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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to take 4 mo baby on glamping hen do?

583 replies

TomBowler · 01/08/2017 23:18

I am MoH and bride asked me before I got pregnant but she knew we were TTC. I have offered to step down.

Baby is EBF. I don't pump and haven't tried a bottle. Not totally against it though.

Would be arriving on campsite Fri afternoon. I would boob DD to sleep about 7ish. Deploy video monitor (our group has excl use of campsite and DD and I have own tent). Return to group for silly games.

Saturday morning breakfast and It's A Knockout. Lunch. Saturday afternoon outdoorsy activity I wouldn't be able to do (pelvic floor, say no more) so will chill at campsite. Sat evening boob DD to sleep and Butler In The Buff coming to serve cocktails and not games.

Sun morning breakfast in farm shop.

OP posts:
Tangofandango · 02/08/2017 16:04

It's a tent In a field, it's completely irresponsible to leave a baby of that age alone in a tent. Doesn't mater if you have a monitor on hand, literally anything could happen.

Those of you who are horrified at the thought of a baby being left alone to sleep in a tent - do you never leave your babies sleeping alone in their bedroom? Do you never leave them alone having a nap while you nip out to the garden to get the washing in?

I have my 15 month old grandson here 4 times a week, and when he is napping in his cot upstairs he is further away from me in the kitchen than the hen do'ers were away from their tents whilst "partying" around the campfire when I went glamping.

What do you think is likely to happen if baby is asleep in a tent and mum is outside a few yards away in full view of the tent and no doubt checking on baby every few minutes?

In my experience people who choose to go glamping, which is usually in woodland, no electricity, no wifi, no running water, are usually not looking to get on the lash and get pissed every night. We found we were so tired from all the activities out in the fresh air during the day that we just had a couple of glasses of wine round the fire and were all in bed by 11.30pm.

However, I don't think a hen do is an occasion to take a baby to, wherever the venue.

dustarr73 · 02/08/2017 16:28

tangofandangoit's in no way comparable.Leaving a baby alone in a tent is not the same as putting them to bed and behind downstairs.

It just takes seconds for something to happen.If there was no drink and they where sitting outside, no problem.

It's the fact drink women, tents and 4 month old babies don't mix.
I don't know that's so hard to understand.

mummmy2017 · 02/08/2017 16:29

Sorry but you need to take one for the team.
Either baby left at home, and get a Granny to come stay over to help Daddy,
or don't go.
A baby chances the way people act, your friend the Bride needs to be the center of it all and everyone deserves you to respect the money the other ladies have paid out to go and let their hair down.

mrsheathy85 · 02/08/2017 16:35

YABVVVVVU!!! So everyone has to be super quite whilst trying to have a good time? Tbh I wouldn't go if i knew there was a baby going. Would totally ruin the point of a hen weekend

emmasfabulous · 02/08/2017 16:36

Most have focused on the repercusions on the group, and I agree mostly because if only one is a parent they're all going to find it a bit odd. But my main thing is the baby, not sure I'd feel comfortable leaving them in the tent with a load of drunk people stumbling about. The hens shouldn't have to feel they have to behave either

Tangofandango · 02/08/2017 16:38

dustarr73 what are these "things" that could happen - to a sleeping baby, in a tent, with mum sitting just outside and checking at regular intervals? And nowhere has OP said she is going to be drinking/getting drunk

I agree a hen do is no place for a baby, but for other reasons than baby would be sleeping in a tent.

Brown76 · 02/08/2017 16:41

I'd go just for the Saturday. If possible try a bit of expressing and a bottle to see if it works, then you could do 5-6 hours out of the house.

Ohyesiam · 02/08/2017 16:52

Went to a hen weekend with two small babies and it was great. They both went down ok in the evening , monkey made it all possible. Everyone cuddled babies, babies smiled a lot. Not everyone knew everyone.

It was great.

dustarr73 · 02/08/2017 16:57

Well ok has said she be away playing games.Baby in tent with a moniter.She be back in and out to check.
But it's not the ok I'd be worried about.

Drunk people staggering around in the dark, falls on tent.Baby rolls and chokes.Somebody takes baby from tent.

Look I'm quite lax.I take risks but they are measured.I leave my 9 year old in the house she I go too shops.

He goes to school and comes home on his own.

I just think it's too much of a risk to leave a 4 month old in a tent on their own.Shit happens way too quick.

WeddingsAreStressful · 02/08/2017 16:57

If I were the bride, I'd have no problem whatsoever with it. I would much prefer to have my best friend there, baby and all (unless everyone brought kids which would indeed change the dynamic of the hen party - but one baby is totally fine)

littleshirleybeans · 02/08/2017 17:05

Foods with oats will help you produce lots of milk e.g. Alpen, flapjacks.
Ds1 was bf'd and wouldn't touch a bottle of ebm. He was 10 months before DH and I were able to go out on our own. I could hardly go anywhere myself. I just had to suck it up.
With DS2, I didn't make the same mistakes. He learned to take a bottle of ebm or formula from me or anyone. I ate flapjacks and alpen round the clock and got a double electric breast pump.
I got tons and tons of milk and was able to freeze loads. Turmeric capsules from holland and Barrett also help you produce milk.
HTH

Original poster
TomBowler · 02/08/2017 17:10

They are proper posh yurty tents. Not flimsy things where you could pull the whole thing down tripping over a guy rope. I'm quite an experienced camper and we have been before as a family with DSs 3 and 5 since DD was born. If I went then I would have my own tent with DD. En suite, heated, proper bed, electricity. About 25 metres from communal area.

I'm still not decided either way but there are lots of things I hadn't considered.

I have read a lot of breastpump reviews, so that's something.

OP posts:
littleshirleybeans · 02/08/2017 17:15

Medela double electric breast pump is very good.

SpareChangeDownTheSofa · 02/08/2017 17:33

You need to look at this from the view of several people:

  1. The bride - you're taking a baby on her HEN DO. She will have said she's okay with it but she will have been uncomfortable to say no. You are going to completely change the dynamics of her party and take away the attention from her as you and others will know there is a baby nearby.

  2. The other people in the party. They are expecting a hen do where they can relax, party and not worry about having children around. They are expecting a boozy party with a butler in the buff and for it to be a completely childfree zone.

  3. The other mother in attendance. She has had to arrange (and possibly pay for) childcare and had to leave her own child at home. She won't be happy seeing you have brought your kid along when she left her's at home.

I can't believe you haven't decided. You seem very, very selfish OP. You need to either explain you can come for only certain parts or explain you can't come. Maybe you could organise an additional lunch somewhere with just the bride and the other girls on another day so you can attend that one (baby free).

Tangofandango · 02/08/2017 17:35

These are the sort of tents - yurts - used for glamping goglamping.net/glamping-yurts/

Not the kind of tent that would fall down if someone fell against it. And I'm sure if the OP's friends were that drunk that they were staggering around and falling down she would take herself off to bed anyway. Nothing worse than everyone getting drunk and you're the sober one.

The sites are normally well isolated so not much chance of a kidnapper wandering around miles from anywhere hoping they'll find a baby left alone ready to be snatched.

Baby rolling over and choking could, unfortunately, happen anywhere, including at home.

Hudson10 · 02/08/2017 17:38

And nowhere has OP said she is going to be drinking/getting drunk

Everyone else will be, though.Cocktails and naked waiters? You're not really expecting a cucumber sandwiches with your Gran type scenario when you go to this type of hen night, are you.

Loopytiles · 02/08/2017 17:39

Very unfair on other guests: most people don't want a baby around at an event like that.

Nikephorus · 02/08/2017 17:50

Read what Sparechange says. Then read it again. And keep reading it until you realise what a crap idea it is from everyone's viewpoint except (apparently) yours.

mummmy2017 · 02/08/2017 17:50

TB, i really do hope you can express enough to be able to go and have one hell of a great time, and Let you DP be daddy for a night or so xxxx

Tangofandango · 02/08/2017 17:55

hudson10

I've been on two glamping hen do's. Going on those experiences, the Butler in the Buff only stayed for an hour, he made us one cocktail each.

It's not the sort of environment where you want to drink as much as you can and get falling down drunk. It's a back-to-nature, enjoy each other's company type of thing. And as for gran type scenario I wasn't a gran then and the bride-to-be and her friends were all in their 20s and more used to going out clubbing than communing with nature. They chose this experience precisely because they wanted something different.

SteggySawUs · 02/08/2017 17:56

I've been on a hen do with someone else's baby and it was completely fine, in fact more than fine, the baby was a delight and people enjoyed having cuddles with her. It was way more important to have all the bride's friends there than to not have a tiny baby they're iyswim. There was plenty of alcohol and hen silliness, but nothing that was spoilt by the presence of a baby.

Loopytiles · 02/08/2017 17:57

Have been on a few adult dos recently with just one or two babies there, and it changed the dynamic and was annoying!

RatRolyPoly · 02/08/2017 17:58

Aaaaand the "you're selfish" brigade are back! Perhaps the bride REALLY IS cool with it, perhaps the other guests won't mind a jot?? Throw it out there as a possibility - fine - but you've no way of being so sure.

And anyway, what the hell kind of "drinking" are you guys doing that having a baby asleep in a yurt 20 yards away would put you off your game? Where did you guys learn to party, because it sure as hell wasn't the nineties!

jellypi3 · 02/08/2017 17:59

floggin i wouldn't take a baby to any hen do if I had a choice. At my own hen do I could either leave early (everyone said no when I suggested that) or bring DD to the hen do. I didn't want to but she didn't exactly impact the do (it wasn't a wild boozy one, more a meal and drink at a restaurant).

But I wouldn't choose to take a baby to a hen do, I just didn't have much choice in the matter

Headofthehive55 · 02/08/2017 17:59

I'm struggling to find where getting drunk equals a good time.
Getting drunk equals many loo trips - not the best plan when you are camping!