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AIBU?

Who is BU? Antenatal waiting room

184 replies

waitingroomangst · 27/07/2017 12:20

NC just in case it's rather outing. I was at the antenatal clinic this morning getting a routine check up at the hospital. The waiting room was PACKED, there were hardly any seats free and we were told to expect long delays in being seen today.

2 seats are currently free so a woman with her two DSs one maybe 4, the other 7-8ish make their way to the seats. The younger child sits on mums lap, the older child takes the free seat next to her.

About 5-10 minutes pass and now there are no seats free in the waiting room and a few women now have to stand while waiting. Woman whose child is in seat doesn't ask child to vacate seat for heavily pregnant women.

AIBU to think that the child should have got off the seat to let a pregnant woman sit down? There was a "kids corner" full of toys and books he could have distracted himself with and played with his brother, additionally I don't know why the mother didn't bring them any books or an iPad or something for her sons while waiting.

This is my first child so please feel free to tell me "I don't understand because I don't yet have kids" or something to that effect.

OP posts:
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waitforitfdear · 27/07/2017 13:31

You can guess whose dh and extended family and kids cause havoc and noise on the post natal ward while women want privacy and quiet can't you.

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Doglikeafox · 27/07/2017 13:34

It would have been nice of the child to offer his seat (or the mum on his behalf) but I think ultimately, any pregnant woman who felt she needed a seat could just ask.
9 times out of 10 when I offer someone my seat they decline anyway. Possibly what with having two young children with her and being pregnant she may have just not even thought about it. Her mind may have been elsewhere, and ultimately there is nothing about being pregnant that makes you incapable of asking for a seat.

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Jackiebrambles · 27/07/2017 13:35

The men should have stood up first IMO, then the kids.

If there were heavily pregnant women standing and waiting and able bodied men sitting in the seats then that is totally crap behaviour on the men's part.

It's the summer holidays - I'm sure there are more children being taken to antenatal appointments than usual for the next 6 weeks. It's just one of those things.

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CherryChasingDotMuncher · 27/07/2017 13:38

Jesus wept, the internalised misogyny in some people is strong - "what about the menz" in a waiting room for pregnant women?? Feck right off! Your husband is not important in other people's pregnancies 🙄 can you really not bear for him to be more than 15cm from you? Of course he should sit on a cafe floor of a heavily pregnant woman needs a seat.

The child should've stood, prompted by the mum, but the man was far ruder, what kind of bloke takes up a seat when there's a heavily pregnant woman standing nearby? And don't give me the "he may be thick" crap. Let's not infantilise men. It's rude and selfish, and if my DH behaved like that I'd be questioning the kind of man he was.

I also loathe the "pregnant women aren't precious" attitude. When you're carrying 2 stone on your belly and no doubt have sore feet, piles, fatigue, among other things, too right you should be treated well by other members of the public. I get really sick of the resentment towards pregnant women, I don't think people realise how problematic and sexist this attitude is for women and girls.

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CherryChasingDotMuncher · 27/07/2017 13:39

Also pregnant women shouldn't have to ask for a seat - and many won't simply because they're very shy or worried about a bad response.

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DioneTheDiabolist · 27/07/2017 13:41

I don'the know Dog, apparently some pregnant women are incapable of finding childcare, rearranging appointments for a more suitable time or being in an antenatal waiting room without support from people who take up seats. Yet it is the pregnant women who turn up for their appointments and may need seats who are unreasonable and precious.Hmm

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Morphene · 27/07/2017 13:41

what kind of man sits on a seat while a pregnant woman stands?

The kind that respects women enough to believe they can ask for the seat if they want it!

Why should anyone vacate a seat on the off chance that someone else wants it?

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CherryChasingDotMuncher · 27/07/2017 13:44

Would you apply the same theory to elderly and disabled people then Morphene?

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DioneTheDiabolist · 27/07/2017 13:45

In an antenatal waiting room? A spectacularly entitled or stupid one. Or a cunt.

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CherryChasingDotMuncher · 27/07/2017 13:48

I'm wondering if some posters remember their OH sat in a seat and left a pregnant woman standing, as they seem to be tying themselves in knots to think of reasons as to why this is OK.

Hate to break it to you, but if he did do this, he's a twat

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ChardonnaysPrettySister · 27/07/2017 13:48

Men sitting out of respect to women, when pregnant women have to stand. I've heard it all now.

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coddiwomple · 27/07/2017 13:48

coddi your 7 year old and a man can't sit in a hospital cafe? Why?

I am not leaving my 7 year old alone in a cafe, are you insane? You might, but it's far too young.

MY husband does stand up in waiting rooms, and other places. I just couldn't start raging about someone else. Interestingly enough, I never witness WOMEN giving up their seat in airports, trains, or others for pregnant women or elderly people. I hear a lot of pregnant women expecting the world to revolve around them, but they don't seem to be so quick to quick to help when they are not concerned.

I never had to drag my own kids to hospitals ,but I do have sympathy for the pregnant woman who has to take 2 kids with her, is probably very anxious about the appointment whilst still handing her older two. It's easy to judge, why don't you show some sympathy. Nothing prevents you from asking if you could have a seat. You are grown-up enough to have a baby, you can ask.

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MargotLovedTom1 · 27/07/2017 13:49

Because the men wouldn't even be there if it wasn't for the pregnant women Morphene. Ffs the clinic is for pregnant women, the waiting room is for pregnant women: anyone else is an extra and doesn't take priority for a seat.

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ChardonnaysPrettySister · 27/07/2017 13:51

Interestingly enough, I never witness WOMEN giving up their seat in airports, trains, or others for pregnant women or elderly people.

Really?

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MargotLovedTom1 · 27/07/2017 13:52

If you're grown up enough to have a 7 year old kid, you're grown up enough to teach them manners and to give their seat to a pregnant woman in an antenatal clinic waiting room. Fucking hell, I'm amazed this even has to be discussed.

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Crunchymum · 27/07/2017 13:53

I am under a big, inner city hospital (always very busy) and one of the receptionists routinely comes to the waiting areas there are 3 and moves anyone who isn't a patient out of the seats.

People are fucking ignorant to be told to move IMO (It's usually men as well to be fair)

I have had a few GTT's and there are always delays so I have spent more than enough time in the antenatal waiting area/s

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Jackiebrambles · 27/07/2017 13:56

I'm not surprised a 7 year old didn't get up of his own accord. It's clear that some grown men don't feel the need to!

But yes his mum should have reminded/told him to do so.

But you know, she's pregnant, and looking after two other kids on her own as well. Maybe even getting them to the appointment was difficult for her (I mean she even forgot her Ipad, silly lady). I'll save my annoyance for the sitting down men I think.

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stella23 · 27/07/2017 14:00

I'm so annoyed I didn't say anything! I was on the other side of the room and couldn't leave my precious real estate seat unattended.

I thought the mum was rude and entitled letting her kid sit while women were standing!


Maybe she just didn't think? Maybe she's preoccupied with something. If you were so annoyed why didn't you just ask, and why pick on the kid why not start you op discussing the full grown man!

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EmilyDickinson · 27/07/2017 14:02

I agree that the man should have given up his seat.

The pregnant woman with two children had, as a group, already given up one seat by taking up two seats although there were three people. It's not especially comfortable having a four year old perched on your knee. They're quite heavy. Maybe the mum concerned felt like she'd already done her bit and it was time for the man who was sitting down to do some thing. I'm a bit surprised that people are blaming a pregnant mum, with two children, one of whom is perched on her knee rather than the man sitting down.

As a woman I have often given up my seat for elderly people and for pregnant women. Once, when I was already standing and there was a heavily pregnant woman who was looking very ill and faint I told one of the many seated men that he should let her sit down. He did so with aclarity once I asked him but I was astounded that he and several other young men had studiously ignored her for so long.

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coddiwomple · 27/07/2017 14:03

Really?

Really ChardonnaysPrettySister.

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CherryChasingDotMuncher · 27/07/2017 14:03

Expecting a seat from an able bodied person is hardly 'expecting the world to revolve round them', but if you want to use emotive language to prove your point then that's up to you

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coddiwomple · 27/07/2017 14:07

apparently some pregnant women are incapable of finding childcare

Hmm yes, because everybody has family next door to take the kids, or can afford to pay for a nanny or a babysitter everytime they have an hospital appointment. On top of the car park or train fees.

Just because you have a support group holding your hand doesn't mean everybody else has the same level of help.

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CherryChasingDotMuncher · 27/07/2017 14:07

I also agree with PP about taking an entourage to appointments. When I was pregnant with DS (six months ago), people would often have 4 adults with them - partner, mum, sister & friend! Towards the end of my pregnancy (was still a big scans at 38 weeks) the Trust had enforced a 2 people accompanying rule.

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WillowCreek · 27/07/2017 14:09

Playing devils advocate, they might not have wanted the seat? I prefer to stand and get really annoyed when people insist I sit.

Although it is polite and it is a bit strange, both the child and man could have had a medical complaint that wasn't immediately clear that meant they needed to sit so personally would just keep quiet, you never know. And the ladies are perfectly capable of asking for the seat if they needed it.

As for the iPad comment, I get tutting and judgemental looks for giving my little one a drawing app while we wait for hours so it is definitely a no win situation on that front. Each to their own, if the kid is behaving I don't see the problem, and even if they aren't I tend to ignore - could just be having a bad day! My little one is usually an angel but there is always that 1 day when out of nowhere he turns into hulk.

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Bisquick · 27/07/2017 14:11

To the poster who said they've never seen women give up their seats... that may be your experience. However, having been heavily pregnant and having had to commute on the London tube, I've definitely had women stand up and give me their seats. And men. Always people who look like they are in their mid 30s or over though. I sometimes think it's only people who have either been pregnant or had a partner who was pregnant who gives up their seat. Younger people probably don't realise how difficult it is for some women to stand when you're 7 mos pregnant.

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