To ask what age you consider to be socially acceptable to have a baby these days?!

[campino]

I'm currently pregnant with my first and from chatting with my 24yo sister today I was shocked when she told me how many of her school friends have had babies of their own already. Not a bad thing by any means but thought it'd be interesting hearing your opinions on what age it goes from "OMG 'X' is pregnant" to "how lovely 'X' is pregnant!"

I agree with the pp that said about it being more 'stage' than age.

Married at 19, my husband earns more than his 30 year old brother who has a degree. Conceived after we were married (which only mattered to my grandmother, God forbid I got pregnant before marriage😮) and am now expecting baby soon at 20.

I see many people my own age that seem far younger than me. I don't go to any groups but I know I would be the youngest there and one of the only ones that is married, people don't get married so much in my area anymore.

itstoo

I haven't read the whole thread

Has someone honestly said that...

Even when it was socially unacceptable 15 year olds still got pregnant

I also think London Older mummies norm is,as usual,out of step with large parts of the country where it's completely normal to have kids early 20s without the need for pregnancy yoga or crystal therapy

Yes!

I would have said 20 to 30 was the norm from my own experience.
(No judgement re older/younger, just that it's less usual).

itchoo

You arnt reading my posts yes 2 15 year olds having a baby isn't ideal of course not but what are you advocating? Forced abortion, the Shame of the past, baby taken off mum???? Seriously???

And yes actually I do have a friend who had her baby at 15 and with parental support that girl and her boyfriend successfully raised a uni graduate. And had another 3 kids too.

I also know a 41 year old first time mum who is struggling massively.

It's not sge that makes good parents we are not condoning 12 year olds having babies no one has

But would you point your finger and judge the 15yr old blame their parents school society or would you feel for them and hope they manage ok and the baby is ok? Nobody wants a 15yrold child to be pregnant however saying it is socially unacceptable isn't the right phrase imo it used to be socially unacceptable to be an unwed mother didn't it these women were shamed

I work in London in a 'professional' career and I find a lot of people seem quite shocked i have a 6 year old at 30. However in my home town a lot of people i went to school with had kids at a similar age. Out of my group of best friends (5 of us) i am the only one that has kids at the moment.

But would you point your finger and judge the 15yr old blame their parents school society or would you feel for them and hope they manage ok and the baby is ok

I think you are confusing socially unacceptable, as in unacceptable on a society level, with individual judgement.
Individual teen parents I would feel sorry for them and hope they get every support they need to do well. But I also think that such things are not acceptable in a truly civilized society and that something has gone very wrong somewhere.

I also think London Older mummies norm is,as usual,out of step with large parts of the country where it's completely normal to have kids early 20s without the need for pregnancy yoga or crystal therapy

In London where childcare is approx £12,000 per child per annum for full time nursery, and rent a massive chunk of monthly income, most people in their early 20s I know couldn't afford to have a child and somewhere to live

I'm from the nordics (hence the name), but have lived in the UK for nearly a decade and I definitely see a difference in attitudes. I'm 31 and am halfway through my first pregnancy but feel old compared to some of my old school mates from back home.

I think part of it stems from a difference in culture. The nordics, in general, are quite atheist leaning, therefore being married before having kids is much less of an issue. There is also less of a thought that things must be done in a 'proper' order, eg finish uni, get established in a job, buy a house, get married and then finally have kids. Whereas a lot of my old friends have had kids whilst in the middle of any of those steps, which I believe has to do with the nordics being more gender equal (not just my opinion, the nordics regularly top the list of gender equality according to country) and therefore there being more support for women to keep working and also that men take more part in child-rearing (eg there is greater paternity leave in the nordics - it greatly angers me that my husband only gets two weeks paternity leave). My parents had me at 24 and 25 and then got married about a year later. My uncle had two kids and was with his partner for over ten years before they got married. Keep in mind that these are all highly educated people (not that that matters in my opinion but I find that the general impression here is that it is generally less educated people who have children at a younger age)

Another thing I would point out is that, biologically speaking, the 20's are your peak fertility period, therefore I find it strange to say that you shouldn't have kids in eg your early 20's. That's not to say that everyone should be having kids in their 20's, there are pro's and cons to every situation and I believe very much in the saying 'you do you'

We were 23 when we had our first. We had been married nearly 4 years, homeowners for 4 years, both had careers.

We now have 3. We both are degree educated and I have my masters. We are on a combined income of 70k as we are both in full time careers. We are just about to buy our second home. I really don't see what is wrong with the age we had our first child.

2 15 year olds having a baby should appall us all.
It should be completely socially unacceptable, maybe then it wouldn't be so common!

^What a horrible view to have. I don't think it should "appall" us all at all. A shock, yes. But that's a really badly worded post.

As if young teenage mothers aren't judged enough - because they certainly are. It's not ideal, that doesn't making it appalling.

What if it was exactly socially unacceptable? What good would that do anyone exactly?

Wow, now I know why mums groups are hellish and uncomfortable and why I've been able to get so little support since my (in his 30s) DDs dad was caught cheating. It's all the social pariahs fault for having a kid under 25!

FFS this is ridiculous, I can understand shock at children having kids, they need support and looking after, and the circumstances possibly investigating, but if the mom is an adult, and can look after her child why are we judging instead of being supportive of each other?

I was 21 when I was pregnant with my first. Was asked so many questions such as what are you going to do? What did your boyfriend say? Etc. Fucking rude questions in my eyes. We had been together over a year, lived together and had planned the baby. We had another when I was 25. Now we're married and feel so glad that we had them young as when we're in our 40s we can start getting our lives back.
On the other hand when I was pregnant with DS1, dh's auntie who is 20 years older than me was also pregnant. And she is glad she had him later as felt in a better place financially and emotionally than when she was 21.
So I guess it's all about the persons involved and how they feel.
I suppose I would say anything younger than 18 is not socially unacceptable but I would be a little concerned as that's so young but again if they feel ready then why not!

It's not about judging teenage mums, its about judging a society that does not value and protect it's children enough, that don't provide an environment where it doesn't happen.

Agree with the 25-45 range really, but some people do age better than others. Someone I know had her child towards the top of that bracket and is often mistaken as the child's granny.

So you actually think it's "socially unacceptable" to have a baby at 24, then yomellamoHelly? That was the OP's question.

Also, as long as you look quite youthful it's OK to have a baby when you're older? So it's all about looks rather than being a good parent?
Christ almighty.

It is only viewed as socially unacceptable as a means of social control.

We have made money young, like my parents have as we have owned property for 15 years and we are only 33. We paid for the deposit ourselves in 2002. It doesn't mean there haven't been hard times financially as all the children have been through childcare. It is only now we are moving in to times when we have a lot of spare cash.

"It's not about judging teenage mums, its about judging a society that does not value and protect it's children enough, that don't provide an environment where it doesn't happen."

I first had sex at 14, completely consensually. I was ready. I don't think anything on earth could really have stopped me! I don't see it as any failure of any system that it happened.

Haven't RTFT but I'm in London where I don't know anyone who had a baby before 35. Any younger than about 33 I think I would wonder what the rush was. It's also bloody expensive to have children in childcare and have a home big enough, so you both needing to be earning good whack before you do it.

I suppose people who live small towns do it earlier. They probably meet their partners earlier too.

It is worth pointing out that the teen pregnancy rate in the UK is the lowest it has ever been, having halved in the last eight years. This article is a good analysis of how it was done.

Concurrently, the birth rate for women 40+ rose to a higher level than for women under 20 for the first time since 1947.

It is so strange that 45 is seen by some as more acceptable than 24. It goes to show it is just how people are manipulated by the media.

Age has nothing to do with it in my opinion. It's more about readiness to support a child. So being in a stable relationship, with a roof over your head (preferably your own but plenty of people manage fine in rented accommodation), a good flow of money to pay bills and support child without falling on hard times etc. Some people can achieve this in their early 20's, others not until their late 30's/40's.

Biologically, anything from 16-25 is the best time to have a child, mentally of course it's very individual. I personally wouldn't want to have any children after 35, but that's very much my preference and the reason why I started "young" (25).

banana but you choose to live in London so you go with that flow.

There's a huge other country that also has child care costs and mortgage/rent to pay where it's stil perfectly normal to have babies at 20 something and still have professional careers.

London is not the template for the whole country even if Londoners think it is.

It's unusual where I live to have bsby 1 at 41 but it's none else's business anyway.

small towns