Children of the opposite sex in changing rooms

[Gatecrasher61]

OK - firstly I am not a parent (probably shouldn't be on here, but hey ho) so I am happy to be corrected.

Our local swimming pool has open changing rooms, no cubicles. I tend to go swimming after work, which is just before the kids swimming lessons. When the kids arrive, I am normally getting dressed in the changing room after my shower.

Often women come into the changing room with their sons who are between 8-11 and are often greeted with the sight of me starkers! Probably not a good sight as I am middle aged and a size 14 on a good day, but there is no where else to go!

Now I know that other women have complained about this but have been told that the Mums are not happy for their boys to go into the men's changing rooms are they are not able to dress themselves and also don't like them being there with male adults who are strangers.

I learnt to swim when I was six and a half. My Dad used to take me to a swimming club where I had lessons and I had to prove that I could get dry and change myself and also sort out my kit.

Now I realise that boys are different, but is it really appropriate for boys of that age to be in the women's room? Surely they should be able to dress themselves at the age of six or seven?

Surely there's not that many changing rooms that are completely open with no cubicles? The pool we use for lessons has mixed open and cubicles and at lesson time it is MANIC. It is all mums, m most with atleast two children going in for lessons at the same time or one after the other. There is a small gym at the pool but as it's lesson time it is rarely used. We asked if those of us with boys could use the men's changing room as there was never anyone in it and the girls changing was rammed. We weren't allowed on the odd chance that a guy wanted to use it. My son is nearly 7 and uses a cubicle in the girls changing so I can keep an eye on him, as do most of the girls who are at the embarrassed age. My son is more than capable of getting dressed himself but I would not be happy with him being alone in a male changing room for a while yet.

Cap - why should she have to see your sons penis? why would your son want his private parts to be seen by girls who could be in his class at school?
thats just bizarre.......send him to the appropriate place to get change - and educate him about why girls don't want to be watched either

I took my 8 year old for the very last time ever this year
As he did have a curious look about and I was like 'nooooo'

It's not rocket science just give them a bag to chuck their stuff in and meet them by the pool side no ??

Ghengi you get as shouty as you liked at me with my 8 year old ds, I would simply tell you to stop being a fishwife and stop making a scene in front of your kids and mine. I would also be wondering what possible threat my 8 year old was to your girls.... He doesn't run round flashing his penis at anyone, and he certainly isn't interested in girls bodies, he's a little boy. He would be minding his own business, I would expect you to mind yours.

I've not given it much thought other than what he prefers.

Thereby teaching him masculine entitlement and privilege. Don't you teach your children to have an awareness of other people and their preferences?

missy why does what your 8 year old son want trump what an 8-10 year old girl may want? In a space that's designated for her?

Yes missy how are girls in the right place doing what said space is designed for and not wanting to be seen naked by class mates and the mothers stating the facts some how fish wives and the ones with the problem.

Boston, I think its something a bit creepy about your posts.

@missyB1 - I give a shit because my 8 yo daughter can dress herself, and is growing boobs & has pubic hair already (early puberty runs in the family). I wouldn't want a boy (without disabilities) potentially in her class to see her naked just because he can't wash himself properly. It's your job as a parent to make him self-sufficient and if he isn't then he shouldn't be going swimming

YANBU

If children can't dry and change themselves by 8, parents should examine the skills they are teaching thier children.

BostonKremeKrazy you asked where the fathers were and why they couldn't take these boys swimming. Well, my dh is dead. I am doing my best to bring both ds up in the way we intended before that happened, which involves learning to swim. Unfortunately, the swimming pool we have to use (the only one in which ds1 can tolerate the temperature, due to health issues) has no family changing and the only route to the pool is through the male or female changing rooms. Somewhat inconveniently, dh died of a hereditary heart condition and ds1 (aged 9) has palpitations and dizzy spells which may or may not be linked. Either way, I am not happy for him to be unattended in a male changing room. There is a single cubicle which we are usually fortunate enough to acquire just inside the door of the female changing room. I usher him, head down, into there, he gets changed and then puts on his goggles. He then walks speedily with head down through the changing room, with goggles on and accompanied by me. I can't see a way around all that and I am not prepared to stop him learning to swim yet as he needs to be stronger. As with everything I do in my double-parenting of children with additional health needs, I am trying to make the best of the situation and hope ladies who see us will appreciate that.

I really don't think mums who take their sons into changing rooms are doing it because they believe males have more rights than females! It's about one parent going swimming with children/child and needs to manage them all getting changed. If there's a family change excellent. If dad is there, boy goes with dad. If only dad is there, girl goes with dad.......if they still need to. Let's not make it about sexism! The only reason it happens more often with boys is because it seems to be mostly mums that do the lessons (I know its not always, don't jump on me)

I think boys taking photos of a naked class mate is awful but an extreme example of the problem and should be addressed seperately. Any child boy or girl shouldn't have to worry about being photographed by another girl, boy or girl.

genghi my 11 year old is well into puberty too. She's gone from very skinny to having a completely different shape within a year. She doesn't want boys around her age in her safe changing space.

Why are all of these 8-10 year old boys described as "little kids" and "immature" by their mums? It's infantilising.

Interesting that for some boys make entitlement starts with their mummies and that the insults "fish wife" etc are inherently misogynistic. Your 8-10 year old boy may be your helpless, tiny little prince to you but my daughters don't want him there.

stopfuckingshoutingatme - probably the most sensible thing I've read on the thread! Bravo that mum!

but then everyone moans about the weird men floating around the changing room, and no-one to help.....and what is DS needs XZY........how the hell all these sons leave the house for school in the morning I will never know! .......yet can roam the street on their bikes and get the shops unaided!

I understand SOME kids have SEN (my DS included!) but I still do not inflict them on the poor 12 year old girls trying desperately to hide under their towel while they change because some selfish mum has hidden her 9 year old twin boys in the only 2 cubicles available in our swim baths! .....no I ask their dad to take them swimming and get changed in the MALE changing room as appropriately designated to spare the blushes of the young girls who may feel embarrassed by my boys presence.

If he is not able to leave work early to do that I send them in alone, and occasionally stick my head in and yell everything OK X - it take twice as long to get changed, but we get there......(and home, very wet usually, but thats ok)

...if over 8 change in the gender specific room please.....your child is not the most important person in the whole world....RANT OVER

Our local health club is communal changing rooms where kids swimming lessons are held. No boys over the age of 6 years old are allowed in the female changing room and vice versa.

Yanbu...I hung on with my ds for longer as he wears a cannula and needed help with it, but it was right that he went to change in the mens once he turned 9. It must be so embarrassing for an 11 year old changing around a load of naked women.

My other local pool has mixed changing rooms with cubicles which is so much more sensible.

SurvivalOfTheUnfittest - Condolences to you, I wish you well in bringing up your boys in the most difficult of circumstances

oops4 it's not just being photographed, it's being seen naked by a classmate.
It is sexist to prioritise a boys feelings over a girls feelings, in what is supposed to be a space for girls and women to get changed in privacy. It's teaching those boys that a girls need for privacy doesn't need to be respected, that it can be ignored.
8 is an the upper cut off age as far as I'm concerned. I have 2 sons and I would have expected them to get themselves changed without my assistance. In fact, they weren't much older than that when they started going to fun swim with their mates , without any parents.

I'm always amazed at the number of NT eight year old boys who can't use a towel or put their own trousers on. But then, I'm always amazed by the number of threads on here by women whose male partners can't operate a washing machine or get their kid ready for school. Obviously, there is no relation between 8 year old boys unable to do anything for themselves and entitled adult men who think they are the centre of the universe. 🙄

Perhaps all the mothers of boys over the age of 6/7 whose sons are at swimming lessons could campaign to have no adults in change rooms before and after swimming lessons. Realistically, most kids can be changed out of swim suits into pyjamas and then be showered properly at home. Or, campaign local pools to have swimming lessons early weekend mornings so that fathers can take their children.

It's not fair that so many pools are accessible but it is simply inappropriate to allow 8 year old boys into female changing rooms.

Just to add, while I might be tempted with taking my ds (8/asd) into a female changing space if it were all cubicles. I wouldn't in a communal changing space. Irrespective of the rights of women and girls not to have him see them, he needs to have boundaries firmly placed for him to understand what is safe and acceptable.

It's never been an issue as everywhere is unisex.

I experienced this as a parent today - took my 3 dc swimming, ds1 is nearly 9 (but looks older) and he went into the mens' by himself, dd (7) and ds2 (nearly 6) were with me in the ladies. It was not a big deal. Ds1 had his trunks on under his clothes, so he merely had to undress, stick his clothes in his swimming bag and meet us on the other side. If dh had been with us we'd have showered there, but as he wasn't I just got ds to dry himself off and get dressed, like he would at school swimming (he can dress himself easily, but would be a bit overwhelmed by a shower). Easy! Admittedly, this is a fairly upmarket private gym, rather than a public pool, but I am confident that my ds is very unlikely to come to any harm alone in the gents, plus he was in and out in a flash. Do not see the problem with an 8 year old changing alone. However, I also agree that an 8 year old boy is a child and not remotely interesting in looking at female bodies!

I'm honestly not sure what I'm more shocked at, the amount of people who don't get that over 8's should be in the correct changing room or that there are NT 8 year olds that can't dress themselves. In school at that age they're separated and dressing themselves.

Boston

I caught him peeking at a little girl
It was very innocent (he is
Miles from puberty) but she was clearly embarrassed and ... no just no !

YANBU

I've not given it much thought other than what he prefers.
Wow

Round here kids can swim unaccompanied from 8 so how on earth could a 10 yr old not get changed by themselves?

Ours is full Unix's with all cubicles and some larger family change cubicles for those with multiple dc- works really well and no women or men standing round starkers