I want to harm my baby

[stressedmother5592]

And that's putting it nicely! I have a 5 month old daughter and all she does is scream. To the point where I want to physically harm her to get her to shut up. There's maybe ONE hour A WEEK that she is actually happy for. Any other time she is screaming. I don't want to hurt her and I don't want judgement please but what is going on, I can't take this much longer

I know you're probably tired of hearing people's suggestions! But i know a lot of mums who have seen a massive difference in their crying babies by seeing a cranio osteopath. I didn't, but what did help mine (after trying every other option) was Chamomilla 30 - you can buy on amazon on in Neal's yard. My baby had been screaming for about 24 hours solid. Both me and my mum were at breaking point with her! I gave her one of these and I kid you not she fell silent in under a minute and fell asleep for 4 hours! It's usually given for teething but is great for colic too. It's worth a try OP, it's cheap and if it doesn't work for you then no harm done. I hope you get a break soon!!

Where are you, OP? Home Start would be good to give you a break

I had a baby like this. When my twins were newborns, one was fine but the other cried and screamed relentlessly. Sleep deprived and depressed, I admit I fantasised about dropping him on his head to quieten him. Instead, I rang my husband. I completely understand the aching for silence and wondering why the baby won't just stop.

Turns out baby had severe reflux, needed soya milk and milk thickener.

They are now 11 years old.

If you can call somebody and make a GP appointment that's a huge start. As is talking on here.

OP you poor love, you sound beyond exhausted. What area are you in? I'm sure there will be a few mner's who would be willing to come and hold baby so you can get a break (I know I would if I'm close enough)

I nearly (only nearly) shook my DD was she was 10 weeks. She had screamed for 3 days solid, I was on my knees with exhaustion and hallucinating. DH was no help as he decided his sleep was more important as he had to work. When I realised what I was about to do, I put her in her cot and sat on the doorstop with the front door shut.

Thankfully, a neighbour saw me, gave me a coffee and a cigarette and took DD home with her for a few hours. I went to the GP the next day for help.

You need a break from it. Your own baby screaming is the most torturous sound. Can you leave baby with DH for an hour while you go for a walk, just to get some quiet from it?

Do ask about homestart too (try your local childrens centre) they're a wonderful charity. You get a couple of hours a week and it's amazing how much it helps.

Ok so if nappies are normal then less likely to be an intolerance BUT nutramigen is not suitable for babies with severe intolerances - you need neocate. Go back to the gp and ask for a trial of it on prescription. It is very expensive so they will be reluctant so push hard. Also be aware that some teething products have dairy or soya in them. If she won't nap she is also hugely overtired and over stimulated which will be adding to it all. Will she go in a baby swi g?

My son was like this OP. It is really hard. And whenever you go out, people make judgmental comments. Horrible. I still don't know what it was. I think some cranial osteopathy helped, but it may have been a turning point anyway. If I remember rightly, things changed around the 6m mark when he started eating solids. Before that, he was sleeping, eating or crying.. No restful baby times that I recall really. It was really really hard. I remember my mum saying she wouldn't have coped at all whilst doing nothing to help You;be done the right thing coming on here for support. You will get through it. Promise.

stressed leave DD with DH and go for a walk to clear your head. Think about your plan eg. Go to walk in, go to gp. I think this should take priority. Try and get a different gp and stress that you cannot go on like this.
With regards to when it gets worse my son did too. We could always preempt it happening! He has always slept on his belly too because of his reflux. He would thrash around and never stay in one position. I resented my DS and sometimes felt I wish I hadnt had him. Makes me feel awful now that I felt that way but I weren't well. They won't remember this time so they won't know so don't feel bad. I really feel for you because I know how tough/torturing it is

You poor thing. If you are in London I would be happy to take your baby for a few hours so you can have a bath and nap. Xxx

My friend had the same. Took the baby to a child osdeopath / chiropractor. The crying stoped in 7 minutes. One appointment needed then everything was fine. Necks and spines of babies can be strained during labour and a slight dis alignment can cause crying that doesn't stop!

Best £30 she ever spent!

I had a baby that cried solidly for 4 months exactly as you described reflux treatment did help in the end - osteopath was our next stop. Google ones that see babies.

I was very lucky, despite having a shocking HV, i finally got help when she was away and I rang the HV number in a state.. the lead HV came and stayed with me, walked with me to the GP (I couldnt leave the house), and so on.

I am VERYsurprised that, given your experience with your first, you don't have a plan in place already from maternity onwards - pg and mental health issues are so commonplace, does your usual GP even know about your previous experience? I understand that you think this makes you a bad mum, but it truly doesn't.

If they don't know, tell someone, and it should change their perspective.

..and it sounds as if the chiro is worth a go. I can understand that even thinking about arranging an appointment for something, esp when it sounds as if it will be expensive, feels just insurmountable. Maybe it is something your DH can sort out? If he is feeling powerless and angry, it might make him feel as if he's actually helping?

Meanwhile, and maybe I should have said this before, if you have already hurt your first son, you really really need to go to a walk in centre/out of hours unit today.

It is not safe, or fair for you to have to cope with those memories and concerns, whilst dealing with a screaming baby. I do know what it's like, and we all want you to feel supported and better.

Can you give us some idea of your area? I'm sure one of us can direct you to services... or just pm one of us and we'll do some searching for you?

love, you're in a rotten place, and it will pass, but in terms of making it just stop - leave the house/sit on the front step/swap with DH any of hte above advice. Can DH take you both to walk in maybe?

Oh OP you poor thing.

One of my DTs came out of the womb raging and roared in the most jarring, bone jangling style. Everyone agreed it was the most uniquely unpleasant cry.

I told my mum that I sometimes fantasised about hitting him off a wall to make it stop. My star of a Mum said "no bloody wonder".

Until DS2 I could never have understood why anyone would feel like that as I loved the baby stage with the other 3. Anyway, I never laid a hand on him (and I knew I never would).

He's now a sunny 2 yo but even now when he loses his temper we all run for cover 😂.

This will pass, you're not the first person to feel this and if it's is overpowering seek our support through family or your HV/GP. Nobody wants to take your baby from you but if you need extra support then it is out there .

I'll come and look after baby for a few hours if you're near me so you can either sleep or take your toddler to the park etc.

Op hang in there! So sorry to hear you're all going through this hell!

Already been mentioned but as a starting point- earplugs.

Ring someone asap if you genuinely think you might hurt baby (111 if necessary)

Ring homestart

Book another gp appointment (reluctantly I know) and perhaps note down some of the suggestions made here to throw at them and see if they can refer you (if it's something physical and you're not able to afford chiropractor as you say, they might be able to send you somewhere for physiotherapy perhaps)

Speak to family/friends about the situation and see if any will be happy to give or lend you some money to allow you to go to and Osteopath or chiropractor (but do your research beforehand and look for great reviews)? I know if I had a friend or family member going through this I would want to do anything to help them through it

I really hope things improve very soon and sending lots of hugs!

Oh, and be sure to mention to gp your own mental state! It's very important to look after YOU. I'm sure much of what you're feeling would melt away if baby just stopped crying but in the meantime you might be able to have some CBT sessions which can teach you coping techniques for the stress of all of it. It sounds as though you need help from the perinatal team, they usually act quickly so hopefully you won't be left waiting. I believe they only treat women with babies up to 6 months but they can then refer you elsewhere.

Good luck

My DD1 was just like this. It is awful and you're doing great.

If she likes being on the move have you tried a door bouncer and/or a baby swing? Even just propping her up on the toddler swings at the park, although she would need to feel well supported? Does she like the water, again well supported so possibly with you in the bath rather than just being held if she's not sitting unaided yet?

Also I know its expensive but the osteopath can make a huge difference for lots of babies.

If she's quiet at 7.55 then kicks off when you go to bed upstairs what is changing? Temperature, lighting, noise etc? Can you leave her downstairs sleeping somewhere safely?

I hope you can get some help for yourself today. Moving forward write down what's happening for your DD on a daily basis, to use as evidence for getting the right help for your DD too.

No judgement here. Mine was similar, screamed,cried and was generally miserable for the first several months. It was hell, I was on the verge of losing it and also had thoughts of harming him. God, such a tough time so you have my sympathy.

I also had very limited help and a husband who worked away a lot. The one thing I found that helped take the edge off was wearing earplugs. The sound of his screaming literally hurt my brain, so deadening the noise helped.

Just try and get through it as best you can, I promise it's not forever. FWIW mine is now 2.5 and fab so there is light at the end of the tunnel!

Huge hugs. I understand how you feel exactly - my girl is six months and has been miserable since birth, her saving grace was that she used to sleep well but as of 5mths that's gone out the window. I can't take her anywhere, being with other mums and their happy babies mortified me, I think my partner wishes we'd never had her as it's nothing like we imagined. She's exclusively breastfed by the way so please don't beat yourself up about that, it would make no difference!

Does she like anything at all - bath, car, buggy walks? Anything reproduceable that can reliably stop or calm the crying is a godsend - with my girl it's singing or music. Try Arvo Part's Spiegel im Spiegel on her, it's 10 minites long roughly and by the end of it usually my DD has gone to sleep, or if she hasn't I'm a lot calmer. But obvs what others have said - if your GP isn't taking this seriously, get another. Call Cry-sis. If you have to, report yourself to the nearest A&E and tell them in no uncertain terms you are not safe to be with your DD. I can't believe someone with a previous hospitalisation and harm experience has just been left to whistle with no support package, that is neglectful of your healthcare providers and social services and is a disgrace. Keep seeking help, keep keeping on. You love your child, but this is not normal, it's not fair, you're not a saint or a superhero and you need some help. Lots of love xxx

We had a non sleeping screamer first. Even now (she is grown up) she does not sleep well.
My solution - back at work full time when she was 2 weeks and expressing her breastmilk at work and then at least you knew you had that 30 minutes on the tube then relatively easy working day and back home to breastfeed her for the evening/night shift.

We also did shifts. I would give her a breastfeed at 10pm one or other of us having held her cryingf from 6pm after work. I would go to sleep for 2 hours whilst her father stayed up to mid night holding her over his shoulder (crying - the baby) then at mid night if she were awake - she always was - he'd hand her over to me to feed and hold whilst he got some sleep.

In our case classically it all got a lot better after 3 months. I do wonder if it were because I drank loads of milk (and she was exclusively drinking my breast milk. I don't have any dairy products now at all and if I ever do my nose immediately blocks up.

I hope you are OK today OP. Try to do all you can to stay calm. The constant screaming makes you act irrationally in that it is very annoying but it also builds your anxiety. It's like a constant warning signal of danger putting you in ultra high stress mode the whole time.

It may be that there is an undiagnosed health issue with the baby, but seems likely its nothing very serious. You say your son was similar and he is fine now. I do think your GP sounds very unhelpful so it may be well worth getting a different GP. Even if it's just to get proper help for yourself. You need to be reassured that you are doing everything right and baby will be fine.

But the main thing is to reduce your anxiety and stress levels. Get some ear plugs or noise cancelling headphones to help with the noise, and take little breaks from her throughout the day. Just put her down safely if no one can take her, and go and do some relaxing. Do some breathing exercises. Get something healthy to eat don't neglect yourself. This is for her benefit as much as yours so don't feel guilty. If someone can take her so you can go for a short walk that would be very good too. Repeat a little mantra to yourself, something to remind you that everything is ok and you are all doing fine. That will help cancel out the inner voice that says something must be wrong and so on.
Keep chatting on here OP we all want to know how you are doing.

OP, this is the hardest time of your life. It feels like a terminal prison sentence, but it does pass. All of us who has lived through it can promise you this. And though it is genuinely traumatising, it won't necessarily have a bad lasting effect on yoru relationship with your baby.

Can you book a GP appointment for about 3.30pm - sometime when she is at her worst, and just stay in the room with her screaming, making sure they witness it. Filming it is also a good idea.

But you need some sanity. I used to check DS was clean, in comfortable clothes, as fed as he's allow himself to be (he almost starved himself to death in babyhood) and then I'd go for a walk with the buggy along the busiest road I could find - massive lorries roaring past would drown out his screams for a little while, and the walking soothed me a bit too. Can you do this? Would it help a bit?

DS turned out to have a lot wrong with him: he had scoliosis which made it painful for him to lie on his back and difficult for him to learn to sit and roll. He had extremely severe reflux which made it painful for him to lie on his stomach - and the scoliosis stopped him from raising his head either. He had a hole in the heart, hydrocephalus, so felt weak and had a constant headache. The reflux meant his stomach was in agony and he was starving hungry all day long. And he had autism. Autistic babies scream and scream. And scream and scream and bloody scream until you want to die.

But we had a really happy ending. He did scream until he learned to walk which was late - about 18 months. Then being upright soothed his stomach, took pressure off his spine and head. WE finally got the reflux meds right (he had it until aged eight.)

He's now in his teens and he's a calm, laid back, affectionate boy, who does well at school and has a handful of real passions and interests that keep him busy and out of trouble. I am so glad he's here. He and his brother are the best things that ever happened to me. I really hope that turns out to be true for you too.

And in a way, it can be the making of you. The upsides are, having lived through such a tough time, you enjoy the small pleasures in life everyday more. When something tough happens, I think: I survived that, and this is easier than that. And I became a warrior for him, driving hospitals and GPs nuts with demands to investigate him. It took years for them to discover all the things that were causing him pain. I think they had me down as Munchausens by proxy for a while. they used to take me off and interview me relentlesssly on my own. But we got there in the end.

He's now a big, tall, snuggly, gentle bear of a boy who makes me laugh and gives me hugs. You will get a chance to bond with yoru daughter when she calms down enough to let you know who she is.

I do regret not trying cranial osteopathy. It worked for a few people I know. If you have no money, contact a training centre. They need babies who their students can practise techniques on and you pay nothing, but it's overseen by a professional.

If you PM one of us and let us know your area, we can do this research for you, because you're probably way to knackered and run down to do it for yourself.

Hugs to you. And and

DS was a baby who had constant reflux that meds didn't help and just cried all the time. It was horrendous. I remember being sat in the middle of the night about two weeks in and thinking to myself that that was it, I was going to have to put him into care and working out how I was going to explain it to my family.

In the end, I worked out that using the ready made formula rather than the powder helped his reflux drastically (it works out expensive but it was so worth it to not be thrown up on after every bloody feed).

And, as with a PP, DS has been such an easy child once I got past the baby part! He's 7 next week and I can't remember the last time I had to tell him off properly. Hopefully it'll be the same for you :)

Mine have been easier to manage but I have encountered other babies who have behaved like his and even with all my little maternal tricks I could not settle them at all.

I think you need to get a babysitter in who won't mind listening to the screaming for four hours, then have a nice bath and at least two hours kip. Then formulate a plan which needs to involve a sympathetic GP and a regular break from the crying.

The chiropractor is a reasonable idea as it won't fo any harm and just the very act of going might make you feel like you are doing something.

And any time you feel like clobbering a baby, stick it safely in a cot, close the door, ignore the crying briefly, go into the kitchen and have a nice cup of tea and sit down for 10 minutes. That's an order😉

OP, it sounds like you have been let down by all the people who should be supporting you.

You need to book an emergency appointment with a new GP on Monday and tell them everything you have told us. If they don't help you see someone else. Your HV sounds useless - you are not tied to one HV, can you get to another clinic and see a different one?

You are having a bloody tough time and you DO NOT have to suffer or endure it. I know when you get to this point it's hard to find any fight left but you owe it to yourself.

I don't have any practical advice on the crying and not sleeping - we had a crier and he just slept on us for months until he grew out of it (he's 2 not and sleeping has got better, tho he is a whiner so the crying hasn't gone altogether in some ways) but lots of poster here have useful things to say. Just wanted to offer my support

where are you located op? xx

One of mine was like this. It was finally investigated. Turned out it was lactose intolerance. Although I was breast feeding, breast milk has lactose too, as do mainstream formula milks. She was put on a special formula. Basically the screaming was because she was in pain.