AIBU to think it is really cheeky for dd's friends to put their undies in our wash basket

[NormaSmuff]

and i should refuse to do it/bin them?

Watch out - the pants police are about!

Also @hipster you are hilarious. So are you, @chips...for different reasons.

DD is 21 and she and her friends have a different set of boundaries about what is private, I think. I suspect, as others have said, that they just got left about and DD put everything in the wash. Like you, I'd immediately put dirty underwear Ina bag inside my bag as it seems a bit private to be lying around, but the youth are different! I don't think they expect you to wash them, they just abandoned them!

That's why talking is a good idea, one has no idea how illogical, offended and disgusted others can be by another's actions until communication has occurred.

I think teenagers are pretty entitled - it's how they're wired. She'll probably look back on this in 10 years and cringe. I suspect it's sheer thoughtlessness. Some of the responses on this thread are a little dramatic!

If you want it to stop, I'd go with something humorous and slightly embarrassing: "Here's modom's drawers. Hope they're laundered to satisfaction. Wasn't aware that valeting was part of my job description...."

Smile smiles.

Embarrassing mum behaviour is my secret weapon. They hate it

I wash leftover pants from sleepovers all the time. My daughter's 18. I've always assumed things are left accidentally because they're generally pretty good at tidying up.

I just wash and return them. My daughter buys her own teeny-tiny knickers. I try to to think too much about it and just dump them all in a teeny-tiny Lacey pile in her bedroom once washed

Cosmic, my dad was very disapproving of anything intimate being on show. So he'd have expected dirty laundry to be stored in the visitors luggage and removed from the premises. He also didn't allow any ladies' stuff to be on view, even in a container, so no tampons, shaving gear, tweezers...perfume was ok as was shampoo. No underwear on radiators either. He was weird, but in his house, his rules. When I moved out at 18, I left his rules behind. As will the Op's daughter probably.

Why so passive-aggressive though? Give them back unwashed and tell them you don't do other people's laundry.

If it was a one off-I'd presume they were left on the floor and scooped into the laundry by accident-I have washed many socks left over from sleepovers over the years.

If the same person is putting their clothes into your washing asked every time she stays like some sort of laundry service I would probably feel pissed off! Is it just her underwear?

I'd be 'losing' them! Does she ask 'where are my knickers?' Or do you give them to her washed and ironed next time she comes?

Teenytiny lace pile

I'm more intrigued about how you know each piece of underwear your DD owns. Does she never go and buy new stuff and not show you? Or is there like an undies parade?

Massive over reaction IMO, they're just...you know......knickers. Just shove them in the wash, I honestly am confused as to the problem.

I would find it difficult to relax in my home if somebody i lived with could not cope with the sight of underwear or sanitary stuff. My dad lived with 3 women so just accepted it. He even managed to buy us tampons when he did the weekly shop without having a heart attack or going blind

I don't understand the issue at all - stuff gets left behind after sleepovers and get put in the wash - unless of course you want DD to keep dirty knickers in her room until she sees the friend again but that sounds even more gross.

If you are really squeamish can't you ask DD to put a load through and deal with her friend's stuff? My DD has done her own washing since she was 9/10.

"Why so passive-aggressive though? Give them back unwashed and tell them you don't do other people's laundry."

Yeah, you could do that. If you wanted to look like a complete arse.

Op If you really don't want to deal with them just bin them the friend probably has drawers full of urm drawers she won't notice, you are making this a huge issue for yourself

There seems to be a mix up of two issues here. First, the assumption by some that the sleepover person deliberately put her pants in the wash expecting OP to DK them. This would be cheeky, but I doubt it's what happened. Second, there's the issue of whether people find a pair of 'foreign' pants too disgusting to touch or out through their washing machine. That is just weird.
rollon yes, we have the phenomenon of random sleepover sock here too - I swear, one sock, just one, after every sleepover DD ever had. How does it happen?

No, I wouldn't but I'm a 46 year old woman.When I was 17?? Possibly if I was round my best mates and felt at home there. My 15yo DS has his mates round all the time, I wouldn't think twice about it if one of his mates stray boxers found their way into the washing basket, I'd just wash them and return them. Come to think about it, there's different socks that appear all the time, I just wash them and put them in the random sock bag.

< wants to know if chips only takes her clothes off in her own house>

I agree Peng but i bet this post wouldn't have been made if the items in the wash bin were socks and not knickers. Each to their own of course, the world would be a very boring place if we all agreed on the same things but in the grand scheme of things it's just a pair of undies.

I couldn't get worked up about it.

A few weeks ago DS1 went abroad on a trip with the army. He did a last scoot round the room to check for anything left, while the others were checking different locations. He found a pair of dirty boxers and a pair of socks. There wasn't an opportunity to give them back to the bloke they belonged to so he arrived home with them in his dirty washing. It never occurred to me to tell him to give them back to him dirty, I chucked them in the machine with everything else. It's not like they're contaminated with something is it?

I was shown how to use the washing machine at an early age and expected to get on with it and wash my own clothes. Obviously my Mother was cruel for doing this and should have continued washing my tiny lace efforts for as long as I wanted it.

Put said drawers in a plastic bag, seal it, leave in airing cupboard or other warm place to fester then return to friend. Problem solved, DD's friend will never stay again, will tell everyone else and you and your DD will be social pariahs for ever more.

Hardly like she's bringing a load of laundry round for your to do is it? God I've left bits of clothing at friends houses purely by mistake, pants/pjs/tops on different occasions as have people here. They all just go in the wash and get handed back over next time we're at each other's houses. Unless they are covered in blood/urine/poo I think your been a bit dramatic and unreasonable