This is my life now! But apparently it's "normal"

[Nurse15]

I'm posting this in a light hearted manner (while being entirely serious unfortunately!) in AIBU because of all the shit people tell you about how epic having babies is. my baby has reflux so severe that she constantly feed refuses. The NHS have told us there is nothing more they can do for her. As a result I literally can't do anything with her. I spend every day in this bastard house with a screaming baby. I've got no clean pyjamas because I can't leave her long enough to do the washing. My hair is greasy and falling out because post partum. I'm broke because I've spent hundred on every remedy, baby toy, baby seat, alternative medicine practitioner I can find. I bought a fucking mamaroo at £250 in the hope she would sit in in for long enough for me to shower. She won't. So I'm scummy, broke, baldy and lonely. This is parenting? I write this in a light hearted manner because if I didn't I would cry. Please share your stories of baby days and how shit they can be so I can laugh!!

mrs oh yes I used to dream of meach needing a hospital admission just to get a break from my dts

Oh how did I forget my crowning moment as a mother.
Health visitor was convinced I had depression and my older dh must be abusing me kept coming to the house.
This particular day dd1 had projectile poo as I changed her nappy, and dd2 felt the same way I did about that and vommed all over herself and me. I was trying to run a bath and carry 2 com/shit covered babies to the bathroom when the doorbell rang, so waded through the shit/vom to the door and there was the health visitor. I didn't even blink I shoved shit coated dc's into her posh Beige coated arms and said ' about time you became useful.' I then went about making her help bathe them. She left in dh's old u2 tshirt and never called unannounced again

My DD had very bad reflux could not keep anything down. We went with an ng tube at 3 months and fed via a pump. From 3 -12 months despite being tube fed v v slowly from 7am - 11am via the pump she still vomited her ng tube out up to 5 times a day. Was an utter nightmare. After much chasing, changing doctors and much more I managed to get her a nissens fundoplication done that totally corrected her problems. My DD is now 10 years old and doing very well. I remember phoning the community team at the hospital saying there must be something else that could be done and they said no. It is f awful. Hoping you can get something sorted soon. If you have any questions please pm me.

Oh OP. I feel your pain. Two memories stand out.

DD vomited on me when she was tiny. A lot. One day I remember having just washed the sheets and my dressing gown and made the bed after the last time she vommed. Then she vommed again. I cleaned her up, took the new sheets off and made the bed (again), showered and put on my last clean nightie. She vommed. Again. All over the bed, the floor, me and my freshly washed hair and clean nightie. I'm standing there with a huge pile of dirty sheets and clothes on the floor holding a filthy baby and looking at the freshly made and freshly thrown up on bed, me covered in vomit. I burst into tears and remember sobbing out loud, "this wasn't what I wanted!"

The other was when at about 10 weeks I arranged to go down the road for some drinks with friends. First time out. Wooooo. I spent two days carefully expressing enough milk for DH to look after her for the evening and was delicately adding the last few mils to the bottle... when I knocked the whole sodding thing over the worktop and floor. I burst into tears at which point DH, very pleased with the opportunity for a gag, said, "Ah well, no point crying over split milk" with a big grin on his face. I nearly punched him!

It got better xxx

"Gin"

I remember when I eventually got out of the house people would comment and say aren't they lovely and I would snap back 'NO they never fucking sleep'. I left a few grans wishing they hadn't said anything

Massive, massive hugs, OP.
Reading all your posts (plus everyone else's) has reminded me of just how fucking shit life was for about 6 months with DS.

I fucking hated other mums.
Hated how they looked happy and wore clothes that looked clean.
That they could carry smallish changing bags around.
That their child gurgled and cooed and all that shit.

Mine puked. Projectile vomited ALL THE FUCKING TIME.
He screamed. He looked quite often like his head was going to explode.
Poor lad had/has CMPA/ various other allergies/severe reflux/severe colic/gastro issues and was generally just not made for this world.

He puked and shat like liquid bombs had gone off inside him.
One day I ran up the stairs to my husband's girly screams to find DS projectile puking/shitting and pissing all over OH, the bedroom walls and floors and anything else within firing range. It was hugely fucking grim.

I could never go out without about four changing backs worth of stuff that included enough muslins for all the babies of the world and several changes of clothes for him and me. Just leaving the house was an epic battle.

When I got to baby groups I felt like stabbing all those perfectly preened mum's in the eyes!

But - it got better! After months of him only sleeping upright on my chest (and me being so sleep deprived that I made a chilli with coffee from the percolator and put countless random items in the fridge, including my hairbrush, my phone and shampoo) he started to get better.
Ranitidine/Omprezole and Neocate saved us and we weaned slightly early and used Carobel to help thicken things.
After he was weaned, my life totally changed. I had allergies to deal with but there was just SO much less sick and he was much happier.

You'll be ok, I promise. Just take one day at a time and gather around a group of friends who can help you. Do you have something like a Homestart charity so you can get a volunteer mother's help in to support you? It'd be fucking brilliant if you can xx

That was an epic cathartic post!! Oops!

Sorry gin

I once looked at DD aged 3 months in the middle of the night and became convinced she was Voldemort in the Kings Cross station phase. And that was the 'easy' baby.

Assuming the baby is putting on weight? DS had projectile reflux and also serious respiratory problems, both caused by floppy connective tissue flaps. The paediatricians were always amazed he was thriving without being tube-fed, because apparently they have to tube feed them sometimes.

My pregnancies have been so truly horrific the newborn bit seemed easier in comparison, and because I was in such a bad state I had a lot of help from family. However, I well remember having to rush DS down to the hospital every few weeks (emergency) on crutches, whilst he went into respiratory distress (the reflux was an after thought really).

It does get better, eventually. He still doesn't sleep though the night now (3 years later).

I used to get my husband to check my head nightly for bald patches as it was coming out at such a rate of knots.

My dd was 7 days old and still screaming at 2am after a day of solid crying. I told dh she couldn't possibly cry all night but she must have seen this as a challenge. At 4:30am I was walking the streets with her and in tears myself .... it was my birthday and I have never felt so sorry for myself. It was onwards and upwards from that moment and being a mummy is fantastic I now have a 6 Yo dd and a 3 yo ds and honestly could not be happier. I know it's rough at the beginning but hold on tight and it will be brilliant ps: number 2 was easy as pie in comparison

More practically - station yourself by a wooden/tiled floor, for the hour after feeding (and obviously keep upright). Easier to clean a hard floor.

Also might not work until September, but phone the local college that runs childcare courses and ask if they're looking for families for placements. They like to send them to the more challenging households and you might get a few free hours off (though you have to stay nearby).

Alternatively if there's a 15/16 year old nearby over the summer hols you might be able to pay a relatively small hourly sum for an hour off here and there - enough to have a shower, clean up a bit, sleep even, whilst someone else dons the waterproof clothing and holds the baby in an upright position.

Why are smile faces replaced by green bottles? What do these look like to you?

Take baby in shower with you (or bath but I like my baths really hot!). If you're worried you will drop the slippery littler sucker sit in the shower. You both get clean until the next vom
Baby in sling, pips in your ears & walk in the woods listening to music that makes you happy

2 of my 3 children were scared of grass both extremely texture sensitive. DS used to crawl on his knees with feet up to get to something he wanted DD just screamed until someone brought her what she wanted they both also lie down randomly on rugs to rub their faces... makes my weirdo eldest seem almost normal!

Oh also remember telling HV my baby was a very loud screamer & she eyerolled & said oh every mother thinks that.... my super introverted DD got over the shock of another person being there & reverted to normal screaming. HV winced & exclaimed that she was the loudest baby she had ever heard.... my second was louder & needed to scream right by my head. All my hearing aids in later life wil be billed to my children.

Sorry testing now

I hated the baby stage, I also had massively raging postnatel depression and anxiety. I hated babygroups and used to cry going to them, but went because I hated being in the house more. I used to literally become suicidal everytime the summer holidays came around as ALL the groups stopped (why?!).

Anyway, we've survived somewhat all in tact. I love my ds's, turns out they both have additional needs, which explains an awful fecking lot. But I love them to bits and pieces and wouldn't be without them (they even sleep occasionally now).

My oldest is currently baby crazy, seriously if he saw you in the street, he would come and ask if he could stroke your baby. He also blows kisses to bees. It does get better, but until then, wine in a sippy cup anyone?

We have an emojis misfunction! What's going on?

I had an epic screaming baby first. Tried everything too. It slowly got easier. Although she has ADHD which partly explained it, she is fab now, aged 7 and is very happy, kind and generous, if a little highly strung at times.

I had another baby - decided once DD1 was sleeping better at about a year old. DD2 was a dream baby in comparison. It was lovely and I got my proper baby experience that time, although she's now the naughty one plotting world domination.

It will pass and you will find things that work, even if they stop working and you have to find something else. My first year with DD1 was the hardest thing I've ever done and the longest year of my life. It has since flown by. Try to treasure the little moments of joy even if they are surrounded by shitty times.

Cover your carpeted floors in crappy rag rugs! Or plastic sheeting. Then you can deal with any projectile stuff more easily.
Clevermama bed protectors are amazing. They don't have that horrible plasticky crinkly feeling.
We had/have SO many sets of cot sheets and duvet covers. eBay can be your friend for getting cheap ones.
White ones can be soaked and bleached!

On a good day batch cook shitloads of meals for you so that you don't have to worry about feeding yourself when baby is doing a Poltergeist moment.

DD did nothing but scream for the first 4 months. Literally, we've hundreds of pictures and she's screaming on every single one.

I was crippled for the first few weeks after birth and incontinent. Unable to wash etc so I'd be laid there on the couch, looking like stig of the dump, pissing away whilst the family were round, pretending to enjoy DD who never stopped!

She fed every 40 mins, screamed, slept for 20 mins then fed again. From 6pm - 2am she didn't even doze, she just roared and road. Every. Fucking. Day.

I lost count of how many times I'd be sat in the garden, filthy, still pissing away in my incontinence pants, chain smoking, downing red Bull by the gallon and weeping wondering wtf I'd done.

I'm not even kidding, in the throws on pnd, I was googling priests that would preform exorcisms.

Now at 8months she's absolutely brill. She finally started smiling and laughing. Thank christ. And she's such a happy little thing!

Hand in there OP. Your turn is coming!

Have you tried domperidone and ranitidine? Both my two were cmpa, horrendous reflux, take multiple change of clothes for both of us and still on occasions ended up having to buy a charity shop wonder get me home clothing.

Depending on what your husband does, I found getting mine to do the first 2 hours 6-8am, helped immensely, as I felt so much better for some deep sleep.

It does get better, but so glad the days of projectile vomiting yellow milky acid fluid across cafes, friends new carpets, etc

Award yourself one chocolate button for every time a stranger says "have you tried..."
My kids are pukers. It gets better. Don't beat yourself up for wishing this period away, it sounds miserable!

Nurse, I had the same with my eldest DD. The only thing that worked was cranial osteopathy. I found one did not work and one that did. The one that did work is not particularly personable but very good. It might be worth a try for your DD.

Dark humour got me through the worst of nightmaretastic Reflux with ds. Very dark at times I recall.

Ds didn't eat until he was a year old. Seriously. At one point he was on 64 ounces milk a day. Of which I would be cleaning up at least 50. 60 on a bad day

Dh and I used to keep a book of who got the furthest vom.

Up until the beginning of the month when we redecorated our bedroom I still had a puke patch behind my bed. A winning combination of neocate and carob else for those in the know. It's taken 4 coats to paint over it.

We used to keep a packet of disposable inco mats and a roll of gaffa tape in the car.
The first mat got draped over ds in his carseat and lightly taped down, the second mat taped to the back of the seat with a pocket. This wasn't overkill, it was necessary. Neocate vomiting stains anything it comes into contact with a sort of purple stain.

Oh and I also purchased a second set of covers for the pushchair and carseat.

As it turns out the Reflux was secondary to other issues but bugger me my washing powder habit for the first year almost bankrupted me. We brought EIGHT boxes a month.

Little bugger is now 3 years old and apart from food allergies is doing fine.

one I'm seeing faces but you are seeing bottles? The emojis are trying to tell you something