This is my life now! But apparently it's "normal"

[Nurse15]

I'm posting this in a light hearted manner (while being entirely serious unfortunately!) in AIBU because of all the shit people tell you about how epic having babies is. my baby has reflux so severe that she constantly feed refuses. The NHS have told us there is nothing more they can do for her. As a result I literally can't do anything with her. I spend every day in this bastard house with a screaming baby. I've got no clean pyjamas because I can't leave her long enough to do the washing. My hair is greasy and falling out because post partum. I'm broke because I've spent hundred on every remedy, baby toy, baby seat, alternative medicine practitioner I can find. I bought a fucking mamaroo at £250 in the hope she would sit in in for long enough for me to shower. She won't. So I'm scummy, broke, baldy and lonely. This is parenting? I write this in a light hearted manner because if I didn't I would cry. Please share your stories of baby days and how shit they can be so I can laugh!!

I hear you. And the little one probably! Another who lived through reflux twice, second time described by her consultant as one of the worse he'd seen. My GP still uses her as the scale. One comment about meds-they are very sensitive to weight gain. We ended up pushing the upper limits again and again but that did help a bit so watch that closely.

And you have my sincere empathy. It is shit and its so hard to explain to someone who's not been through it.

On the plus side it's meant I can drive through pretty much any noise going. And rejoice now I don't wear 4 changes of clothes a morning.

DS2 had severe reflux and slept on my chest for 3 months. I went dolally , drank wine during the day just to ease the anxiety, didn't go out as it was just too stressful to be in public with a screaming baby covered in vomit. One of the funniest moments was when the HV came round and was convinced she could settle him. First she bounced him ( vommed) everywhere including on her shoes. Finally she said " would you mind if I tried something" . I said yes expecting a variation of tiger in the tree ... to my surprise she started praying , walking round whispering prayers over him. Desperate measures!
Things did improve and I have regained my sanity and gone back to work after 16 months, therapy etc . I now have a very cuddly toddler who gives me the tightest squeeze cuddles but refuses to eat anything including ice cream without complaining it is too hot!

@mrskittenpie thanks for your very helpful comment. As someone who went through infertility to have this baby I hadn't considered being grateful. So useful!

God I've just reported that insane comment from kitten, OP. Please don't take it to heart.

Assume you're up with the baby? One of my refluxy twins once puked with such force down my top that I had to change my knickers (as well as all other clothes).

(And I wasn't grateful / blessed / honoured, I was smelly / sad / pretty pissed off!)

No dont worry I'm not one bit annoyed by @mrskittenpie comment. She's welcome to come and babysit anytime

I'm in awe of all you people who have twins. Two gremlins?! WOW

I always say to neighbours with new norms that I'm happy to take a crying baby or otherwise to give them a break, even if It's just to let them get a shower. Nobody has ever taken me up on it though. But then, I'm not sure I would have either if anyone had offered. We need to be kinder to ourselves and accept help.

New borns that should be of course!

Im in awe of anyone who can make it through the first week without getting admitted to a psychiatric unit! I did, with my baby and parts of it were actual bliss. Nursery nurses on hand to palm my baby off on whilst I showered and napped. It was fab (well apart from all the soft furnishings growing mouths and talking to me and the absolute denial that I had indeed had a baby) Puperal Psychosis is batshit cray cray.
Joking aside my baby was pretty needy but absolutely nothing in comparison to what you are facing. You are going to be ok though. It really will get better. Much love to you. You deserve a medal xxx

We used to feed DS1 whilst covered in a sheet to catch the puke. I remember having to sit there like a statue hoping that this time he wouldn't projectile vomit. We ended up having to bin the sofas and carpet.

My son was like this with reflux he ended up on gaviscon, enfamil ar milk, thicken up, ranitidine and domperidon he had a dummy and spent most of his time in a bouncer so he was up right. It does get easier he is now 9 years old and constantly on the go. But at the time with dd that was 21/2 it was hard my house was always a mess, I felt disgusting and a gp blamed it all on me.

DD1 was my velcro child who loved being bounced in a certain way. Never slept. CMPI which I had to work our myself because the HV/GP could not have cared less because she was putting on weight (yes, but SOMETHING must be wrong for her to vomit like the Exorcist throughout the day, oh all babies are a bit sicky? Jesus. This isn't 'a bit' this is jug fulls ) The first 5 months were miserable till I stopped eating dairy and the sickness vanished. My hair fell out because I didn't replace the dairy cos I was doing it off my own bat. Slings didn't work for her either. Life was shit. But it did get better and DD2 was 'a bit sicky' about 3 times. THAT'S what normal babies are like. DD1 was NOT a normal baby (my words) and I'm pissed off I was fobbed off and made to feel like it was a 'laundry issue' (GPs words ) I wouldn't have bloody slept if I hadn't permanent tummy ache so no winder DD1 would only sleep on me upright.

DD2 is the dream child. But is TERRIFIED of the sea. Sand fine. Go anywhere near the sea and it's proper terror. DD1 sat in it from early times. Can't bloody win at parenting can you?

I had a baby with silent reflux who just screamed and screamed and screamed - I dreaded every feed, spent hours dealing with health visitors, doctors etc tried so many different medications. I remember one car journey where I was just driving around in circles trying to get her to sleep and she was screaming, I was crying, I ended up putting the music on loudly to try and block her out. What a precious time!

The only thing that worked was time. On dr advice I weaned early at 17 weeks which began to help and then her sitting up then standing up. It took till about 10 months to get her to sleep more than a couple of hours at a time but she did finally stop the constant screaming!

Your original post OP could have been written by me 3 years ago. I don't need to say anything except I know how u feel.

It's not your fault.
You are not shit.
You will look back at urself with such admiration once u claw ur way out this hellish time. And u will.
Don't lose urself.
You probably have nobody in RL who has a clue what ur going through and still expect u to have it all under control. Screw them.

U doubt urself now, don't. U r fucking amazing and one day u will wonder how u kept it all together. Take as much help as u can get. No auntie Norma is not right u don't need to do it all. Reflux is like the curse from hell.

Yep. I think twins are probably hard enough without reflux and other shit. I had no help other than the HV put me in touch with surestart who sent a lovely lady to help me out one morning a week.

I also remember them both having a stomach bug (they had gone past day time nappies but I had to get them again). They were systematically shitting hot water and puking - literally pumping it out both ends as a tag team. I had to ask my niece, who doesn't drive to bus it over with dyrolite. I can completely vouch for blackcurrant dyrolite in a fruitshoot and fuck everyone who says they shouldn't have sweet squash.

You also need to buy yourself an insulated camping mug so you can have a rare hot drink. Get a good one. My tea stayed warm for hours.

Most of all rise above the 'perfect' mums.(easier said than done). You will also get the 'I have it so much worse than you' competitive mums. No one has it worse than you - they are not you so don't know how you feel.

I totally agree with you on banning the perfect mum commercials. I bet if they did a real mum one their products would sell better.

Good luck. There is light at the end of the tunnel. I hope you can see the tunnel soon.

Hi I can relate to you totally. I could have written this 7 years ago. My 1st cried for the whole year , I wore headphones and cried in the next room. I lived abroad and had no help. What helped was spending what pennies I had on a babysitter, so i could go out and save my sanity. Then when he was 7 month olds I was pregnant again! having 2 under 2 was like going to war. Don't know how I survived.
Now they are 7 and 8 and life is a breeze compared the Armageddon that was babyhood. IT GETS BETTER!!

Second the person up thread who said go to Neil shah in great Ormond st. Has sorted three of my children with very severe reflux, sandifers syndrome, etc.

Ranitidine, omeprazole etc are RUBBISH.

You need ketitofen antihistamines and the occasional course of azithromycin. Please at least look him up and read his work on baby guys and mast cells.

Honestly - he is the new wave of reflux treAtment. It's evidence based, not quackery, it works. You're a HCP so please at least look it up. Xx

Guts not guys!

This thread has given me flashbacks!

DS1 had severe reflux. I lived abroad. DH worked FT. I was isolated, alone and permanently covered in sick.

I remember my mum telling me over the phone that all babies are sick. Then she visited when he was 3 months old and was at just how sick he was!

I have so many stories I don't know where to start.

How about ringing DH sobbing at 10pm asking when the hell he was getting back from work because DS had just been sick AGAIN, all inside my nursing bra and I needed help. He calmly told me he'd be leaving soon - he worked 1 hour away from home!

I used to have a shower before DH left for work, no matter how tired I was, as it was the only moment in the day for me. I'd also set off the washing machine. It would take me the rest of the day to hang it out, piece by piece, in between looking after a screaming, non-sleeping baby.

DS1 hated the baby bouncer. And the pram. And the moses basket. And anything that was not being held by me...

At 9 months our pediatrician told us she couldn't do anything else (no meds were working, neither were solids nor sitting up. Even walking at 10 months made no difference) so referred us to a gastro-pediatrician.

At 11 months he started a very strong medicine that you're only meant to take from 12 months. This helped a little bit. But he was still sick regularly and still woke multiple times a night.

Aged 3 he started school. He was sick every day on the way up to school or in school for 2 months (he didn't want to go and was very anxious and so it set off his reflux). He still woke multiple times a night.

At FOUR YEARS OLD a different gastro pediatrician diagnosed him as lactose intolerant. The difference when we cut it out was amazing. I so regret not having the diagnosis earlier!

Now, aged nearly 6, he mostly sleeps through the night (except for nightmares) and is no longer lactose intolerant. he gets travel sick and whenever he's ill he's sick, but the reflux has gone.

DS2 didn't have reflux.

DH wants a 3rd child. I don't. I can't face the risk of getting a refluxer again.

If you're in Devon I'll come and hold the baby for you ignoring the fact that my toddler and baby will probably bring more stress

I too have been here and it is awful!
A couple of things just in case you haven't tried them.
Carobel to thicken the formula.
Nutramigen pure Amino. As far as I'm aware it's the most hydrolysed formula you can get.
Sorry if you've tried those things but I remember the desperation to find something, anything that would help and sometimes there will be something no one has thought of yet!
We went through 4 months of sheer hell with DD2. Constantly at the gp telling them exactly what was wrong with her and having to wait for referrals to paediatricians whilst she faded away before our eyes. She never slept and was never happy, it made me so upset. She was eventually referred to a dietician who saved her life by taking her straight to a paediatrician and having her admitted to hospital. She was given everything she needed from then on and is now a super happy, sings all the time, dances all the time, 20 month old.

I was tempted to find my first post on mnet (under a different username then) but honestly it's too depressing. The state I was in. Nobody understood. They would all smile and nod in that yep babies cry a lot kind of way. I remember my friend being completely shocked at the way ds2 suddenly started screaming at her,she still talks about it now!
Oh and we had IVF. Had been trying for 7 years. Were we grateful? Were we heck. Kept saying to each other "WHAT have we done?" and "lets send them back"

I remember another night having the washing machine on frantically at 4am as we were going through so many clothes etc, whilst trying and failing to pacify ds2.

The lowest point for me, which I try to forget, was walking around the house wearing the same things for 3 days, not having eaten in the same amount of time. I remember standing at the top of the stairs and fleetingly thinking I wanted to throw my baby down the stairs. It was a seconds thought and of course I didn't really want to. I'm so embarrassed now but that's how bad screaming babies can be.

Oh btw, currently my dts are running around screaming "cupcake" at each other and generally being much too loud. Also, rough housing constantly. My previous,content, non screaming dc? He's the worst!

Oh you poor thing. I have been there. Eventually I just sort of strapped baby to my chest with a blanket and slept on my back, with him papoosed there, happy and sleeping on his tummy. I knew he was supposed to be in a cot on his back but I was so demented with exhaustion I think I just thought " it's him or me"!
The turning point was when he went in a cot and could roll over. Suddenly slept through the night! Some babies just can't sleep on their backs, despite it being safer. It's shit. It will be over soon I promise, hang in there.

Threads like this make me want to have a group hug!! Fwiw I am not a huggy person. But oh the relief to hear to hear from people feeling the way I did, thank you mumsnet you may have saved my sanity. Maybe that was the worst part.... amidst the hell and depression. The feeling of guilt and loneliness. I should be happy. I should be grateful. I should be able to cope. We must ban the word "should".

I was surrounded by smug idiots who had simply been lucky. Either that or people with a 1950's mentality of suck it up it's a woman's job.

There was no malice. Ignorance maybe.