constant phoning, turning up at the house, texting in the early hours, "coincidentally bumping into"... some people need to get a grip (or a dictionary).

It's the "why do you keep saying little ones, it's so annoying" but that bugs me, though. Who on earth could think that reasonable and post it on a forum? Makes me think that the whole tale is, at least, a little embellished.