This is my life now! But apparently it's "normal"

[Nurse15]

I'm posting this in a light hearted manner (while being entirely serious unfortunately!) in AIBU because of all the shit people tell you about how epic having babies is. my baby has reflux so severe that she constantly feed refuses. The NHS have told us there is nothing more they can do for her. As a result I literally can't do anything with her. I spend every day in this bastard house with a screaming baby. I've got no clean pyjamas because I can't leave her long enough to do the washing. My hair is greasy and falling out because post partum. I'm broke because I've spent hundred on every remedy, baby toy, baby seat, alternative medicine practitioner I can find. I bought a fucking mamaroo at £250 in the hope she would sit in in for long enough for me to shower. She won't. So I'm scummy, broke, baldy and lonely. This is parenting? I write this in a light hearted manner because if I didn't I would cry. Please share your stories of baby days and how shit they can be so I can laugh!!

My DS vomited in my husband's mouth in the middle of a bout once. It was simultaneously the most disgusting and hilarious moment I remember about his first year of life. Apart from the time he screamed with absolute terror when shown his first head of broccoli.

He didn't have reflux, thank god, although he was a very vomity dribbly baby. What he didn't do was fucking sleep, ever, or let me put him down. I had to carry him everywhere. I think he was attached to me for at least two years, and he still (aged 7) fights sleep for at least two hours every bedtime and sneaks into our bed in the wee smalls when we're too knackered to protest.

Plus he was terrified of sand and snow and grass; he still won't play in sandy playgrounds and fusses unbearably when we go to the beach.

I am so glad to be past the baby years. They were shit.

My DDs youngest had reflux and I used to want to run out the house screaming myself after a few hours of it. It was torture, and thankfully she was the 3rd baby as DD has said never again after that. She's now 9 months and a different baby, although very very small for her age. Every medication DD tried seemed to make it worse.

Said DD of mine was a holy terror as a baby, she refused to sleep day or night and by the time she was 4 months old, I was losing the plot. Poor DH came home one night at about 7pm, and said "oh you're in your nightie, are you ready for bed" and my screaming back at him "i've not got f*cking dressed you moron - i was wearing this this morning". How I ever went on to have more was a miracle.

Oh -- my piece of advice! Bose wireless noise cancelling headphones for you. Play something soothing through them. I promise, you will still hear baby, but it won't be anywhere near as painful.

www.home-start.org.uk

You can self refer. It's a charity and nothing to do with sure start.

My daughter would only sleep on our chests for the first two weeks. We were terrified to go to sleep in case we rolled on her. So we slept in two hour shifts

Yeah we did this too! Those were (not) the days... I like to think of it as character-building... Although of course, at the time I only thought about it as bloody torture!

You can do the holy trinity of domperidone, ranitidine and gaviscon all at the same time, (Paeds nurse here😜)

Some babies are just buggers tho. I started my youngest 2 weeks ago onto solids a bit early because of his reflux. Has helped a lot, but not completely. If your baby was term then it might be worth thinking about in a couple of months..... (I know that seems forever away).
I have also lived with months of carrying Ds in a sling and walking for hours on the treadmill in the garage or hours on the roads. Which puts him to sleep after a while, until I stop and that's it.
On the bright side, I always get very toned after having a baby!

Just think of them as a cute puppy, a cute rather useless puppy.
I don't know why but it helped me! I think I like dogs more than people, probably not the best for my job😂😂
Good luck, and a glass of wine 🍷 (obviously in moderation!!)

Ds1 somehow nearly 18would not sleep in cot or in bed with us but would only sleep in carseat in cot.....which i know is not ideal. Also when i attempted 1st trip out jyst ne n him I could work the fekin baby bjorn sling (had previously tried with a teddy with no issue!) It ended up with us both cryibg as i tried to stuff him in and a walk to the shop with it almost round my knees so had to hoike it up. 7 years and 8 months age gap between my 2

I can remember one evening when I was at home with my 6 month old and 19 month old having been at work since 7am and come in as DH was leaving for work. He'd had a bad day and hadn't got round to much in terms of housework so the house was a shithole, I was knackered, there was food to be done, stuff to be sorted for the next day and I was up bathing them. DS1 was out the bath and baby gated into his bedroom while i did DS2. I came back into the bedroom with baby to get him dried and dressed to find DS1 had smeared sudocreme every fucking where.

With tears in my eyes, i looked out the window to see the woman over the road sitting with her feet up on her immaculate sofa in her immaculate room, watching tv with a glass of wine and a bowl of snacks......I hated her for that even though she had no idea and was doing nothing other than having a relaxing evening. Poor woman, I could hardly speak to her for months either :o

Also, DS2 used to poo his nappy every time he fed, he was breastfed, he fed often. Nights would consist of feeding him and he'd drop off to sleep, I'd carefully change the dirty nappy only for him to wake up and want fucking fed again....and so the cycle continued and I watched the sun come up.

Oh, OP. It's hideous, isn't it? DS2 was just the same (hence I stopped at two kids!) - never mapped for more than 10 mins in the day, woke every 30 mins all night long and screamed like he was being tortured 24/7. Horrendous. He had silent reflux and could not lay flat at all or he'd wake screaming. Even upright he'd sort of belch and gulp constantly then wake and scream. And he cried louder than any baby I've ever heard in my life. I stank, was greasy and almost bald simultaneously, and was so knackered it was dangerous. I fell asleep standing up on at least a couple of occasions, it was akin to narcolepsy I was so so tired.

The only thing that helped was when he got old enough to sit up himself, moved onto solids and his oesophagus strengthened so the reflux eased a bit. That was at about 8 months.

I split with my ex as we argued like cat and dog and were too knackered to even be polite to each other, DS1 hated the baby and the constant noise and I couldn't even get washed and dressed to leave the house lost of the time. Couldn't drive as I'd have killed someone when I fell asleep at the wheel.

I can just about forgive DS now though as he is 5 (as of yesterday) and may well be the happiest little boy ever. Everyone he meets comments on his sunny nature, he's sweet, kind, funny and just the best. DS1 adores him and best of all he sleeps all night now (though that did take a while I admit). I even have some hair now!

Hang in there, it's awful but it will eventually pass. It may just feel like a million years before it does!

Huge hugs... I have twins who are now nearly 4 but one had reflux and they were both on a feeding plan because they were rubbish at gaining weight so basically I was on a 3 hourly cycle 24/7 of breastfeeding both, giving both a formula top up one with gaviscon in it and then propping up the refluxy one for 20m so she didn't vom like something from the Exorsist.. then they would both fill their nappies and need changing so about 1.5 hours of the 3 hours was easily taken up with that leaving 1.5 hours to sleep/eat/do anything else!!! The refluxy one did grow out of it although interesting ly does still randomly vomit with colds etc. As others said once they were being weaned things got easier....just wanted you to know that you aren't alone xxx

How about weeks of postpartum night sweats! I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THAT WAS A THING?! Some weeks after DS1's birth I would literally wake up drenched in sweat every. Fucking. Night. (In addition to being woken up by a hungry/grizzly baby of course!) The sheets and duvet were WET. I ended up sleeping naked (except for pants because PADS) with a large towel spread out under me and one on top of me acting as a duvet, so that I wouldn't have to change the bedding every bloody day. The towels were drenched every night for nearly two months. That gross enough for you?

Aside from that, just wanted to say sorry you're having such a rough time.

There's nothing easy or glamorous about this whole babyhaving business!

I have found my people! I don't think anyone believed me when I said that my DS cried all day (silent reflux, colic and a baby that hated being a baby).
My mum spent a day and night with us when he was a couple of weeks old and promptly marched us off to the dr as "there has to be something wrong with that child". We got given gaviscon and a leaflet on colic

I also got sick of the sling advice - great, so I get to have a screaming baby strapped to me all day? I also couldn't sit down or he would scream and I found it difficult getting my jeans done up after a loo visit with him in the sling so I spent the next hour waddling round the house with them round my knees (as an aside a birthing ball is good for motion whilst giving you a "break").

DS would only nap in the pram/ sling so I spent days marching around the local park (I knew wver blade of grass and made friends with some dog walkers) I too would try to have a sneaky nap on a bench but he would wake up the moment I stopped. Great for the baby weightloss though....

I would leave nct meet ups in tears as mine would be the red faced angry screaming Damian and my new found friends would offer me advice such as "have you tried a sling....?" whilst their babies napped soundly wherever they lay (one kid even napped in the middle of the mat at baby sensory - wtf).

You have my complete sympathy - it is the shittiest of shit times. I hated the baby stage. My son improved at 6 months with the introduction of food and the start of rolling.

I now have a 4 week old (somehow the first 6 months of DS did not scar me/ DH for life) who seems to like life so far and, whispers, naps in her cot It has genuinely come as a surprise that not all babies cry for 14 hours a day (the other 10 being when a boob is in their face).

Those who have not had the pleasure of a screaming nightmare just do not get it.

Oh and dry shampoo. And noise cancelling headphones.

DS is an easy enough baby but when he was born I had a broken leg, leaky boobs, infected c section wound, MRSA infected leg wound from surgery to repair the break, a full decontamination regime because of the MRSA, hideous night sweats, constipation, and a horrible cough that kept making me piss myself. Plus DS had a tongue tie so my nips hurt and I kept getting blocked duct, and the toddler was understandably upset and feeling pushed out. Fucking hell, it was shit, and people kept saying 'oh your baby is so beautiful, you must feel so lucky'. No, I really didn't!

Your story sounds just like my first 5 months. First baby cried all day non stop. Had reflux and I would give her ranitidine and Gaviscon but it didn't stop the crying! I bought everything, spent a fortune of Physio, slings, every gadget going. After quite a fight with GP she was given nutramigen milk to try and turns out she was lactose intolerant - like a new baby!

You have my sympathies. It is soul destroying to have your little baby cry all the time. Doesn't last forever xx

I'm sorry OP, I sympathise as my baby had reflux, although by the sounds of it not as bad as yours. I hated being trapped in the house too.

My daughter is almost 10 months and she improved once she started solids and sat up if that's any consolation(!). We started weaning at just over 5 months when she was ready, although we were advised to wean earlier at 4 months. She hasn't been on any medicine for months now.

What really got my goat was health professionals saying "But is she putting on weight?" "Yes." "Oh well that's ok then."

Really? Ok if a baby is in pain most of the time? How cruel. That's what the paediatrician said too once we saw him, he was great.

It does get better I promise you, but I know right now that's just words.

Nrft sorry but found an article about Cow and Gate anti reflux milk - sorry if been mentioned and also found this post which mentions if the milk constipates to use the age old trick of brown sugar and cooled boiled water

DD2 has reflux caused by CMPA. Also ended up having significant nursing strikes because of the pain resulting in huge weight losses, faltering growth diagnosis, a kidney infection that caused a hospital admission and me climbing the fucking ceiling because WHY WONT THIS CHILD JUST STOP SCREAMING AT ME.

I literally went fucking mad. I used to just curl up with her and cry too because there was fuck all else that could be done. It's a pile of shit.

It does improve. I promise. DD is now nearly 18 months. She still has CMPA, we are still dairy free, she is still underweight and still has reflux that has to be medicated (but medication also does fuck all. It's literally about me feeling like I'm doing something). But it has improved massively. Make sure to take care of yourself, even if it's only a five minute walk around the block or a shower once a week on your own. Utilise all the help you can and remember that it does improve.

My reflux baby is now 23. I am still alive.

DS1 was a pretty easy baby (the toddler years were a different matter) and, to my shame, I do remember feeling slightly smug and thinking 'I don't know why people make such a fuss about having a baby'.
Boy did I get my comeuppance with DD who was born shortly after DS1 morphed into Satan.
She didn't sleep for more than 90 minutes at a time and had the worst colic anyone had ever seen- at 5pm the screaming would start and go on for hours and nothing helped. And DS2 was a total Velcro baby - a sling wouldn't do, he wanted to be held all the time.
As others have said, it does get easier until they are teenagers when it can become a nightmare again
And I am so glad that other people have DC that are scared of sand. I was so excited taking DS1 to the beach for the first time. He gingerly took a step and then stood there shouting 'NO NO NO NO DIRTY!!!' while people with children who were happily building sandcastles and paddling in the sea looked on disapprovingly. He's 17 now and the absolute love of my life.

The worst part is, we do it again!

After dc3, my hair started falling out so badly, then I go...oh yeah, I forgot that part!

Reflux is hell. Sorry you're having a hard time. Those depictions of a mother on those adverts are very very damaging!

How can something so small, cause so much destruction

My DD ended up being late to sit because she had just been held or dangled in the baby bouncer for all those months. We had the fisher price one and it meant her tummy was pressed against the hard plastic bit - was bliss to get some arm respite!

OP, my first baby was just like yours, and I spent the whole time holding her, while wearing my pyjamas and being unable to wash my hair. I was lucky that I didn't lose my hair though. She used to projectile vomit too, and would cover me and her in undigested milk. I decided one day, I was going to succeed in getting out of the house with her in the pram. My DM came over and I managed to shower and dress. DM left, I gave DD another bottle and checked her nappy. I put her in the pram, turned around to grab my keys, and she had vomited all over herself, and all over the pram. She was practically swimming in milk. I just sat down and cried. She had to be stripped, washed and changed. I needed to take the pram apart, take off all the fabric parts and wash them, but how could I do that when I couldn't put her down for a second? Luckily DM happened to come back, and held DD so that I could sort out the pram.

If it's any consolation, my second DD was a fantastically easy baby, who fed and slept and smiled all the time. I did wait three and half years before having her, as I couldn't face doing it all again until then. She was totally different.

My first dd was like this (she's now 13) I still have flash backs from when she was a baby, couldn't do anything with her, couldn't take her anywhere as she would scream in the buggy, no one ever lent over to say how beautiful she was because she was screaming, she was the same in the car too. She never slept for more than 2 hours, constantly trying to feed and chucking it back up. I felt awaful, she was my first and everyone was telling me how happy I should be. The first year of her life felt like a life time.

I just used to have a very long mac that I would use to go out in - hair tied back. Perfect for dropping my 2 year old at nursery. What was under that mac was not worth knowing about!!!
Guaranteed Mrs Perfect would waft on past, but fortunately I would only be getting side ways glances from her at this stage!! Fortunately there were lots of other mums just like me!!! I know it is a cold comfort but it does get better!! Is there a support group in your area for other mums who are experiencing the same as you?