This is my life now! But apparently it's "normal"

[Nurse15]

I'm posting this in a light hearted manner (while being entirely serious unfortunately!) in AIBU because of all the shit people tell you about how epic having babies is. my baby has reflux so severe that she constantly feed refuses. The NHS have told us there is nothing more they can do for her. As a result I literally can't do anything with her. I spend every day in this bastard house with a screaming baby. I've got no clean pyjamas because I can't leave her long enough to do the washing. My hair is greasy and falling out because post partum. I'm broke because I've spent hundred on every remedy, baby toy, baby seat, alternative medicine practitioner I can find. I bought a fucking mamaroo at £250 in the hope she would sit in in for long enough for me to shower. She won't. So I'm scummy, broke, baldy and lonely. This is parenting? I write this in a light hearted manner because if I didn't I would cry. Please share your stories of baby days and how shit they can be so I can laugh!!

Have you tried wine as a solution to the problem? Yours I mean, not the baby.

I'm glad of threads like this, because if one depressed mother sees it and knows that she isn't alone and we've all had shit times with our kids, it might just help.

I'll also add that my non-colic son would only sleep if you put him on a towel that had just come out of the dryer.

Still, it made me feel better when DP lifted up DS once like in the Lion King to try and cheer him up, and DS shit all over him. It's the small things you have to find enjoyment in...

I was lying on my back, arms stretched up 'flying' DD (also reflux) around. She projectile vomited my own breastmilk. Unfortunately it splattered into my mouth. It's not an experience I'll forget.

Are you anywhere near me? (Oxon/Bucks) mother of 4DC and very willing to come and be puked on for as long as it takes you to have a shower and wash your hair...

OP reiterating was others have said - put your baby in a safe place and shower! Walking helped me too - the screaming is not so loud. Mine had colic only position that helped was lying across my knees - was quiet but somewhat restricted and it took me days to find this position - the projectile vomit across the room and exploding nappies - are the joy - along with the fact I was sat on a rubber ring and could only suffle - yeah when I said walking I mean so slowly it was embarrassing but better than being in doors. Time does help and the crackled nipples etc do get better. I remember ringing my Mum and asking her 'when do I get the joy of motherhood'? She was kind and helped to calm me down. Hang on in there - my ds is a lovely toddler.

Hi op, I've got no advice but did want to say that it does get better.

I think my ds2 was sent to destroy me, he drained every last bit of energy out of me. I swear no one understands when you have a baby like that. He never slept night or day, he wouldn't let me put him down long enough to do anything, eat shower or use the toilet, oh no. When he rarely did go to sleep, a pin drop on the other side of the world would wake him up.

In a way I wish I'd just given up trying to carry on as norma and embraced slumming around in pyjamas, because in the end that's all I could do, and trying to do much was only to torture myself.

I had twins and the only way to get them to nap in the first 4 months was to walk with the buggy.I looked awesome because I had a really deep tan and I was fucking ripped, I never got to eat anything sitting down and I walked about 10 miles a day. Once or twice I was so desperate for sleep that I tried walking them round the park and then sleeping on a park bench. It was a bit better once they got older but I was smiling about the PP who had to wear beige the whole time - when mine were toddlers I used to wear pants with cartoon animals on them so that when I had to go to the toilet the pants would distract them long enough that I could take a piss without them kicking off. They'd be like "bear? Bear! Mummy! Bear! Bear!" and I'd be like "yes! Bear! Look at the bears! Don't touch the sanitary products bin!" Happy days.

I found Chris Brookmyre's description of new parenthood in A big Boy Did It and Ran Away the best and most realistic description, and comforting for that. He writes about a new dad of a 3 month old baby, trying to do the shopping slowly so he can delay his return home where he'll be handed his baby, screaming, by his wife who's tearing her hair out after 10 hours of solo childcare.

Hats off to you for telling your mother where to go. Do you get all the shit from the HVs going "can your mum help?" I used to get that the whole time and I found it hard to try and explain what she was like. I felt like I could see them thinking "how hard can it be if you won't even ask your mother for help?" But my mother doesn't do help, she just uses those sorts of situations as a way to create drama while you're at your weakest. We can all do without people like that in our lives.

Oh and baby refused bottle. Got dehydrated. HV said it was my fault.. yes but...

And sleep, no sleep. If we put baby next to the washing machine it helped for five mins. The normal putting baby in car and driving didn't work. I couldn't drive anyway for 6 weeks. We tag teamed.

And baby was seriously ill with immune issues. Didn't grow. HV said I was imagining it.

But it still does pass and you are more than qualified , unlike me, to be able to spot the danger signs.

Thanks to the posters who have offered help! I'm in NI (where even the weather is shit!) but I appreciate the kind offers! You are angels!

Laughing at the cartoon pants. I'm still in my post c section up to my armpit black numbers. Sexy as fuck!

If another healthcare professional asks me "and have you any support?" I might say yes and produce the mumsnet app and a massive bottle of gin. She won't report me to the social services, right? Also anyone else who tells me I'm depressed will be at risk of death. I'm not depressed, I laugh at shit all the time. Sometimes literal shit, sometimes it's one of my nurse friends telling me what happened in work so I don't miss that delight even more

@ toomuch's bear knickers. That's a brilliant idea.

Thought she'd vomited after a feed - relieved she hadn't. Found the vomit pooled in my nursing bra an embarrassing amount of time later.

I think the cartoon pants sum up parenting about as well as anything. Humiliating and awful at the time, funny as hell later on.

The terrible 6 months were worth it when they eventually settled down and I realised one had a monobrow and the other looked like Denis Healey (showing my age there!) Aww, my lovely little swarthy babies that had more hair on their head than DP has had for 20 years.

You do find yourself laughing at the weirdest things. I somehow managed to get into watching On the Buses repeats and used to roll with laughter. I never liked it when it was on and haven't liked it since!

Love this thread! In the early days when I was ridiculous tearful, HV would ask if I had support nearby. My no was met with an 'oh dear' thanks love!

*its

DS had awful silent reflux (undiagnosed) as a baby. Second child so I never actually saw a HV or anyone to tell me he wasn't just a different baby to my first and struggled through by myself. He was bf for the first few months but the breakthrough came at about 5 months when I had to give him a bottle of formula while he was sitting in his car seat and he actually drank most of it without screaming in pain. That and a very basic electronic baby swing that swung at a healthy pace kept us sane. The swing was the only place he didn't cry for a good few months. It was meant for older babies that could support themselves but I tried it out of desperation when he was a few days old and after that he spent a lot of time in it every day, wedged firmly into the seat to keep him upright. The swinging motion didn't upset him the way being bounced or jiggled did.

None of the gripe waters etc ever helped and he was on solids as soon as possible and eventually grew out of it I guess.

You have my sympathies, it's a really miserable time.

Batiste OP, Batiste.

It won't help reflux but it'll clean and "pouffe" your barnet, making you feel maybe 1% more human?

My early parenting days were sponsored by Batiste x

How to small people make such big poor? Fiat changed 2 yo's butt. Solid poo. I swear adult sized!!!!!! No wonder he was miserable all day haha

Oh yes, and HV told me off for leaving vomit in eyebrows and ears as well as eyes..well, she had only just arrived and baby had only just been sick and no I didn't deliberately put it there.

And baby hated swing, bouncer, sling, swaddling, being backpacked, pram, rocking chair, me sitting, me standing, daddy, cot, cradle, Moses basket, car, other people, refused to crawl, refused to roll save off bed.

And all family either saying oh yes, DS was like that and what worked was...which fucking didn't in our case.. or are you sure there's nothing seriously wrong? None if the family on our side ever had anything wrong with them like that...

of pure rage and hatred.

I used to use Batiste on DD2's hair because she was scared of getting her hair washed. Then standards descended even further once we realised that as long as she got her hair wet in the soapy water from the bath each night, it never actually starts to smell. She's been doing swimming lessons recently and the teacher was like "she's on track to get her first swimming badge as long as she can learn how to put the back of her head in the water." I was tempted to say to her "tell me as soon as you've managed it, I've got a bottle of shampoo 2 years past its sell by date here"

Dammit! The Atlantic Ocean divides us or I would spend two days a week driving around to all your houses to hold those babies whilst you shower and have a nice sit down meal. I'd even fold your laundry. Hell, I'd pay you for the privilege!

(Frustrated wannabe-Granny with no babies in her life anywhere on the horizon)

Please get a shower if only for your own sanity. It's hard to feel cheerful when you're dirty.

Put the baby in a seat in the bathroom and get a quick wash. It won't hurt her if she's crying for a few mins.

Oh, I had this. DS's 18 now. At the time, my mum claimed I'd never really cried much, and had slept through the night almost immediately. Years later, she came across her diary, and discovered I'd been exactly the same, but she'd excised the hell from her memory!

People said that after three months, he'd stop crying. However, this didn't happen. Finally, after about 6 months, he did stop crying, but since then, he's always had a really high pain threshold... so I think he was maybe in pain? He'd been forceps followed by ventouse, and I wonder if that caused it.

Sleep when your baby sleeps, they say. Hah! Baby sleeps like Margaret thatcher, only occasionally, and never in the day. I sleep like rip van winkle. Hah at that!

Commiserations you've described my newborn and I for the first year!
Lower all standards. For now.
Get dry shampoo.
Many many bibs for mopping up the puke.
As soon as baby could sit I plonked her in s bumboo and she watched me shower. Infact that bumboo was a permanent fixture to her arse because it was the only thing that made her happy. Nosey Parker she was, still is, loved watching everything. Xx