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AIBU?

Who is BU? Antenatal waiting room

184 replies

waitingroomangst · 27/07/2017 12:20

NC just in case it's rather outing. I was at the antenatal clinic this morning getting a routine check up at the hospital. The waiting room was PACKED, there were hardly any seats free and we were told to expect long delays in being seen today.

2 seats are currently free so a woman with her two DSs one maybe 4, the other 7-8ish make their way to the seats. The younger child sits on mums lap, the older child takes the free seat next to her.

About 5-10 minutes pass and now there are no seats free in the waiting room and a few women now have to stand while waiting. Woman whose child is in seat doesn't ask child to vacate seat for heavily pregnant women.

AIBU to think that the child should have got off the seat to let a pregnant woman sit down? There was a "kids corner" full of toys and books he could have distracted himself with and played with his brother, additionally I don't know why the mother didn't bring them any books or an iPad or something for her sons while waiting.

This is my first child so please feel free to tell me "I don't understand because I don't yet have kids" or something to that effect.

OP posts:
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Youremywifenow · 27/07/2017 12:53

If there were no seats at the ante natal clinic I would just say loudly ' can someone who is not pregnant give me a seat please' and kept saying it until someone stood up. There was a cafe 20ft away where the parents, sisters, friends etc. could have sat as they don't need to hear their name being called.
Ante-natal clinics are one place where pregnant women should absolutely take priority.
Some pregnant women may be fine and happy to stand but I couldn't, especially at the end. A combination of high blood pressure, diabetes and severe swelling meant if I stood still for too long I felt horrific.

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lmer · 27/07/2017 12:54

I think I'd be more annoyed about the man then the child tbh

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ThymeLordIsSpartacus · 27/07/2017 12:56

Ante-natal clinics are one place where pregnant women should absolutely take priority

This.

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TieGrr · 27/07/2017 12:58

If the waiting room was packed, he could have been overwhelmed by the noise and the number of people and wanted to stay close to his mum.

The man sitting down is another story. There was a bulldog of a midwife at my maternity hospital who used to chase off the men sitting down whenever pregnant women had to stand. She was great.

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Gothbaby · 27/07/2017 12:59

I had this waiting for an ultra sound when it got pretty warm a few months back! but it was a mother, HER mother and 2 kids. and they got pissed off when i sat down after one of them had gone for their appointent. Its a hospital room specifically for pregnant women, anyone else sitting down needs to give up their seat. its just not fair otherwise! x

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coddiwomple · 27/07/2017 13:01

wtf was that one bloke doing sitting??????

maybe he needed to. How is that difficult to understand?
I have commuted in busy trains with my DH whilst heavily pregnant, I was standing he was sitting. He was recovering from a nasty surgery, wasn't too happy about it, but was much safer sitting down. We did have a few "tuts" but I can't remembering many people offering me their seat, funnily enough.

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DioneTheDiabolist · 27/07/2017 13:04

If the man needed to sit, he could find a cafe to sit in. Only a special kind of stupid or entitled person takes up a seat in an antenatal waiting room when pregnant womend are standing.

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coddiwomple · 27/07/2017 13:07

Get over yourself, some women have difficult pregnancy and really do need a partner with them, you don't know what horrible things they are scared of, and why they need support. The man might need to sit down, or be thick and not realise he should give up his seat, or be completely oblivious. Just ask.
Other women cannot drive, and ask for someone who is also their childcare! So yes, some women have to go to hospital with their kids in tow. No one actually enjoy doing it.

Again, f you need a seat, just ask. Why do you expect sympathy when you show absolutely none towards others?

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donquixotedelamancha · 27/07/2017 13:09

"In total there were 3 men. Otherwise it was just women and a few other children who were playing in the kids corner."

Child should have been moved. Man should have moved. I am, however, sure that some of the women should have moved as well. If you are young and healthy you stand up to let a heavily pregnant woman sit down.

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EezerGoode · 27/07/2017 13:11

Next time go in search of a chair..ask a member of staff...no way should you have to stand up...yes the child should of vacated the seat

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Sirzy · 27/07/2017 13:11

Ds is 7 and wouldn't want to/be able to play with the other children. He is autistic and has major issues with social interactions and "strangers"

If he was sat on the floor he wouldn't be able to stop himself from rolling about.

If he was sat on a chair there is much more chance of him being calm and settled.

If a waiting room was full I would be much more likely to stand and leave him sitting. But the woman in the Op didn't have that choice if she had another child on her knee.

Yes it would be nice if someone had offered but please be careful picking out people you think should offer because You never know what is going on! A General ask makes much more sense

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Morphene · 27/07/2017 13:11

I think pregnant women know whether or not they need a seat, and are perfectly capable of asking for it if they need it.

If none of the women standing asked for a seat then there is no need to interfere. If they were refused a seat due to children or men or women who didn't need it then that is the time to get the staff involved.

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waitforitfdear · 27/07/2017 13:14

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Glumglowworm · 27/07/2017 13:15

The man and child should have offered their seats (mum should have promoted child, I don't expect a 7 or 8 year old to think of it themselves)

But the pregnant women standing could have actually spoken up and asked for a seat if they were that bothered.

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TonicAndTonic · 27/07/2017 13:16

I'm probably a bit too keen with all my ideas and questions

Quite the opposite OP, I actually think the NHS is so stretched these days that you need to have all your questions lined up for those hard-won appointment slots with a medical professional! I always come away then think of all the things I should have asked...

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SilverBirchTree · 27/07/2017 13:16

YANBU- able bodied children and men should definitely offer to give up their seats for pregnant women.

Poor parenting on the woman's part- that was a great opportunity to teach empathy and good citizenship.

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kel1234 · 27/07/2017 13:16

Personally I see what you're saying op, but that said pregnant women are not entitled and precious. When I was pregnant I stood on public transport no problem. Even when I was heavily pregnant (past my due date even), I stood on public transport, no problem. Yes I could have asked, but I didn't feel like I should, or it was necessary for me to sit down just because I was pregnant.
Nor was I one of those pregnant women who sit with their feet up at the end of the pregnancy, but that's another story

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TonicAndTonic · 27/07/2017 13:16

damn wrong thread Blush

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coddiwomple · 27/07/2017 13:17

They could have both sat on the floor or in the cafe.

Yes, that's where you want your partner to be when you need support, in a cafe. That's also where you would live a child alone, in a cafe. Of course. That's what every reasonable person would do. Hmm

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Gunpowder · 27/07/2017 13:17

Definitely the pregnant women should have priority for chairs as they have to be there.

My antenatal dept has just brought in a rule of no under 14s at ultrasound scans

In my previous singleton pregnancies I would have thought this made absolute sense, however now I am pregnant with twins I've realised it's more tricky for women with complicated pregnancies.

I will have 8+ scans over the course of the pregnancy and our trust don't always have availability to book appointments around when I can get childcare. DH has taken off time for three appointments so he can stay at home with the children, but it means he won't see a single scan and for the rest I am having difficulty cobbling childcare together. I will have to take at least DD2 with me to two or three.

N.B. I would always make sure my DC sat on my lap or on the floor rather than take a seat from a pg woman or someone else who needed one.

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DioneTheDiabolist · 27/07/2017 13:20

Your need for support doesn't trump a pregnant woman's need to be in the antenatal waiting room.Hmm

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coddiwomple · 27/07/2017 13:24

My antenatal dept has just brought in a rule of no under 14s at ultrasound scans

that's the problem, what are you supposed to do with your kids? Sometimes the appointment is out of school hours - or too close to pick them up on time, sometimes during the summer holidays.

Anyway, if you need a seat, just ask, don't be a martyr.

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Morphene · 27/07/2017 13:26

Some one needs to demonstrate a need before their need can trump anyone else's.

If no one asked for a seat there was no problem to be solved.

I had days in pregnancy where I would have needed the seat and days I didn't.

Because being pregnant didn't make me a helpless child I asked for a seat when I needed it...and tended to resent people telling me I needed to sit as if I couldn't decide that for myself.

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ChardonnaysPrettySister · 27/07/2017 13:28

Yes, that's where you want your partner to be when you need support, in a cafe.

Why can't they support you while standing up? Why are you happy for another pregnant woman to stand and wait, and it seems it would be a long wait if all seats are takes, while your companions are sitting?

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waitforitfdear · 27/07/2017 13:29

coddi your 7 year old and a man can't sit in a hospital cafe? Why?

I had 4 kids and they sat on the floor or played in the play area in the dept as the op says there was one.

If your dh would sit On his arse and let a pregnant woman stand at antenatal clinic he's a rude cunt

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