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Original poster

I want to harm my baby

137 replies

stressedmother5592 · 30/07/2017 06:29

And that's putting it nicely! I have a 5 month old daughter and all she does is scream. To the point where I want to physically harm her to get her to shut up. There's maybe ONE hour A WEEK that she is actually happy for. Any other time she is screaming. I don't want to hurt her and I don't want judgement please but what is going on, I can't take this much longer

OP posts:
thinkingofsomething · 30/07/2017 07:05

oh you poor thing - my Mum felt the same way about me, I had silent reflux and a dairy intolerance that wasn't picked up for years...

But I'm here 36 years later and still love my Mum

Nothing else thats useful to say - be kind to yourself x

Original poster
stressedmother5592 · 30/07/2017 07:05

At least 4 month she was on them, believe me when I say it just made her worse. Espeically the ranitidine andbprescriphed milk
No haven't seen anybody else. Nobody will refer me to anybody else now as they don't think anythin is wrong, GP said she won't refer me back to feeding clinic
HV just says she must be an awake baby, haven't seen the HV since May actually but I think she's useless
My other half is off work today as she screamed until 2am so he is too tired to work. He usually work 10am-7pm

OP posts:
Sairelou · 30/07/2017 07:06

I'm so sorry to hear that you feel like this. I've been there too and I've come out the other side, it will get better Flowers

If you need to take a few minutes then do. Put the baby in the cot and go and have a shower. I found that the noise of the shower drowned out the crying of the baby.
Do you have a partner there that can help?
Like pps have said, call 111 to get an emergency out of hours gp appointment today.
I've heard great things about Cranial osteopathy for helping babies with pain left from birth, it might be worth a shot? Otherwise I would suggest further investigation from your GP as constant screaming doesn't sound right.
You can get through this Flowers

Original poster
stressedmother5592 · 30/07/2017 07:06

Tried explaining how I feel to drs, I feel suicial and not able to bond. She was suppose to prescribe tablets but forgot and I didn't feel able to go back

OP posts:
Original poster
stressedmother5592 · 30/07/2017 07:07

White noise does not work just makes her scream more if that's even friggin possible

OP posts:
FrogsSitonLogs · 30/07/2017 07:09

Oh OP you are being really let down by the people who are supposed to help. It's not good enough. Is there a different GP or health visitor you can see?

eviethehamster · 30/07/2017 07:09

Please call 111 and tell them the title of this post.

Sairelou · 30/07/2017 07:09

Stressed please do make an appointment. If you don't feel able to speak when you get there perhaps show them this thread? Or write it down in a note and give them that?

londonrach · 30/07/2017 07:10

Ive got two friends who been through this. One her dd suddendly stopped at 6 months when she gave up breast feeding having tried everything. Another her ds still screaming 11 months but less. He gone through every investigation you can image. At the moment they investigating dairy intolence again. You not alone in this! See gp, there be a reason why baby is screaming. If at breaking point but baby safe in cot, walk away for 5 minutes. You supermum to have copied this long. Action plan for monday book to see gp and pat on back for coping so well so long xxxxx

Fairybella · 30/07/2017 07:11

My baby had undiagnosed cmpa also and was fobbed off until she passed nine blood filled nappies in four hours. only when I went to the out of hours gp with all nappies they helped us.

FrogsSitonLogs · 30/07/2017 07:13

We were fobbed off too, 'he'll grow out of it'. I couldn't care less, I have a screaming baby right now.

user1487175389 · 30/07/2017 07:14

My daughter is now 11 and I had the same feelings when she was little. You need a plan to help you cope.

Safety first. When the anxiety starts that you might harm her, put her in a safe place (even just let Cbeebies hypnotise her for a while when she's in her playpen, if you have one)

Then take yourself out of the room and lie down for 10 minute just concentrating on your breathing.

Once you're calmer, give your health visitor a call and be as honest as you can. Speak to your GP. I was referred to a pilot group for women with PND. Pretty sure it saved my life.

Make a list of friends and family you can call when you feel this way. The Samaritans are also amazing for this.

And my golden rule: get out of the house with her as much as you possibly can. Make a list of classes and toddler groups for each day of the week so you have a clear plan. Even if you just go to the park, the chances are you'll find other human beings to chat to.

And post here whenever you want. Ignore any judgey replies and just let the MN community support you. The fact that you've even posted here means you're self aware and you want to change how you feel. Flowers

Decsbetterhalf · 30/07/2017 07:14

No judging here. This was me. My DS cried ALL DAY everyday.

He is now nearly 4 and a chirpy, cheeky delight.

I PROMISE PROMISE it does get easier.

No fucker ever tells you how much babies cry ..... the bastards!

Big hugs your way, and everyone is amazing on this thread

HollyBollyBooBoo · 30/07/2017 07:16

Really feel for you.

Can you take her to a chiropractor who specialises in babies? My friends DS was the same and it turns out he had a dislocated shoulder, some simple manipulation and he slept for 15 hours straight and was a completely different child - obviously as he was no longer in pain!

Boos75 · 30/07/2017 07:17

So sorry you're going through this. I know how awful it is. My DC2 (of 3) cried all day for four months and refused a dummy so I was pushed to the edge (and ended up increasing the anti depressants I was already on!). It turned out she was teething early - could it be that? With DC3 I borrowed a sling and being close to me kept him calm and also upright, which helped with any reflux. I know slings aren't cheap but lots of towns have sling libraries via the local NCT branch. Even at five months it's not too late to start and it's kinder to your back than carrying the baby around, which I did constantly with DC2.

Do speak to your GP about support for you. It can't help that your MIL is saying that. If she is able to and lives nearby could she come round and take the baby for a walk to give you a break? x

Pastaagain78 · 30/07/2017 07:18

Gosh, I feel for you. It is relentless. Do you have a Children's Centre near you? They can be very helpful in supporting you. You need someone to listen to you and advocate for you.

Original poster
stressedmother5592 · 30/07/2017 07:20

If it was an allergy were there not be more a symptom then just crying? You would think with my 2nd I would know what I was doing! Me and my partner are both struggling, we both fight and take it out on each other. His first and only baby as he says she's put him off babies for life! I can't believe this is so hard
I wouldn't harm her but in the darkest hours I want to. I resent having to hold her when she's just screaming and I'm crying too. I want to make it all go away. I couldn't breastfeed either, is this my punishment? I hate myself for failing my baby

OP posts:
EvilDoctorBallerinaDuck · 30/07/2017 07:20

I have no useful advice, but 🍷☕🍰💐

bibbertybobbityboo · 30/07/2017 07:21

Hang in there, you are doing so well to say you aren't coping
Ranitidine made my sons baby worse too! My daughter in law was breast feeding and the dairy SHE ingested was causing it it due to a severe milk protein allergy, does your baby have ANY dairy at all ?

Original poster
stressedmother5592 · 30/07/2017 07:21

Chiropractor very expensive and I don't think we can afford it, sling doesn't help as that just means she's closer to me to scream in my face. She is teething I think but also got stuff for that and nothing works again

OP posts:
TheDragonMummy · 30/07/2017 07:22

Oh bless you lovely, I have been where you are.
I absolutely 100% promise you that it does get better!

I was fortunate in that I had a great midwife and a close relative who had just been through the same thing so she was a great support.
My DH was pretty amazing too and when one of us felt at breaking point then we would 'substitute'
Can you and your partner try that?
Also ask your GP to refer you to a counsellor and don't take no for an answer from them - a counsellor will listen and give you further help, meds etc if you need it.

Have you tried the tiger in a tree hold? That was one of the few things that seemed to work.
And my DH used to shoulder press our DS as it was one of the things he seemed to like that stopped him crying - my DH soon got very fit, lol.

Taking time for yourself is absolutely essential right now. Even if it's just half an hour for a bath or a walk to the shop.

lornathewizzard · 30/07/2017 07:23

Please go back to the Gp OP. You need a solution for her and for you. Tablets should help you deal with things and then you can work on a solution for DD. They will not judge you

Boos75 · 30/07/2017 07:24

I was typing slowly before so missed seeing your message about feeling suicidal. I've been there too so please please call your GP first thing and get an appt tomorrow. Tell the receptionist how you feel and demand you get an appt for tomorrow. You need support and I've found medication to be a lifesaver for me.

Sairelou · 30/07/2017 07:28

Oh gosh of course you haven't failed your baby, by even seeking help here you have recognised that something isn't right and that you need help, that makes you a great mum.

You gave your baby the best start by even trying to breastfeed, you haven't failed your baby at all. And you know what, my breastfed baby was constantly screaming at 5 months too!

Tamatoa · 30/07/2017 07:28

Ear plugs! They drown out that awful tone that seems to tear right through you. Then get on the pills.

It's hell, I know. I've been there. You are in the worst bit, and people forget how awful it is, and make platitudes and chuckle at the 'new mum' who is tired bless her. It's beyond 'tired', it's like you are being tortured.
Get to the drs, for you, not baby. Baby is fine, you can deal with reflux once you are well. Xxxxx

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