Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Original poster

"family holiday"

166 replies

Bikingwidow · 01/08/2017 07:16

Hi, I am after some opinions on whether I am being unreasonable to expect our annual family holiday to be mainly about spending time with the family ?
My husband is an obsessive road biker ( he wouldn't agree with this though and sees it as a harmless hobby) who goes out most weekends on his bike and has done a number of long distance road races , some local, some requiring a weekend away. I am fairly fine with this (most of the time) although the obsession is gaining momentum.

At his suggestion, we have booked a summer holiday in the mountains in Austria and we discussed the walking and mountain biking we can do together as a family. We are driving so have bought a bike rack for the top of the car etc.. all fine. Except now he is saying that we aren't going to be able to take the mountain bikes as he is taking his Road bike and is planning a number of lengthy solo bike rides for himself . He says we can hire bikes there ( true) but he has done lots of research into his Road bike routes and has not come up with any suggestions for what we can do together as a family. I am now thinking I am going to be spending my holiday finding things for me and the kids to do while he is off all day.

The question is, am I being unfair , he does work hard and deserves to enjoy his holiday , but I believe a family holiday should be mostly about family time particularly since he is often away during the week and spends quite a proportion of each weekend on his bike?

Thank you

OP posts:

Travis1 · 02/08/2017 09:59

Stuff that for a game of soldiers. I'd be seriously looking for an alternative holiday OP. He's being a selfish arse

Only1scoop · 02/08/2017 09:59

Sounds like you are all just a hinderance tagging onto his plans

8FencingWire · 02/08/2017 10:01

I've got a bike obsessed one at home. But there is no way mine would get away with what your H is, sorry! No way!

Only1scoop · 02/08/2017 10:01

Barbara
Great idea

ItsNachoCheese · 02/08/2017 10:02

Id tell him to ram his cycling holiday and take the dc away myself. Hes a selfish arse and has no thought for anyone but himself

MaisyPops · 02/08/2017 10:06

His friend is joining you & he is planning on ditching family bikes?!

Not a chance.

Me and DH enjoy cycling and neither of us would dream of being so selfish and rude.

It sounds like he's trying to push for a blokes bike holiday by stealth. Please say you're not self catered because I can see you getting roped into cooking for everyone too

Starfish28 · 02/08/2017 10:13

I would be so angry if I was you OP and from your resigned posts it sounds like he bullies you into doing what he wants. I would be thinking very careful about how you have got into this situation, clearly the cycling is a symptom not the cause of his behaviour. Does he respect your voice and needs? Does he see himself as an equal parent? Why on earth would he priories a friend's bike over his own children's bikes and enjoyment? Good luck on reflecting on this because it does sound really grim all round.

happypoobum · 02/08/2017 10:20

This just gets worse and worse. Do you have MUG tattooed on your forehead?

So really this is a biking holiday for DH and his mate.

I would cancel the whole fucking thing and thinking long and hard about whether I wanted to be married to such a selfish wanker.

You and the DC are a bit of an inconvenience to him aren't you?

BarbaraofSeville · 02/08/2017 10:29

Only1scoop

Was that about the mate paying for his road bike to travel by air (I suspect that it is considered way to delicate and precious to be trusted to baggage handlers and/or he doesn't have a proper bike flight case, which can be £££s) or the comment about letting the road bikes fall under a truck 'accidentally' .

I hope the mate is paying for the MTB hire in recompense but still think the DH is being ridiculous and needs a good hard think about what a family holiday entails.

snowgirl1 · 02/08/2017 10:30

DH & I both cycle so I understand the desire to get out for a ride, but your DH is being v. selfish in taking a friend's bike over a family members' bike. Make his friend get a bike box and take it on the plane.

itsgoodtobehome 's compromise is a good one - any time your DH has 'time off' to do his own thing, needs to be equally balanced with time for you to do your own thing and quality family time.

DumbledoresApprentice · 02/08/2017 10:33

Surely the kids come first? The idea that they don't get to take their mountain bikes on the mountain biking holiday that you planned because Dad and his mate are using the rack for their road bikes is not on at all. I'd book myself and the kids a flight and leave the selfish bastard to drive himself and his precious bikes and make sure I had activities that the kids and I wanted to do arranged for the whole holiday. If I could I just go somewhere completely different with the kids and leave him to it I would.

IfNot · 02/08/2017 11:10

Why should she go somewhere else with the kids though? It sounds like that would be very convenient for him. No, OP I think you should be very ill suddenly and be unable to go at all. He should take the kids on their holiday. Let him compromise his own fun, sort the food, child activities. ( I get the feeling they are not tinies)
Except I doubt he would ever do this.
This man doesn't not prioritise you or his children. He comes first, no matter what.
Honestly, this is not someone i would care to be married to.
You sound nice and reasonable op, and deserve a decent chap.

Butterymuffin · 02/08/2017 11:12

'The plan has been changed'? It can fucking well be changed back then. Sorry, this high-handedness is not justified, not even by 'working long hours' blah blah. Plenty of men who work long hours wouldn't dream of behaving like this.

Orangetoffee · 02/08/2017 11:20

I am really starting to hate the phrase 'he works very hard and deserves time off' as 9 out of 10 times it is followed by time consuming hobbies and lad holidays.

He is taking the piss OP. Your bikes have to make place for his friend's bike, 'family' holiday indeed.

IfNot · 02/08/2017 11:30

Hmm..this op and her husband sounds really familiar. Have you posted about him before? Does he run his own business and you don't work? Does he do other action type sports too? Difficult relationship with your teen son?
Maybe it's not the same person-sure there are a lot of selfish and manipulative husbands about.

thatdearoctopus · 02/08/2017 11:33

Oh and now he's played his trump card. He got angry when you raised a perfectly reasonable objection to his plan, and he's now got you to Shut The Fuck Up.

How can you let this go?

thatdearoctopus · 02/08/2017 11:35

Where is this "friend" staying? With you? And if he thinks he's going on a cycling holiday with your dh, what's he going to be doing on the days no cycle trips for the pair of them are planned?

Oh, wait. There won't be any.

BarbaraofSeville · 02/08/2017 11:39

Oh, bless. DH is bringing a friend on the family holiday. Is he 15?

Was there a discussion abou the friend flying over and cycling with your DH and the bike transport situation, or did they just agree it between themselves? I'm shocked that he wouldn't discuss this with you before telling him to fuck right off and stay out of your family holiday.

Butterymuffin · 02/08/2017 11:41

IfNot sadly I think there are a few of these around. I do think though it has to be emphasised this is not just 'how men are': they're not all selfish. Decent men actually like spending time with their kids on holiday.

SolomanDaisy · 02/08/2017 11:42

He's taking his fucking friend on a family holiday?! That's pathetic. You really need to say no to this.

Notevilstepmother · 02/08/2017 11:43

I was thinking he sounds a little bit of an arse, but now you mention he is bringing his friend on a family holiday and his friends bike instead of your children's bikes, I've revised my opinion, he is a selfish utter twat. Not to mention manipulative.

I'm all for hobbies and individual interests, but this is beyond ridiculous.

Hope this helps .

Cagliostro · 02/08/2017 11:48

Good grief it gets worse! How about this friend makes arrangements for his own bike

ButDoYouAvocado · 02/08/2017 11:51

Gosh im shocked at this. It was bad enough him dumping your bikes at the expense of his, it now transpires your family's bikes are being dumped at the expense of his friend's bike!

So a few things here then...will his mate be paying for you and your children to hire bikes seeing as you are leaving them at home for his? Will you be doing all the cooking etc? Why on EARTH is his mate coming on a FAMILY holiday? And last but not least...why are you going? It sounds a bit rubbish :-(

TinklyLittleLaugh · 02/08/2017 11:55

You put your own mountain bikes on the car and DH's mate takes the road bikes on the flight.

Actually, in your shoes I would probably throw my toys out of the pram and refuse to go. Taking bikey mate along is taking the piss.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 02/08/2017 12:01

Someone's taking the piss here...

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Swipe left for the next trending thread