This is my life now! But apparently it's "normal"

[Nurse15]

I'm posting this in a light hearted manner (while being entirely serious unfortunately!) in AIBU because of all the shit people tell you about how epic having babies is. my baby has reflux so severe that she constantly feed refuses. The NHS have told us there is nothing more they can do for her. As a result I literally can't do anything with her. I spend every day in this bastard house with a screaming baby. I've got no clean pyjamas because I can't leave her long enough to do the washing. My hair is greasy and falling out because post partum. I'm broke because I've spent hundred on every remedy, baby toy, baby seat, alternative medicine practitioner I can find. I bought a fucking mamaroo at £250 in the hope she would sit in in for long enough for me to shower. She won't. So I'm scummy, broke, baldy and lonely. This is parenting? I write this in a light hearted manner because if I didn't I would cry. Please share your stories of baby days and how shit they can be so I can laugh!!

[Iris65]

According to my mother I was that screaming, nightmare baby for my first 12 months. She frequently reminds me and has always done so. Although it was part of a generally shitty, dysfunctional family I felt guilty and horrible for a very long time about what a shitty time my mother had.
I'm sure that most mums have more sense than to go on about it or even describe how horrible it was, but thought I'd share how the nightmare baby can end up feeling decades later.

[TroelsLovesSquinkies]

Reflux babies bless 'em what a mess.
Mine was baby number 2, happy little chappy, luckily, but feed him and he erupted into mount Vesuvius. We moved into our clean new home not long before he was born, and he managed to ruin the fluffy soft new carpets before he ever set foot on them.
Someone gave me a 24 pack of big face cloths and I had at least a dozen prefold cloth nappies and used them to sop up after him. I found never trying to burp him and never lying him down flat work pretty well too.
He finally stopped puking around age 8. But by 2 we had trained him to do it over the tile floor or in the nearest bin. We also found what foods made it worse and avoided them unless he helped himself out of the fridge

[Captainj1]

Sounds just like my DS. He had reflux and cmpi and was just generally a grumpy little bugger. Back to my stressful full time job after 6 months, what a blessed relief that was! He's an amazing bright, kind, sensitive, confident 6yo now. But i can still remember telling newborn him on several occasions to STFU and it wasn't even under my breath...🙈Like you I bought everything, all the 'miracle' toys/slings/bouncers...he got a bit better when he could sit up and then better again when he crawled, walked etc...I think he was looking at the world and thinking 'this looks great but I can't fucking move or speak so that's all a bit shit!!!'. The more he moved, and spoke, the better he got. 18 months was the turning point.

When I had DD (miles easier although still a handful - I'm not cut out for newborns) I had a mothers help from birth for 2 days a week and it was sooooo much easier!

[Newmumtobabyno1]

Our hoover has just broken as the motor burnt out... when DH checked inside you'd think I had lost all the hair on my entire head (I probably have). Anyway it got all tangled around the brush and broke the hoover. That was from ONE hoover of ONE room not exactly weeks and weeks of build up. I find hair everywhere! Disturbingly I always seem to find it in DS's nappies, I always wonder if he is eating it .

[Headofthehive55]

I have four.
I recommends gin and red wine.
And good contraception.

[Newmumtobabyno1]

Oh and DS who is slightly refluxy and has a bad cold just threw up mucousy stringy sick all over a family members dry clean only dress... I say her fault for wearing the dress

[LavenderDoll]

DD was reflux baby
She screamed none stop for a year
I used to wonder the house in dirty pjs singing "if your happy and you know it clap your hands " whilst weeping silently...
It gets easier so so much easier

[Ohyesiam]

For the first 9 months of my dd s life I could only do things that were doable wearing a sling. So no showers etc...
Then we moved into a semi renovated house where only one room had a functioning floor. Then I cried as much as she did.
But op it passed. It's a distant from memory. I don't mean to wish your life away, but it will pass.
Sending you much strength x

[DJBaggySmalls]

I didnt sleep for the first 2 years because of colic and reflux and screaming. A friend offered to babysit for 2 hours to give me a break and they ended up in casualty
DS1 was scared of sand and grass. He hated the beach even with shoes on because the sea was moving. He once dropped his hot dog on clean grass and refused to eat it, so I swapped it with mine, he promptly dropped that one and wouldn't fall for the ole' switcheroony again.
Nursery called me on to one side for a chat and gently but firmly suggested I had OCD or was a clean freak, because he didnt like getting his hands dirty [fuckoff].

[Trustmeimadoggroomer17]

I haven't had a good night sleep in two years literally, not once. I'm tired constantly, everyone comments how I'm always tired. Yeah that can happen getting up with a baby for two years five times a night. She worse now to be fair I miss it when she was a newborn she didn't say no to every single thing I ask her to do. Sighh she still the light of my life though

[sweetkitty]

There is nothing quite like being vomited on in the face when your mouths open!

Oh OP I never had a reflux baby but a friend did and just walked all day long until her DH came home when he was given the baby so she could have a shower and a nap.

I second the other posters who have said let her cry for 5 mins to put a wash on orhage a shower honestly it'll make you feel better.

If she's 13 weeks she'll be on solids soon and hopefully this will all be a distant memory.

[BlurryFace]

Took the two and three year old to see an agriculture show (vintage tractors, cows, goats, sheep and horses to look at, some you were allowed to pet and various stalls).

Apparently DS2 is deathly scared of cows, even if he could only hear them moo. He was in bits the whole time.

So after letting DS1 pet a few goats we mooved on to the playground but the tone was set and DS2 has been stroppy and sad all day.

[Katedotness1963]

Eldest child hated being in the car when he was a baby. Screamed at the top of his lungs from the time he went in the car seat till the time he was taken out. We lived in the country, it was half an hour into the town. Bloody nightmare...and he had colic, for hours a day, every day, for about six months. He wouldn't sleep in his cot, I literally held him all day till my husband got home then he held him while I cooked, cleaned and showered, then we coslept. I breastfed, he fed about 18 times in a 24 hour period.

Looking back at his baby pictures I'm amazed at so many are of him sleeping as it felt like he never slept. Have come to the conclusion it happened so rarely we took a photo every time so we had proof.

He turns 18 in a few months, so we all survived it!

[user1494409994]

Do you live in Glasgow? Can't offer any advice but would be honoured to cook you a meal or hold onto your screamer long enough for you to get showered and changed. I've got two of my own wee dolls and thankfully the worst they suffered was a bit of colic.

[trixymalixy]

This was DS. the doctor told me that there was no other reflux medication they could try, and that as he was gaining weight the constant screaming and feed refusing was a "minor inconvenience" .

It turned out he had multiple severe food allergies and the minute we cut dairy and soya out of his diet (and mine as i was bfing), he was a different child.

[Katedotness1963]

My boys are less than two years apart. For about three years if you asked my boys what the golden rule was that would answer "never, ever poop in baff". Rinsing a couple of hundredweight of plastic bath toys in a sieve isn't a relaxing way to finish bath time, neither is picking up a pooh and asking what noise it makes. (Used to have a bunch of animal bath toys we would scoop out from the bubbles and say "what does this say")

[missanony]

My life with a refluxy baby changed so much when he was on solids and could sit up. The pain will end!

He was also such a happy kid when he wasn't in pain and hungry any more.

I used to put him in the bouncey chair in the bathroom whilst I showered and then left the hairdryer running whilst I did my make up (and dried my hair, obviously)

I would tend to put him in the pushchair by the front door and let him cry whilst I sorted myself and his changing bag (substantial for a refluxy baby). I'd then go for a walk to buy chocolate and wine whilst he screamed in the pushchair... aah, memories.

Lucky to have him but good God, it was rubbish. He remains an only child!

[itstoolateforthisbollox]

I had the exact same problem with DC2 only worse (multiple other issues as well).
I realised one day that he'd been screaming for hours while I held him, tried to play with him, tried to feed him etc....so I might as well let him scream for long enough for me to have a shower or eat or whatever. What difference does it make? None. Look after yourself!

[Arealhumanbeing]

YANBU

Don't start beating yourself up for the way you feel though.

[Minkyfluffster]

I lost loads of hair after using (a lot of ) dry shampoo, showering but not washing hair. Basically the dry shampoo turned into paste with the steam in showers, when I did wash hair a load fell out in a big clump. it looked like a big tarantula in the plug, had to bin it (photographed first).

[OuchBollocks]

DD. Oh god, DD. Went to NCT meet ups with the other mums happy, smiley, their babies sitting up in prams, the mums wearing makeup. One of the mums had a DC2 who slept through when DD was 2 years old and still waking every single hour.

Screamed in the pram. Screamed in the car seat. Screamed in a bouncer. Had to give up mum and baby pilates because she couldn't be put down long enough for me to exercise. Took her places in the sling, she wanted a 15 minute breastfeed every 30 minutes I shit you not. I was a greasy haired, dead eyed zombie. Now, she's 3, stubborn as fuck, but she is tough, independent and utterly fucking delightful. IME miserable babies improve once they get moving, and apparently refluxy babies are often quicker to get going. Hopefully it won't be long for you

[MoonHare]

Haven't read the whole thread so maybe someone has already suggested trying Home Start. If you're lucky enough to have a branch in your area they will send a trained volunteer once a week for 2 hours. It's free to you. They'll hold the baby and listen to you if you want to offload. You'd at least be able to shower once a week!
Hang in there.

[OuchBollocks]

Oh and I'm on DC2 now, and my fucking hairline is halfway back on my skull. Can you find a mobile hairdresser to come and give you a cut while you hold the baby?

[fullofhope03]

TheSparrowHawk - I just spat out my coffee laughing reading your post!
OP, I'm so sorry - I feel your pain, can't offer any advice I'm afraid as other lovely MN's have given you loads.
Sending you a massive hug and a huge amount of HOPE that things will get better for you ASAP. XXX