This is my life now! But apparently it's "normal"

[Nurse15]

I'm posting this in a light hearted manner (while being entirely serious unfortunately!) in AIBU because of all the shit people tell you about how epic having babies is. my baby has reflux so severe that she constantly feed refuses. The NHS have told us there is nothing more they can do for her. As a result I literally can't do anything with her. I spend every day in this bastard house with a screaming baby. I've got no clean pyjamas because I can't leave her long enough to do the washing. My hair is greasy and falling out because post partum. I'm broke because I've spent hundred on every remedy, baby toy, baby seat, alternative medicine practitioner I can find. I bought a fucking mamaroo at £250 in the hope she would sit in in for long enough for me to shower. She won't. So I'm scummy, broke, baldy and lonely. This is parenting? I write this in a light hearted manner because if I didn't I would cry. Please share your stories of baby days and how shit they can be so I can laugh!!

Our babies are the exact same age. I'm still firmly in the "What the hell have I done" phrase. And judging by what I read on MN I have a good baby.
I hate hate hate how hard it is to do any task. Taking some stuff to the tip today took 3 hours and I had to call my sister in for back up.
I shower in the evenings. I know this is a bit gross but could OH have him while you wash your hair in the evening.
I am going back to work soon, full time (not through choice). I am sad at missing DD but excited to be Peggy again.
I found getting dressed each day helped my mental well being. I thought I was doing well but in reality I wasn't. I was putting housework and that before my own wellbeing. My HV was horrified that I was eating one meal a day. While a baby screamed at me. Which put me off my tea.
I have missed if you BF? Formula saved my sanity. Meant I could shower (albeit in the evenings) and people could take DD for a few hours. Also I had issues with milk production so she wasn't being nourished and was always hungry.
Feel free to PM me ( I don't know how to) if you want to rant some time as our babies are at the same stage!

Oh OP, it gets better as they grow, although that probably feels like forever away for you.

DS had really severe reflux, It was absolute hell. My youngest sister is only a few weeks older than DS and I still vividly remember getting really really angry with my poor mum because I hadn't slept in what felt like ever, i smelled, there was sick on every bit of clothing I owned, DS had just puked all over his last clean outfit and I looked at Dsis in her beautiful matching, clean clothes, sat smiling and gurgling and mum with her brushed hair and I was just like 'Mum how the fuck could you? with your fucking Mary Poppins super powers? Why can't you struggle like a fucking normal person?'

Also, why does no one tell you about colic? Or how much they will hate baths at first? Or any of the things you might actually 'need' to know? Too bloody busy telling you to 'enjoy this bit' or smiling wistfully about the baby days with 30 odd years of hindsight behind them and wittering on about 'sleeping when the baby sleeps'.

I could only have slept when the baby slept if I had magically turned into a fucking flamingo.

He awoke and screamed if we didn't hold him (lying belly down on our arms)...while standing up

Nobody believed me.

They would take DS with a know all look in their face, rock him to sleep, and sit. Then leap into the air like a fog horn had just gone off in their ear. Which it basically just had. As he expressed his deep deep displeasure at being too close to the ikky ground.

I have no idea how we survived his babyhood. But we both have a real clarity as per why at 17 years old he is, and will remain, an only child.

Babies are nice things to have on the pages of magazines. Not so great in 3D.

DD was a miserable little git who refused to latch on, despite half the midwives in Lambeth trying. I had no milk because I had lost a third of my blood in post-partum haemorrhaging (sp?), but nobody thought to tell me that, so I pumped, sobbing, until my nipples bled.

She had epic colic and specialised in projectile vomiting at 1am. She would only settle for her father and spent most of her time disapproving of everything I did to make her happy. I was fat, broke (on a pitiful university salary and about to be constructively dismissed) and exhausted.

That was 13 and a half years ago. Now she's a happy-ish teenager, brainy, hilariously funny, sweet and the best company you could wish for. I adore every molecule of her stinky little body.

So my message is this is the horrible time. You think it will never end, but it does. It gets better. Truly it does.

I feel for you. Ds2 had reflux screamed constantly I just remember crying all the time myself

Anyway this may make you smile. After weeks of him crying one evening he became really lethargic. I phoned NHS direct who booked him into ooh. After a thorough examination they diagnosed that he was....tired
THATS how rare sleep was.

He's 5 now and it's much easier.

Been there OP! I remember it was zero comfort to have hv saying 'ooh it usually gets better by 12 weeks' when you are somewhere around 6 weeks and can't even imagine how you can manage the next 24 hours with no sleep and a screaming screaming baby! Saw you are in NI, I'm down in London otherwise I'd be so happy to come round and take LO out of earshot so you could shower. I could just about manage if I had a shower a day and thankfully had good friends and mum visiting so I could put her down and have one most days.
One of my early low points was getting out the wrap sling thing that my SIL bought me, had completely forgotten how to do it so was wrapping this giant sheet round my head for a bit, had dressed both me and baby up really warm as it was midwinter, triumphantly eventually got it round me and manoeuvred dd's little arms and legs into the right position, her little head facing my chest, opened front door and she vomited directly into my nursing bra eurghhhh...took everything off and abandoned going out I think!
She's now 18months and a little darling...it's no comfort but you will get through this!!!

Go and have a shower. I had twins Inc one with reflux. It won't hurt if they cry fir ten mins whilst you have a shower. Then bring baby in bedroom while you dry hair, white noise from hairdryer babies quite like.
Call health visitor ask for support with pnd.

I went back to work pt at four and five months respectively and let someone else deal with it for a bit. Best thing I ever did. And they were good sleepers. I also learnt not to be afraid to let baby cry. If I needed to shower and wash my hair they were left to cry whilst I did it. More than once DS1 was fast asleep when I got back to him! Both independent happy go lucky teenagers now thank god.

I had twins that were both "great sleepers". People used to say how lucky I was because they both slept for long hours at a time. A slept 8.30pm-6.30am and she screamed from 6.30am until 1pm when she napped until 2pm, then she screamped until 8.30. Unless I walked up and down the room holding her perfectly upright in a certain position she screamed.

E slept from around 4am until 10am and then from around 2pm until 9pm. She screamed until she was sick unless I walked up and down the room holding her in a certain position out with those times. She also had a habit of guzzling her feeds while would result in projectile vomit.

I used to put A down at 8.30 and run, literally run along my hall, to have a pee and a sandwich before E woke up. I actually screamed "no you fucking don't" at my ex's sister when she huffed one day that she wished her DS "would sleep like your two" because he ONLY slept from 9pm until 8am and cut his three hour afternoon nap to two hours.

DS was a proper crier. Other DS wasn't as bad, but if you took him on the Metrolink he would be out like a light, bizarrely. DS1 also shit himself the first time he saw a duck, which I like to remind him of to this day.

Been there and I stupidly chose to believe that second babies were much easier so I let myself be convinced to do it a second time and sure enough, it was even worse!

Oh yes, the staying at home with a non stop crying baby, surviving on believing there might still be a miracle treatment!

The last one I tried, cause costs and like you, being totally broke, was osteopathy. Not that I believed it in at all, but desperation call for desperate moments (even though homeopathy with a supposed expert led to hope and purse gone). I'll never know if he got better just because by then, he was 5 months and it would have happened any way, but within a couple of days, the crying stopped and I discovered that my baby could actually smile and be happy. A different one (although he did remain a pain in the bum!).

Of course, couldn't imagine like without him now... my 6'2 14 year old teenager!

lala I'm assuming nobody ever told you to "sleep when the baby sleeps" in those days because you're not currently serving a prison sentence for murder

toomuch Nope lol. My ex 'suggested' I just have a nap and leave them to cry. Two colicky/refluxy babies in a one bedroom flat (literally had one bedroom, a bathroom and a living room/kitchen) and I was somehow supposed to sleep through it.

He joined the army when they were four months old, which kinda says it all both about how bad it was and how much of a walk-away cunt he is!

The worst was vomit in the arse crack. I was sitting down and lent forward with ds1 over my shoulder while winding him and he puked the entire feed down my gaping maternity trousers.

I only feed from one side so once my precious milk was gone I had no more. I spent most of my life pumping to make more to keep up with the amount that was getting vommed on the floor. Ahhh good times.

I reckon the army would be a piece of piss compared to twin babies. When mine were really small I would sometimes daydream about robbing a bank or getting a terminal illness,.

THANKYOU! Op for starting this thread. I was feeling seriously down recently as my twins have been so difficult. Glad I'm not alone

My dd has cmpa and bad silent reflux (still on omeperazole and ranitidine). She's now 13 months and I have no idea how I survived the first 6 months. All she did was scream and scream. I used to arrive everywhere (as for some stupid reason I insisted on still going to baby groups for her to scream though) with her in the sling and pushing an empty pram, as she screamed ever so slightly less in the sling but I wanted to use the pram we'd paid a fortune for! She nearly broke me. When she could sit up she improved quite a bit. 10 months though was a big turning point when she suddenly turned into a wonderful, happy most of the time baby (this did coincide with gp finally giving omeperazole on top of the ranitidiine though so she started to actually sleep sometimes!). Everyone comments that 'she's like a different baby' and she totally is. And I'm happier too! Your dc will also turn that corner and the screaming will be a distant memory.

Do have a shower. Put babe in baby bouncer seat; plonk it on floor of bathroom; get in shower and ignore the crying. Tough I know, but you will feel a bit better afterwards.

The worst was vomit in the arse crack. I was sitting down and lent forward with ds1 over my shoulder while winding him and he puked the entire feed down my gaping maternity trousers.

Oh that's brought back memories. On a rare outing with screamer PFB I was waiting for my friend in a naice cafe when PFB vomited down the front of my top.

Fortunately it wasn't a full feed or anything but I do remember trying to figure out how to mop it up from my cleavage.

Last year I was spending time with my baby niece when her doting grandmother on the other side of the family said fondly, ah, it's making you want another isn't it?

Reader, I don't think I need to tell you my answer to that one

DS had severe reflux. Think my highlight was when DH went away for work and I got D&V. I remember being sat on the toilet with a bucket in front of me and DS sat on his changing mat vomiting away.

He would projectile vomit which sounds terrible but he did manage to completely ruin a futon that I hated so it gave us an excuse to get rid of it.

Now he gets travel sick. Honestly I consider one of my finest achievements being when he was sick on a French toll road. I turned around just in time to catch the vomit in a napkin. I then had to stay turned around holding the vomit in place (as it would have gone everywhere if I moved) for another ten minutes till we reached a place to stop. I'm pretty proud of my vomit catching abilities.

I'm overwhelmed by how many of us feel the same, it's shit isn't it?

On a side note and probably coming from the nurse in me, we shouldn't be hiding this, we should be able to say sometimes this is shit and sometimes I would rather be at work. Everyone being polished and looking like they're loving it is how people end up in depression or worse self harming.

We need a mumsnet campaign going to acknowledge that sometimes it's shit and it's okay to say it. It's also okay to eat a bag of Doritos and a bar of chocolate when it all gets too much. Fuck aptamil and their perfection advert. Fucking dicks making us feel shit!

My friend had her baby 11 days before I had my son. Her baby had silent reflux. I truly couldn't believe how much she raged. At even a few weeks she was so bloody strong. When holding her she was utterly rigid. She hated the car seat so screamed throughout every single journey. My friends little girl was on medication too and they were advised by the consultant to wean really early. They had some success with a wedge under the cot mattress and the most upright setting on the baby Bjorn bounced chair. It was utter hell but it did pass. Her little girl is now six and just brilliant.

Having a new baby is just chaos. Well, for lots of people, at least!

I spent months feeling like I must be a shit mum because I thought everyone else was managing to look after a baby and sort of managing to keep on top of everything else- housework etc. I was achieving literally nothing but dealing with my baby, and found that to be challenging enough! How on earth people do do it on top of having OTHER children is mind blowing to me, and something I'd like to understand as for some mind boggling reason I feel like I want to have another baby one day.

He had a few bouts of reflux but it was the colic that got us. He cried so much and wouldn't sleep longer than 5-10 minute stretches up until he was 5 months. It was so, so stressful. I cannot even explain the fatigue. I went to the doctors twice in one week on the wrong day, I looked like something that had been living at the bottom of the sea, I lived on fruit cake to give me energy to deal with life (needed a carb source I could eat enormous quantities of which wouldn't constipate me- had enough of that bollocks through pregnancy!)

Since then, he has been the happiest baby in the world. Still a terrible sleeper! But otherwise wonderful. He's my best friend and the light of my day.

It will get easier, maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but it will. It may well get harder again at other stages too. But none of it lasts for ever.

Take each day as it comes, try your best, don't set yourself any goals more challenging than getting through the most basic day to day.

big hugs!

One of my big regrets of the early months is feeling like I didn't take enough time to enjoy the good moments... but truthfully, at that time, I don't know if I could have done anything differently. I was just coping, or trying to. That was all I could do. Remembering to treasure moments was another thing to do, another stress.

Do what you gotta do x

Oh I so feel for you. I had one of 'those' babies. Someone told me newborns sleep for 12 hours a day but no fucker told me they did it in 15 minute segments! I hated the 'are you enjoying it?' Comments cos NO I FUCKING WASN'T!! I was an 'older' mum too and thought I was fairly confident but ds nearly broke me.

He didn't get better though. He was a really fun toddler and is now THE most adorable teenager (so far). A really chilled young man who is a pleasure to be with.

From the day he was 2, he has been so much fun.

I agree wholeheartedly that we should be more honest about the newborn days being shit for some of us, cos on top of the sleep deprivation, the last thing we need is the guilt that comes with not having that idealised version of new babyhood.

Good luck op - remember 'if everyone's fed and nobody's dead, it's been a good day' x

Reading this just brought back all the memories of Dd's reflux. It was awful, she would cry all the time, needed to be upright for ages after a feed or would puke, puked all the time anyway. We had baskets of bibs and muslins everywhere. I used to have a shower before Dp left in the morning and tried to go for a walk every day. She didn't mind the pram. Looking back I think it went once she started weaning. Hang in there it will get better I promise.