Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 ··· 13 14 15 ··· 23 24

Original poster

...to take 4 mo baby on glamping hen do?

583 replies

TomBowler · 01/08/2017 23:18

I am MoH and bride asked me before I got pregnant but she knew we were TTC. I have offered to step down.

Baby is EBF. I don't pump and haven't tried a bottle. Not totally against it though.

Would be arriving on campsite Fri afternoon. I would boob DD to sleep about 7ish. Deploy video monitor (our group has excl use of campsite and DD and I have own tent). Return to group for silly games.

Saturday morning breakfast and It's A Knockout. Lunch. Saturday afternoon outdoorsy activity I wouldn't be able to do (pelvic floor, say no more) so will chill at campsite. Sat evening boob DD to sleep and Butler In The Buff coming to serve cocktails and not games.

Sun morning breakfast in farm shop.

OP posts:

GreenCarnation · 02/08/2017 13:06

given hen dos are traditionally all women

True, but traditionally they weren't all-weekenders, or sometimes longer, or even abroad as they often are now.
Traditionally it was a booze up somewhere local, a meal, maybe a nightclub then taxi home.
Baby can do without you for that length of time, or you can leave a bit earlier if necessary. There was never any question of taking baby as they weren't allowed in pubs or nightclubs.

TheNoseyProject · 02/08/2017 13:07

The moh brought her baby to the last hen do I went on. None of us knew until we arranged. It was crap. They slept in the living space so once they'd gone to bed we had to be quite in bedrooms, they thought it'd be ok to take the baby to bars which of course it wasn't so we got turned away from place after place, when we did get in a bar it was so loud no one was having fun as we were totally stressed about new born ears being exposed to such loud music. No one said anything as you couldn't it was the moh who was also the brides sister who also wanted to do everything so we were all going at new born pace. Loads of us there have kids and we all agreed (afterwards like a bunch of gossiping witches, yes) that having a baby there was the worst idea.

She probably thought it was fine but actually just because we were s group of women didn't mean we wanted to care for a baby on s hen do.

GreenCarnation · 02/08/2017 13:07

I meant regarding it being a new predicament. It IS a newish predicament. See above.

Alohcin421 · 02/08/2017 13:12

I am a big supporter of breastfeeding any time anywhere however mother and baby are both comfortable.....
however.... BF or not, taking a baby of any age on a hen party weekend is a little unreasonable -- there is no way to deny that having a baby there is not ideal.

Rachel0Greep · 02/08/2017 13:18

I think in your shoes, I would be happier to keep baby at home, and come and go from home over the weekend, joining in when you can.
I know a friend of mine had to bring her very small breastfed baby on a hen night, but it was in a hotel. The husband went along, he and baby were ensconced in their own room, and she could slip away and feed, as and when.

Lauramhanley · 02/08/2017 13:20

I think you've planned it well. If it all goes wrong, just go home. I don't think yabu. Go for it.

howthelightgetsin · 02/08/2017 13:21

I'm sorry it I think this IS about breastfeeding.
When you breastfeed you and the baby go as a package. So you either expect mothers to never leave the house (and then we wonder why rates are low) or they take the baby with them on their normal life.
Everyone is all for breastfeeding until the mother hasn't had a "night out" in a few months and then it becomes weird and everyone thinks you should have been able to leave the baby by now. Obviously when you introduce food you can go longer in the day without them, a long lunch for example, or eventually going to work, but it's still you putting the baby to bed every night. The expectation that grandparents should be taking the baby for odd nights and that the baby or toddler shouldn't care who puts them to bed and then need no parenting overnight is why - even if you have breastfed successfully - you are encouraged to stop at 6 months or a year.

Personally I wouldn't take a baby any older than that, but at 3-4 months they tend to sleep well and have less of a bedtime routine so I reckon you could get away with it.

Nikkibeak · 02/08/2017 13:22

If you're only 40 mins from home could you not come and go? Just join for a few hours in the eves once baby is asleep or a few hours in the day? Also you could try baby with a bottle and expressing in advance?

It will change the dynamic and even if people say they don't mind because they don't want to upset you in a group of 16 childless women there will be multiple people that won't be happy about it.

butterflying · 02/08/2017 13:23

Can't you just leave baby + bottle with someone for the weekend?

RatRolyPoly · 02/08/2017 13:28

Poor "Butler in the buff" on a campsite; won't he get cold??

McTufty · 02/08/2017 13:29

howthelightgetsin

A bf mother is entitled to be treated with respect and supported of course, and I have stuck up for people publicly when they've been challenged on bf, had a bf baby as part of my bridal party to be supportive of my friend even though it's not what I wanted, plan to bf myself. I'm not anti bf at all, far from it. But nor can I agree that the fact a mother is breastfeeding trumps every other consideration. It implies that the wishes and feelings of everyone who isn't a breastfeeding mother are irrelevant because the two 'come as a package' and you have to accommodate a baby at absolutely everything the mother would have done if she hadn't had a child and chosen to bf. Sorry but sometimes people don't want a baby around and that is perfectly fine. A bf mother doesn't get to dictate a baby attend something the host would prefer be childfree.

I get you're trying to be supportive of bf mothers but you're actually just being dismissive and disrespectful of everyone else.

McTufty · 02/08/2017 13:30

Also a formula feeding mother may well not want to leave a 4 month old to go on a hen. That would be perfectly reasonable even though not a bf issue.

BellyBean · 02/08/2017 13:33

I'd try to see what elements are more baby friendly and dip in, living only 40mins away and presumably not drinking anyway, I wouldn't bother trying to stay over.

anamelikenoother · 02/08/2017 13:36

Green you're right - I guess people didn't have lengthy dos back in the day...and they possibly weren't as 'wild' as people expect them to be now? Possibly brides were less precious about them too?!

OP sounds pretty reasonable to me - as long as you know that for everyone else there, the bride comes first (not your baby) and you're not hampering the fun for everyone else...that you accept that you can't be involved with everything (which it sounds like you have), then it could work for you and the bride, depending on the priorities of the bride.

Summerlovin24 · 02/08/2017 13:38

Why not go. No one else there is responsible for looking after your baby, just you. It will be fun. Just don't expect anyone to be quiet. I took my kids camping at that age, needed a change of scenery.

dustarr73 · 02/08/2017 13:41

I'd be more worried about a 4 month old on it's own in a tent.If something happened you'd never forgive yourself.

Hudson10 · 02/08/2017 13:43

Why not go. It will be fun

Yeah, you're right. The baby'll have a blast.
Maybe it can join in with the naked butler drinking games? Sounds like there's pretty child friendly activities planned.

needsomesunshineandwine · 02/08/2017 13:43

I wouldn't and I probably wouldn't go to a hen doo if a baby was going to be there.

MommaGee · 02/08/2017 13:46

TheNoseyProject she took her new born baby clubbing all night???

Hudson10 · 02/08/2017 13:52

So you either expect mothers to never leave the house (and then we wonder why rates are low) or they take the baby with them on their normal life.

Of course no-one expects mothers to never leave the house, don't be so ridiculous.
You have to accept that sometimes it's just not possible to go to absolutely everything with a child in tow though.
This scenario has got nothing to do with bf, and everything to do with the fact it just isn't a suitable environment for a tiny baby.

booplesnoot · 02/08/2017 13:53

definitely not. it takes a lot to organise a group get together like a hen weekend. definitely baby free zone. i would hate to have someone elses baby around. takes the shine off the bride.

dustarr73 · 02/08/2017 13:56

It's not suitable for a tiny baby, any baby.Some things are adult only.The women at the hen do have a right to recharge their batteries without a baby present.

Plus it's a tent, not the most comfortable things at the best of times.
If something happened to the baby I bet the op would blame others and not herself.
.

chipscheeseandgravy · 02/08/2017 14:00

The fact your planning on leaving a 4 month old in a tent to sleep whilst you watch butler in the buff is a bit . Doesn't matter if you have exclusive use of the campsite. It's a tent In a field, it's completely irresponsible to leave a baby of that age alone in a tent. Doesn't mater if you have a monitor on hand, literally anything could happen.
I wouldn't be happy if someone brought a baby along to a hen do, regardless of the type of activity. I personally also wouldn't want to take a baby to a hen do. Maybe say to the bride you are happy to go out for a meal at another time but can't do the full weekend.

MrsPorth · 02/08/2017 14:08

Just go to the breakfast bit on the last day, minus the baby.

SweetLuck · 02/08/2017 14:10

literally anything could happen

Ridiculous fear mongering.

Flip

1 2 ··· 13 14 15 ··· 23 24