AIBU to think it is really cheeky for dd's friends to put their undies in our wash basket

[NormaSmuff]

and i should refuse to do it/bin them?

When DD was at uni, she and her mate would share a washing machine and do a joint load. When they suggested that another student in the flat add some to a small load, he reacted like the OP. Which they thought was odd, as sharing made sense to them despite only having known each other a few weeks. But he was horrified at the idea of his kit being contaminated by Another's Unmentionables. Especially as DD included her bras.
Just tell your daughter that that sort of thing doesn't happen under your roof.

I don't think it's entitled or presumptuous either. I see several reasons this could've happened.

DDs friend forgot to put them in her bag, and DD chucked them in the wash, because lets face it, it's nicer to have your mates clean pants hanging about than their dirty ones.

DD borrowed the pants off a friend because she came on/ they went to the water park/ she spilled something/ sat on a wet chair, and thought it was probably for the best that she wash the knickers before returning.

They're actually a rarely worn pair of your DDs pants?

If you're not comfortable with it maybe you could suggest DD starts doing her own laundry?

Presumptuous is the right word. I don't think it's disgusting or anything. But expecting someone you don't know to wash your underwear is a bit rude. I wouldn't have done it as a teen.

it isnt a one off, it is an every stop over occurrence

perhaps i am a prude

Is this thread very petty or is there a backstory?

dont knock it abi, you were drawn to it after all

How long is she staying? You don't sound very hospitable!

I wouldn't wash them, I'd just give them back as they are. Saying 'Looks like these got left behind!' or something.

I expect they're just getting swept up in the general chaos of a teenager's bedroom or being dropped in there on autopilot, but that's no reason for you to become a laundry service.

At 17 your DD should be helping with the laundry anyway, surely? She can start identifying her mates' pants, rather than just dumping them on you to deal with.

So very petty it is then, OP.

Don't you have a washing machine? The only reason for finding it a bit odd is if you're going to be washing them by hand, and even then it's no big deal. Surely just chucking a pair of pants in the machine, with other pairs of pants is no big deal.

Should being 17 make a difference? Yes, she should be doing her own laundry, or putting on a load for the family and smuggling her friend's unsavoury undies in and out without your knowledge. You have certain boundaries that others may see as a bit weird, but it's your home and you're entitled to set the rules. So, talk to your daughter and work out why you want to happen.

You don't mind other clothes but pants are too much? You can ID all pants in the house but not other clothes?

Crikey.

Lol, my lot are grown & flown now but when younger I lost count of all the random socks pants knickers tshirts etc etc that ended up in the washing.
I'd just bung em in with anything else no big deal really.

What's the alternative? Hand the 17 year old back her dirty pants? You sound weird.

This is one of he most petty things I've read on MN for a while!

Could be a few reasons why they ended up in the wash.
You are not being asked to hand wash them or anything or run the machine with one item in. I presume you will be doing a clothes wash at some point. It's just a piece of material that needs washing. I wouldn't think twice over it and shove it in the appropriate wash and leave them on DD bed when done.

A complete non issue.

Not why,what you want to happen. Negotiate and explain, I've found it the best way to deal with sharing a house with young adults. Rather than stressing and relying on telepathy and silent irritation to get through.

Off topic, but I always find these sorts of threads fascinating because they always have such a range of answers! It would never occur to me that being a good host would include dealing with (nearly in this case) adult guests' worn undercrackers but clearly for others it does (which is not meant as snark, I just find it interesting to see the differences of opinion and of perceptions of what is normal).

^At 17 your DD should be helping with the laundry anyway, surely? She can start identifying her mates' pants, rather than just dumping them on you to deal with.*

Is there some issue why the 17 year-old DD isn't helping? This is why I was wondering if there was a backstory here.

Maybe you are just returning a favour OP.
Does your DD go to her friend's house for a sleepover ever?
It's not something I would have fretted about personally.

YABVVVU. In our house, we probably have at least 2 pieces of clothing (including "personal" underwear) of each of DDs friends - I suspect your DDs friend's mum is probably thinking similar about your DD ie that she is washing your DDs stuff. My money is on the items landing up on the floor and getting scooped up when DD "tidies" her room. I could honestly not get worked up about this in the slightest.

I really think you are being a bit mealy mouthed.
Our children's friends oft pop,all their washing in the laundry basket. I have undies in the linen cupboard with all sorts of name labels awaiting the return of the owner. Our army son and friends happily borrow each other's boxers - particularly as my son likes his Jack Wills underwear.
I can't see any difference washing my children's or their friends to be honest. Boyfriends sometimes bring their laundry when they're down.
Sorry just can't see an issue. It's knickers or pants - just pieces of cloth.

YABU
What difference does one pair of pants make to your wash load? None.
She comes every week or so- she should be considered a good friend then. I love it when friends of the DC feel at home here and often wash their stuff. It's a compliment that she feels at home surely?

What an odd thing to be bothered about. Also calling your DD friend entitled and presumptuous over a pair of pants seriously!

I'm trying to work out what kind of hardship this brings to you but i haven't come up with any logical reason for your annoyance

When I opened the thread I imagined something truly 'presumptuous' and 'entitled ', like she had arrived with a massive bag of laundry and dumped it all in your basket.

Maybe in her house, everyone is drilled to undress and put everything directly into tne basket.

Maybe one of the other suggestions offered here.

Before you leap to a judgey assessment of your Dd's friend relax, and ask your Dd about it. In a non accusatory tone.

Say 'I'm just a bit worried that it all gets left here, can you ask her to put it in her overnight bag'.

If it really bothers you.

Personally i would've asked (although really id prefer to wash my own knickers in private) but if it doesn't create significant extra work i probably wouldnt call it rude or cheeky.