Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 ··· 16 17 18 ··· 23 24

Original poster

...to take 4 mo baby on glamping hen do?

583 replies

TomBowler · 01/08/2017 23:18

I am MoH and bride asked me before I got pregnant but she knew we were TTC. I have offered to step down.

Baby is EBF. I don't pump and haven't tried a bottle. Not totally against it though.

Would be arriving on campsite Fri afternoon. I would boob DD to sleep about 7ish. Deploy video monitor (our group has excl use of campsite and DD and I have own tent). Return to group for silly games.

Saturday morning breakfast and It's A Knockout. Lunch. Saturday afternoon outdoorsy activity I wouldn't be able to do (pelvic floor, say no more) so will chill at campsite. Sat evening boob DD to sleep and Butler In The Buff coming to serve cocktails and not games.

Sun morning breakfast in farm shop.

OP posts:

thekillers · 02/08/2017 17:59

I've been on two glamping hen do's. Going on those experiences, the Butler in the Buff only stayed for an hour, he made us one cocktail each.

Literally cock tails then

squoosh · 02/08/2017 18:02

I'm struggling to find where getting drunk equals a good time.

You don't need to understand it you just need to accept that some people will want to let loose and get a bit pissed.

beautygal29 · 02/08/2017 18:11

Why not I really don't see the big deal about this! If the bride is fine with it why not? Is there anyway your partner could stay with baby near by and bring baby over for feeds? Most babies are quite portable and sleep a lot anyway!

dustarr73 · 02/08/2017 18:17

But the bride doesn't know exactly what's being pls.Its a surprise for her.I just think bringing a baby to an adult party is bad form.

People at the hen do want to let their hair down.Thats hard to do with a baby.

I wouldn't be happy to organise childcare to find someone else's baby there.

Groves · 02/08/2017 18:18

Afraid with the majority on this, it would totally change the dynamics and the bride to be might be trying to be polite.

If only 40 mins away can you not do "guest appearances" for a few hours for the key bits and drive back in the evenings (assuming you drive and obviously not drinking due to "boobing

Toddlerchaser9 · 02/08/2017 18:20

I'd give it a miss if I couldn't leave the kids at home. Mainly because I'd want to have a good time and you can't switch off when you've got the baby.

Oopse · 02/08/2017 18:31

My sister brought her daughter to my hen do. She was 3months old.
I think it depends on what the brides wants out p her hen do and everyone respects that.
For me I had a core set of people I wanted to come no matter what. So if it was too expensive for one of those people then I didn't want to do that. So my sisters choice was don't come or bring the baby. It was a no brainier. They both had to come. I wanted my sister there, I would have looked back and hated that she wasn't there.
Having had myself now I thinks it's amazing she some away with bubba being so small and I'm so grateful she did that for me.

FiftyShadesOfDuckEggBlue · 02/08/2017 18:52

I'd check with the bride first, of course, but if I was her, having my friend and MoH at the hen do would be the most important thing and bringing her EBF baby in a sling would have been absolutely fine. It would be understandable if you are not able to participate in some of the activities. It's a little sad if you have to stay at home because of having a baby that needs you.

BabyHen · 02/08/2017 19:17

I can guarantee no one was quiet/tee total because of the baby on my DS hen! Maybe the bride does actually care more about you being there?

squizita · 02/08/2017 19:24

Not unless you have another adult to look after dd even as she sleeps who will be parenting at times you are not BF. If she sleeps. Have you camped a lot with her before?

Otherwise YABU.

I went on a hen do when BF but instead of staying there with DD I left DD with DH "off site" sober and as main parent and dipped out during the day to BF and pumped for the evening.

This meant everyone else could relax without thinking they had to be sober cause there was a kid there and actually helped me relax too. I felt I could have a drink etc and DD was totally safe and secure, no one eye on the monitor.

It won't just be you with one eye on the monitor, others will be tense too and that's not fair.

squizita · 02/08/2017 19:26

In terms of my hen I had 2 halves - a cheaper/family friendly one and a big weekender. I knew what I wanted for one would not suit everyone.

FreyaJade · 02/08/2017 19:26

Remembering the last 2 hen do's I've been on (grandmas included!) I don't think that bringing a baby would be appropriate but then... these hens may be planning a very tame hen weekend

squizita · 02/08/2017 19:37

Rat I'm not a fan of the youre selfish brigade ... but as someone who is terrified of being branded selfish, I've had huge life celebrations (graduation, 18th birthday, enagement party etc) compromised - and in one case ruined - because people asked for something I didn't really want and I said yes to avoid being judged as selfish.

I've said no to parties etc when it didn't fit round BF etc (not in a too holy way - I pumped and dd took bottles - just if it would cause issues).

Sometimes you do have to think about whether it's a day for you to prioritise your needs or the other person to prioritise theirs. Don't put them in that awkward position where they feel "selfish" then think "but we are best mates and I asked". Because often that leads to unspoken compromise, after a sort of game of selfishness chicken.
And "but we are best friends and she'd want me there" is sort of emotional blackmail. Yeah, you're absolute BFF so don't put a damper on her one hen do because of that.

Like I say, IRL I'm a serial compromiser and this scenario lights up like a neon sign ... bride will say yes and smile but no one will know if it's ruined for her. She might then feel guilty and selfish if she says no ...or even if not.

laura1206 · 02/08/2017 19:39

Why is she being ridiculous and unreasonable? Baby might be absolutely fine in a sling! Check with bride again, I'm sure she'd rather you be there than not. My son doesn't take a bottle so I've had to bring him along to stuff or miss out. My friends understand.

Whatthefucknameisntalreadytake · 02/08/2017 19:40

I don't understand why you're contemplating the whole tent thing, just drive over each morning and back in the evenings. It'll be a ball ache but your friend is clearly worth making the effort for and then everyone's a winner?

RatRolyPoly · 02/08/2017 19:43

squizita I get where you're coming from, but there's no way of knowing if that's what's happening here. The scenario you're picturing in your mind in light of your experiences may be correct, but equally it may not be. At the end of the day we can't really help the OP with judging her relationship with the bride, what the bride REALLY wants, and whether it would be an emotional faux pas. I guess we're all going to have to leave that to her and trust that she's finds herself as maid honour because she does share some common understanding at least with the hen in question.

We can chip in on the practicalities and what we think WE would do - or have done - in the circumstances, but I don't think anyone has a platform to declare the OP unilaterally "selfish". The very fact she's weighing up the options would suggest she is not.

Notonthestairs · 02/08/2017 19:51

In your position I'd drive over each day and leave baby behind. I suspect you wouldn't feel all the comfortable leaving your baby in a tent monitor or no monitor (unless you're about to say you do this all the time - please don't Mumsnet will implode all over the internet)

Babbitywabbit · 02/08/2017 20:14

'Boob' a baby to sleep? dear god, why can an adult woman not say 'breastfeed'??

Quite aside from that, you're being daft. Just because something is possible, doesn't make it a great idea.

RortyCrankle · 02/08/2017 20:30

Having read It's A Knockout. Lunch. Saturday afternoon outdoorsy activity. Sat evening boob DD to sleep and Butler In The Buff re the activities I would be crying with relief to have an excuse to cancel.

user1499333856 · 02/08/2017 21:15

Get your baby on to the bottle and then leave the baby with your DP for one night. Relax. Enjoy yourself. Come back refreshed. Simple.

Hudson10 · 02/08/2017 22:08

I've had huge life celebrations (graduation, 18th birthday, enagement party etc) compromised - and in one case ruined - because people asked for something I didn't really want and I said yes to avoid being judged as selfish.

squizita well said. You sound like me. Too much of a people pleaser and therefore get everybody walking over you with what they want.
Saying "yes, OK" when talked at constantly or just bending for a quiet life.
It may come with being old but I get to in my forties and I just can't cope with that anymore.
Why should I let everybody else tell me how my wedding should be? Etc.
People may say "yes I'm OK with that in theory" as OP said, but I can bet underneath they're thinking "FFS, it's cocktails with naked waiters. Why do you want to bring your baby?"

NameChange30 · 02/08/2017 22:29

How old is your baby? If you haven't tried introducing a bottle yet, I suggest you do it ASAP before it's too late.

If you're after breast pump recommendations, I rate the Ardo Calypso (it's quieter than the Medela Swing, which is popular I know, and it's a closed system pump).

Given that the hen do is only 40 minutes away, I suggest you leave the baby at home with your partner (provided baby takes a bottle and you've expressed enough milk) and then join the hen party for a small portion of the weekend, maybe an afternoon/evening.

I don't think it would be fair on the others to take the baby as it will change the dynamic of the hen do, not to mention the fact that it will be hard work for you to look after the baby in those circumstances while still participating.

Funnily enough I was invited to a glamping hen weekend and declined because of DS, he was only a few months old at the time of the hen do (but wasn't yet born when I was invited). It would have been a long journey for me, plus I wasn't MoH (or even a bridesmaid) and didn't know anyone else going, so it was an easy decision. I never considered taking DS though, if I had gone I would have left him with DH!

codswallopandbalderdash · 02/08/2017 22:32

Not read entire thread, but why do you think this would be OK for your baby? A baby can pick up on emotions and atmosphere so while he/she may be chilled at home, there is no guarantee they will feel the same when Butler in the Buff appears and is surround by pissed strangers! What happens if your baby is teething or grizzling or starts with an illness overnight. Not fair on anyone.

Summer23 · 02/08/2017 22:33

User some babies will not take a bottle so unfortunately it's not simple! I would double check with the bride and as others have suggested have DH nearby so he can look after baby whilst you have fun. Personally don't see a problem with 'boob to sleep' We know what you meant!

mathanxiety · 02/08/2017 22:58

Peppapogstillonaloop Wed 02-Aug-17 07:32:01
People are being weirdly angry about this!

This ^^ x 1000.

Not for the first time on MN, I am wondering what sort of parallel baby-phobic universe some of you inhabit.

I am at a complete loss to understand why the attendees couldn't have fun with a baby around.

Flip

1 2 ··· 16 17 18 ··· 23 24