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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have told this woman I don't want to be her friend?

832 replies

EddysWildHair · 03/08/2017 12:15

DS started school last September. I always try and avoid the school gates as I don't want to socialise whilst there but for the past 6 months or so this Prisoner Cell Block H woman has forced her company into me. I just don't like her or want to socialise with her! I've tried standing in different places, ignoring her as much as pos without being totally rude and telling her I'm busy when she asks about going for coffees etc but she just won't fuck off.

Since summer holidays started the school have ran a play group for the little ones so I've been taking DS. This morning she turns up, seeks me out and then starts waffling on about how much her DS has missed mine and how great it is that we can continue seeing each other through the summer holidays. Today she caught me on one of my less tolerant days so I said to her "to be honest, I'm not here to socialise, I like my own company so if I don't seem very friendly, don't take it personally". She said "oh no I'm the same! I like to just come here and then go home, not stand chatting!". I replied "good, well I'll see you around then" and walked to the other side of the room.

5 minutes later she came across to me and said "have you seen how well they play together? Isn't it nice! I was thinking, the leisure centre do a sports club for little ones, why don't we meet up there next week?".

Now I'm sorry but I feel I've been more than patient!!! So I said "because like I told you, I like my own company and don't want to socialise". She replied "but it's not for us, it's for the little ones?". So I snapped and said "why do you constantly say "little ones"? It's really annoying. Anyway can you please leave me alone, I don't want to talk to you. I've tried to be polite but I shouldn't have to keep repeating myself! You're spoiling my time here!". She gasped and said "wow, who pissed on your side of the bed this morning! I was just being friendly!" So I said "and now you've seen my not so nice side and the reason I don't socialise so can you please fuck off?".

She did fuck off but not before reporting me to the group leaders!!! Before anyone says it I know I'm not a nice person but that's why I choose not to socialise!! I'd told her numerous times politely to leave me alone!!! AIBU to think it's her fault we ended up arguining as she just wouldn't take no for an answer???

OP posts:

Beebee7 · 03/08/2017 14:20

Is this a serious thread?????????? 😂😂😂

Surely not!!!

Aeroflotgirl · 03/08/2017 14:21

For the record my dd 10 as ASD, if she does not want to talk to you, she can be very blunt and rude. But that is how she is. We are trying to teach her to be polite about it, and lots of social work is being done in her school with her.

SuperPug · 03/08/2017 14:21

I can sympathise as I said before but your response to her was pretty horrible.

demirose87 · 03/08/2017 14:22

I'm not friends with any of my children's friends parents, nor do I really want to be but I can hold a friendly conversation with them and have enough social skills to know how to behave in a parent toddler group. I'm stood on the playground for no more than 5 mins a day, so it doesn't really inconvenience me if I end up chatting to someone.

2rebecca · 03/08/2017 14:22

I am another who has generally made friends based on whether or not I enjoyed the adult's company not on whether or not our kids were friends.

MandateMandy · 03/08/2017 14:23

My sister in law has told me that she has Aspergers, mabey op has that too

Aeroflot - or maybe the other person does. Or maybe neither of them does! It is really not an excuse to abuse someone in public and very likely within earshot of a load of kids?

Deadsouls · 03/08/2017 14:23

I don't believe that the scenario and the reported speech as described are actually true. I think the OP made it up, or embellished

lifeinthecountry · 03/08/2017 14:24

I'm not the most sociable person in the world, but even I can manage to be polite most of the time. There's no reason to be so unpleasant.

ReanimatedSGB · 03/08/2017 14:24

Just because someone is being 'nice' when they are constantly in your face doesn't mean you have to accept it. it's like being bombarded with gifts you don't want - really, really stressful to be constantly worrying about when the next onslaught will begin. OP has has SIX MONTHS of this. She told the woman quite politely to leave her alone TWICE at the playgroup, and walked away: the woman pursued her and continued bothering her.

Beebee7 · 03/08/2017 14:24

I mean I have had women trying to be pally/friends/let's go for a coffee/let's go to each others houses ya ya ya!!!' And it IS annoying if someone keeps asking and asking. But I just keep making myself unavailable, and making excuses, and politely chat for a few minutes when I see them. I am not nasty. I just keep putting them off, and they always take the hint. Eventually..........

No-one should be expected to (or forced) to socialise with someone they don't want to be with, but the OP's attitude stinks! It's a wonder she has ANY friends!

Hissy · 03/08/2017 14:25

School life is like Expat life, you are thrown together with people you would ordinarily never want to be with. There is a fake intimacy and the overt attempts of people wanting to pick up friends for their kids really jars. People trying to socially engineer their lives with no real interest in you as a human being.

Over time the chaff falls and the wheat remains and you can find some good friends, but yes, the Reception friend feeding frenzy is pathetic.

Mind you, my DS is secondary age now, and the other mums have set up facebook groups to suss out who is in what class in their next school, despite the fact that the school would rather NOT release all that info as it again creates a frisson of fake friendship making by insecure and push parents. I'm glad we're out of it. DS has his great friends from primary and will make new ones at his new secondary.

LoyaltyAndLobster · 03/08/2017 14:25

Bluntness100 · 03/08/2017 14:25

-You dont have to socialise with other mothers to guarantee your child a social life

Totally agree, but telling one of them to fuck off in this context has potential to negatively impact it. The kid only started school in September, she's finding it the hardest thing "she's" ever done, nothing about the kid she avoids all mums like the plague and has already told this one to fuck off. Considers a few words of a morning and a request for a play date to be stalkerish and takes the kid to school late to avoid this parent and others.

Shocked anyone thinks this is remotely normal behaviour. It's not.

FanwankTheAbsurd · 03/08/2017 14:26

Headphones are your friend OP, especially if you have a pair with a volume control/microphone thingy. Pretend you're on a phone call.

I can understand you getting fucked off with this woman but you didn't handle it well. But hey, we've all done things we regret. I wouldn't bother apologising, she'll just end up chatting to you even more. Just keep avoiding her.

taratill · 03/08/2017 14:27

This thread is strange, most posters are imo giving the message that the OP was unreasonable and rude but there are a number of posters are thinking that it is OK to verbally assault a woman on the school playground

If the victim of this onslaught did in fact deserve it because she has been stalking/ attaching herself to the OP then how is it OK for her to be sworn at. There are better and much less offensive ways of telling a person that enough is enough.

What a strange thread.

Ktown · 03/08/2017 14:29

If you cannot manage a basic polite no in this situation you will struggle to get by in the world of work.
Polite chit chat is what keeps the world turning.
What happens if you ever need help for anything ever? You will need the state to help out because no one else will want to know. Good luck with that!

Aeroflotgirl · 03/08/2017 14:29

Hissy you hit the nail on the head, it does jar, you are thrown together because you had children at roughly the same time. I admit, I don't have much in common with my ds reception friends, i make polite conversation, but its always on a superficial level, nobody that I really click with. There is a Queen mum there, who socially engineers her child's friendships, if you don't meet her approval your child does not get a playdate, or refutes your attempts at organising a playdate.

Nikephorus · 03/08/2017 14:29

OP - I think you need some professional help.
A minder I think, to get rid of people that keep on for 6 months.
Have all the people saying how terrible OP is, and how they'd be devastated if someone said this to them actually read the bit where OP says it's been going on for 6 months? This wasn't an over-reaction to one attempt at friendliness, it was a FFS reaction to 6 months of her not taking no for an answer. OP has tried standing elsewhere, keeping conversations brief, saying "I'm not here to socialise" "don't take it personally". What has Mrs Stalker done? Followed her round trying to set up yet more occasions when OP has to endure her...

ByseddSosij · 03/08/2017 14:29

I like my own company too but would never be this rude.

BarbaraOcumbungles · 03/08/2017 14:30

Well there's being unsociable and there's being a bitch...

Kailoer · 03/08/2017 14:30

Verbal assault? Victim?

Did I misread or are we all talking about telling someone to fuck off after repeated unwarranted pressure going on months?!

Did the OP say other stuff?
(Genuine question in case I missed it, we're just talking about the f off comment?)

Aeroflotgirl · 03/08/2017 14:31

I say that Mandate because op behaviour is very similar to my nieces. I don't know how she will react in that situation. I am not diagnosing, mabey there is a possibility, then again maby not.

StormTreader · 03/08/2017 14:31

SIX MONTHS.

Six months of dodging eye contact, six months of "see you around", walking away and being followed and having to engage AGAIN, six months of "lets hang out for the sake of the chiiiiildren", six months of being polite and having it achieve nothing with no sign that wont continue for YEARS more of school.

The swearing was unfortunate, but the overall tone of the reaction? 100% understand it. No-one HAS to be in a relationship or friends with ANYONE they dont want to simply because its "mean" or "not nice" not to, I think girls especially should be reminded of that often. You dont owe anyone your time and energy, you are not obliged to be a doormat simply to exist in society.

Lasagna · 03/08/2017 14:31

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

mummyrabbitpeppapig · 03/08/2017 14:32

I think the OP just snapped

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