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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to take 4 mo baby on glamping hen do?

583 replies

TomBowler · 01/08/2017 23:18

I am MoH and bride asked me before I got pregnant but she knew we were TTC. I have offered to step down.

Baby is EBF. I don't pump and haven't tried a bottle. Not totally against it though.

Would be arriving on campsite Fri afternoon. I would boob DD to sleep about 7ish. Deploy video monitor (our group has excl use of campsite and DD and I have own tent). Return to group for silly games.

Saturday morning breakfast and It's A Knockout. Lunch. Saturday afternoon outdoorsy activity I wouldn't be able to do (pelvic floor, say no more) so will chill at campsite. Sat evening boob DD to sleep and Butler In The Buff coming to serve cocktails and not games.

Sun morning breakfast in farm shop.

OP posts:
Neutrogena · 02/08/2017 07:33

Don't go and ruin it for the others.

Babies/children massively disrupt our lives, and not always in good ways.
Accept that you cannot go and wish everyone well.

OnionKnight · 02/08/2017 07:37

Don't do it, if you do you'll forever be known as 'that person'.

Headofthehive55 · 02/08/2017 07:38

I had a two year old and four year old at my hen do! IT was fine!

Maccapacca88 · 02/08/2017 07:38

I feel for you op. I am ebf at the moment and as lovely as it is, times like these suck! I think you know really that you can't do this. It's shit missing out, but it will be even shitter when you end up stuck in the tent all night trying to settle the baby. You will all end up frustrated and pissed off with each other.

Neutrogena · 02/08/2017 07:49

@Macca
It's shit missing out, but it will be even shitter when you end up stuck in the tent all night trying to settle the baby.

The joys of parenthood. It's shit both ways, so find the way that is least shit.
No wonder people are happier before kids and after they have left home....

faithinthesound · 02/08/2017 07:49

And this is why so many parents can't have nice things.

Because people like you actually think this was a question you had to ask.

A reasonable person? The thought wouldn't have even crossed their mind. They would have made up their mind - leave the baby, or don't go. One or the other. Only a truly selfish, self centered, entitled person would think for a second this was an acceptable thing to ask.

The fact that you had the front to even ask the question - not only that, you actually had the bare-faced cheek to ask the BRIDE if you could disrupt HER hen do with your baby - screams volumes about you.

And I tend to agree with a PP, who would have put money on the fact that you put the bride in a position where she had to awkwardly agree to having the baby there or feel like a cow.

TestTubeTeen · 02/08/2017 07:50

There's nothing wrong in taking a 4m old baby camping, people do it all the time. Though they do take lots of measures to make sure the baby will be warm and safe.

But you won't be able to drink beyond a small minimum, you will be knackered, they will all stay up drinking til v v late, the noise will keep you awake, you say you will sit out the games, surely serious inebriation is needed to endure the stripper....

It doesn't sound much fun for you.

TestTubeTeen · 02/08/2017 07:52

But I don't think you deserve the nastiness being heaped on you!

Dear oh, dear.

Way to support new Mums working things out!

Trills · 02/08/2017 07:53

I agree with those who are saying you could go for a BIT - without the baby.

Could you do Saturday lunchtime, or some of Saturday evening (depending on timings)?

That way you'll have shown to the bride that you are making an effort to be there.

Seenoevil · 02/08/2017 07:57

Can't believe you even asked to bring your baby in the first place. Ridiculous.

No, either don't go, or go and leave the baby behind and try to express & if you can't do that don't go.

Can't believe how selfish some people actually are.

Bouncealot · 02/08/2017 07:58

May be OP has no experience of camping. Camping per se with baby is great, but you can't leave alone for a minute due to sudden weather changes. In addition, all my party camping experiences seem to have involved me falling over guy ropes onto/into tents, tents blowing away, drunk people peeing or chundering against tents which they thought were trees miles away from camp etc....Great larks, but risky even for monitored baby.
Why are people actually suggesting OP learn to express or bottle feed her baby for a party!!!???

Seekingmiracles · 02/08/2017 07:58

I think you need to think about an alternative. Your friend may well say she doesn't mind but be saying that out of politeness. I know I'd be pretty miffed if my friend couldn't work something out for a couple of days.
You won't be able to fully relax and enjoy yourself and that will impart on the rest of the group.

chowmeinchick · 02/08/2017 08:00

This is one of the most ridiculous things I've read for a while.

Headofthehive55 · 02/08/2017 08:01

faith
People are different though.
The bit that would make me cringe and hate would be the getting drunk , alcohol, silly games thing. That would be something to endure.

Trills · 02/08/2017 08:02

Do not be misled by the "Glam" part of glamping.

It is not glam. It is ping.

Sunshineface123 · 02/08/2017 08:04

I really wouldn't, I think the other hens would be a bit HmmI'd sit it out and do something nice with the bride as an alternative when it suits xx

ButchyRestingFace · 02/08/2017 08:05

I can't get my head past the 'leaving 4-month-old baby in a tent with baby monitor' thing

This is what leapt out at me - well, this and the "boob baby to sleep" horreur 🤢🤢🤢 - more than anything else.

Forget being a shitey hen do guest. People get eviscarated for leaving babies in locked hotel rooms. This OP is proposing to leave her baby in a fecking ⛺️! Shock

FrogsSitonLogs · 02/08/2017 08:05

Does anyone else really hate the phrase 'boob baby to sleep'

Me, it's not a verb. It's all over a local fb group I look at. (I saw you dislike it too OP).

Headofthehive55 · 02/08/2017 08:05

seeking you do realise that not all babies will take expressed milk, right? So you'd be miffed I feel our friend wouldn't leave her baby un fed for two days....

oldtrees · 02/08/2017 08:07

This would be totally fine among my friends as the important thing is we get to spend time together.

I'm gobsmacked at the poster who said if they saw a child as a hen do they'd turn around and go home. I'd say "off you trot then".

I'm so glad my friends aren't so fucking shallow!

Headofthehive55 · 02/08/2017 08:07

You would be miffed that your friend wouldn't leave her baby unfed for two days then?

I hate autocorrect!

pictish · 02/08/2017 08:08

Agree with TestTube - you don't deserve the nastiness on here...some posters have warmed to their theme, like Faith there but that's her issue. Pay no heed to posts like that.

Yes...this is one of the drawbacks of and something I hated about breastfeeding...it restricts your movements and is a total bind.
I understand why you are attempting to spread yourself thinner and do it all. However, a hen do is no place for a baby. No matter how well you plan things, baby will may well refuse to fit in with them and you could find yourself trapped in the tent on your own while the others make good their escape to party. Like it or not, the presence of baby will change the dynamic of the occasion and people will be silently cursing your insistence on bringing her.

You'll have to make your apologies and sit this one out.

Tiptoethr0ughthetulips · 02/08/2017 08:08

I've had an ebf bottle refuser but I wouldn't have taken them on a hen do, it's just not appropriate for anyone.
I'd try expressing and bottle feeding whilst you have time, numerous brands of bottle tailored to BF babies, minbie or haberman etc. If baby takes bottle then problem solved.
Alternatively since you live so close you could go for day time activities and have DH cup feed baby then go back home for bed time returning the following day after the activities that pelvic floor prevents.

Maccapacca88 · 02/08/2017 08:09

@Neutrogena That is not what I am saying at all. I was definitely not happier before I had kids! It's just that exclusive breastfeeding is a very intense period, especially if you have a bottle refuser. In the grand scheme of things it is a very short time and totally worth it, ime.

oldtrees · 02/08/2017 08:11

@TomBowler this is AIBU and is full of shallow people who like to have a go. Please don't make your decision based on what they say.

I'd much rather have you at my hen do with baby instead of staying away. It's my own DC I don't want to see at a hen do as I have to be responsible for them! Happy to see other people's.

Speak to your friends and work out what works for you as a group - rather than listening to people who hang about in AIBU and get their kicks out of tearing strips off people.