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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to take 4 mo baby on glamping hen do?

583 replies

TomBowler · 01/08/2017 23:18

I am MoH and bride asked me before I got pregnant but she knew we were TTC. I have offered to step down.

Baby is EBF. I don't pump and haven't tried a bottle. Not totally against it though.

Would be arriving on campsite Fri afternoon. I would boob DD to sleep about 7ish. Deploy video monitor (our group has excl use of campsite and DD and I have own tent). Return to group for silly games.

Saturday morning breakfast and It's A Knockout. Lunch. Saturday afternoon outdoorsy activity I wouldn't be able to do (pelvic floor, say no more) so will chill at campsite. Sat evening boob DD to sleep and Butler In The Buff coming to serve cocktails and not games.

Sun morning breakfast in farm shop.

OP posts:
WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 02/08/2017 08:56

Bah humbug to people who resent the presence of a baby. 'Adults' take themselves far too seriously.

Nope. The point here is that they don't want to take themselves seriously. They want to have fun, let loose and mess around.

You can't do that with a kid in tow so damn right they would be resenting the prescience of said baby.

In none of these situations the bride minded at all and I never heard any negative remarks at all.

Of course you didn't; they'd be far too polite to mention it because people are uptight about their kids.

I'm so glad my friends aren't so fucking shallow!

It's not shallow to not want an uninvited kid being dragged along to your hen do and ruining it (and yes it would ruin it, because it would change the entire dynamic).

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 02/08/2017 08:57

Midlander actually. We spell it mom here.

No 'we' all don't!

MommaGee · 02/08/2017 09:00

It's sufficiently common in the Midlands to us we. Not to use we all. Hence we spell it mom here.

waterrat · 02/08/2017 09:00

This thread is bonkers. Tiny baby would not impact on me or my enjoyment in the slightest.

No wonder bf rates in the uk are so low when women are told to stay home and not let their tiny baby annoy anyone.

waitforitfdear · 02/08/2017 09:04

This is nothing to do with the op breastfeeding ffs it's about taking a baby on a hen do.

That's inappropriate and selfish.

MommaGee · 02/08/2017 09:04

Use of Mom over mum or mam.

...to take 4 mo baby on glamping hen do?
RatRolyPoly · 02/08/2017 09:04

Yes waterrat! Pleased it's not just me and mine who'd be totally cool with it; not pretending to be cool, not too polite to not be cool, but actually really cool with it!

pictish · 02/08/2017 09:08

Jesus...it's fine to not want kids at stuff. Sometimes it isn't appropriate. A boozy hen do with a trashy naked butler is one of those times. They are not geared up for or thinking about babies.
If it was a do like TestTube describes then yeah of course...but it's not is it?
Sometimes kids can't come. It's great!

MommaGee · 02/08/2017 09:09

People are being weirdly angry about this!
I do wonder if some posters recognise the hen do they're going on!
I do think sometimes people use aibu as a stress ball to vent all their anger.
Yabu. It isn't safe. You won't be able to relax. You will change the atmosphere. Maybe the bride was just being polite. - all reasonable answers. there's really no jisitifcation for the level of abuse directed at OP for trying to work through whether its reasonable or not

dustarr73 · 02/08/2017 09:09

No what an awful idea.Who in their right m8 d thinks it's ok to leave a 4 month old baby in a tent.Alone.
Never mind the hen, that's the bit that jumped out to me.

Totally irresponsible to think that never mind doing I.How would a 4 month old actually sleep in a 're.Cot, sleeping bag.

redfairy · 02/08/2017 09:10

It's a no from me. No to leaving baby unattended in a tent and no to bringing baby on a hen do with all the silliness and frivolity involved. I don't think it's particularly on to have asked bride in the first place. Sorry OP.

waitforitfdear · 02/08/2017 09:10

Exactly pictish

BlondeB83 · 02/08/2017 09:13

YABVU, just don't go! The bride is being polite! Who wants a baby at a hen do?! Hmm

missiondecision · 02/08/2017 09:13

You are very ur to use the term "boob baby to sleep".... twice.
Yabvu to consider this. Who leaves there baby in a tent alone?

Original poster
TomBowler · 02/08/2017 09:13

Fucking hell, vipers! Acting like I'm the breastfeeding devil incarnate for even asking opinions. Jesus.

Thanks all. Lots to think about.

OP posts:
missiondecision · 02/08/2017 09:13

Their baby . Not there baby

Babieseverywhere · 02/08/2017 09:14

I would ask bride and other attendees and see what they say.

In our friendship group it is accepted that young babies attend with their mums (especially breastfed babies) different babies have come to various meals out and girls nights in and we are happy to take turns cuddling a little one and at the same time glad our older children are home with DH's.

It is an issue which is very specific to the group you are going out with, so ask them not us and go with their answer.

Ps Please don't leave a tiny baby asleep in a tent on their own...They can sleep in a sling or on your knee until you go to bed.

RatRolyPoly · 02/08/2017 09:15

Of course it's okay pictish, but we do't know if that's the case here or not. The OP knows better than all of us, but even she's not sure.

I don't think the boozy game-playing nature of the plans means it's definitely not okay, but that's just because I've been on boozy nights out with friends with babies in carry cots in the beer garden whilst the band plays on the stage only yards away (baby earphones advised). So it happens!

Thewinedidit · 02/08/2017 09:22

YABU

If the hen was in a lodge or hotel I'd say it MAY be ok. However you really cannot leave a baby unattended in a tent and there is zero soundproofing in a tent. I'm afraid I wouldn't be happy if a screaming baby woke me up when I was feeling less than box fresh.

I'd actually be ok with the baby being there during the day, the sleeping arrangements you have thou are just a non starter for me.

NataliaOsipova · 02/08/2017 09:25

Some of the responses here.....!

OP - I'd say no - you can't take a baby on that sort of weekend. But, if you want to make the effort and it's only 40 mins away, then join them (with or without the baby) for Saturday lunch and Sunday breakfast. No problem to have a baby in a restaurant or farm shop, no disruption to any fun and drunken silliness, everyone will enjoy telling you about their fun and you'll feel like you've made the effort and been part of things for your friend.

headinthecloud · 02/08/2017 09:26

Could you get DD to take to a bottle before you go.

RainbowPastel · 02/08/2017 09:26

Midlander here too and we don't say Mom either.

RhubardGin · 02/08/2017 09:27

Acting like I'm the breastfeeding devil incarnate for even asking opinions. Jesus

It has nothing to do with breastfeeding!

Babies and hen do's don't mix.

bluebird3 · 02/08/2017 09:29

OP...I don't think you are BU to want to find a solution. Could there be a happy medium where you attend the hen do for a few hours w/I baby or maybe Saturday during the day with baby but leave after dinner?

Sunshineandeggshells · 02/08/2017 09:31

Wouldn't b a problem for me or my friends. I had a similar hen do. "Glamping" with beds and a wood burning stove. Very relaxed. Cocktails and nice food. A 4 month old baby wouldn't have been a problem and I would much rather my friend came with baby than missed out. Ovbviously in the minority though!

Disgusting amount of vitriol on this thread.