To hate this thing my mum does?

[Cocklodger]

On the phone (I live overseas) she always does the following.
For example (this is a recent one)

Her: Have you watched game of thrones yet?

Me: no I haven't seen it yet - I've got to buy a Foxtel prescription

Her: oh, I watched it last night.

Me: cool, no spoilers please because I know she always does this

Her: oh it was so good, xy did this and...

Me: please don't mum I haven't seen it yet, I don't want to hear it.

Her: oh I was gonna say what x did to y was horrible...

Ad infinitum. Until I put the phone down. My fuse has gotten shorter recently.
It's not always spoilers sometimes it's a blow by blow encounter from a tv show I've never watched or disliked, which annoys me as I have to hear about such and such characters doing x y and z and something about a gay cage fighter... god knows.
I was very upset the other day as I had some important news to tell her but only 15mins or so spare as I had to take DD to her dads by a certain time. I tried to tell her that but all I got in return was "oh I was gonna say " so I just sort of shut up and waited. Had her on the phone while I sorted everything got dd strapped in and I had to go but then all I got was "why? Is everything alright" my response "yes I must take DD to Ex name house I'll be back at such and such time" then she makes me feel guilty by going "oh... I didn't realise you didn't have time..."

Another thing I've sort of touched on is when she says "I was going to say"
She'll be interrupted by me getting flustered and frustrated, then all she says is "I was going to say "

I love her but god she is so hard to talk to

Wow - Kingdom to me is a gentle thing with Stephen fry playing a lawyer in a family firm with a young assistant ( one of the many Roberts from emmerdale ) his receptionist was Celia imrie and his sister was played by hermione wotserface....
I've been racking my brains to think of a gay cagefighter in it

My mum does it to me all the time too ladies - it's infuriating!!

My dmil has a conversational tic that makes me want to scream. After a few minutes conversation on the phone, she will say "Well I'll let you get off then", as though I was trying to end the conversation. Its not just me she does it to though, also my dh, her son though they get on well. Its a kind of habit which she never challenges herself on. Drives me nuts for some reason.

I'd give anything to be able to talk to my late mother again.

Aagghh I have found my people!

The soap thing drives me batty. I haven't watched any soaps for 20 years (which I tell DM every time she mentions one) and yet she insists I know who she's talking about in Corrie or the bloody Archers!

The scene-setting and details make me tear my hair out. She will involve my dad as well, and they will have an entire side conversation about whether they had sausage or fish for tea on Friday or was it Thursday and the subject of the conversation will be what day the post came late.

Yammering on about relatives and friends that I have never met (and don't give a shit about) as if I'm in touch with them on a regular basis. Like "well you know Fred's knee was bad when they went to Italy" and I'm like "who? what? IDGAF!". I can't help thinking that none of these people have a fucking clue I exist and I bet they aren't treated to a weekly rundown of my health issues!!

The worst bit though, that actually upsets me as opposed to just making me roll my eyes, is the talking over me (like others have said) and just never listening. I'll say "we went to Pizza Express for DS's birthday" and she will say "oh we went there with Bob and Jane. I had blah blah and your dad had (shouts at my dad to find out what he had) and Bob had such and such but they said it's not as good as Jane makes at home and blah blah and then we went to their house ooohh Jane's got some lovely new curtains she got them from M&S and they're pink like those ones we had 30 years ago you remember don't you" by which point I've given up listening.

I speak to her once a week and 99% of the conversation is her garden, everyone she knows, telly and moaning about my dad. I occasionally get the other 1% if I'm lucky.

You know, my Mum used to call me every single day at ten to seven, just before Emmerdale, just to moan about the weather and banal stuff. I used to moan and hate picking the phone up sometimes.
But she passed away 2 years ago and what I wouldn't give to hear her at the end of the phone, ten to seven every night I think of her, she won't be around forever cherish these conversations.

Funny as my Mam was just the same but much as i moaned about her i would give anything for her to ring me again as she has passed away

Beligerent, I could have written your last post. And skittles, thank you. Yours really resonated too.
Some maternal relationships are just flawed beyond repair.

Yes, my Mum used to repeat herself all the time. And rabbit on about rubbish. We (me and DH) would listen with interest and have a giggle about it later.
I wish she was still around to 'bore' us today.
OP, have you seen some of the threads on here? There are some truly awful parents and MILs in the world. Be grateful that a touch of eccentricity and a few spoilers is all you have to worry about from yours and appreciate your Mum whilst she's still here.

MILs don't need stop or pause buttons, they need fast-forward.

A call between DW and MIL always ended with DW saying Bye . . . bye . . . bye . . . bye until she could escape.

I don't understand the need to come on a thread moaning about mothers to tell everyone yours has died. It's very sad for you and your family, but it literally means nothing to anyone on here. 50% of the threads on MN are to moan about husbands. It would be a bit odd if widows went on every one of those and told people to be grateful.

Death does not convey sainthood. The things my mother does to irritate me and has done to hurt me won't change or go away after she dies.

My mum does this because she's old and lonely and has no one to talk to all day. I see it as a duty to listen. I don't tell her anything important because she stews about it and worries.
Relationships with parents change as you get older. I know we all lead busy lives but when it frustrates me I try to see it from her point of view.

We don't always turn into our mothers, I'm not like that at all. My DD on the other hand rings me several times a day, for several hours sometimes, and tells me everything that's going on in her life. I'm a good listener, better than a therapist apparently.

Sometimes she pauses and asks if I'm still there as I haven't spoken for a while.

My mum will spend almost the whole conversation telling me every detail of her day blow by blow then what her husband is doing while she is on the phone from making a cuppa to flicking through tv channels etc and then what the dog is doing etc. She will then start an inane conversation with her husband while I'm on the phone, I dont get a chance to talk unless i interrupt. Its very frustrating when on the phone but she is genuinely so cheerful and scatter brained I just can't stay mad at her and wouldn't know what to say without upsetting her lol

My Mum is 82 but she has done this all my life. It just feels like she's not interested. She takes over the conversation in just the same way Wombling mentioned. If she does tell me that "soing-so's daughter had a baby" and I ask "oh, what did they have?" the response will be "oh, I don't know, I didn't think to ask." No, because you're so self absorbed and eager to speak, you don't give any one else chance.

I shall look up parentifying as I've never heard of it before, but I've had the weight of her world and all her past on my shoulders since about 5 years of age. When my Mum dies I shall mourn what could have been, but that's all I think.

Haha! Your mum sounds much like my mother in law. Everyone else makes excuses to get off the phone but I can't be as blunt as I'd need to be so listen for hours to things/stories/people I've never heard of and have to sound interested

There is a difference in having an elderly eccentric parent and one with a personality disorder/mental health problems.

My mother has been this way since I was a child and although it has intensified as her world has shrunk and she ages, it is not a case of horrible daughters slagging off some poor lonely old dear.

Sometimes people need to vent and share experiences. It is not anybody else place to police those lived experiences and decide how they should perceive them and how they need to behave in relation to them.

Can I join this support group??

I'm the youngest of my family. I'm the youngest of the cousins that are on my Dad's side of the family and I'm the youngest of the cousins that are on my Mum's side of the family. There is 5 years between me and my next sister (who is older than me) and the cousins are at least her age with none around my age. I'm not young any more (I'm in my 40's) just to give context.

When I'm on the phone to my mother, she would keep asking whether I know so-and-so that I was in school with. Except I wasn't. It was one of my older siblings. Then the conversation moves on to the children (who are middle-aged adults now themselves) of friends and neighbours...again, it was my siblings that socialised with these people and not me.
As I was a little kid when my cousins were teenagers, they didn't want me hanging around with them. When I was the teenager, they were grown up and didn't seem to want to socialise with me then either so I had fewer people to hang out with as a kid than my siblings did.

It drives me bonkers when she assumes I know who these people are, it's even more frustrating when she goes through a huge speech and it turns out that the person who she is talking about has recently passed away, so there is no chance that I'll meet them and know who they were at this point. I try my hardest not to let the frustration come across in my voice but every time I phone her it's the same.

I do love my mother but boy does she know how to annoy me on the phone.

Mine tells me that I eat all the wrong things (she is Organic produce ONLY) and did I know Flora was only one molecule away from being plastic? And I apparently buy cheap loo rolls/kitchen roll from Home Bargains and it's a false economy. And, she was thinner than me at my age now; and she wouldn't dream of shopping in charity shops (but loves some of the stuff I wear (purchased a la British Heart Foundation). And, I should only buy Organic eggs as they're just as cheap and....fuck me! I had to tell her, this weekend, to respect the fact that I am a grown up, have a husband and child and can make my iwn decisions on what I wear/eat/buy 😐

WHY do they do it? Mothers. I've asked DH to divorce me if I ever get like that.

belligerent you have great understanding and wisdom. can you move in with me please

I do this to my mum.

She's in her mid-fifties, works full time as a secondary school head teacher. She is the busiest person I know. If I get her on the phone, she's on for thirty seconds before saying she has to go, will call you back later (never does) and then I catch myself changing the subject to keep her on the line.

I have two kids under four and a DH who barely speaks to me right now. I live a hundred miles from my parents and siblings. I'm very lonely.

This thread reminds me of my grandmother who was living with when Coronation Street first came on air. After about four years she moved out and we stopped watching the programme, but then when she'd phone or visit she wanted to gossip about the bloody soap and was most indignant that we didn't watch it anymore.

Laiste -ah shucks, I'd love to but I come with a rabble and you'd regret it in 3.67 seconds. I'll phone you though and I promise not to talk over you, repeat the same story 7 squillion times or make you listen to the plot of every soap known to man.

If I'm honest it's the other way round, I'm the one saying just one more thing! 😂

Well, I am over 70 now and live alone in a very quiet area. My son and daughter who are mid 40ish have told me repeatedly that I keep repeating myself in conversations, saying that they don't wish to hear all my rabbiting on about trivial things as they don't have time to listen, and are too busy.. So now I do not phone them much !
Its much the same with computer/laptop etc, Years ago they both said, Mum, get in the real world, get a computer and you can write emails to us. I like writing, so would send them emails quite often,and they then said, Mum,,your emails are like a short story. and are far too long. They would send the odd email to me, with just about twelve words in it.. So now not much communication chat wise.

You do tend to repeat yourself when getting older, I am not a sad and lonely person,,but think chatting a lot stems from my younger days,when times were less busy ,and families were able to chat together a lot as there were no gadgets, no phones and in my case no TV.

I have 5 kids (inc 4 yr old twins and 2 yr old) and 3 jobs but make sure I see my mum at least twice a week. I have a sister who lives closer and has on each job and 2 children (14 & 11).

All I ever hear is how busy my sister is poor thing before asking if it should ok to run my dad to the shops / pick up prescription / phone so and so to sort this that or the other out.

Then she almost always says 'you do look tired' - no sh&t 😂😂

However I have to say I love my parents to bits and would do anything for them and am so glad I still have them around. My mum is now severely disabled and my dad her sole carer xx