...to take 4 mo baby on glamping hen do?

[TomBowler]

I am MoH and bride asked me before I got pregnant but she knew we were TTC. I have offered to step down.

Baby is EBF. I don't pump and haven't tried a bottle. Not totally against it though.

Would be arriving on campsite Fri afternoon. I would boob DD to sleep about 7ish. Deploy video monitor (our group has excl use of campsite and DD and I have own tent). Return to group for silly games.

Saturday morning breakfast and It's A Knockout. Lunch. Saturday afternoon outdoorsy activity I wouldn't be able to do (pelvic floor, say no more) so will chill at campsite. Sat evening boob DD to sleep and Butler In The Buff coming to serve cocktails and not games.

Sun morning breakfast in farm shop.

Babies aren't all placid little angels.
If the OP is prepared to miss huge chunks of the do while she tries to calm a screaming child (bad case scenario) the others may happily ignore that as being not their problem, but they might feel it's a bit of a dampener. Especially if any of them have kids and had expected a child-free time of fun and jollity.
I'd try to work out a way to get to at least a part of the event without the baby.

Why do hen do's last all weekend anyway? Used to be a hen night was good enough for everybody.

How would you have felt on your hen do?
I'll go in your place, it sounds fun

I am wondering what sort of parallel baby-phobic universe some of you inhabit.

'I'm not baby phobic. I love babies. I've had two of my own. Not including OP in my following comment as she sounds genuinely lovely in her previous posts and only wanting to gauge reaction.
Others on the thread, not so much though and sound thoroughly entitled!
Sometimes as a mum you have to think what is best for baby. In what way are you ever thinking of baby if the rest of the gang are doing cocktails or shots with a naked waiter? Wandering off to the group every now and again to join in.
Leaving baby in the tent as you go to join the adult activities.
Not to mention anyone else on the hen night who'll be looking forward to a night away from kids and reconnecting on an adult level and then feeling like they'll have to rein it in as there's kids there.

Whats wrong with babys dad?
Is he not a responsible sort of chap?
Do you not think he can handle his own baby for a weekend, and giving expressed milk in a bottle?

You are making a rod for your own back here...

*Whats wrong with babys dad?s

He's not lactating?

With regard to the hen do (which is actually pretty unimportant when placed against the safety aspect) I wouldn't ever imagine that someone would ask to bring a baby to a hen do. I was MOH for my best friend when my daughter was three months old and exclusively breastfed. I wasn't able to express enough milk for the weekend and so passed on my apologies that I wouldn't be able to attend the hen do. I would have been pretty shocked if she had turned round and said I could bring the baby withe me as it never crossed my mind that anyone would take a baby to a hen do.

On my hen do we had some women who stayed only for the day and then went home to their children and some who stayed the whole weekend. We had a spa weekend and stayed over at the hotel. The evening was a nice meal followed by a murder mystery. A couple of my hens had breastfeeding babies - one of them expressed and left the baby with her husband. The other one knew the baby wouldn't take a bottle so her husband stayed at the hotel with her and brought the baby down to us whenever it needed feeding. It didn't disturb the flow of the weekend but I think it's probably a different type of hen do from the one described by OP. I don't really think it deserves some of the responses on here but the idea of leaving this baby alone in a tent definitely warrants concern. It doesn't demonstrate an awareness by her of how to recognise a safe environment for her child and to put the baby's needs first. If I was hearing this from a mother in my professional capacity I would be thinking of going down the safeguarding referral route. I think that if the bride really was okay with the baby coming to the hen do then it would be a lot safer to do what others have suggested and either have the baby in a sling or a carry cot.

Wow some strong opinions!
My own twopenneth - nope.

It really will alter the dynamic, even the naicest of hen do can get quite debauched in its chatter.
I really wouldn't want to chat about cocks whilst seeing baby hair fluff poking out of your sling.

Also, you'll get the people like me who can resist the little buggers. I'd end up not drinking much so I could have a snuggle (then resenting you once I got home)

You will, as an opposite to this-get the Pissed Stumbler who also wants a cuddle later on but can't be trusted to hold her glass without sloshing, never mind your precious.

If you're sitting close enough to the yurt to feel comfortable the baby is safe - you're sitting close enough to constantly wake the baby up. This will result in the group feeling obliged to 'shush' even if you don't ask them.

Lastly, this is meant be about the bride, the whole bride and nothing but the bride. I know for a fact that your baby is far more attractive than a woman in a net curtain with blue wkd spilt down her top, but it shouldn't be. Not that weekend.

Breast pump. You can start stockpiling pints in the freezer now then take it with you to pump and dump your boozy milk. I had the Medela swing which could run on batteries as well as mains-you can sit singing and pumping!

Why would anyone (apart from the breastfeeding mother) have to rein it in with a 4 month old around?

Leaving the baby in the yurt/tent is the only reason to decline the invitation imo, but if the baby is in a sling and the mother won't be drinking, I don't see the problem. Babies of four months are not verbal, have no way of interpreting anything they see or hear, do not form concrete memories, are conscious only of their own physical needs and familiar faces.

People have been mean here - all OP wants is to not let her friend down. These threads always make me think I never want to get married as everyone is so caught up about the rules.

One things sticks out for me - and I don't agree how the OP has been abused, and she has on this thread. You can tell someone you disagree with them without resort to being insulting.

To answer the OP's question - I wouldn't dream of leaving a 4mth old alone in a tent, should never happen IMO.

That would be the reason I wouldn't go, not the feeding/hen night debate

Crikey I haven't seen OP take a pasting like this in a long time. Is there any need people?

OP sorry but I have to agree with the majority, it's not fair on the other guests. If I turned up to a hen do and someone had brought a baby, I'd smile and be polite but would be really annoyed inside. It sounds like you feel really bad for letting your friend down but you have a tiny baby and she must come first, a good friend will understand. I vote that you organise a 'second' hen do, a boozy lunch somewhere so you can leave baby for 2 or 3 hours!

Also I don't think it would be very fun for you either OP, you'd maybe feel dragged away a lot and a bit isolated if you're only mingling half the time

Everything ferylberyl said.

Personally wouldn't go to the whole weekend. I can see h altering the dynamics and the mood of the party and you probably just wouldn't enjoy it much.

Just lunch maybe? I don't see a problem with a baby being at lunch or will definitely be easier to leave baby at home just for lunch rather than whole weekend.

Other thing, if you did decide to go and Express to give dad to feed then I'd try now and get him to give her a bottle, just because my daughter really did not take to them!! Very frustrating!

Ps I say I boob my daughter to sleep 🙈

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One of my bridesmaids brought her baby to the day part of my hen do and it did spoil it for me I'm afraid. The baby cried a lot and so I got really stressed/worried for my friend. I felt limited to what we could do and I'm ashamed to say, I got really fed up because the baby got all the attention. I'm not usually one to bother about things like that but on my hen do it did upset me.

mathanxiety

Genuinely stunned you think a baby's presence makes no difference to an adult gathering.

I am at a complete loss to understand why the attendees couldn't have fun with a baby around.

Because it changes the dynamic. As it would - in a different way - if, say, the OP brought her mum. It changes the nature of the gathering.

As it would - in a different way - if, say, the OP brought her mum.

I've been to loads of boozy, debauched hen-dos with mothers and aunts of the bride. Even mothers of the groom once or twice, which meant answering the saucy quiz questions about her husband-to-be was a tad more awkward than usual for the lovely hen

And at the least the mother's a d aunts can be left Alone in a tent.Which is more than can be said for a 4 month old.

hell no

I'm smiling at the thought of a baby being there making it impossible to discuss certain topics. Or your mum for that matter. Why?

Ive seen enough men's bits To be somewhat unperturbed.

Regardless of anything else, if someone says "it's ok... in theory" in my mind that only means "NO NO NO GOD NO HOW DO I SAY NO WITHOUT BEING RUDE" and hope that if you say it like that the other person would understand and in a polite way not do whatever it is they asked. See also "we could... possibly" and "that's an idea..."