This is my life now! But apparently it's "normal"

[Nurse15]

I'm posting this in a light hearted manner (while being entirely serious unfortunately!) in AIBU because of all the shit people tell you about how epic having babies is. my baby has reflux so severe that she constantly feed refuses. The NHS have told us there is nothing more they can do for her. As a result I literally can't do anything with her. I spend every day in this bastard house with a screaming baby. I've got no clean pyjamas because I can't leave her long enough to do the washing. My hair is greasy and falling out because post partum. I'm broke because I've spent hundred on every remedy, baby toy, baby seat, alternative medicine practitioner I can find. I bought a fucking mamaroo at £250 in the hope she would sit in in for long enough for me to shower. She won't. So I'm scummy, broke, baldy and lonely. This is parenting? I write this in a light hearted manner because if I didn't I would cry. Please share your stories of baby days and how shit they can be so I can laugh!!

My friend and I booked an overnight to take our baby/toddler to the beach (we are landlocked, so this was a BIG DEAL).

Her dd was terrified of the sand. Hated it. Screamed if it touched her. And was allergic to the suncream she'd bought. First day we put it on, her skin turned red, we thought "Oh no, she's burnt" and slathered the poor kid with yet more suncream.

My ds loved the beach. He loved the sand and ate it with great enthusiasm. Ditto the seaweed. He loved the pebbles and kept trying to choke on them. He loved the sea and kept speed-crawling into its watery embrace, then screaming as the waves hit him in the face.

We ended up with both kids sat firmly in the middle of a huge blanket (I think ds was tied to my foot at this point) playing with plastic beach toys but no sand/water.

It was hell.

This was DD1. Reflux so bad that trying to feed her resulted in the sofa and carpet being covered in towels and tea towels in a vain attempt to prevent everything being covered in regurgitated milk.

Every fucking feed came back up. When she got to a few months old it started coming out of both ends and I was back and forth to the doctors so many times I'm surprised they didn't send social serivces to my door. Eventually I managed to get a doctor who didn't fob me off and diagnosed lactose intolerance. She was put on soya milk and for the first time ever, kept a feed down.

But I will never forget those hellish months of being covered in vomit endlessly, never getting anything done, the screaming (mine and hers) the 3am baths to try and calm her down.

I utterly feel your pain.

Mine was a screamer . I swear some people have no idea. I could m
Leave DD with someone and go to the diagonally opposite room in my thick walled house with a pillow over my head and still hear her. I thought I'd go mad. my favourite moment was the Health Visitor handing her back to me like some u wanted package after failing to stop her crying and saying 'I've never seen one do this before'. Thanks love. Very reassuring.
It does get better. DD barely cried at all from toddlerhood on. The worst screaming and puking (I kid you not, I needed a bath towel every time I fed her) stopped when she started on solids.

Eeep that sounds tough. Must be awful.
My advice is that it won't hurt to leave her crying for long enough to have a shower. If shes safe, the positive to you will be worth it.

Then you can move towards leaving the house.

It will pass.

Second selling your mummaroo and what ever else you can. Go on findababysitter.com advertising for a mother's help to come and hold babies while you feed yourself, shower, wash dry clothes sleep whatever you want to do. I had one she was a godsend we still use her for babysitting. Expect about £10 an hour. Or have you got mum, sister, brother any family member or friend that wouldn't mind doing this for you in return for whatever banked favour for them?

It's like I'm talking to myself from 6 years ago! Dd1 had colic due to lactose sensitivity. Bfing went - excuse the pun - tits up - due to lactation failure. She's drink an ounce at a time. On days where I managed to get out to baby groups I'd feel like shit whilst the other babies cooed happily and I walked the floor with my screamer. All I will tell you is it gets better. It doesn't feel like it ever will, but it does. As a toddler, my dd was an angel. Easy going, happy, loving, ate well, slept in until 9am. I had it much easier than the baby group mums when they got to the toddler stay. Placid babies turned into nightmare whirlwinds who ripped electrical sockets off the wall. Now, aged 6, they are all pretty much the same and completely gorgeous. You are having the hard time now, but you are in for a world of fun as she grows. Once you get to 5 months or start weaning, things change quickly. And the second baby seems so much easier in comparison because nothing can be as tough as number 1.

Is baby on any meds? Gaviscon and omeprazole (liquid) is all that worked for us.

I just had a playmate with two mummies from NCT. Art gallery with puppet and dinosaur display followed by great Indian food in child friendly restaurant.

Before you hate me...

2 yo DS hates children his age of younger. And crowds. He hates screechy toddlers the most. When friend A's toddler starts he sets of mine but we cab normally divide and conquer. Friend B's toddler screeches so high the dolphins reply. Which sets of mine and toddler A.

Toddler A's mom had her food in tuppawear and took it. I managed to convince mine to sleep. Toddler B roamed around tube restaurant alone.

He also hates sand and had a huge meltdown on holiday when his pushchaor went anywhere near it.

It generally gets easier but also you just learn to care less about what you look like or what that is down your top or whether there in Pr's at 3 pm because its clean

My DS was hospitalised from birth due to reflux and failure to thrive !!!
I always thought I'd got the shitty end of the stick !!!?
I had wonderful nurses who would take him while I had s shower of some dinner!!!

It is fucking miserable. My ds1 had colic and it was hell. I had no idea about what was coming, I had never heard of colic. I had to summon all my grit to get through those first four months. Out of my mind with stress, I begged my dh to give up his job and come and help - and we'd just sell the house to pay for it - that never happened, btw.

I'm not sure if ds1 was a perfect toddler or if the baby days had made me so resilient/ patience that even the most epic tantrum didn't touch the sides.

With my ds a sling helped, swaddling helped - although I'm not sure if it's on the approved list anymore, co-sleeping helped.

My DS1 never slept more than 2 hours in a row until he was 1. He was very colicky from 6-14 weeks as well, I lived with my PILs at the time which was hell.
I used to spend hours wandering around shopping centres and I cried a lot.

Then when he was 18.5 months old I had twins. That was a whole other level of sleep deprivation and madness.

The first year of DTs lives is a blur. They're now 3.9 and 2.3 respectively and I'm slightly more sane. Just slightly.

for you

It gets better! DS was the same. Now he's 11 mo and I managed to do exercise this morning! did not manage to wash my hair though so still limp greasy mess but hey one thing at a time

I HAVE FOUND MY PEOPLE!

Yes OP, babies can be little shitebags. Avoid anyone who has a happy, content baby who sleeps and feeds well - no good will come of this.

As everyone else says..time will pass and things will get better.

In the meantime, as others have said you need to just survive each day. If baby will scream anyway, then have a shower. How old is baby? Could you even consider a half day in nursery or with a childminder to get some peace?

I can't tell you my horror stories as I'm so ruined I can't remember the last couple of years. But yeah, I became a Mum and ceased to exist as a person. Although I'm currently pg with no 2 so things must have gotten better at some point!?!?

With my grotbag (now 4) I had such a strong hormonal pull to attend to him that I just couldn't put myself first to have a shower/rest/any kind of social life - but it would have been a lifeline to have been able to have some time to myself and restore my sanity slightly.

Sell all those gadgets that haven't worked and throw money at childcare or similar help instead?

I went to some very dark places when ds1 was small. Amazed I got through it, and went on to have ds2 (a shockingly easy baby). Thing is, I genuinely feel a stronger person knowing that I got through it. There's light at the end of the tunnel, and nights out, and wine, and outside interests - little things make me much happier than they ever did before.

You have my sympathy and tonnes of respect for keeping on going, hair loss and all, through these nightmare days

My DD had horrific reflux too and my partner had had a breakdown the week of her birth which he semi disguised until we came home the day after my section. He reassured staff that I'd be well supported at home then disappeared into the attic room to sleep for 16 hours as soon as the door was shut behind us. Behaviour which set a precedent for hundreds of days to follow.

The first few months were an absolute blur and I alternated between weeping, sitting in stunned silence and laughing in disbelief through most of the vomit-soaked, poo-marinated, inexplicable screaming, slowly balding, never ever sleeping nights and days. I moved DD, baby clobber, a vanity case of toiletries a dozen box sets and myself into our tiny living room in the end so I could feel in control and kind of camped there like the worlds shittiest festival. And it really did help, to make the world smaller, it made life seem more manageable.

My worst and favourite bad day was about six weeks in when I was deranged with exhaustion and by some divine miracle DD fed, burped, settled and slept. I spread out a super king sized duvet on the sofa, turned out the light, popped to grab a glass of water from the kitchen and discovered that I had washed a nappy in with DD's cottons and that fucker had EXPLODED it's creepy crystals and then absorbed every drop of water in the drum so that a sci fi shower of jelly creatures oozed out of the open door and pooled at my feet.

I squandered DD's entire sleep sitting on the kitchen floor and crying while sort of swatting at the carnage with a dustpan and brush swearing never to be so careless again. It happened again a fortnight later and I literally asked the universe while it hated me as I howled!

Sending very best wishes for you and your sanity and a promise that one day you too will share such tales of woe as stories of survival xxx

I second that, get ALL the help you can.

DS had explosive diarrhoea every time he pooed for months. Like literally, yellow and shooting outside of his arse.

At the same time, other DS had colic and would cry constantly, sometimes almost going purple.

Oh and my hair was falling out at the same time. I wouldn't mind but we adopted!

All the lovely newborn photos you saw everywhere just fucked me off to no end. It was shit, but we got through it. Trust me, I've never known anyone who has a simple baby. Everyone who posts online about their 'angel child' is hiding all the crap and shit that comes with them.

(And ditto on the spiteful DM. Mine enjoyed my perceived 'downfall' too. She's gone bye bye now. Hooray for the power of NC.)

Oh sorry to be an old wife here, you say you have tried everything and you must be sick of suggestions. But here goes: My db had reflux back in the stone age and the doctor recommended and spoonful or two buttermilk, I don't know with what frequently and he improved overnight.

The other one is drinking anis tea, if you are breastfeeding.

I have 4 DC #3 had silent reflux by some miracle she slept 6 hours at night (no other time at all) it was hell. I went back to work after 6 months for the break!

#4 labour and birth was amazing probably because I didn't give a shiner shit about being 2 weeks over, being induced rather than home birth etc. So long as it didn't scream another 3 day Induction was a walk in the park...

Hang in there!

Those days are coming back to me reading this - once I was pushing my twins in the pram and the refluxy one was screaming at the top of her lungs (as usual). I was at breaking point - I live in a very busy city and felt like everyone was staring and I was trying to get through all the tourists with my mega pram. And what does some prick shout at me across the street in front of everyone thinking he was hilarious? 'Have you been beating your kids again?!' (Referring to my screaming baby). I turned round, face like a murderous raging sleep deprived devil 'what the fuck did you just say?!' He looked absolutely petrified and mumbled something about only making a joke. I swear I have never come so close to knocking someone out in my life!

With you all the way...

Baby screamed so loudly the street called it the name of a famous opera singer. You could hear it at the other end of the street.

40 mins trying to get it to feed. 10 mins off. Reflux. 10 mins uncomfy crying and dozing. Cries for hunger. 40 mins trying to get it to feed. 10 mins off. Reflux. 10 mins uncomfy crying and dozing. Cries for hunger. 40 mins trying to feed...

First HV wonderful, second HV a first class snotty bitch. In real life as well as professionally.

Tried everything. Second T shirt trick reasonably useful: find oldest t shirt and most revolting drying up cloth. Sling over self. Tie hair back and up, if anyone comes, remove stinky covers. Will still smell but not so badly.

best tips from friends who had same problem and sister:

Crying is exercise. A little bit does no harm ( but mine overdid it). So have a 2 min shower and leave sausage to cry for two mins.

If you manage to have a shower/bath and read a paper, that constitutes success. Don't fuss about getting dressed, washing up, completely inessential. Some days you won't achieve anything at all, some days they just need to feed and be held all day. ( I found this v comforting.)

If you are constantly crying over nothing, check it's not PND. (I ignored this, to my later regret. Took me four years to realise. )

Eat bland, don't drink alcohol (obv) or fizzy. No strawberries, melon, apples salad dressing etc too acidic. No oats, will make tummy explode. No fizzy water or other fizzy drinks, will create wind and burps. No caffeine: baby will be on edge. This is the Swiss/German advice for bf mothers, be bland in texture and taste. It made a little difference, not a huge amount but some.

It does pass, eventually. But have good back up if you can.

It was shit.

No time to reply individually but you lot are great. The stories are brilliant! I should write a book of these shitstorm stories and give it to people before they have a baby. Good to know it's all "normal" and I'm not alone!!

The nappy in the washing machine 😂😂😂

She's on omeprazole at highest dose for her weight. Tried ranitidine and domperidone but nothing helped. We've tried every milk going for cmpa and none make any difference and she fucking hates the taste of them so will take about 9oz a day while screaming! I breastfed for 10 weeks until she totally refused to feed. She's 13 weeks now.

Yes, see any of my long and boring threads for how utterly gash having babies can be.

DS1 had very bad reflux and nothing helped. I slept sitting upright with him on my chest for 6 months. Till we got a jumperoo when he was 10 weeks old. He even slept in it bouncing. . It was the first time i could shower sometimes for weeks as DH worked in the states. I remember sitting in underwear on a bare sofa all the covers were in the laundry and i had no clothes not covered in acidy vomit. I weaned at 4mo on recommendation by the paed.

How old is your baby?

Hope you're getting the liquid omeprazole at least? The tablets are fikking awf