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Original poster

To give up work and become a SAHM?

414 replies

YouAreMySunshine9 · 28/07/2017 10:26

This is more of a 'what would you do' but I suppose I am posting here for trafficking Blush Have name changed as the figures I give will out me.

First DC is due soonish and I'm thinking, after maternity leave, that I should give up my job because financially, it's not worth it and I want to SAH with DC as it'll have more benefits to it?

Myself and DH are both low earners. I earn just under £20K, he earns £21K.

We aren't entitled to anything with us both working, but, somehow top ups would make us better off if one of us didn't work? Hmm

I'm quite a poorly person, I have an autoimmunity disease so I have a feeling working just to pay childcare (if it even ends up covering that?) and missing out in DC's first for it will send me into despair.

My concern is... The whole career break thing. I would go back to work when DC is a few/3 years old but I'm not sure how it'd impact my job prospects. I work as a Medical Secretary in the NHS.

I would say work part time, but I'm not sure we'd get any help there either and it's a lot of huge effort just to fork out to pay for childcare.

What would you do?

I'm really worried Sad

OP posts:
PugOnToast · 28/07/2017 22:15

And when you go back to work what are you going to do about term time/school holidays?

It gets harder to get a job. Listen to us.

gandalf456 · 28/07/2017 22:18

She has a health condition. She may be entitled to support for it.

This aside, Child tax credit speaks for itself. It's not a benefit as such, it's a credit, which is what hmrc told me. It was designed so people (your quote) who 'can't adford children' aren't brought up in poverty.

Another point - why is it that we live in society where you can't live on one income? It used to be the norm and made life much easier for families.

I would see the argument if they didn't have children and one was doing nothing but it shouldn't be obligatory for both to work with children. It is still a choice for one to either work or stay home

gandalf456 · 28/07/2017 22:20

The school holiday problem will be there whether op works now or not

PugOnToast · 28/07/2017 22:23

But if she is in a job already they may be more amenable to offering flexible hours and times than turning up to a job interview needing term time work only.

SunshineAndSunflowers · 28/07/2017 22:23

This kind of thing winds me up. Many women who work could afford to cut their hours down and spend more time with their own DC if they weren't having to subsidise people who don't need benefits choosing to live on them when they are perfectly capable of working.

gandalf456 · 28/07/2017 22:27

As said, she has a health condition

SuperBeagle · 28/07/2017 22:29

Another point - why is it that we live in society where you can't live on one income? It used to be the norm and made life much easier for families.

That's a fallacy. The 50s were just about the only decade where it was truly affordable for the majority of families to only live on one income.

It may have been the norm at one point, but things change for a reason or, in this case, many reasons

PurpleMinionMummy · 28/07/2017 22:30

Don't be ridiculous sunshine. If someone can afford to cut down their hours they can do exactly that. No one makes them work more hours to subsidise anyone.

Bluntness100 · 28/07/2017 22:32

It certainly takes it out of the healthiest among us and she needs to reserve her energy for her child, not the taxpayer. This is what benefits are for

That's shocking and sums up what's wrong with our society. I'm so shocked anyone would actually think that benefits are there for people who chose to have babies and then chose to resign and not work to support the child they chose to have . It's just shocking.

Bluntness100 · 28/07/2017 22:37

Another point - why is it that we live in society where you can't live on one income? It used to be the norm and made life much easier for families

I think you'll find any family earning below the bread line on one income for a family in those days would tell you it wasn't easy. It's not about one or two incomes. It's about total income. now the government will top up your earnings, so that if you chose to not work then the tax payer will fund you. Its easier now.

greylove · 28/07/2017 22:38

You only get working tax credit up to 25,000 child care doesn't cost 20,000

Riversleep · 28/07/2017 22:40

todaysuser are you suggesting 'career women' otherwise known as 'women' instead of trying to work towards fulfilling careers to help support their families should just leave school and have a ton of babies without a thought to how they were going to keep a roof over their head??

TodaysUser · 28/07/2017 22:45

@Riversleep I just think some women and men plan so much and worry so much about things being perfect. It isn't fair they wait so long to have children trying to be responsible... some of them never having the children they wanted. I think there was a study that showed the more intelligent a woman is the less likely she is to have children. That just doesn't seem fair.

There are some benifits to not thinking so much.

gandalf456 · 28/07/2017 22:47

She's not choosing not to work, she feels she can't because of her health. Would working really be best for her child? This is why we have a welfare state - to support those who need it. Anyway, one of them is still working. Hardly Jaywick by the sea so put away your prejudices

SunshineAndSunflowers · 28/07/2017 23:11

If she was too sick to work presumably she would already have given up work and would not be trying to concoct other reasons to do so when their family income clearly can't support it.

It's not 'ridiculous', Purple. Every percentage point of income tax is extra time women who work have to be at work, to subsidise those who think it's fine for the rest of us to pay for them to have a 'career break'. So responsible people get less time with their own children because they are compelled to subsidise those too lazy to work. Benefits should be for those who have no other option, not because people fancy some time off at other people's expense.

gandalf456 · 28/07/2017 23:17

Working with no children is completely different to working with children. The latter is far more tiring as you know.

I am not a doctor and can certainly not tell that she just doesn't fancy it so I don't suppose anyone else on here can.

Everyone is ignoring this fact and carrying on with a completely different argument.

Giving up work when you have a child to care for 24/7 is not lazy! It is the busiest period of your life

If it were so wrong, there would not be support in place for families

Riversleep · 28/07/2017 23:18

todaysuser That is a statistic I've heard too. Some may be over thinking it, but some may just be taking advantage of the fact that they have a choice that many women don't have -to not have children. There has to be a balance. You have to take responsibility for your own family and no matter how unromantic that may be, it includes being financially responsible for your children.

RainbowsAndUnicorn · 28/07/2017 23:20

The naivety, no financial planning before having a baby, believing that marriage is cast iron not to mention being able to walk back into employment whenever you fancy.

You've quite clearly decided that others should pay for your lifestyle choice and that it's not down to you to support you child. There would be no welfare state if everyone thought that.

IrritatedUser1960 · 28/07/2017 23:21

Your children and your health are much more important than this job and you cannot plan your future on what if's - what if me and hubbie split up, what if I can't get another job etc.
My son had 5 years off work with a terrible illness and thought he'd never work again once he had recovered but got a wonderful job with the council childrens services right away and is now a fairly high earner.

gandalf456 · 28/07/2017 23:23

So what happens if 2 supermarket workers get married with no prospect of promotion. Neither income, singularly or combined, could support a family in my area ( just outside London ). Does that mean that they are too poor to breed?

Or does it mean here is something wrong with our society that, even when one or both couples are working, they cannot afford a common.or garden life?

And as op says, she is financially worse off working. What does that say about society?

SunshineAndSunflowers · 28/07/2017 23:27

If a doctor has told her she is too sick to work then this whole thread is irrelevant and pointless, Gandalf. Clearly that has not happened or the OP would have said so.

BlueAutumnSkies · 28/07/2017 23:37

Get some advice from your local surestart in regards to finances, they might be able to show you something that has been missed to keep it worth you working.

Definitely don't make a decision yet. I was absolutely going back to work until my little one was 12 months then for various reasons it wasn't viable anymore and now I am a SAHM.

If you are set on being a SAHM with the plan to return to work later I would definitely suggest upping your skills to make you more employable. I am doing a degree while being a SAHM and it has been hugely beneficial (and being a SAHM can be lonely so it is nice to have an adult outlet)

For what it is worth though, I genuinely believe benefits should be for those that need it rather than to support a lifestyle. Is getting a part time job round your husband's hours an option?

SunshineAndSunflowers · 28/07/2017 23:37

Yeah ok, it's not irresponsible to have children you can't support because Polly Toynbee says so, and anyone who thinks it is must be into eugenics. HmmConfused

gandalf456 · 28/07/2017 23:39

But it is because mumsnet does? I think I'd trust Toynbee's opinion more. As the article says, the line of thinking in this thread is saying low earners cannot support their children so should not breed

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