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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be annoyed there's a random man in my garden painting the fence at 7am!

350 replies

GetOutOfMYGarden · 29/07/2017 07:41

I'm a 25 year old woman living alone with two dogs in a terraced house. All houses in the row have an individual garden both in the back and front. I rent, most other people in the row own their house.

Next door has recently decided to renovate their back garden, including installing an (ugly) garage in there, building higher fences and a built in kennel for their three dogs. Wasn't bothered about any of this. To be honest I don't particularly like them that much so I don't mind not seeing them Grin

I came home from an overnight shift today at 7am. Parked behind my back gate as usual and found a random man on a stepladder in my garden painting the fence with Cuprinol! My other neighbour had let my dogs out in the garden at 6:30am for me as she always does when I'm on nights (lovely 89 year old lady who's recently been widowed, I pop in with dinner about twice a week for her and generally check she's okay since she's too depressed to cook for herself atm, her family can't be around every day and so she insists on doing this to 'repay' me) so they were milling around in there happily sniffing at his ladder (lucky I don't rely on them being guard dogs, isn't it!). Oddly enough, they haven't attempted this with the neighbour on the other side of them who has a massive Boerboel in the garden. Neighbours knew I was out for a night shift since they made a bit of conversation when I was leaving last night in my uniform and my car wasn't there. I'm usually back at about 9am but my shifts has ended early

Confronted him and asked who he was, he said the neighbours doing the garden renovations had said I'd given him permission to come into my garden and paint that side of the party fence. Pointed out that I clearly haven't as the gate was double locked and the dogs were out! Tells me 'sorry I thought you'd forgot so I hopped the fence, oh well love let me finish and I'll get out, you'll have to speak to [male neighbour]'. I told him certainly not and to get the fuck out of my garden now before I called the police. Told him that misled by my neighbour or not, I'm telling him right then and there that he had no permission to be in there.

Once he was out of the garden and I'd locked my gate properly again, I went round to knock on the neighbours' front door and ask what the fuck they're playing at. No answer, although they were definitely in, I could hear CBeebies blasted through the wall to my living room for their DS and their cars were all in their usual parking spots. I went upstairs for a wee (bursting at this point Blush) and through the bathroom window I could hear the male neighbour, female neighbour and the painter in his garden bitching about me, calling me a rude bitch! I shouted down mid wee that no, I wasn't, and asked if it was okay for me to come in his bloody garden without permission! No answer to that one.

Neighbours won't answer the door to speak about it and I'm tired after a night shift and I don't feel I can go to sleep until this is sorted lest this cheeky man hop my fence again Sad To be honest if they'd asked and had it done on a day I was in, I'd have given them permission!

OP posts:
Elendon · 29/07/2017 12:18

The OP didn't go ballistic though.

ChardonnaysPrettySister · 29/07/2017 12:19

Chardonnay again your landlord should have given you advance warning, but presumably he was paying to have the hedges maintained for you, what did shouting at the hedge-trimmers and seeing them off ultimately achieve? A bit of compromise would not go amiss in these situations.

I didn't say I shouted. I chased them away quietly. I might have raise my voice initially because they could near hear me at first. I didn't really care about the bloody hedges being trimmed, he never mentioned it and I didn't want to have all the gardeners in and out for two days. Do you know what racket all this makes?
I did pay him a fortune for that house, so he could have been more polite.
They could have come to do the job when we were away.

JacquesHammer · 29/07/2017 12:22

I love a good swear word

Me too. I would very rarely swear AT someone though and certainly not in the situation the OP described.

Sptownmama · 29/07/2017 12:25

I really wouldn't mind if he wanted to paint the fence. This totally wouldn't bother me in the slightest and I'd probably have made him a cup of tea. Don't really understand the drama tbh.

Crispdeficiency · 29/07/2017 12:30

@Crispdeficiency is there any situation in which sweating wouldn't be considered rude by you? Can I call someone a cunt if they punch me? Steal from me?

Eh? I swear quite often to myself. Of course swearing is justifiable sometimes. I just thought it rude that you called random strangers on this thread "fucking cunts" for happening to have a different opinion to your own - totally over the top and unnecessary imho.

Grin at sweating though!

Chardonnay I do understand what a racket hedge-trimming causes and I sympathise - our garden backs on to a school and they do it twice yearly. I inwardly groan when they start because the noise goes on all day from 7-5, really loud, for a week. But I also understand that it is always going to be inconvenient and a pain, there is never really a good time for it but it needs doing, it does benefit me because the hedges look nice afterwards and I understand that they can't always get contractors to do work at times that is convenient to everyone else. I agree your landlord should have been more polite but there are two sides to everything and it's about give and take that's all.

Elfieselfie · 29/07/2017 12:36

Def CFN and you are absolutely in the right to tell him to fuck off - can't believe posters saying otherwise.

Ciao For Now just made me crack up!

Nanny0gg · 29/07/2017 12:39

So all of you who wouldn't have minded - you think your garden will look nice with one fence out of 3 painted?

I wouldn't. And anyway, it's how the OP feels, and she has the right to not want strange men in her garden.

BlondeB83 · 29/07/2017 12:43

Quite honestly, if that was me I would have been a little surprised but I would have asked what was going on in a polite way and then taken it up with the neighbours, not told him to fuck off then shouted out of the window mid-pee. It's not like he was trying to break in or anything, it's obvious there has been a misunderstanding.

BlondeB83 · 29/07/2017 12:45

Regards painting the fence, the property is rented - if the landlord is happy with 3 colours of fence then unfortunately the renter doesn't have much say.

ChardonnaysPrettySister · 29/07/2017 12:46

But crisps, there was no give or take.

If he'd rang in advance and asked if and when it was convenient, then yes, I would have been amenable, we could have worked out some mutualy convenient days.
But just sending a crack team of chainsaw wielding men for two days which I discover parked in front of my garage after coming back from the school run and being told they agreed it with the LL, no. That's just give from my side.

WasabiNell · 29/07/2017 12:48

I don't think you overreacted, he was rude and in your space. Plus how did he know your dogs weren't aggressive? If they'd attacked him he might have tried to say they were dangerous and needed putting down. And I know the gate was locked but what if it wasn't and he'd let your dogs out and they'd got run over or lost? YANBU.

Nanny0gg · 29/07/2017 12:49

Regards painting the fence, the property is rented - if the landlord is happy with 3 colours of fence then unfortunately the renter doesn't have much say.

The landlord wasn't asked either. And the beef is with the neighbour not the landlords

And god forbid you should care about your home if you're renting.

Ghjklf · 29/07/2017 12:50

So all of you who wouldn't have minded - you think your garden will look nice with one fence out of 3 painted?

It wouldn't have bothered me as i would be aware it wasn't my fence. I'd be happy there was a fence and that it was being put up carefully. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I guess if they painted it an ugly colour then I'd be a bit disappointed but it's their fence so would not be my concern. If it was truly awful I'd put plants up beside it.

I'd have made the workman a cup of tea too 😂☕️

Cocolepew · 29/07/2017 12:56

Yanbu.
The painter wasn't in the wrong as soon as he refused to leave but when he climbed over the fence into the ops garden. The double locked gate should have told him something Hmm.
My dick of a NDN did this. He put a 6 foot fence right at the boundary to our front garden. The way our sofa is we would be staring straight at it.
DH asked him to reconsider and got a moutful of abuse. It was still in his garden so there wasn't anything else we could do.
I came home early one day to find him standing in my garden, in the pissing rain, painting it shitty brown.
I told him to get out and he said my DH had told him it was ok. I knew DH hadn't.
I then asked how he painted the fence behind my shrubs and he said he just shoved them out off the way and stood in them.
Then I swore a lot until he went.
I then spent a happy half hour watching him hang over the top off the fence, from his side of it, and trying to paint it that way.
While his equally dickish girlfriend held onto his legs.

MineKraftCheese · 29/07/2017 13:30

Fair enough, @Crispdeficiency

@Member652554 "Completely unnecessary to swear at a workman. He was doing a job he was contracted for. "

He climbed over a locked gate into a property whose owner he had not spoken to. I wouldn't do that for a job.

Sprinklestar · 29/07/2017 13:31

Personally I would have called the police and reported the fact there was an intruder in my garden at 7am. You had a double locked gate and he climbed in?! What's to say he wasn't going to burgle you and the ladder and paint weren't a disguise? I don't know any painters who start before 7am! The fact he refused to leave when told to get off your private property is disgusting. How dare he? Again, a matter for the police I'd say. Not just an intruder, but one who refuses to leave when told to in no uncertain terms. I'd also be naming and shaming him locally - won't do much for his business, will it? Allegedly relying on the word of a neighbour re access is stupid in the extreme.

LeakyLittleBoat · 29/07/2017 13:55

YABU to blame the painter in the first instance if he thought he had permission but not when he refused to leave. If it took you getting angry with him at that point then that's his fault. The neighbours are the main ones at fault here, they have been very high-handed and sneaky, they are in dispute with your LL over the fence so I'm guessing that getting her side of the fence painted is a way of them forcing her hand re contributing toward it. They should have first consulted your LL about building the fence, then assuming that was ok, arranged the painting of your side of the fence with her. She would then have informed you of the time and date of the job so you could arrange to be in/organize access. Let her deal with them OP, I wouldn't go around at all beyond putting a note through to say you will not allow any of their contractors access to the property without prior arrangement with the LL.

Crispdeficiency · 29/07/2017 14:02

Fair enough Chardonnay, I see what you are saying, sometimes you just have to accept the dates workman give you so the landlord may not have had a choice ifyswim. But I get where you are coming from.

TabascoToastie · 29/07/2017 15:08

I've just asked dh and he wouldn't be bothered, and it's finding it laughable that people are getting so get up about a neighbour painting a fence.

Oh, well, now a man has deigned to share the wisdom that he can't possibly imagine why silly wimmin would have a problem about a strange man breaking into their property, that's thread closed, isn't it? Hmm

Telling a trespasser who refuses to leave to fuck off is not at all rude, unless you believe swearing in general is unacceptable under any circumstance.

faithinthesound · 29/07/2017 15:20

Of course a man wouldn't be bothered. Statistically, a) a man is less likely to attack another man (man on woman violence far more common in these settings) and b) a man could defend himself against such an attack if it should occur.

Of course, this is all moot. Because statistically, if a man had asked the painter to move, he would have done it, first time asking. It's only woman who have to repeat themselves when setting boundaries around themselves and their property.

And of course, a man would find getting het up laughable, because statistically men don't tend to get put in situations where they have to lose their temper to get their point across or get others to listen to them.

Of course, a man would think this entire situation is about a neighbor painting a fence. Because statistically, a man wouldn't bother taking the time to think about how a woman alone might feel about having a strange man on her property without notice, knowledge, or permission, and if he did stop to think about it, and he thought that women didn't feel good about it, statistically he'd be more put out that she could think that about him than he would be about a world that has essentially trained her to think like that in the first place.

In summation: No one cares what your DH thinks.

DevilsDumplings · 29/07/2017 15:47

Minecraftcheese. I'm not a 'fuckingcunt'. I find your post offensive. OP invited opinion and asked if she was unreasonable. Some have said yes and some have said no. Those that say she was being unreasonable (for whatever reason) don't deserve to be called a fucking cunt!!!!

Pigflewpast · 29/07/2017 16:13

YANBU
Unacceptable on so many levels, as many pp have said. Can't understand why so many people think this is ok.
Neighbours not askng your permission, wrong
Neighbours arranging this when they knew you were out, wrong
Your gate was padlocked so he climbed over, wrong
Your dogs were in the garden, even more wrong
Doing a job on someone else's house at 7am Saturday morning, wrong
Him not just saying "sorry I was told it was arranged but it's obviously not so I'll go" but refusing to go, wrong
He and CFN then bitching about you loudly so you could hear, wrong
CFN refusing to then talk to you about it, wrong
CFN then turning TV on full blast right behind you're bed when knew you'd worked all night, wrong.

Think that's everything, but may have missed some. And that's not even starting on your feelings as a single female coming home to unknown man in your, locked and supposedly secure, garden.

Hope you got some sleep. Any update from LL visit?

Pigflewpast · 29/07/2017 16:14

Rory neighbours became CFN as I got more irate

Bluntness100 · 29/07/2017 16:22

How bizzare, rhe extreme outraged reactions.

How did she even know he was who he said he was? HE WAS IN HER GARDEN

Well she could have checked with the neighbour and ehrm, he was painting the fence, blokes seldom hop your gate to paint your fence for nefarious reasons. Just my experience though. Although if anyone wants to hop my gate and paint my fence, they can crack on. I'd even make them a cup of tea.

Some of these reactions you'd think he was naked and knocking s hole in the fence so the neighbour could use her garden too. 😂

kittybiscuits · 29/07/2017 16:23

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