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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to take 4 mo baby on glamping hen do?

583 replies

TomBowler · 01/08/2017 23:18

I am MoH and bride asked me before I got pregnant but she knew we were TTC. I have offered to step down.

Baby is EBF. I don't pump and haven't tried a bottle. Not totally against it though.

Would be arriving on campsite Fri afternoon. I would boob DD to sleep about 7ish. Deploy video monitor (our group has excl use of campsite and DD and I have own tent). Return to group for silly games.

Saturday morning breakfast and It's A Knockout. Lunch. Saturday afternoon outdoorsy activity I wouldn't be able to do (pelvic floor, say no more) so will chill at campsite. Sat evening boob DD to sleep and Butler In The Buff coming to serve cocktails and not games.

Sun morning breakfast in farm shop.

OP posts:
plantsitter · 02/08/2017 12:25

Oops! And the tiny bf baby stage of childrearing, so a combination of those things would be my own personal hell.

thefraggleontherock · 02/08/2017 12:25

I had this problem with DS1 for one of my best friends hen do. It was a city break though.

I ended up going to the city on the Saturday, taking part in the activity and going for a meal then coming home. My mum and dad drove me and took DS around the shops. I was gone for about 5 hours, ds refused his bottle but was fine and just had a mammoth feed when I met them before we set off home. He was a bit older, about 6 months so was having some purees as well as milk.

Could DP do something similar so you take join in some of the weekend?

plantsitter · 02/08/2017 12:26

God just ignore that post, completely fucked it up.

Beetlejuice43 · 02/08/2017 12:27

It's not selfish. She should go. Screaming baby and boobs and all. She's the MOH. She told the bride there might be a baby and now there is. What's more important - having an undisturbed piss up which you'll all do at the wedding anyway with hundreds of screaming babies or embracing sisterhood? We get enough arse from men making us feel worthless and inconvenient- let's not alienate each other too for doing what we are here to do.

RiversrunWoodville · 02/08/2017 12:28

Fwiw op in this particular hen do (i.e. It's not mad partying) I actually don't think yabu but then my circle are all more "child friendly" than many seem to be so we might be unusual. I think if you are close to a lot of the group run it past them see what they think?

SteppingOnToes · 02/08/2017 12:28

Not RTFT sorry but don't be ridiculous!

RatRolyPoly · 02/08/2017 12:32

Hudson I did previously say the only thing I'd do differently would be have the baby asleep in their carrycot with me rather than in the tent ( Baby Banz ear defenders are great btw), but as pp points out the tent may be only yards away anyway.

Figgygal · 02/08/2017 12:33

Sorry you miss out on stuff when you have a baby this is an example of such an event
Just no!!!

Floggingmolly · 02/08/2017 12:38

jelli, I don't understand your post. Do you mean you've learnt your lesson by taking your baby to your own hen do and wouldn't do it again,
or wouldn't do it to someone else but expected your guests to suck it up because you were the star of the show?

McTufty · 02/08/2017 12:39

beetlejuice

What's more important is that the op doesn't have the right to tell the bride that because she 'told her there might be a baby and now there is' that her hen do has to be sacrificed on the altar of 'sisterhood'. And we don't know if there will be screaming babies at the wedding - whole other MN thread there! The bride will barely get to speak to most of her friends on her wedding day as you get pulled from pillar to post and have to make sure you get round everyone.

Your post is really silly.

OP to her credit seems to realise she doesn't take priority over the bride on her hen weekend just because she has a baby. I think OP is just trying to be there for her friend but is in an difficult position.

waterrat · 02/08/2017 12:41

Can someone explain to me how a non mobile tiny baby 'puts a dampener on things'?!

squoosh · 02/08/2017 12:42

People may feel they need to tone down any planned debauchery so as not to disturb the nipper.

user1495451339 · 02/08/2017 12:44

Plan sounds fine in principal but unless you have your own tent away from everyone else there is a strong chance your baby will keep everyone awake at night which you wouldn't be popular for. Personally I would compromise by coming along for the main day (Sat) with the baby and then going home that evening late-ish.

Hudson 10 - This is kind of about breastfeeding as if OP didn't breastfeed she could leave her baby at home and her husband could bottle feed her.

Personally, it depends on your friends, it wouldn't bother me as babies are easy (unless your its mum!) but being kept awake by a baby crying would not be ideal. Then again, I don't really mind that as long as it's not me getting up!

anamelikenoother · 02/08/2017 12:45

I'm amazed by the responses here - given hen dos are traditionally all women, surely this isn't a new predicament...shouldn't we support each others choices rather than being hung up on other people's judgement? Everyone is different and every bride is different.

I had my hen do last year and one of my bridesmaids was breastfeeding her 6 month old son. She asked me if I minded and I absolutely didn't - I know and trust her well enough to know that if a situation wasn't appropriate that he shouldn't be around and that she (and he) would disappear if necessary.

It mattered far more to me that she was there than whether he was or not (although having him around for hungover breakfast cuddles was lovely). As far as I'm aware the rest of us didn't feel compromised - I certainly didn't - and we had a jolly old (very drunken and very silly) time.

I live abroad so there could have been 14 kids there and I would have been delighted to see everyone...as long as nothing was going to get in the way of silliness. The bridesmaid was an integral part of the games and general merriment and I would have been gutted if she couldn't/wouldn't come.

Have a frank conversation with the bride OP! If she really doesn't mind then do what's right for you (and her).

Lweji · 02/08/2017 12:45

I'd leave baby at home with dad and enjoy the weekend.

Express and leave your milk or just give formula.

It WILL NOT be the same thing for anyone with a baby in tow.

Floggingmolly · 02/08/2017 12:49

They're having a naked butler serving cocktails, waterrat. It'll be a slightly different vibe to afternoon tea at the Ritz.

Hudson10 · 02/08/2017 12:52

Can someone explain to me how a non mobile tiny baby 'puts a dampener on things'?!

If there's drinking games and a "butler in the buff" it doesn't exactly sound like it's an afternoon tea with cucumber sandwiches and sipping tea daintily out of china cups as baby naps peacefully.
People are going to go wanting to have a drink and not worry about disturbing babies.
Some things just aren't suitable and there's nothing wrong with adult only events sometimes.

MaddieElla · 02/08/2017 12:52

My best friend got married and I was MOH. DD was 7 months at the time and EBF. The hen do was in London and at first I declined, which went down like a shit in a spacesuit. So, husband suggested we all (4 of us) went; he would entertain the kids and I would pop back for feeds etc. She was slightly older than your DD so I only had to feed her a couple of times during the day, but is there any way your DH could go? My DH didn't see the hens/bride once while we were away, I went to him, so it wasn't like he was gatecrashing.

Hudson10 · 02/08/2017 12:53

cross post with floggingmolly

user1496587010 · 02/08/2017 12:54

This is a tricky one. From this thread clearly some people would hate it but put up. And some people would hate it & be fairly vocal! Personally I would find the pressure of having baby on best behaviour, looking after said baby & focusing on the bride pretty stressful! So would probably compromise by attending parts of the weekend (bonus no camping! Grin ) But you know yourself, your baby & your mates best. So it may be doable. Have a chat with a mutual friend going to help you decide... show them this thread even & have a good giggle at some of the more intense replies! Good luck OP.

ILiveForNachos · 02/08/2017 12:54

The only person who can answer if this is actually ok is the bride. I can totally understand your predicament as I've been in the same situation and my baby was a bottle refuser so 'leaving them at home or giving them formula' was not an option for me.

If it's only 40 mins away I'd be tempted to drive their each day and join in what I could but not stay over so people can get loud and drunk without you or them worrying about waking the baby.

You sound like a lovely friend trying to make sure that your bride doesn't feel ditched by you. I am sure she will love you for the effort.

ILiveForNachos · 02/08/2017 12:55

*there

Hotheadwheresthecoldbath · 02/08/2017 12:59

Camping and breeding are totally fine.What would concern me is the drinking,and don't tell me that anything involving a butler in the buff(yeugh) is going to involve a lot.I would hate to be in the middle of all that as the only sober person.You can't drink much as you are breast feeding and caring for a little baby.Also if you are sharing a tent you will have to make sure fellow campers do not trip/vomit over your baby.
Since you cannot drink much then why not skip the drinking entirely,take the baby and go home if it stops being fun.

Ninabean17 · 02/08/2017 12:59

OP have you ever been camping? It'll be cold. Even with a video monitor do you really think leaving baby alone in a tent is a good idea? And it's a hen party! You've been invited to have fun and drink and let go for a night! Don't do it ffs

TheDevilMadeMeDoIt · 02/08/2017 13:00

If you take the baby, then however good your intentions you will be mum first and guest last. Your baby's needs have to come first. You don't know how many activities you'll be forced to miss. If the baby is asleep in the tent, you'll be on pins while you're doing silly games/It's a Knockout/Butler in the Buff. You won't be there as a friend of the bride joining in the whole weekend with everyone else, and it could all end up going horribly wrong. You may even alienate people. I wouldn't take the risk. Either find a way to leave baby behind, or go to some of the activities leaving baby behind, or don''t go.