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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have told this woman I don't want to be her friend?

832 replies

EddysWildHair · 03/08/2017 12:15

DS started school last September. I always try and avoid the school gates as I don't want to socialise whilst there but for the past 6 months or so this Prisoner Cell Block H woman has forced her company into me. I just don't like her or want to socialise with her! I've tried standing in different places, ignoring her as much as pos without being totally rude and telling her I'm busy when she asks about going for coffees etc but she just won't fuck off.

Since summer holidays started the school have ran a play group for the little ones so I've been taking DS. This morning she turns up, seeks me out and then starts waffling on about how much her DS has missed mine and how great it is that we can continue seeing each other through the summer holidays. Today she caught me on one of my less tolerant days so I said to her "to be honest, I'm not here to socialise, I like my own company so if I don't seem very friendly, don't take it personally". She said "oh no I'm the same! I like to just come here and then go home, not stand chatting!". I replied "good, well I'll see you around then" and walked to the other side of the room.

5 minutes later she came across to me and said "have you seen how well they play together? Isn't it nice! I was thinking, the leisure centre do a sports club for little ones, why don't we meet up there next week?".

Now I'm sorry but I feel I've been more than patient!!! So I said "because like I told you, I like my own company and don't want to socialise". She replied "but it's not for us, it's for the little ones?". So I snapped and said "why do you constantly say "little ones"? It's really annoying. Anyway can you please leave me alone, I don't want to talk to you. I've tried to be polite but I shouldn't have to keep repeating myself! You're spoiling my time here!". She gasped and said "wow, who pissed on your side of the bed this morning! I was just being friendly!" So I said "and now you've seen my not so nice side and the reason I don't socialise so can you please fuck off?".

She did fuck off but not before reporting me to the group leaders!!! Before anyone says it I know I'm not a nice person but that's why I choose not to socialise!! I'd told her numerous times politely to leave me alone!!! AIBU to think it's her fault we ended up arguining as she just wouldn't take no for an answer???

OP posts:
itstoolateforthisbollox · 03/08/2017 16:12

humans are social animals RainbowJack And social animals play social games to facilitate social interaction

If they CHOOSE to. And if they choose not to, that is a valid choice as well.

MandateMandy · 03/08/2017 16:12

There are a lot of fucking arseholes on this thread but the OP is definitely NOT one of them.

"So this Prisoner Cell Block H woman"
"why do you constantly say "little ones"? It's really annoying"
"Fucking nut job"
"people (usually blokes to be fair!) that realise having a kid doesn't mean you want to constantly talk about them!"

I beg to differ.

sahuc · 03/08/2017 16:15

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

KidLorneRoll · 03/08/2017 16:15

You can't take your kids to things like this and expect the adults to not attempt to talk to you. I guess you could sit in the corner with headphones on if you want to be rude, but seriously, anyone acting in the manner the OP did needs to learn a few social skills. Utterly dickish way to behave.

Aeroflotgirl · 03/08/2017 16:16

I can see both sides. Op does not have to be friends with anyone if she chooses not too. Her judgement about this woman seems correct. How many times are we told to teach children to respect each other's boundaries, and to respect one another. Tge same goes for adults. How often are women told, tgey shoukd not please anybody, that they are their own person.

What if this woman was a man harassing op for months, reactions woukd be very different I think.

wtffgs · 03/08/2017 16:17

Oh I see! You're too intelligent to talk to mothers and men are more interesting ...... Rightio Hmm

Neutrogena · 03/08/2017 16:17

The woman is obviously a bit dim. Tell her to fuck off and leave you alone.
Screw her feelings - she cannot read signs so you need to be direct.

itstoolateforthisbollox · 03/08/2017 16:18

You can't take your kids to things like this and expect the adults to not attempt to talk to you

You certainly can after you have said "please don't talk to me", and if you don't see that then it is you that needs to learn some social skills.

PittTheMiddleOneNoOneMentions · 03/08/2017 16:18

itstoolateforthisbollox

Do you think its funny tha OP was so upset by this womans behavior she had to swear at her? Are you always so horrible?

LOL. No. I was laughing at you and your daft response.

I wasn't being horrible because I don't think it is ever appropriate to be abusive and as I said, I don't accept that you can't deal with a situation like this by being firm without being rude.

If you think rudeness is the solution, that is pretty horrible.

YouTheCat · 03/08/2017 16:19

Why is it rude to sit in a corner with headphones on at something your child is attending? So long as you're watching your child, I don't see why that's rude at all. It gives a very clear signal that you don't want to chat.

itstoolateforthisbollox · 03/08/2017 16:21

If you think rudeness is the solution, that is pretty horrible

I find it much more horrible that you are so rude to the person who was forced to be rude. The other woman was much more rude, and for far longer.

redexpat · 03/08/2017 16:21

Am baffled by the responses on this thread. 6 MONTHS of being polite and giving social cues which were ignored. I think I would have cracked before the OP did.

ittakes2 · 03/08/2017 16:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YouTheCat · 03/08/2017 16:24

Why can't kids these days be trusted to forge their own friendships? Why the need for all this 'engineering'?

KidLorneRoll · 03/08/2017 16:24

"You certainly can after you have said "please don't talk to me", and if you don't see that then it is you that needs to learn some social skills.@
"

She didn't say that initially though, did she? It's only after this woman committed the sin of being friendly in the face of extreme grumpyness that she went batshit crazy on her ass.

The point stands, if you take your kid to a social thing like this then being social to the adults kinda comes with the territory. If you really can't bare to be civil for 5 minutes with another human being, best stay at home.

RainbowJack · 03/08/2017 16:24

BarbarianMum I can't speak for the people at your school, luckily the people I know have evolved passed their base animal instinct and engaging in social behaviour is a valid choice.

OP told her clearly, she did not want to socialise and moved away. She was polite and her feelings should have been respected. Instead the woman ignored her and invaded her space again.

It's not the OPs fault the woman had a hide like a fucking rhino.

BarbarianMum · 03/08/2017 16:25

Being around people is choosing to itstoolate. Think of it as less of a game if that phrase bothers you and more or a way of signalling to people that you are not dangerously unhinged and about to attack. If talking's such an issue then try smiling vaguely around you whilst checking your phone, or reading a paper, or wearing headphones and pretending to nod along to the music.

HarryDaylight · 03/08/2017 16:25

What does Prisoner cell block H woman mean? Is it meant to be a sexual slur against her?

BarbarianMum · 03/08/2017 16:26

X posts RainbowJack but actually that's not true. Yay contemporary studies about how we interact and and transact and assess risk. Varies culture to culture but the ape's still there.

Floggingmolly · 03/08/2017 16:26

How long does anyone actually spend standing at the school gate in real life? Op has said she actually avoids doing so; and yet posters are claiming she has been pestered incessantly for six months.
Hardly... Hmm

SoupDragon · 03/08/2017 16:27

I feel sorry for your son.

DollyLlama · 03/08/2017 16:28

Have you thought that maybe she is just lonely?

You could've just kept School gate pleasantries and left it at that. The outburst seems quite harsh imo.

RainbowJack · 03/08/2017 16:28

Enjoy your banana.

RiseToday · 03/08/2017 16:29

I am introverted, I can also be antisocial and I hate forced friendships. However, I cannot imagine telling someone to fuck off in this type of scenario!

I do appreciate that she pushed you to the point of snapping but as others have said, you've probably made a name for yourself now amongst the mums at school and it may impact your child too.

Personally I would try and smooth things over, apologise but make it clear you're not looking for a friendship.

JacquesHammer · 03/08/2017 16:29

Some of you must have no social graces whatsoever if you can't see the problem here

No I just assume if someone is that persistent they might be lonely. Its far nicer to be kind for a couple of minutes a day than be unpleasant, however much I don't want to speak to them and believe me there are plenty of days when I would happily speak to nobody Grin