I want to harm my baby

[stressedmother5592]

And that's putting it nicely! I have a 5 month old daughter and all she does is scream. To the point where I want to physically harm her to get her to shut up. There's maybe ONE hour A WEEK that she is actually happy for. Any other time she is screaming. I don't want to hurt her and I don't want judgement please but what is going on, I can't take this much longer

DD was like this. It took me 18 months to crack. A lady in the swimming pool changing room suggested cranial osteopathy. At that point I was desperate enough to try anything, even though we were barely breaking even with having 2 dc at nursery.

She slept in the car on the way home from her first session, and then only once in the night. She had 3 sessions in 2 weeks and was like a different child.

I also know babies that benefitted hugely from cranial osteopathy.

Sorry to hear this op. My dd 2 was like this and I always said if I had had her first, there would have been no more. I had a very unsympathetic hv who was horrible to me and I decided to try for a change. New hv visited and noticed she did not turn when she went into the room. It turned out she had hearing difficulties, was in pain and could not hear her own loud volume.

She had surgery which improved things immensely. However, I understand where you are coming from because it really took me a very long time to bond with her. This was on top of difficulties with my inlaws at the time who were just awful. Criticism and pressure rather than kindness. I never forgave them.

Try to focus on the fact it is not her fault, hard I know. My dd2 was without the nicest, sweetest little girl and I still look back and regret not appreciating her more.

I can only second what others have said about your local homestart and the cry-sis helpline.

Smooth, beautiful music can help sometimes. When (reflux-nightmare baby) DD was newborn I used to put on the song "con te partiro" with Andrea Bocelli on repeat. It used to help me feel better, and even make her stop crying sometimes. Maybe you have another favorite song? Something really slow and gentle.

Sorry you're having such a shit time. Well done for reaching out for help.

Haven't RTFD but I noticed somebody suggested chiropractic help. I second this suggestion!

I occasionally work at a feeding/chiropractic clinic (student midwifes and chiropractic interns) and the amount of babies that come in that GPs and other medical professions have deemed fine have musculoskeletal issues, normally from utero or birth. All of which has been easily treated and solved!

If you can find a chiropractic college it should be cheaper too.

I'm stunned you're not getting more support given your history. First thing Monday you need to tell your HV you are at breaking point.

If you are anywhere near me in Cambridge I am more than happy to pop over (armed with recent DBS and ID for peace of mind) to help out for an hour or two late afternoon. xx

Good suggestion from millifiori regarding comfortable clothes. If you can, dress her in things without zips, buttons, seams etc which may be causing discomfort (even if other babies are fine with them). I saw a post the other day recommending M&S for seamless soft clothing.

My DD did not like being on her back either so when she did sleep it was only ever on her tummy. She was also much happier in a McLaren style slingback buggy than in the more rigid very expensive, huge waste of money 3in1 pushchair, and the pram part was even worse because she was lying flat on her back.

Ds was like this. We tried all the things you did and nothing worked. I'm sure he had reflux but nothing seemed to make a difference

When we started weaning him he got better. I don't usually advocate early weaning but in this scenario is maybe speak to gp/hv about giving it a go. Milk just doesn't agree with some babies (obviously you can't stop it but something solid may settle the stomach a little)

It will get easier x

It doesn't last forever I promise. Please see your GP straight away. Antidepressants will help you and you need as much support as possible from family and other health professionals.

You poor love. You are being completely let down by everyone. Please go back to your gp.

I'm in Inverness in Scotland
Haven't read all responses as the crying just started again and has been on going for an hour now. Nothing is working as usual
Nobody will be able to help, nobody ever does
Gp does not know about previous experience

Nutrimagen still has lactose in, tell them you want to try neocate, how is she when she's crying? Any arching her back, going stiff? And coleif takes a week to three days to kick in hun xx

Not read all the posts but Millifiori. I have to say that your post was so moving and lovely. I'm so happy that all worked out welll

OP, I didn't have crying babies and I STILL found it bloody hard so goodness knows how you must feel.

I am sorry that I do t know the terminology but I'm so shocked that you are not being offered more/any help. If you hurt your last baby and were admitted somewhere with mental health issues you would have thought you have a assigned help - a social worker or someone
Did you used to have a mental health support worker? Could you contact them?

(like I said I'm sorry I don't know the right terms)

If gp doesn't know your history you must tell them. How would you feel about being referred to a mother and baby unit? My baby was like yours for the first 4 months and I considered it as I was self harming and hallucinating from the lack of sleep. He suddenly got better by himself though for gid knows what reason!! I think that might be an option for you really consider it and tell your gp that's what you want. Best of luck and hugs to you OP don't wait any longer x

Normally I am the absolute last person on earth to advocate going to A&E, but I think that the fact that this is destroying your mental health makes this an emergency. I know someone who had an almost identical baby, and they eventually brought the screaming child to A&E and refused to leave until they were admitted, and once admitted refused to be discharged until there was an actual improvement. Their baby was in for nearly 3 weeks, and while still not perfect, was much better when they came home, and they were given the support and follow up that they needed (plus caught up on a lot of sleep, which also helped massively!).

Go back to GP and ask for referral to a paediatrician. The guidance is usually three visits to GP with same issue gets a referral.

In the meantime, ask for some Phenergen for the baby.
Try swaddling tightly.
Put in cot and leave the room, closing the door behind you. Go and have a warm bath and cup of tea whilst ignoring the child. It becomes a vicious cycle of a stressed mum and a stressed baby and you need to try and break the cycle - which isn't easy. Baby will not be harmed by being left safely in a cot to scream away.
Seek support as others have suggested.

millifiori autistic babies scream and scream

Please don't make sweeping generalisations like that, autistic people are not a homogenous group. Your autistic baby may have screamed and screamed, but mine was a delightful baby who was restless, interested and smiley but had an overactive startle, poor sleep pattern and didn't like cuddles. Just like non autistic people, autists are all different.

I'd imagine you feel really overwhelmed right now - there is nothing worse than a screaming baby.

Go to A & E - refuse to leave until you've had input regarding your own MH and the screaming baby assessed over a longer time frame.

Does you partner know of the difficult time you had with your first born?

Oh OP, you sound just like me 2-3yrs ago. I felt sure I was going to drop off a huge cliff in my own head, somewhere no one would ever find me.

No matter how much people said, "you're not alone", I was in there.

It took me 2+ years to get help from my GP. I knew it wouldn't help but I was down to 2hrs sleep a night, I was hallucinating with tiredness, and I hated everyone, mostly myself for ruining my life and my baby's.

I wish I'd got help sooner, OP. Even if you know (as I did) that it won't help, please go to your GP and lay it all out, as you've done so bravely here.

Meanwhile, do whatever you can to keep yourself and your baby safe. Put the baby on the floor, walk away. I used to whip the walls as hard as I could with a towel, screaming with anger. Smash glasses into the bin. Throw rocks at your garden wall. Tear up old clothes with your bare hands. Redirect that tiredness and heartache and anger to something else until someone can help you.

So much love to you. It does get better, I swear.

I agree with Craicvac.
If your health is suffering to the point you feel you may act on the thought of harming yourself or your baby then please go to a&e. You need urgent medical attention.

If you're going to go to A and E you need to actually say you are having suicidal thoughts or fear you'll harm the baby. You won't get anywhere otherwise ime and you'll get proper help hopefully. You must tell them your history. Good luck.

Why doesn't your GP know about your previous experience? It should be on your medical records. You should have also had the support of a mental health midwife and an automatic referral for social services support. Do you know why this hasn't happened? Does your DH know about your previous history? Both you and your baby are at risk here and you need help. You need to tell someone about your past and tell them you need urgent help.

I remember having to carry my now 12yo for the first year of his life as every time I attempted to put him down he'd scream - he was diagnosed with autism at 3.

Looking back I don't know how I got through that first year.

These feelings are so normal, you could even have post natal depression. I would go to the GP for help, that's what I did when I felt like you. I was on anti depressants and my mood lifted a lot.