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AIBU?

Who is BU? Antenatal waiting room

184 replies

waitingroomangst · 27/07/2017 12:20

NC just in case it's rather outing. I was at the antenatal clinic this morning getting a routine check up at the hospital. The waiting room was PACKED, there were hardly any seats free and we were told to expect long delays in being seen today.

2 seats are currently free so a woman with her two DSs one maybe 4, the other 7-8ish make their way to the seats. The younger child sits on mums lap, the older child takes the free seat next to her.

About 5-10 minutes pass and now there are no seats free in the waiting room and a few women now have to stand while waiting. Woman whose child is in seat doesn't ask child to vacate seat for heavily pregnant women.

AIBU to think that the child should have got off the seat to let a pregnant woman sit down? There was a "kids corner" full of toys and books he could have distracted himself with and played with his brother, additionally I don't know why the mother didn't bring them any books or an iPad or something for her sons while waiting.

This is my first child so please feel free to tell me "I don't understand because I don't yet have kids" or something to that effect.

OP posts:
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AccrualIntentions · 28/07/2017 12:23

Morphene You're conflating things which are not the same. No one is setting back feminism or progress by taking a seat that's been offered.

I'm a woman, I offer my seat to men who may need it more than me. If men could get pregnant I'd offer them my seat. I hold open doors to everyone without considering whether they're male or female first. Frankly it's rude and weird not to. Presumably if I were male and did these things I'd be a misogynist.

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Passmethecrisps · 28/07/2017 12:23

Last time I was in maternity triage it was like a day out at a tourist attraction. There were lots of children there (it didn't bother me massively until one wee one demanded her daddy look at her after he had ignored her for about 30 minutes of her asking quietly) and one lady had brought her very elderly in laws for "a wee trip out". When one woman rushed in with something obviously wrong the staring and commenting was absolutely hideous.

There are signs up saying priority goes to women for seats and no children but I do get that it is more complex than that sometimes. A bit of decorum wouldn't have gone a miss though

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MrEBear · 28/07/2017 12:27

I certainly have more issues with the men sitting than the child.

Dragging 2 kids to an antenatal appointment is not done for fun. I'm assuming that she had no real choice. 7 year old boys can be full of energy and given he was sitting quietly then leave him be. She probably had him warned to "sit in a seat and don't move" If he moved onto the floor I'd have visions of the 4 yo wanting to join him and then they'd start horsing about. Leaving poor mum bedraggled and everybody tutting at her for not being able to control her children.

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AccrualIntentions · 28/07/2017 12:28

Passmethecrisps It was the same last time I was in the ultrasound waiting room. There was a woman there with 2 kids, her husband/boyfriend and her mother. Only her partner was allowed in the room for the scan, so why the heck didn't the mother take the kids somewhere instead of them all taking up half the waiting room?

I don't get the logic behind wanting an entourage to come to medical appointments. One, maybe two people for support should be the maximum. If you want a fun day out for all the family to see the baby on screen then book a private scan.

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CatInTheMat · 28/07/2017 12:30

There could be a good reason why the child was sitting.

My DD has a hidden disability and cannot stand for long periods of time so in waiting rooms etc she needed a seat. She's a teenager now but I use to have to drag her to medical appointments (if they were in school hols etc) because I am a lone parent with all my family miles away.

I am sorry to say but in that position I wouldn't have got my child to stand. Please do not judge until you know the facts.

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Passmethecrisps · 28/07/2017 12:31

Absolutely agree accrual. The lady with the elderly parents in law had a very loud convo on the phone where she criticised the staff heavily for being jobs worths in not letting both FIL and MIL in for the scan. Given that she was then sent to triage with concerns it seems sensible to limit people but that seemed to pass them all by

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shakingmyhead1 · 28/07/2017 12:42

Wink come come ladies ( and gents or any other sex or non sex identities ) its 2017 we are meant to be super understanding , those people all might have looked like men or women or children BUT might have identified as a pregnant women and absolutely NEEDED that seat!!! Wink

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DioneTheDiabolist · 28/07/2017 13:00

Morphene, fortunately you are not like everyone else raised in this society. Most people are intelligent and sufficiently aware that pregnant women in an antenatal waiting room are patients in a specialist medical facility designed specifically for their needs and act accordingly. That you feel more empathy for a man's embarrassment rather than the real pain, discomfort and fear of a pregnant woman in a maternity wing is telling and tragic.

But now you know, you should own your own misogyny, address it if you want, but don't tell pregnant women in an antenatal waiting room that their need for a seat sets back feminism. It doesn't.

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ChardonnaysPrettySister · 28/07/2017 13:03

The comment about setting back feminism was to me, Dione, for accepting a seat on the Tube I didn't really need but that was nicely offered to me.
Grin

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DioneTheDiabolist · 28/07/2017 13:28

Offering and being offered a seat somewhere is a lovely thing done by lovely people Chardonnay.Smile It has nothing to do with setting back feminism. That argument is only made by the selfish and the stupid.

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Morphene · 28/07/2017 13:34

Yeah lovely. I bet you are the kind of women who simper when people say you look too young to have children and the like...as if looking too young to have children is a badge of honour.

Maybe you also enjoy a good wolf whistle as well.

Well there is no point arguing with those who just can't see the drip drip of casual sexism.

For the record, I was never referring to men's embarrassment in offering to move, it was the embarrassment of women assumed to be pregnant or otherwise physically incapable when they aren't that I was most concerned with.

That and the fact that assumption of physical and mental incompetence is misogynistic.

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Alltheusernamesalreadyinuse · 28/07/2017 13:36

If that woman was in the antenatal clinic, chances are she was pregnant! Pregnant with two dc's likely means she wasn't thinking straight! I'd cut her some slack!! Smile

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DeleteOrDecay · 28/07/2017 13:42

His mother should have told him to stand. A child generally wouldn't think to give it up themselves such is their nature.

I'm surprised you posted about a child not giving up their seat rather than the adult man who should surely know better.

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DioneTheDiabolist · 28/07/2017 13:46

How much do you bet and what odds are you offering Morphene? Not that it matters, I'll take it because you are wrong. It appears you lack psychic abilities as well as common sense in medical waiting rooms.

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ChardonnaysPrettySister · 28/07/2017 13:48

You are funny, Morphene. Unintentionally so though.

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AccrualIntentions · 28/07/2017 13:49

I'm quite fat, even when not pregnant. I've been offered a seat by someone who thought I was pregnant. I was a bit embarrassed. Me being fat and a little embarrassed doesn't mean every person should stop offering their seat to pregnant women.

For the record no, I'm not one of "those women". That sentence in your post sounded far more derogatory towards women than someone offering someone a seat is.

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DioneTheDiabolist · 28/07/2017 14:11

You can donate my winnings to pelvicpartnership.org.uk and PM me a screenshot of the donation. Thanks Morphene.Thanks

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GinaFordCortina · 28/07/2017 14:23

1/2 of women suffer pregnancy related nausea.

The incidence of pelvic pain in pregnancy has been reported as between 48–71%.1,2,3 Pubic symphysis dysfunction has been reported in 31.7% of pregnant women.1 The reporting of symphysis pubis pain is also rising due to low reports in the past and/or greater recognition by practitioners.1,2,

It's not an illness but it certainly causes physical symptoms. Just because some women run marathons doesn't mean other women should be ashamed of suffering.

Many of the women waiting in hospital will be there for specific reasons that unrelated to normal pregnancy checkups.

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CherryChasingDotMuncher · 28/07/2017 14:51

Pregnant women should not be treated the same as every other person on the street, because they are carrying a child. Same for disabled people. For arguments sake let's call it special treatment - yes, pregnant women DO deserve special treatment, and recognising that, and thus offering them a seat, has got fuck all to do with feminism - it's basic human manners.

I just can't believe people wouldn't offer a seat to a patient that was in a clinic designed for that very patient! Would you also take up a seat in a orthopaedics clinic and let people on crutches stand? After all, why assune they need a seat, hey?

Look, if you're in an antenatal clinic waiting room, you do assume a visibly pregnant woman needs a seat. And you offer it to her. If she says no thank you, then it's yours. The onus is NOT on her to ask, it's on YOU not to be a selfish cunt.

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GinaFordCortina · 28/07/2017 14:56

I think it is a feminist issue.

Acting like there is some shame and a divergence from the 'norm' by being pregnant and experiencing normal pregnancy symptoms is misogyny.

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DioneTheDiabolist · 28/07/2017 15:26

It is definitely a feminist issue. A man sitting in an antenatal waiting room while pregnant women stand is the epitome of male entitlement.

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Andrewofgg · 28/07/2017 15:26

I would be sorry to think I am being sexist when I offer my seat to an obviously pregnant woman on public transport - but I don't think I am and I will go through n doing it.

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DeleteOrDecay · 28/07/2017 16:08

Is it ageist to give up your seat for an elderly person in a waiting room, on the bus etc?

No so why is it sexist to give up your seat for an obviously pregnant woman?

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Morphene · 28/07/2017 16:11

s'okay Andrew...go right ahead.

The men in my office who offer to help me out all the time because I'm a woman so it must be harder for me, don't think they are being sexist either.

Some fraction (though definitely not all) of wolf whistles think they are doing women a favour too.

As I said earlier in the thread, I was tremendously grateful to all the people (not just men, women too) who gave up seats for me when I was pregnant when I asked them to - I don't feel the same way about any of the people who offered me a seat unasked.

In exactly the same way I am grateful to people at work who open the door for me when I'm carrying something and ask them to. I actively dislike the ones that do it unasked for no other reason than my XX status.

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Morphene · 28/07/2017 16:12

delete if an elderly person asks to sit then no, its not ageist. Assuming an elderly person needs a seat just because of their age is indeed ageist.

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