...to take 4 mo baby on glamping hen do?

[TomBowler]

I am MoH and bride asked me before I got pregnant but she knew we were TTC. I have offered to step down.

Baby is EBF. I don't pump and haven't tried a bottle. Not totally against it though.

Would be arriving on campsite Fri afternoon. I would boob DD to sleep about 7ish. Deploy video monitor (our group has excl use of campsite and DD and I have own tent). Return to group for silly games.

Saturday morning breakfast and It's A Knockout. Lunch. Saturday afternoon outdoorsy activity I wouldn't be able to do (pelvic floor, say no more) so will chill at campsite. Sat evening boob DD to sleep and Butler In The Buff coming to serve cocktails and not games.

Sun morning breakfast in farm shop.

Of course that's reasonable! You have an EBF baby. If bride wants you there then she'll have to understand baby comes. I really don't understand some people on here...

Regardless of anything else, if someone says "it's ok... in theory" in my mind that only means "NO NO NO GOD NO HOW DO I SAY NO WITHOUT BEING RUDE"

Absolutely true 😅

Omg, she said it's ok in theory? Haha, you do know the continuation of that sentence is "but not in practice", don't you?
She doesn't want your baby there. Nobody wants your baby there. Why are you still convinced it's a viable plan?

Don't need to RTFT, subject line is enough.
Yes you are being unreasonable OP.

If it were an older child - no way but babies are easy to lug around so long as she sleeps well.
Is there any way you could enlist your mother/ sister/ paid nanny to accompany you and take over all baby care except feeding? That would be ideal.

As someone who loves parties and babies and as a mother of a newborn - no don't go.

Babies change the dynamic of things.

We are a social bunch and I've just accepted I'll be missing a few fun things with the group.

Not that I'd change it for the world.

I just think sit this one out, use the money for something lovely for you as a family instead and know they'll be a hundred more boozey weekends you can join in on in years to come.

Erm, is this a serious question? Politely, of course YABU! (Was going to put YABFU!).

Aside from all the other crazy (op I don't think yab particularly unreasonable and don't see why you have got such a kicking) I don't understand all the drama about a 4 month old being alone in a posh tent with a monitor ? Can someone explain the concerns? Tent collapse? Dingoes?!

Why don't you duck out gracefully on this one and just arrange to take bride out to lunch/dinner somewhere nice, just the two of you, one evening where you could maybe take baby too or leave baby home with family? Even if you did go and it was ok to take boobie baby, you'd probably not be able to relax and enjoy as you'd consultantly want to be listening and checking baby is ok.

This would only work if your DH was onsite too to take the baby when you're not ebf.
As much as your friend loves you and your DC no one wants a baby on a hen do.

Do you have support?!Couldn't you begin expressing to build up a bank of milk and freeze. The poor you express the more you make. Leave baby with trusted support and go and enjoy hen do? You could even have a drink, pump off milk and bin it whilst there.

Yabu.

There's no way I would have wanted a baby at my hen doo. No matter what we were doing it changes the dynamic.

No. Not a good idea at all.

So youre going to leave a 4 month old unattended apart from a video monitor 😣 do you even need to ask

I would start to express (worth doing for future nights out/ days off anyway!) and build up a supply. If it's nearby you could then go to part of it at least but I would defiantly not take a baby on a hen do. Ever!
Love that your friend is clearly a lovely one and clearly hasn't gone bridezilla at the idea!

Alas, OP, this comes from the Baldrick School of Though!

What don't you understand about a hen do? A 4 month old in attendance would not be what I would be expecting there. YABU.

Leaving your baby on its own in a tent while you're involved in raucous games means you are not going to be looking at your phone the whole time and won't hear your baby if anything happens - illness choking I don't know, but things can happen to little babies, it's not a safe thing to do and sounds unrealistic and ridiculous. Never mind all the precious people who will pounce off in a strop apparently because there's a baby around 👶 lol 😂

At the moment your baby is quite easy but out of routine she may spend the whole time crying. ( I'm speaking from experience, it was a nightmare!).What if she starts teething? I think you need to duck out and have a night out with the bride to be another time. I'm sure she'll understand. Sorry to not be more positive. Enjoy your baby xx

You must be JOKING!! Seriously, GET REAL!!

I've been on a hen do weekend with a 10 week old baby. It was fine. Didn't "change the dynamic" (what is the agreed dynamic for a one-off occasion anyway?)

However this was a weekend at one of the hen's houses with trips out to do activities, and the only raucous drunken bits were back at the house for dinner so it was all very controllable. She was a very quiet and sweet baby and slept most of the time. The tent element is difficult and does change things.

There are reasons not to do it, but I don't think changing the dynamic or somehow ruining the weekend for everyone else is one of them, I don't see why that would happen. If it's clearly not working you could just go home.

Good Luck!

It's totally manageable from the baby point of view, as long as you are happy that there are some elements of the weekend you can't participate in.
Yes, of course you can be cautious and stay at home but I really think too many people shy away from certain things just because they have a baby in tow. Her welfare will not be compromised as long as she is warm, dry and has her Mummy and you'll probably enjoy it. If you don't, just chalk it down to experience.
But it will only work if the bride is totally happy with a baby coming along....

@Peppapogstillonaloop I think it's because it's not recommended that babies under 6 months are left to sleep alone due to the risk of SIDS (2-4 months old is when the risk peaks).

A video monitor won't protect a baby from SIDS. Plus, if there is a 'party' going on, cocktails/butler etc, the OP may not hear/see baby on monitor straight away if something else happens (baby starts chocking, wakes up and cries, etc). It's not like at home in your living room with the monitor but even then it's not recommended before 6 months.

Lila - people are usually far too polite to say anything so of course in this case no one actually said out loud 'the baby is a distraction for us'.

It is just totally inappropriate to take a baby on a hen weekend - just decline gracefully or make serious plans for your baby to be cared for.

A bit like when I went to a wedding where 'no children' was the rule - absolutely fine - we arranged suitable childcare for our DC - only to find we were seated on a table with the bride's nephews and neices - I understand that nephews and neices can/should be invited but for goodness sake don't put them on the same table as guests who have been expressly asked not to bring their children. (NB: we didn't know these nephews and neices, never seen them before or since - they were clearly as bored as we were ). Of course we couldn't say anything to our hosts, but it was not an enjoyable occasion.

Plese, OP, be reasonable, don't take your baby on a hen weekend.