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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have told this woman I don't want to be her friend?

832 replies

EddysWildHair · 03/08/2017 12:15

DS started school last September. I always try and avoid the school gates as I don't want to socialise whilst there but for the past 6 months or so this Prisoner Cell Block H woman has forced her company into me. I just don't like her or want to socialise with her! I've tried standing in different places, ignoring her as much as pos without being totally rude and telling her I'm busy when she asks about going for coffees etc but she just won't fuck off.

Since summer holidays started the school have ran a play group for the little ones so I've been taking DS. This morning she turns up, seeks me out and then starts waffling on about how much her DS has missed mine and how great it is that we can continue seeing each other through the summer holidays. Today she caught me on one of my less tolerant days so I said to her "to be honest, I'm not here to socialise, I like my own company so if I don't seem very friendly, don't take it personally". She said "oh no I'm the same! I like to just come here and then go home, not stand chatting!". I replied "good, well I'll see you around then" and walked to the other side of the room.

5 minutes later she came across to me and said "have you seen how well they play together? Isn't it nice! I was thinking, the leisure centre do a sports club for little ones, why don't we meet up there next week?".

Now I'm sorry but I feel I've been more than patient!!! So I said "because like I told you, I like my own company and don't want to socialise". She replied "but it's not for us, it's for the little ones?". So I snapped and said "why do you constantly say "little ones"? It's really annoying. Anyway can you please leave me alone, I don't want to talk to you. I've tried to be polite but I shouldn't have to keep repeating myself! You're spoiling my time here!". She gasped and said "wow, who pissed on your side of the bed this morning! I was just being friendly!" So I said "and now you've seen my not so nice side and the reason I don't socialise so can you please fuck off?".

She did fuck off but not before reporting me to the group leaders!!! Before anyone says it I know I'm not a nice person but that's why I choose not to socialise!! I'd told her numerous times politely to leave me alone!!! AIBU to think it's her fault we ended up arguining as she just wouldn't take no for an answer???

OP posts:
californication87 · 03/08/2017 15:28

Biscuit Your poor DS...

velocitygir1 · 03/08/2017 15:30

Biscuit my first ever biscuit. Op you deserve it!

MandateMandy · 03/08/2017 15:31

Good for you istoolate. No, I wouldn't want my child around someone who can't control their temper. If that makes me a twat so be it.

BirdBandit · 03/08/2017 15:32

I think some folk are massively overestimating their own worth and contribution to their child's popularity and social life. Someone thinking that someone's parent is a bad sort, isn't going to have a detrimental affect. And only a horrible person would exclude a child because their mother swore once, and we can't be horrible, can we?!?!

It's all a bit pearl clutching, oh no, your child won't get invited to play dates etc, it's OVER for your child's social life, you animal, etc.

Nonsense. You will find your tribe. This is all a bit "Bad Moms" movie.

HooplaLoopla1 · 03/08/2017 15:33

MadateMandy so you've never lost your temper?

itstoolateforthisbollox · 03/08/2017 15:35

Good for you istoolate. No, I wouldn't want my child around someone who can't control their temper. If that makes me a twat so be it

I wouldn't want my child around someone who has no concept of boundaries and thinks its ok to upset and harass others, but I wouldn't take it out on your kid.

RainbowJack · 03/08/2017 15:37

MandateMandy 1) It's a summer holiday playgroup, not all parents/kids from school would be there to witness it. 2) Not all parents punish kids for their parents behaviour 3) Even if the word got out sleepovers, and parties aren't the be all end all. 4) OPs child has enough extra curricular activities that I'm sure he'll be attending enough parties. Kids don't get invited to all parties all of the time anyway.

Personally, I'd think more of a person if they stood up for themselves, not less of them.

BarbarianMum · 03/08/2017 15:37

Rainbow Jack when your child is in reception, having "just at school friends" is fine. When they are older, and starting to want to meet up out of school - at weekends, in the holidays - wanting to play out, wanting sleep overs, it's isolating. Some don't mind, of course, and will happily spend their time on their own/with their mum, but many will.

Most parents will find 10 minutes a day to make small talk to facilitate their children's friendships. Same as they host playdates, hold birthday parties, do sleepovers. It's just the (largely boring) game of social networking that most people play. At work you chat to a colleague at the coffee machine, at 2.55pm you make comments about the weather to your fellow mums in the school playground.

Maybe at the OP's school swearing aggressively at another mum is the norm. You'd be excluded from school premises at ours and it would be social suicide for your kids.

13Bastards · 03/08/2017 15:38

I'm calling bullshit on this.

gandalf456 · 03/08/2017 15:38

Just wanted to add I hate the constant pressure to socialise for the sake of the children. With my dd, now 13, nothing much came of it, really , and she has different friends now.

I also dislike the notion that our needs cease to exist and we have to tolerate all sorts of company now.

I had tried really hard with dd too . It was only when i met up with old friends that I realised how soul destroying it was - like going on a series of bad dates.

With ds i am more go with the flow. I do talk to people and am polite but still would avoid women like the op's 'friend'. It is a relief really. It means i have less contact with mums but now they are older it balances put and there's more going on out of the school now

EenyMeenyMo · 03/08/2017 15:39

My DP thinks that all the school mums do is talk about children. What he fails to realise is that people start off talking about the things they clearly have in common and then move on. how are they supposed to "get you" if they don't get chance to get to know you. Think about the people you are friends with -how did they become your friends?
life is easier and nicer if you get on with people at school- just in terms of practical things like getting more information from school/getting help - you have to spend some time with these people and its actually easier if you like them. Its also good to spend time with people who aren't like you/don't get you - gives more variety in life and makes you less judgmental .

As for this case- I can't work out whether the woman has been unduly insistence/stalkerish or acting quite normally- what exactly has she done for 6 months?

ReanimatedSGB · 03/08/2017 15:43

You could also all get the fuck over yourselves about WAAAH A NAUGHTY WORD. it's fine to swear at someone who hasn't backed off after repeated polite requests to leave you alone.

Also, it won't impact on the DS, because he's in reception, so most birthday parties, etc, will be at softplay or such like, and the parents will just drop the kids at the event and fetch them later.

itstoolateforthisbollox · 03/08/2017 15:45

life is easier and nicer if you get on with people at school

If you WANT to. If you are a solitary person your life might be easier and nicer if people left you alone.
Why can't people understand that not everyone is the same, and having children does not turn us into identikit people?

PushingThru · 03/08/2017 15:46

hahaha, you've both behaved awfully in different & completely incompatible ways!

MandateMandy · 03/08/2017 15:46

I have never told someone to fuck off in front of my kids. It's not ok. If it makes you feel better to call me a pearl clutcher because of that then that's ok.

I would have more respect for someone who can stick up for themselves without resorting to verbal abuse and who doesn't describe other people using classist and disablist language.

Alexkate2468 · 03/08/2017 15:48

Can I ask why you're so unsociable? I'm genuinely confused by your attitude/reaction to a woman who is just offering friendly chat for a short time. I know you might not entity the interaction but your response is quite extreme. I'm asking genuinely if you have some sort of issues that you could need help with. That sounds patronising on here but I don't mean it to be.

BarbarianMum · 03/08/2017 15:48

I think you are a few notches on from "solitary" if you can't even manage a few minutes in the company of others without it ruining your life, that's really quite extreme. In which case, try wearing a big badge saying "Leave me alone". That'll do the trick.

Babyg1995 · 03/08/2017 15:50

You sound completely unhinged. Are there really people like this in the world Shock

MandateMandy · 03/08/2017 15:50

he's in reception, so most birthday parties, etc, will be at softplay or such like, and the parents will just drop the kids at the event and fetch them later.

In our neck of the woods you would be chased out the door if you left your reception aged child at a soft play party. Even at 6/7 parents are generally expected to stay and keep an eye on their own child unless you have specifically asked someone else to do it.

itstoolateforthisbollox · 03/08/2017 15:50

I think you are a few notches on from "solitary" if you can't even manage a few minutes in the company of others without it ruining your life

I'm sure OP can manage perfectly well when she wants to, but she doesn't have to if she would prefer not to.

Seriously, a whole thread of women telling another woman that she has no right to decide who she talks to and socialises with! It's quite sickening really.

CryingMessFFS · 03/08/2017 15:51

This will be in the Daily Mail soon

BirdBandit · 03/08/2017 15:51

Social suicide? well sadly it is game over for your toddler OP. Let's deal with this with maximum drama shall we?

No, that is clearly bobbins. Your kid will be just fine, as will you. And let's hope for all the pearl clutchers that this is the peak school gate drama they ever witness.

nanimobars · 03/08/2017 15:51

This reply has been deleted

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BirdBandit · 03/08/2017 15:56

I bet they are the tutting sort if someone gets a divorce or has financial or other problems.

You are completely at liberty to tell someone to fuck off if you have been trying nicely to do so for 6 months. You are not obligated to be friendly to everyone. It doesn't demonstrate any form of socialising disorder or mental weakness on your part.

Floggingmolly · 03/08/2017 15:56

I love the way there's always a stampede to reassure the op that they're "just fine" on these type of threads.
All we're missing (but give it time!) is you sound like a brilliant Mum.
Evidently a lot of socially maladjusted people out there.