Restaurant owner asking us to keep children quiet?

[tearsinmyeyes]

Who is being U here?

Met up with my sisters for brunch . We have ten children between five of us. We all live in different countries and today was the last day of seeing each other so we fancied
Going out for a bite to eat . We picked a local casual cafe that is large enough to accommodate 10 of us with plenty more space (including a one year old with highchair . The others were between 3-12).
We were sat on table discussing what to order . Obviously we were a party of fifteen so we weren't exactly quiet but we were talking at normal volume . The children were all seated . I noticed when we walked in there was an elderly lady and her friend and one of them rolled her eyes at us and then kept turning and glaring . When my youngest sister arrived with thenlast child she said loudly 'there's more of them now'. I approached her and said 'is there a problem ?' And she said 'there's too many of you and I can't hear my friend talk, why have you got so many children ?' I said , am sorry if you're stressed out but the children are talking at normal volume and this is a family friendly cafe.' The owner then approached us and said 'I've got lunch hour coming and last week I lost customers because a family had kids running around and misbehaving '. I asked him to look around the table and said 'all the children are sat down. We've told them to speak in soft voices and nobody Is running around misbehaving . We are also paying customers and you can't expect the children to eat in silence '. He said 'well they're all quiet now please keep it that way '. I said 'they're quiet because they're watching this conversation . I can't guarantee they'll remain silent throughout the meal'. He kept going on about it so Then we decided between us we were not comfortable to stay and left .
To be honest I felt it unreasonable to tell customers to be quiet when they weren't screaming / shouting. Of course a table of 15 is going to produce some noise but everyone was talking at a normal volume.
AIBU to think this restaurant owner was rude and to not want to eat there again ?

It was tricky for the owner because he prob didn't want to turn customers away and at the same time didn't want to upset the other customers, bit of a lose lose for him.

The complaining lady was def being unreasonable too

I won't lie. If I was sat having my lunch and a group with 10 kids came in my first reaction would be "fuck, that's my relaxing lunch ruined"

But it depends on the restaurant, Frankie&Benny's, Pizza Hut, TGI's etc. fine! A nice café? Maybe not the best place for that many children and he probably thought it would put off some customers hoping to come in for a quiet lunch.

I don't think the restaurant owner was being entirely unreasonable tbh.

I have seven children of my own. Should I never go to a cafe?

Mrmessy - I think there's still an element of 'children should be seen and not heard ' prevalent .
If it was 10 men actually shouting and laughing i bet nobody would bat an eyelid !

This.

Personally I prefer places to be a bit busier. Nothing worse than being the only ones in a restraint or cafe where everyone can hear your conversations and staff do stabtjy leap on you as there's no one else there

I'd be more put off by a one or two couples sat there quietly than I would a large party provided the party weren't unreasonably loud.

Well I wouldn't go with someone else with 7 or 8 children, personally.

If I'm honest. If I saw a huge party like thar in a cafe I'd choose another. Most children are awful in restaurants and cafes. I see the owners point of view here. You would probably have been more suited to McDonald's or a large family pub

OP "f it was 10 men actually shouting and laughing i bet nobody would bat an eyelid !"

or 10 women. I just find the pitch of children really hard to deal with so a large group of them would do my head in.

It's probably more about what it's in line with his regular custom and what kind of environment he wants to promote - sorry if I missed it but when you booked a table for 15, did you mention 10 of them were children? I can imagine a restaurant wanting to know that, for a lot of places it would affect where you seated them etc.

People would bat an eyelid at 10 loud men but would probably feel intimidated to go over, doesn't mean the 10 men anbu

"If it was 10 men actually shouting and laughing i bet nobody would bat an eyelid"

10 shouting, laughing men would absolutely put me off having lunch a casual café, what are you on about?

This thread is just going to descend into entitled parents declaring that they can take their precious darlings wherever they want and everyone else can just deal with it.

If you disagree, you are obviously a child hater!

In fact there are plenty of holiday places - that have rules excluding large groups of men - prob unusual for them to go to a naice independent café though. Costa coffee shops can be horrendously noisy and one noisy table means everyone needs to talk louder to be heard so it has a nock on effect.

People would bat an eyelid at 10 loud men but would probably feel intimidated to go over, doesn't mean the 10 men anbu

So basically don't go out to a cafe for a large group meal because you will probably annoy someone by being too loud, but if you do it will only be commented on (loudly) by other people if you have children in your group because they are easy targets?

oops knock

"If it was 10 men actually shouting and laughing i bet nobody would bat an eyelid

You bet wrong, if it was 10 men shouting and laughing along with 5 women, I would leave the place in an instant. Plenty would.

I wouldn't go again - how ridiculous of him to do himself out of a good amount of money .. find somewhere else. If they were being good, what's the bloody problem?

MrNessy a group of 15 loud men would prob be more annoying than the 5 sisters and kids tbh, maybe the café owner wouldn't have welcomed them in the first place, but yes maybe the complaining lady would have felt less comfortable making her comments rightly or wrongly .

I think the cafe owner was very rude

You have as much right to be there as anyone else!

Now, I rarely go anywhere for lunch as I can't afford it, so it really is a treat maybe three or four times a year, but a group of 15 certainly wouldn't bother me.

I have DC of my own, now adults and they weren't "fucking awful" in cafes or anywhere else.

I used to get people coming up to me and telling me how exceptionally well behaved they were

Poor kids - at what age are they allowed to eat in a decent cafe and not have to eat the reheated crap from a Harvester or go to Pizza Hut or McDonalds?

You are not being unreasonable.

I think if you go to a cafe during the day and also during the school holidays you have to expect it to be a bit noisy?

I'm one of those that doesn't really like noisy kids when I'm eating but I wouldn't expect people to accommodate my needs, I would just chose somewhere where I could sit outside or somewhere small and quiet. I do expect my kids to be well behaved and respect others when we do eat out.

If I was thinking of going to a local cafe, and a party of 15 men were eating, I'd pass by. Large groups are all noisy. I think the problem with kids is that they have shriller voices, which can be more annoying.

If I was already in a little cafe and 15 people came in together, I would probably comment too. Bang goes any chance of a quiet chat.

There are places where being noisy is acceptable (B&Js etc), and there are places where it isn't.

I suspect the owner was trying to be helpful up to the point when he realised that you were a rather noise group. He probably thought that asking you to keep quieter was better than asking you all to leave.

I'd be amazed if 10 kids including siblings could manage an entire meal time without arguing. Or perhaps mine have lowered my expectations!

I do think it's the size of the party, not how it's made up that's an issue.

A table of two or three next to a table of 15 can't compete.

And if I'd had that big a group I'd have phoned round and booked somewhere or at least checked we'd be welcome.

at what age are they allowed to eat in a decent cafe

I took mine from birth, but when they have friends and it's a larger group, we go to more child-friendly places. There's a time and a place for everything. I wouldn't take my team at work for a drink at Claridges afternoon tea either. It just wouldn't work for so many reasons!