To hate this thing my mum does?

[Cocklodger]

On the phone (I live overseas) she always does the following.
For example (this is a recent one)

Her: Have you watched game of thrones yet?

Me: no I haven't seen it yet - I've got to buy a Foxtel prescription

Her: oh, I watched it last night.

Me: cool, no spoilers please because I know she always does this

Her: oh it was so good, xy did this and...

Me: please don't mum I haven't seen it yet, I don't want to hear it.

Her: oh I was gonna say what x did to y was horrible...

Ad infinitum. Until I put the phone down. My fuse has gotten shorter recently.
It's not always spoilers sometimes it's a blow by blow encounter from a tv show I've never watched or disliked, which annoys me as I have to hear about such and such characters doing x y and z and something about a gay cage fighter... god knows.
I was very upset the other day as I had some important news to tell her but only 15mins or so spare as I had to take DD to her dads by a certain time. I tried to tell her that but all I got in return was "oh I was gonna say " so I just sort of shut up and waited. Had her on the phone while I sorted everything got dd strapped in and I had to go but then all I got was "why? Is everything alright" my response "yes I must take DD to Ex name house I'll be back at such and such time" then she makes me feel guilty by going "oh... I didn't realise you didn't have time..."

Another thing I've sort of touched on is when she says "I was going to say"
She'll be interrupted by me getting flustered and frustrated, then all she says is "I was going to say "

I love her but god she is so hard to talk to

Recognise these situations and share the frustration...

Seeming to not listen and keeping on talking turned out to be a symptom of deafness. Now we know, we just wonder how long it was affecting her. Could be decades, sigh.

Talking about a tv show because you've nothing else to say is one thing, but giving stuff away when you've been asked not to & not letting someone else get a word in is just rude isn't it?

My dp's mum is like this. She's quite lonely I think. Face to face she does something quite odd...I'll be talking to her as part of a conversation and half way through a sentence I'm saying she'll turn and sort talking to someone else about something different. It's like the conversation is purely one way and she'll switch off when she's done. She's not doing it to be rude just has built a habit I guess.

Mum: do you watch (insert name of TV program)
Me: no
Mum: well let me tell you what happens (insert long explanation)

I don't watch it because I am not interested. You telling me does not make it interesting. Stop it!

I don't think they mean to be rude. I think it's like talking to themselves in a mirror and comforting to them.

Oh I feel your pain. My DM doesn't do this exactly but what she will do is chunter on and on about things and people that none of the rest of us know, or have any interest in. Just last week she was here and so was MIL and she started on a really long winded story about some woman at her work which had no relevance what so ever to the conversation we were having. Me and MIL were just sat nodding politely it was so awkward. God love her, but it's so boring when she does this, and she does it a lot! She also gives word for word stories - 'then she said X, so I said Y, then she said Z' I'm sat there silently screaming in my head 'just bloody sum it up for me!!!' Argh!

I could have written your post OP! I live in Oz and she in the UK. Phone calls are EXCRUTIATING!

The same kind of thing as you but mine interrupts me with things about my sisters' kids.

Me: DD won the cross country race...

Mum: OH! I was GOING to tell you! DN got an A in her essay!

Every fucking time.

I have started to say

"Mum....I was telling you about DD...can you wait till I've told you that...and react! THEN tell me about my niece!!"

She then acts all hurt as though I'M the wanker!

She is lonely and I do try to talk to her a lot we speak every single day sometimes for over an hour, it just gets very tiresome it's only recently I've started reacting by putting the phone down but as much as I feel guilty I don't want to be talked at about something I'm not interested in for 20+ mins. She is a pain in the ass with spoilers too as she won't say explicitly what it is she's getting at but will give huge hints like eg

"Oh it's very sad and gruesome what happens to john" (random name, not about any show in particular) so it's like cheers now I know my favourite character is about to be killed off . I never ignore her calls or messages and I'd never start I always talk to her when I can which is 9/10. But it does get very tiresome and I'm often left feeling deflated, frustrated and in need of a little rant of my own.
I know she won't be here forever so I do feel bad I just wish I could enjoy having a conversation with her

My mum used to do variations of all these things, too, i.e. same old story over and over or talking on and on without listening. What made me sad was that in the end you just stop expecting to have any meaningful relationship with her, and she just gets to be a bore and a nuisance. And it's not that I didn't love my mum :(

Wordy yes...I've found the BEST thing is when I get on a bit of a roll and make her laugh.

I've always been able to make my Mum laugh and those are the best conversations we have.

I wonder what they think about our contribution to phone conversations?

MIL lives a couple of hours away from us and she has relatives that live a long way from her who, in 20+ years of marriage to her son, I've never met. Yet she'll talk about Aunty Joan and cousin Peter as though I had tea with them just last week.

However, I'll chat about my nieces, who she's never met, and I wonder if MIL is thinking "oh God, please make Hufflepug stop wittering on about them flippin girls again"

user1486915549, Averylongtimeago ((((hugs)))) to you both. I lost my DM four years ago. Not a day goes by that I don't wish I could sit on the sofa with her and listen to a story about anything of her choosing - people I don't know, whatever. I'm sure I'd show more interest..,

My mum usually launches into increasingly detailed descriptions of peripheral, irrelevant information, which all lead up to her telling me something I had told her in the first place. She also includes her husband in this tedious pre-explanation, in a Harry Enfield Roy and Renée style.

She also thinks she has to tell me all the local news FOR MY AREA. WHERE I LIVE.

I can't be bothered with people who bore on in detail about the plot of a book or a film I am never going to read or watch. I think it's quite rude actually, who do they think is interested?
The most to be said is, "X book/film/tv programme is really good...it's about xxx and you'd really enjoy it." and after that you shut the hell up about it rather than making the person you are with politely endure you rambling on at length about something they are not fucking bothered about.

Don't feel guilty about having boundaries. Older people (our parents or otherwise) can become an area of guilt as we begin to feel responsible for their happiness. You're not. They are. If you're busy just breezily say got to go I'm doing xyz. And if you're feeling charitable say you'll ring them later. Job done. And if you don't want to listen to their rot, change the subject and talk over them if necessary. Some people need a bit of tough love sometimes.

My Mum's phone calls can be a bit odd too - in person we're fine. I've recently realised it's different conversational styles. I wait for a natural pause in the conversation before introducing a new subject, Mum fears the natural pause and witters to fill it up. The upshot is I end up silent and Mum tells me stories about the minutia of the lives of people I haven't seen for 20 years.

Not figured out what to do about it though!

Sometimes the delay on the line can cause an issue. You start to say something and she doesnt realise and starts something else.
Im the dm here. My dd and l get on great face to face but anytime l call here she answers in this tired voice. I say are you ok and everytime she says just tired! Drives me nuts. She doesnt do it to dh just me. But if she is here she will chat all night.
My dm was the same. Always answered the phone like she had the weight of the world on her shoulders so when dd does it l am extra sensitive.

Mine's obsessed about money. She grew up poor, my father was financially abusive and now she has money she can't bring herself to spend it as she sees it as belonging to me and my sister rather than to her. However many times I tell her I'd rather inherit it and have some memories of her being happy she won't do it. My bugbear wrt conversations with her revolve around money. Such as:

Her: I sinned today.
Me: What, you mean you murdered someone?????
Her: No, I went to Debenhams and bought a jumper.
Me: That's nice. Don't think that counts as a sin, mind...
Her: Guess how much it was... (She loves these guessing games, drives me up the wall!)
Me: Absolutely no idea.
Her: Go on, take a guess!
Me: £20???
Her: Well, it was originally marked as £50, but it was on the rail saying a third off, and whilst it was really far too much I did really like it. It's a pale pink, and goes with the skirt I bought last year. You know, the black one with the flowers on. I showed it to you when you came down at Christmas. Though you probably won't remember ((thoughtless daughter that you are)).
Me: No, sorry, haven't a clue.
Her: But I showed it to you. I wore it when I went to church last week. Lots of people commented on how nice it was. I told you.
Me: Oh.
Her: Well, I really needed a jumper to go with it and I thought this one was perfect. So I took it up to the till feeling naughty because it was still a lot of money, but the woman behind the desk gave me some vouchers so that was another £10 off, then when she put it through the till it came out as £8.70!!!!! I couldn't believe it!!!!! So I then went back and saw what else they had, and ended up buying another skirt as well. Guess how much that was...?

I tend to switch off.

She also used to complain about her Mum doing the same thing Mind you I have started pressing the phone onto the dc to speak to her and they roll their eyes at me. Just like I did when she did it to me with Grandad.

Maybe it comes to us all in the end.

IDoDaCha - out of interest, what do you talk about that isn't "rot"?

My DM passed away 25 years ago, but I get all this from my brother! Luckily I rarely talk to him on the phone but when we get together he gives me the ins and outs of a cat's behind while my eyes glaze over. He also texts me about 5 times a day, often very long texts about people I've never met or how the planning permission on a road/shop etc miles from where I live has been refused :S

Hufflepug don't be so sensitive. It's just an expression, semantics.

I'm not in the least bit sensitive. I'm curious as to what you (and others) contribute to conversations. Judging by the number of times my MIL interrupts me when I'm in full flow about someone I know from playgroup or at work, I'm guessing she thinks I'm a crashing bore!

Cocklodger from me to you I have an elderly DF (I'm 37 he's 75) who has been an emotional drain on me my whole life; like a parent role reversal. I used to do everything for him; he'd even make me make phone calls for him because he "doesn't like talking on the phone"..!! When I was a victim of domestic violence he refused to visit after I'd been attacked (the one and only time it happened- I left the guy straight away) because seeing me with my face all bruised would be " too upsetting " for him. He tried to wriggle out of coming to court to support me prosecuting said ex for ABH and domestic violence. The point I'm trying to make is; if you allow a person to steep you in guilt for their behaviour it'll ruin you. It's not hurting them is it? It's hurting you. DF used to offload all his problems onto me and refuse any advice I gave: he'd say "ah, I feel so much better now" and I'd feel like crap being emotionally dumped on. I put a stop to it, told him straight he wasn't to dump his problems on me any more if he was just moaning not asking for constructive help. He didn't like it! Also made him do things for himself and he is now very independent, so much so that he refuses the idea of ever living with us (when older still and perhaps in need of help). He now buys stuff for himself (I used to be sent to the shops with money and instructions..!) and lives a more 'normal', independent life. I know my situation is on the extreme side of this discussion, but I wanted you to know how much happier I am now we have boundaries and that our relationship is actually better. Sometimes I share my feelings in a tongue in cheek way but my point is valid- if you don't like it, change it. Good luck

Total sympathy here. DM gives me 10 seconds to say something about eg DH then starts a long monologue about db who used to work in the same industry 'Oh well, John always used to do this and he would....' I switch off. I always get huge stories about my DNs, the neighbour across the road who I've never met. Drives me nuts. She is sound of mind! I also get the 'Ooh, Carolina is here, you must talk to her'. Carolina (name changed) is a childhood friend of mum's married to a bloke from abroad whose language I speak. She just wants them to rave about my language ability so makes me speak to them if I phone. Cringe worthy!

Mil did loads of repeated stories in enormous detail and even if you did the whole 'yeah, you told me', she'd plough on regardless, but get details wrong. Teeth were gritted, but it was onset of dementia and now she's virtually unaware of anything bar who her sons are. :(