To give up work and become a SAHM?

[YouAreMySunshine9]

This is more of a 'what would you do' but I suppose I am posting here for trafficking Have name changed as the figures I give will out me.

First DC is due soonish and I'm thinking, after maternity leave, that I should give up my job because financially, it's not worth it and I want to SAH with DC as it'll have more benefits to it?

Myself and DH are both low earners. I earn just under £20K, he earns £21K.

We aren't entitled to anything with us both working, but, somehow top ups would make us better off if one of us didn't work?

I'm quite a poorly person, I have an autoimmunity disease so I have a feeling working just to pay childcare (if it even ends up covering that?) and missing out in DC's first for it will send me into despair.

My concern is... The whole career break thing. I would go back to work when DC is a few/3 years old but I'm not sure how it'd impact my job prospects. I work as a Medical Secretary in the NHS.

I would say work part time, but I'm not sure we'd get any help there either and it's a lot of huge effort just to fork out to pay for childcare.

What would you do?

I'm really worried

@YouAreMySunshine9 - only 4.5 years? Jeez. Okay this is just going to end up with me talking in circles as you clearly don't want to take advice. But just so you know - all of higher paying admin roles I've seen from PAs to team assistants to receptionists require a minimum of either 10 years continuous experience or a degree. Good luck getting back to work.

I agree with PPs that you shouldn't make a decision until after the baby is born. You are entitled to maternity leave so take this time and see how you feel.

I almost gave up my job after DD2 was born - two kids in childcare meant my salary was wiped out and I was exhausted just getting them there and back while juggling work and home. I was advised by my mum to stick with it as things can change. Soon after this DH was made redundant. I was able to increase my hours so we could pay the bills and get by until he was back in work. The phase of paying for childcare doesn't last forever. Don't give up your job just yet, keep applying for jobs closer to home.

OP, do what you want and what's right fur your family. What a bunch of strangers on the internet think is beyond irrelevant.

I think you've already made up your mind so don't really see the point in the post. You could leave your job take mat leave and gain some kind of employment closer to home, then keep an eye out on NHS jobs.

Your options aren't just your current job or being a SAHM. Being a SAHM is incredibly rewarding and worthwhile but not at the expense of the taxpayer.

I don't live and breath for my own job but it's a means to an end.

Not all companies require a degree for a simple admin role.

Laurie it would be a weird and boring forum though if the op asked for opinions and everyone just replied saying 'meh it's irrelevant what I think'.
I assume op asked for opinions because she was seeking the views of others.

A degree for a basic admin role? Really?

Precious experience is there. I don't think I'll have any issues finding a basic admin role once back to work. I'm not looking to walk back into a high flying role.

For what it's worth, I probably won't go back to work after Mat leave does end, but I will be continuously on the look out for part time positions within my local hospital.

It'll be beneficial for our family finances more so than part time, plus I don't have to kiss goodbye to the work life

What if you and DH split when you're not working and finished maternity leave?

In the 3 years you are talking about your career will move on so you will be set back. Look to the long term. You should never be on benefits because it equals out (or makes you slightly better... god our system is so wrong), benefits are a short term measure for those who need it... not a lifestyle choice. Yabu

I'm with those who say don't do it.
What if something happens and DH is unable to support you?
What would you do if things go wrong between you?

You will get 1 year mat leave with nhs. NHS offers a rather good life/work balance, i found that there's plenty of flexibility there. I would also guess that adverts for your type of job attract a lot of applications - how easy would it be for you to get the same job 3 years down the line? Are you happy with work location, what if you won't find anything nearby? You might end up in a far away Trust with longer commute and bear in mind when your child starts school you might want to be nearby for all the parent evenings, sport days, random events or sickness.

You might be better off on benefits for those few years but in my opinion you will come off worse long term.

Also, you are aware that you will have to go back after mat leave for min of 3 months otherwise you will have to pay back all the mat leave payments? Check your mat leave policy.

Approaching I won't be paying back a penny because as previously mentioned, I'm not on the full NHS maternity pay. I haven't been with them long enough (private health sector before that).

joanne I don't tend to go into things with caution that myself and DH will split. Honestly, I think our relationship and marriage deserves more than that

I don't tend to go into things with caution that myself and DH will split

That's incredibly naive.

I guarantee no one ever goes into a relationship assuming they will split up. But clearly many do.

YANBU, at all.

It seems to me that you just don't want to work and now you've got yourself the perfect excuse: a baby.

By the time myself and my friends were in our mid forties our relationships had panned out thus.

Three long term married quite happily
Three childless and single but not by choice, two well adjusted and seized the day and one basically lost her mind, poor woman
One had her BF run off with a colleague of hers from work and she suffered horribly
One managed through much pain and donor eggs to have a child at 42 with a much younger man
One found love and got married at 49.

What I'm saying is no one knows what will happen, ever.

Regardless of if men come and go economic viability is needed by all of us. I almost divorced DH at the beginning of this year, I also didn't plan on chronic lifelong illness in my late forties which forced early retirement from a career I loved but I have a decent pension. Try not to give up work.

I am biased because I hated childcare. I hated being away from home and was most definately damaged by it. I have awful memories of holding my breath and watching the clock, being paralysed by anxiety until my parent returned. I loved my first childminder who remained my aunt for life, but despite that I found childcare significantly shaped who I am in a negative way.

You can't know op of your relationship will survive, so many don't, if possible get a safety net, contingency plan, financial security. Equally anyone championing returning to work and using childcare can't know if their child may turn out like me, despite loving well chosen childcare it just wasn't suitable for me. Some kids thrive in childcare, some get by fine without anyone noticing, some kids will drown in it. It's impossible to plan for every eventutility so make the best choice you can op.

I find it so odd you are already pregnant and going to have a baby you don't think you can afford while working when women earning twice as much as you with DHs on the same think they need to save more to support a baby. I think career women should think more like you - then they'd actually have more children.

Don't do it it's so hard to get back into work and you tend to have to start from the bottom I'm working in a min wage job as a typist. I have recently became a single mum of 3 and most of my wages are going of childcare but for my sanity and knowing it will be even harder if I take another break I would no way give it up.

Op. I also think you have already decided to stop work. Like many women on here I would urge you to consider that being at home with an infant, is not like being at home without one. It's not all lazy Sunday morning type experiences, with little clubs, and happy walks and making rice crispie cakes. It's often dirty nappies, sleepless nights, and a wailing child.

Sometimes it's gruelling hard work. And many of us appreciate that adult time away from home.

Yes, our benefits systems are open to abuse and you can stop and the state will step in and top up for you, financially you don't need to work, the state will provide. Just be sure mentally you don't need to.

And no, it's not your salary that will be wiped out. Because as you said it's joint finances. It's the cost coming out of your combined salaries. Your salary is no more wiped out than your husbands. It can't be combined for everything apart from childcare.

I think those who haven't experienced it glamourise being a SAHM when in reality it is difficult 🙄 I have just taken a year break from my university degree and have found being at home 100% with dd very very hard work. I love my dd to pieces however I severely miss the interaction of others who are interested in same things, and a fixed routine/workload. I couldn't be a full time SAHM because in reality I find it harder then doing a degree/going to work! Just something to ponder over 🤔

joanne I don't tend to go into things with caution that myself and DH will split.

Oh dear.

You're planning to make yourself incredibly vulnerable. Please start thinking more long term and less Disney.

I'm surprised at these responses. It's not really anyone's fault that they are on a low income. I don't see why sahm roles should only be assigned to those with rich partners . Op is hardly going to sit on her bum and it makes sense if working with a baby will be detrimental to her health. It certainly takes it out of the healthiest among us and she needs to reserve her energy for her child, not the taxpayer. This is what benefits are for.

If you are up to it, you could maybe seek out evening or weekend work in a related role then you will have no childcare costs - doctor's receptionist, out of hours call handler? Or on the wards of local hospital ?

This is what benefits are for

Bullshit. Benefits are not there to prop up those who choose to have children before they can afford them, and who subsequently choose to detriment their financial situation even more by not working.

OP, I gave up my job when I was pregnant, had a lovely year and a half with my daughter.

Then it all went to shit, my partner left for someone else and also left his job meaning no money for a long time for me and dd until our benefits got sorted.

I was also "young" aged 20 and couldn't go back to work in my field. To be honest I couldn't find a job that suited. Family helped some but my DD also has asd which made it trickier.

7 years on benefits was he'll to be honest. Not much money and to be honest, compete lack of fulfilment in myself.

I wish I had kept working even doing weekends when my maternity leave ran out. It was a nightmare trying to find a job, never mind a career.

It's so far took 4 jobs, 2 a level courses and 7 years for me to get where I want to be in regards to my career.

I hope you and your partner are forever happy but people change, get ill, become indifferent.

Be careful.