This is my life now! But apparently it's "normal"

[Nurse15]

I'm posting this in a light hearted manner (while being entirely serious unfortunately!) in AIBU because of all the shit people tell you about how epic having babies is. my baby has reflux so severe that she constantly feed refuses. The NHS have told us there is nothing more they can do for her. As a result I literally can't do anything with her. I spend every day in this bastard house with a screaming baby. I've got no clean pyjamas because I can't leave her long enough to do the washing. My hair is greasy and falling out because post partum. I'm broke because I've spent hundred on every remedy, baby toy, baby seat, alternative medicine practitioner I can find. I bought a fucking mamaroo at £250 in the hope she would sit in in for long enough for me to shower. She won't. So I'm scummy, broke, baldy and lonely. This is parenting? I write this in a light hearted manner because if I didn't I would cry. Please share your stories of baby days and how shit they can be so I can laugh!!

Carob else = carobel powder. Feed thickener that I used to measure out with a gram scale as he had a set amount per ounce of powder. 0.4g iirc.

The gram scales came from the local grow your own shop. That was interesting purchasing them I can tell you.

Baby hammock. My DD had severe reflux. We didn't know until we took her out of the hammock and she stopped sleeping. Like, literally. There was 2 hours a night. Fucking awful. Baby hammocks are wonderful, magical things. Sell the mamaroo, baby hammock, dummy, swaddle.

I haven't read the thread - will go back and do so so apologies if I'm writing or suggesting things that have already been written - but your OP could have been written by me! It will get easier I promise!

Have you tried dreamfeeding? DD had silent reflux and was a feed refuser. To top it off she was also on medicine that caused low blood sugar as a side effect if she didn't eat properly. It was a stressful time to say the least! I spent months feeding her oz by oz by oz hour upon fucking hour and could basically never really leave my house. It was lonely and shit and horrible. Not helped by people saying things like 'oh, she'll eat when she's hungry', 'if she doesn't want it, let her miss a feed, so what?' And generally being not very understanding. Argh. Even nearly a year later it annoys me. I hope you have lots of support.

Back to dreamfeeding - we got DD seen by a paediatrician at 16 weeks and she was mediated with two different medicines in the end. Although the reflux was managed she had a definite bottle aversion so I used to rock her to sleep X amount of times a day and when she was asleep I'd feed. It helped loads. She went from having 1oz at a time from usually 4 or 5 (7 being our record, once only!!). I did this for every single feed until she dropped milk entirely at 13.5 months.

The reflux went of its own accord (I assume she grew out of it) at 7.5 months - around this age is common as the gut matures, they are upright more and have solids. DD was left with a very sensitive gag reflex so bear that in mind when you start weaning. In the meantime, being upright helps, maybe a sling would be useful?

Big hugs, hang in there and if your baby isn't medicated get her back to the GP and absolutely insist on a referral to hospital. I had to stamp my feet and make a massive fuss but we got there in the end (after spending 3 months being told she had colic and was 'just a fussy baby'.

Oh god yes I remember the milk thickeener. It wouldn't come out of the bottle teat so Dh went out to buy every single bottle teat size at 10 pm (we spent a LOT on trial and error) whilst I sat crying in my shit tiPhone of my house, my 3 day old pyjamas and unwashed hair. I also sent my parents on a mission for anti colic bottles in sudden realisation that they would be THE LIFE SAVER. Bless them they went to a town 10 miles away for them, and I can't even remember using them

Fuck I was a nightmare, crying, smelly, uptight, sweating buckets with anxiety whenever I left the house (there was snow on the ground) and glaring at anyone who looked at me. Years later I met someone who remembered me from baby clinics. She said she had felt sorry for me. That's how obviously on the edge I was.

OK op you've heard it I know but my first post on mnet was a horrific cry for help and everyone told me it would get better. I didn't believe them. It really really did!

My friends baby was put on all the standard reflux drugs - omeprazole etc. Nothing worked - her DD vomited non stop, didn't gain weight and was hospitalised a few times also. All the hospital did was tube feed her and then once she was stabilised send her home for the whole cycle to repeat . My friend Googled and found a dr called Dr Neil Shah and she paid privately to go see him. Within 2 weeks everything was ok. He is based in London but I wonder if these days with Skype etc that he couldn't help? Or at least recommend someone in NI?! She says he was amazing and totally lovely. he looked at treating the digestive system not the reflux but the issue with the system that caused the reflux in the first place - her daughter was put on steroids and some other medication and she was then able to take milk and gain weight. The turn around was miraculous. My friend went back to the hospital and told the drs there what dr Shah had prescribed and told the other parents suffering with the same issues with their babies what they needed to ask the drs to prescribe.

Excuse all the typos

Bloody hated reflux. Bloody hated newborn stage.
I too had the screaming one while all the other mums had beautiful, quiet babies who were passed around.
We were once at a baby massage course (oh the fun shit we used to do) and I'd covered dd in special oil and she was screaming and dragging herself by half rolling etc. Do you know how hard it is to try and grab a baby that's extremely slippery and also having a screaming episode? While desperately trying not to ruin the ambience for the others with their zen music on? = very very hard. She also got covered in dust and bits of hair from the floor as she pulled the towel from beneath her. She looked so pretty that day...

We also used colief as dd couldn't break down lactose. Fun times.

She's since had a few problems along the way that have nearly broke my soul, but as she's a chatty, loveable, polite 3 year old, it's just so much easier.

I remember it being better once babies smile. Like a mini reward for all the crap they put you through.

Also if at the end of the day, you can say 'everyone's fed, and nobody's dead' then you're winning on those really difficult days

I adopted our 2 DDs at 1 year old (they're full siblings, 3 years apart); with DD2 she took a long time to bond with me, well it wasn't long really, only 2 weeks, but it felt like forever. Then she wouldn't let me out of her sight and would scream if I ever left her with anyone, apart from DH, even to go the toilet. Even at 18 months old she wanted me to carry her constantly, it was exhausting, especially as my older DD hadn't started school yet at that stage. It was a very tough time, and I was totally shattered, especially being an older mum in my 40s lol.

In the end, I made the decision to put her in nursery for 2 mornings a week so that she could get used to being looked after by other people besides DH and me. It worked, she didn't look back! She's still clingy and still keeps asking to be picked up (she's 5 now and about to start year 1 and is pretty heavy haha!), but she loves school and has lots of friends.

No funny stories but can totally sympathise as I have a 20 month old who had severe silent reflux, cmpa and feed refusal when younger. Was absolute hell and so stressful and worrying. Neocate, high dose omeprazole and time eventually improved things. It's only now in the last couple of months that she has started to enjoy her formula now that we add vanilla to it so it tastes better. Hoping things improve for you very soon!

Just be grateful

I'm so sorry to hear how hard it is for you. During the 'brutal' newborn stage I said to my husband (when I was severely sleep deprived)...

"They say it's worth it but I don't think it is"

I felt TERRIBLE for thinking it and even worse for saying it out loud. At the time I DID feel like that, but now, at 4 months in I don't feel like that at all, thankfully.

My only advice on the reflux is get a second opinion just in case it's something else...xx

Please don't spend any more money.

And please, just let her scream and go for a shower. You feel like you can't leave her, but you can and you must.

With my first I ate my meals with him in my arms and I haven't a clue why. It didn't even occur to me with my second and it seems like complete madness now.

Try and put yourself first for a few minutes a day. Just put her down and go in another room and try to ignore the noise for a short while. Shower, get dressed, take care of yourself.

I've been right where you are. I feel you. It's shit. I cried every single day for over 8 months (as did dd). The screaming was fucking horrendous and not being able to do anything about it made it even worse. I used to thrust dd at dh the second he walked in the door then go upstairs and sob! The shit times will end, honestly they will. It doesn't seem like they will ever stop screaming but they will. Dd had cmpa and absolutely fucking horrendous acid reflux. Prescription milk (which smells like shite and which she is still on aged 3!) helped, as did a super high dose of omeprazole twice a day.

With dd the screaming all day every day stopped around 6 months, she eventually slept for more than 30 mins at a time at 17 months and now, at age 3, she's a little sweetie - a smiler who sleeps 12.5 hours a night (I know!).

There will be something that can be done for your baby. Keep going back, don't let them fob you off (says the woman who cried at the doctor and made dh go back to put his foot down cos she was too exhausted to deal with it all). If you can't deal with the argument with the professionals send someone who can. They wouldn't leave an adult in pain, why should it be acceptable to leave a baby like that just because they're too small to verbalise it. Good luck! It does end, I promise!

OP if you're in NI, is your address in a surestart catchment area?

I don't know if it's any consolation but my first child was one of those magical babies that slept 12 hours a night and went 4 hours between feed however when she became a toddler......
...who knows, maybe you'll have an easier toddler, after this tough start?

Both my DDs had severe reflux - they cried unless held upright, struggled to sleep, went through several outfits a day and I pretty much constantly had sick in my hair. One day I managed to make myself a tuna sandwich for lunch (instead of just grabbing a biscuit) and I remember feeling so proud to have achieved that! Ranitidine and Domperidone helped a bit with the pain - although they still vomited copiously. It did get better once they were more independently upright and then mobile. Although DD1, who is now 13, still has it a bit. Remember that as long as they are safe, it's fine to grab a shower - they may cry, but it's the reflux - not you neglecting them. Being a good Mum means looking after yourself too. It seems interminable now, but it will pass - and things will be easier.

Oh God - the howling, the sleeplessness, the stress, the bollocks you're bombarded with about how lovely and fullfilling motherhood is when you feel like you're drowning and would throw the world under a bus for a bath and a nights sleep.
It does get better. Hang on. Be kind to yourself. Don't expect too much - little victories.

I love how many people have come to say they've been in your shoes: so have I.

My ds's first year passed in a haze of constant screaming (him) and eventual PND (both me and dh). I couldn't believe what we'd done: if the hospital had a returns policy I'd have gladly given him back. It was a terrible time and I felt so awful that I wasn't loving every minute the way we're constantly told to.

All I can offer is the knowledge that it gets better. DS is nearly three and an utter joy. Compared to his babyhood, toddler times are very easy. He's a hilarious and happy child and we can't imagine life without him.

We still shudder at the awful memories but they must have faded because we are expecting number 2 early next year.

You can do this. You don't have to like it and you don't need to feel bad for getting through it with gritted teeth. It sucks. Please keep an eye on your own health: after a while the stress and the sleep deprivation caused me to become depressed. If that happens, please talk to someone.

Oh OP. I have been there. It is indescribably shit. I have 2 dds 15mo apart. There is a very good reason I didn't have any more! !! I booked myself in to the local hospital & had my tubes tied I was that scared of having another baby like dd2!!!! Everyone will tell you it gets easier. It really does, I promise. My 2 are 9&10 now. Just keep going every day, get out as much as you can. Anything that means you aren't stuck at home with a screaming baby. I learnt the howling sounds better when walking along the Thames towpath! Just keep going. You can do this OP. And you aren't a shit mum for saying it is hell, you are just more honest than the rest of us x

My first two were angels. My third was also an amazing newborn. Would sleep all night, never cry, always smiling, weened like a dream and I could even take her to the gym with me and she would happily sit in her pram smiling away. Thought I knew it all with my 3 perfect bundles of joy.
Then she turned 11 months. Fuck me. Between then and now (21 months) I don't know what happened. She moans, cries, won't go down to sleep for a nap, bedtime is a battle, screams at me to go away, throws things, she doesn't want to be away from me yet doesn't want to be with me, throws food. You get the picture. It goes on and on and on. She's not 2 yet. Toddlers are evil little shits.
I'm hoping this will pass. It may be different but I do feel your pain.

DS was identical. Reflux. everything. torture. Grandparents (safely abroad) offered us camcorder to record early days. I remember refusing in hysterics saying I just wanted to forget. He would only sleep on me or on washing machine, spin cycle, burnt out a motor every three weeks. DD (4 years later, guilt tripped into it) was so different I thought she must have brain damage. Rang health visitor to explain she'd been asleep for 4 hours once. Was convinced nearly dead. HV said, "Babies do sleep' well not in my experience they didn't. Can't give any light at end of tunnel, he's 25 now and still weird. HTH.

Just seen you might be NI area. If you are IOM please PM me. I'm more than happy to help & give you a break.

Fellow nurse here. dd2 had reflux and the early weeks almost destroyed me. Breast feeding,winding, putting dd2 down to sleep and just as I dozed off id hear the splatter, changing the bedding and dd2 clothing and nappy then rinse and repeat. I didn't sleep, eat or shower. I was a wreck and the hv wondered why I didn't want to do "baby rhyme time"

Honestly I'd rather deal with a ward of sevely demented incontinent patients with minimal staff than have to deal will another reflux baby.

Dd3 arrived 22 months later and thankfully didn't have reflux. I remember peeing on the stick and the dread when it turned positive as I was so scared of another reflux baby.

This to shall pass is the mantra to my parenting and it's said like a train "thistoshallpass,thistoshallpass"

DS was a total bottle refuser and fed every 90minutes for 4 months. He was the most happy and content baby, as long as he was being held, day and night. The Moses basket, bouncer chair baby gym, snuzpod, pram did not get touched. He slept in my arms, nose to nipple every night and woke every 90minutes.

I was a smelly, greasy, balding husk of a woman. Exhausted from sleep deprivation, fat from all the eating breastfeeding made me do - gained over a stone and due to birth trauma, pissed myself on daily basis.

I'll never do it again!

You couldn't pay me enough to repay those first 6 -8 months.