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AIBU?

Who is BU? Antenatal waiting room

184 replies

waitingroomangst · 27/07/2017 12:20

NC just in case it's rather outing. I was at the antenatal clinic this morning getting a routine check up at the hospital. The waiting room was PACKED, there were hardly any seats free and we were told to expect long delays in being seen today.

2 seats are currently free so a woman with her two DSs one maybe 4, the other 7-8ish make their way to the seats. The younger child sits on mums lap, the older child takes the free seat next to her.

About 5-10 minutes pass and now there are no seats free in the waiting room and a few women now have to stand while waiting. Woman whose child is in seat doesn't ask child to vacate seat for heavily pregnant women.

AIBU to think that the child should have got off the seat to let a pregnant woman sit down? There was a "kids corner" full of toys and books he could have distracted himself with and played with his brother, additionally I don't know why the mother didn't bring them any books or an iPad or something for her sons while waiting.

This is my first child so please feel free to tell me "I don't understand because I don't yet have kids" or something to that effect.

OP posts:
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WillowCreek · 27/07/2017 14:15

apparently some pregnant women are incapable of finding childcare

I am one of those women, my husband works shift work and can't always get time off and I have a really limited support network. It is a case of don't make my antenatal appointments at all or bring him along. We are limited funds household and live close to London so childcare is soooo expensive!

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coddiwomple · 27/07/2017 14:18

I had experienced men giving up their seats, many times, even when I am not pregnant (and don't look like it) which is lovely. I have experienced elderly people giving up their seat when I was pregnant or on crutches - which is slightly embarrassing. Women? I think once a lady gave me her seat, otherwise in the trains or others, they ignore anyone needing it, me or other women.

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lavot · 27/07/2017 14:18

This reply has been deleted

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GinaFordCortina · 27/07/2017 14:27

Kids don't think, is much more likely have started a thread about the bloke sitting down Confused

Slightly off-point but I never understood why (in some cases) an entire family of 2 adults and 3 kids attend ante-natal appointments. Leave DP at home with the weans and read magazines in peace while you're waiting!

Maybe he wants to be there? Is that strange?

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GinaFordCortina · 27/07/2017 14:29

It's usually women who move for me. Mortifyingly its usually elderly ladies who do so when I'm a fit to burst mammoth of a pregnant woman.

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paperandpaint · 27/07/2017 14:34

If I needed the seat I would have just asked nicely. As long as you are kind and polite I don't see the issue.

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DioneTheDiabolist · 27/07/2017 14:39

There's no problem with people wanting to be with the pregnant woman as long as it's what she wants. However other pregnant women need to be in the antenatal dept. The needs of patients trump the wants of everyone else.

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Morphene · 27/07/2017 14:41

erm yes, I would never presume to stand up just because someone might look to me like they want/need a sit down.

Adults can speak. Asking for a seat if you need one is perfectly reasonable.

For the record, My DH didn't come to appointments, only the ultrasound and there were only ever masses of empty seats at those.

So I'm not defending a perpetrator of the terrible crime of expecting people who would like you to give up your seat to simply ask you to give up your seat.

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Morphene · 27/07/2017 14:43

dione of course the needs of patients outweigh the needs of hangers on....but what are those needs?

If only there was some way a person with a need could communicate that, so that others could help that need get satisfied?

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DioneTheDiabolist · 27/07/2017 15:08

Pregnant women need to be in the antenatal waiting room. No one else does. So who else's needs are you talking about? Those of men respecting pregnant women in packed antenatal waiting rooms by taking up a seat? Because that's complete bollocks.

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CherryChasingDotMuncher · 27/07/2017 15:11

erm yes, I would never presume to stand up just because someone might look to me like they want/need a sit down

So you strongly suspect someone with a greater need than you needs a seat and you still don't get up? Do you also have this rule for elderly and disabled people? What a horribly selfish and unhelpful attitude.

Also as I said earlier not everyone is confident enough to ask people to move, should they be punished for being shy?

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CherryChasingDotMuncher · 27/07/2017 15:21

Bottom line - if you're not a patient you don't have a right to a seat. If a patient comes along, you should offer them your seat. It doesn't matter if you don't want to, or if you feel like you shouldn't have to, or if they haven't asked. It's their seat, not yours, move your backside and have some courtesy.

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CherryChasingDotMuncher · 27/07/2017 15:22

And that applies to all waiting rooms not just antenatal ones

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Nanny0gg · 27/07/2017 16:42

Why should anyone vacate a seat on the off chance that someone else wants it?

You stand up and offer, if it's declined you sit back down again, if it's accepted you move aside.

It's called 'manners'. And it's not demeaning or infantilising or patronising. It's kind.

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MargotLovedTom1 · 27/07/2017 16:48

Why should someone have to ask? The seat hogger should bloody well offer!! The seats are not for their benefit - they are not a patient. Jesus wept.

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FuzzyOwl · 27/07/2017 16:52

When I was pregnant, I found sitting and the effort of standing up again uncomfortable. So whilst I think seats should be offered to others, and if they aren't people should ask for them, it isn't reasonable to assume every pregnant woman who comes in wants to sit down.

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MargotLovedTom1 · 27/07/2017 17:00

Well I preferred to sit, but that's by the by really. As you said, seats should be offered. It's a bit shit if a woman has to ask a man for a seat while waiting for her appointment in a female only clinic.

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Pengggwn · 27/07/2017 17:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Morphene · 27/07/2017 17:05

urgh...a lot of people harking back to the days of chivalry on here...

People have told me the fact that women in Saudi Arabia aren't allowed to drive or apparently queue for anything is a sign of respect and not as it appears to me a sign they are infantilized.

I don't need the door holding open for me because I'm a woman, and I don't need anyone seated near my august presence to leap up and offer me a seat either.

You don't get equal pay for equal work by demanding special treatment just for being either female, or pregnant (neither of which incurs automatic needs of any sort).

If you need a seat, bloody well ask for it.

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DioneTheDiabolist · 27/07/2017 18:18

Fuck some people really are that thick and entitled, so I'll say it again:
Seats in antenatal waiting rooms are for pregnant women.
If there are no seats available, non pregnant people should vacate their seat. No need to offer it to anyone, just make it available for any pregnant woman to sit down. It'seems common courtesy and it's common sense in an antenatal waiting room.

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CherryChasingDotMuncher · 27/07/2017 19:17

Of course pregnancy incurs extra needs! Christ alive what a strange thing to say.

Again Morphene do you think these rules apply to elderly and disabled people? To use your words, if they want equality and don't want to be victims of ageism or disablism, they can't demand special treatment after all.

Or is just women you feel resentment for?

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CherryChasingDotMuncher · 27/07/2017 19:22

Don't you know Dione if we want equality we have to fight for it by making pregnant women suffer so lazy men can take their seats at a clinic designed for pregnant women. That is true equality you know. Now if that's not smart, I don't know what is 🙄😉

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CherryChasingDotMuncher · 27/07/2017 19:23

I also haven't seen a single poster 'hark back to the days of chivalry'. Unless you mean expecting a fellow human being to have manners? Soooo old fashioned!

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thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 27/07/2017 19:29

When I had to go to my very small local Early Pregnancy Unit after a miscarriage I saw male partners being told regularly by staff that the seats weren't for them, this is despite ignoring posters on the door into the room and on all four walls inside. Yes women coming into the room can ask the men to move but why the hell should they!

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Amanduh · 27/07/2017 19:40

I was in labour in an antenatal outpatients waiting room because they told me to 'wait' because they couldn't get me a bed upstairs at inpatients (turned out I was well on the way to fully dilated too but thats another story) and I had to wait in the corridor because the seats were full - of women, men and kids. The staff simply said 'it's very busy, sorry' and nobody moved to give me a seat.. Yadnbu,

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