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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to take 4 mo baby on glamping hen do?

583 replies

TomBowler · 01/08/2017 23:18

I am MoH and bride asked me before I got pregnant but she knew we were TTC. I have offered to step down.

Baby is EBF. I don't pump and haven't tried a bottle. Not totally against it though.

Would be arriving on campsite Fri afternoon. I would boob DD to sleep about 7ish. Deploy video monitor (our group has excl use of campsite and DD and I have own tent). Return to group for silly games.

Saturday morning breakfast and It's A Knockout. Lunch. Saturday afternoon outdoorsy activity I wouldn't be able to do (pelvic floor, say no more) so will chill at campsite. Sat evening boob DD to sleep and Butler In The Buff coming to serve cocktails and not games.

Sun morning breakfast in farm shop.

OP posts:
FrogsSitonLogs · 02/08/2017 09:32

MommaGee the midlands does not (despite what the local news thinks) consist of Birmingham and surrounding areas. I've lived there, I know they say Mom, and equally I've lived and grew up in the a lot of the rest of their Midlands and have only heard Mum. I say Mum.

llangennith · 02/08/2017 09:33

No. Not on at all to take a baby to any hen do especially camping. It'll spoil everyone's enjoyment and all they'll remember is you taking your baby along and how much of a pain it was. The bride has yet to experience what it is to have a young baby so has no idea what a life-changer it is.
You'll have your day at the wedding. Forget the hen do.

dustarr73 · 02/08/2017 09:33

Look I bf all my kids and sometimes it's just not going too happen.You can't go to everything when you have kids.Bf or not.

It changes dynamics.Plus a baby going to sleep at 7 at home with all their comforts and surroundi gs.Will not do the same in a tent.

Would you not be afraid of someone falling on your tent.And what about animals or other people mistaking your tent for their.

I'm very lax when it comes to my kids but even too me that's too much of a risk.

Witsender · 02/08/2017 09:35

It wouldn't have bothered my group of friends, but I wouldn't do it. Not because it is camping, both mine have camped from around that age but because it is a hen do which is an adult thing.

lottieandmia · 02/08/2017 09:36

As usual some people have to pile on the OP because they enjoy being nasty Hmm

Op, personally I hate camping at the best of times but honestly if I were in your shoes I wouldn't do this - it's just more stress than it's worth. What if the weathers bad? Your baby will realise she's not at home. It doesn't make you a bad MOH.

Hillingdon · 02/08/2017 09:36

Definitely, definitely NO!

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom · 02/08/2017 09:37

It's got zero to do with breastfeeding & everything to do with the event type. The bride may have felt inclined to say it was ok but if I'd paid good money to go on a glamping hen do I'd be fucked off at someone bringing their baby. It changes the whole dynamic of the weekend, it's pretty selfish of you to even consider it just so you can go.
It's fine to have adult only things.

mistermagpie · 02/08/2017 09:37

Poor OP for the pile-on but at least you know that it was a ridiculous idea!

I have a 4m old baby and I'm a million years would never even have contemplated what you're suggesting. I'm hoping sleep deprivation had addled your brain temporarily and you have now come to your senses.

gingergenius · 02/08/2017 09:39

Can completely understand the rationale behind your thought process but think it'll end up going tits up and spoil it for you, if not everyone else!

BrokenBattleDroid · 02/08/2017 09:46

OP, you've had far too harsh a time on here for just asking the question.

Entitled behaviour would be ploughing on and doing it without checking your idea with others first. You've asked the bride, she said it was probably ok, yet you're still running it by MN because you don't want to ruin her hen-do.

For what it's worth I had a baby join my hen do. I didn't have children at that point. Some others did. Nobody minded a jot and it was lovely. But it was a meal out, not camping etc. In your circumstance it wouldn't work, sorry, But you do not deserve all this sneering for asking.

LagunaBubbles · 02/08/2017 09:47

Bah humbug to people who resent the presence of a baby. 'Adults' take themselves far too seriously

The world doesnt revolve around other peoples children. There are lots of events where taking along a young baby would be fine but a hen do isnt one of them. Dynamics would be completely changed.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 02/08/2017 09:47

Absolutely not. It may well be organised on paper, but plans will more than likely, go to pot. Save yourself the hassle, glamping isn't a suitable environment for a tiny baby.

Firsttimemama2017 · 02/08/2017 09:47

Nooo this is a terrible idea! Hen weekends are a baby free zone. Either find a way to leave the baby at home (express and bottle feed) or don't go. It's not fair on everyone else to bring your baby along when people want to be relaxing and having cocktails.

Maybe now is the time to try and get baby to take a bottle so you can have some you time?

MommaGee · 02/08/2017 09:47

FrogsSitonLogs fully aware of my geography thanks. I have said not all. I should have initially wrote "it is commonly used here" clearly but in the middle of being called a cheeky fuctheibecause I'd let a hen bring their baby to my hen do and then American onto as though that was relevant, I wasnt overly bothered on the semantics. Personally I always thought Mam sounded sweet

littletwofeet · 02/08/2017 09:47

Even the best sleepers couldn't be guarenteed to be fed to sleep at 4 months in a new environment and left to sleep. Your baby may be unsettled/hit a sleep regression and you may not be able to leave her to join your friends. I think that bit of your plan isn't really realistic.

I would guess the bride is being polite/not realised how a baby will change the dynamic.

I think it's one of those things you have to just miss out on when you have a young baby. As you know from your older one, it's short lived though.

mogulfield · 02/08/2017 09:52

If you were my friend I'd still want you to come with your baby. I'd much rather you were there.

Sashkin · 02/08/2017 10:01

I've stayed in yurt hotels in other countries which had multiple rooms, en suite showers, proper beds, electric radiators, plenty of space for a travel cot, plug sockets, wifi etc. If it's that kind of tent, and if you don't drink, and if you are just outside the tent with the video monitor and keep popping back to check on the baby, it might be safe although I doubt you'll have much fun.

But realistically this is a hen do in the UK, so it's more likely to just be a two-man dome tent with some fairy lights. Regardless of intentions there's a good chance you'll end up co-sleeping drunk in a pile of sleeping bags, with fluctuating temperatures overnight and a video monitor that runs out of batteries at 10pm. So no way.

That's quite aside from it changing the vibe of the hen do, which it absolutely will. The type of activities you have planned aren't baby-friendly at all. If it was afternoon tea or country walks that you had planned, I might feel differently.

I have my own ebf four month old, and have had to decline one wedding invite and limit my attendance at a second, so I do sympathise. But you have to be realistic.

Cuppaoftea · 02/08/2017 10:02

Leaving your tiny baby alone in a cold tent to go and join in cocktails and games with a Butler in the Buff stripper sounds so grim and inappropriate.

I realise I don't place the importance on Hen Dos many do but you're not a shit MOH if you're able to perform all required duties on the Bride's Wedding day which is what it's supposed to be about after all.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 02/08/2017 10:02

This thread is bonkers. Tiny baby would not impact on me or my enjoyment in the slightest.

What the drunken hens' impact on the baby?

No wonder bf rates in the uk are so low when women are told to stay home and not let their tiny baby annoy anyone

Don't be so ridiculous. This has nothing to do with breastfeeding. It is about considering the needs of the baby before the wants of the mother.

MrsRonBurgundy · 02/08/2017 10:08

I think it depends, would you expect them to consider their noise levels in case baby gets woken up?
And would they be able to hear baby crying in the night or early morning when they're still trying to sleep?

If yes to either of those, I think YABU.

I personally wouldn't go on a hen with a baby in attendance. Or if I had to (very close friend or family) I wouldn't drink. I don't like drinking when there are children around but I might be unusual in that, odd thing from when I was little I think!

Nikephorus · 02/08/2017 10:10

I would ask bride and other attendees and see what they say.
The bride will say "um, okay I guess" while really thinking Hmm and not wanting to be rude given as how your going to be her MoH.
The others will try and politely suggest that it may not really be suitable for a baby while really thinking "WTAF" or Hmm
If you do take the baby along the bride will be torn between getting secretly annoyed that you're constantly popping off, and worrying that the baby will be carried off by wild animals just as the naked man turns up with her drink, thus ruining the entire time. The others will be split between those who want to get pissed without a baby screaming and those who want to get pissed but can't because they're worried about a baby being left alone in a tent.
A decent friend makes their (very valid) excuses without putting anyone else on the spot. Take the bride out separately some time so you can celebrate with her without the event having to accommodate (and revolve around) your child.

Italiangreyhound · 02/08/2017 10:11

]Tom AIBU generally gets quite rude and abusive.

The fact it is anonymous seems to 'allow' people to be rude.

Hopefully, you'll take any useful advice and ignore the rude.

Flowers
Nanny0gg · 02/08/2017 10:13

As it's 40 minutes away, any chance of leaving the baby and going for a lunch or breakfast?

McTufty · 02/08/2017 10:18

No wonder bf rates in the uk are so low when women are told to stay home and not let their tiny baby annoy anyone.

This comment is 'bonkers'. Firstly baby is already 4 months so will hardly be 'tiny', you are being needlessly emotive.

Secondly if you follow this through to its logical conclusion, no one would ever be able to host an adults only event without passive agressive comments about low levels of breastfeeding.

Thirdly sorry but babies can be annoying. Even most parents of babies can find them annoying at times!

Lottie2017 · 02/08/2017 10:22

I would just come for the lunch part, then you have been part of it. Bringing the baby along for the whole event would be horribly stressful for all involved and you may as well have not been there in the first place.