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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask what age you consider to be socially acceptable to have a baby these days?!

258 replies

campino · 26/07/2017 22:50

I'm currently pregnant with my first and from chatting with my 24yo sister today I was shocked when she told me how many of her school friends have had babies of their own already. Not a bad thing by any means but thought it'd be interesting hearing your opinions on what age it goes from "OMG 'X' is pregnant" to "how lovely 'X' is pregnant!"

Grin
OP posts:
LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 27/07/2017 10:09

I had a baby at 24 but I also had a degree, good job and my own home. I didn't feel to young at all until I went to baby group and was treated like shit by all the older mumsHmm

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 27/07/2017 10:09

Too young

waitforitfdear · 27/07/2017 10:12

Lois if possible could you indicate where about you live as here in the midlands 24 is completely normal.

Not knocking anyone but are you in London?

ProudBadMum · 27/07/2017 10:14

There is no acceptable age.

Either too young or old.
Too poor and judged for needing help
Too rich and judged for paying for help
Stay at home and you are lazy
Go to work and you aren't putting kids first

I had my first at 19 and was treated like shite by midwives etc

Second at 25 and I was treated better.

My friends are starting to have kids in the last couple of year and people are excited.

I'm the youngest parent in my sons class and it shows. I barely speak to anyone there

When my daughter starts nursery in a few years I'll probably be the average age.

My mum had me at 17 and her last at 38. She was treated shite for been too young then shite for been too old.

No fucker can win as there's always some pleb judging for some reason.

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 27/07/2017 10:23

I'm in Scotland wait I was later one of the oldest mums when I had my second child and I made sure any younger mums felt welcome Smile

Natsku · 27/07/2017 10:24

Well I think there is a 'too old' generally speaking because the risks of issues with baby rise rapidly after a certain age so, in my opinion (obviously my opinion isn't important in the grand scheme of things), after that certain age it isn't quite so fair on the child unless you know your own risks aren't so high.

FanjoForTheMammaries · 27/07/2017 10:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Yukbuck · 27/07/2017 10:29

Not one of my uni friend's has had a baby. I finished uni almost 3 years ago. And I can't see that changing anytime soon. Whereas my friend's / people I went to school with who didn't do uni are mostly having/ had a baby. I do get a bit shocked sometimes but not because I think personally that it's socially unacceptable, but more just that I can't imagine having a child right now.
And those of you who had kids in their 20s who are passive aggressively saying 'I'd be knackered if I had kids past 30' don't be so mean. It's fine to have kids in your 30s. Just like it's perfectly fine to have kids in your 20s. There's no perfect age. I wouldn't want a child at 23 for example, but that doesn't make it a bad age to have one.

itstoolateforthisbollox · 27/07/2017 10:29

I think you're all mad if you don't think there is any such thing as too young. Children having babies should be socially unacceptable. That doesn't mean judging the individual, it means judging the situation and acknowledging that we should not have a society where 13, 14, 15, 16 year old girls are getting pregnant.

TheFreaksShallInheritTheEarth · 27/07/2017 10:32

No one has advocated or defended children having babies, itstoolate Confused

cuirderussie · 27/07/2017 10:33

lapin I'm really surprised that your middle class friends in Ireland had babies at 25 or so, when was this? My friends and acquaintances in this demographic were overwhelmingly well into their 30s, often near 40 having their first.

waitforitfdear · 27/07/2017 10:34

lois

Well that blooming well knocks my London theory out. Grin

I am a gran now and take my dgs to playgroups and always try to speak to any mum. We all need to stick together don't we Grin

bollox

None here has said children having babies aged 12/13 is fine. There's a difference between 13 and 16, called the law of consent

itstoolateforthisbollox · 27/07/2017 10:35

No one has advocated or defended children having babies, itstoolate

Sure they have. Comments such as "there is no such thing as socially unacceptable" and "there is no too young or too old" and "I know some fantastic mothers who were 15" etc

they all say that children (under eighteens are still children) having babies is NOT socially unacceptable. And it should be.

CryingMessFFS · 27/07/2017 10:36

I don't know. I was always the youngest at any appointments, the mothers in the waiting room were always older than me (bar one where the girl couldn't have been more 15, she looked so young) and I had my first at 25. I'm 29 now and very few of my friends have children yet, I was the first in our 'group.' I think it varies by where you live.

itstoolateforthisbollox · 27/07/2017 10:36

None here has said children having babies aged 12/13 is fine. There's a difference between 13 and 16, called the law of consent

14 is a child, so is 15, 16....you're not an adult until you are 18.

waitforitfdear · 27/07/2017 10:38

Is it not middle class now to have first baby at 25?

Fuck me always knew I was commen despite a career house and even a partner who stuck around and was 23 like me. Who knew

yomellamoHelly · 27/07/2017 10:40

Agree with the 25-45 range really, but some people do age better than others. Someone I know had her child towards the top of that bracket and is often mistaken as the child's granny. At 32 my gp launched straight into a telling off (at the booking in appointment) for becoming a geriatric mother with all the risks associated with it. My antenatal group was full of women the same age. Bar one, who was 19. Felt sorry for her as I was in no way ready for kids at that age.

Frillyhorseyknickers · 27/07/2017 10:42

I was met with a lot of "OMG! Was it planned" when we announced my pregnancy earlier this year, recently married aged 27. I suppose most people don't view me and the maternal type. 😔

waitforitfdear · 27/07/2017 10:44

bollox

All context. Two 15 year olds having a baby is yes young and yes need support as do most new parents but it's not necessarily a disaster where a mum having baby 1 at 45 may find it equally as hard or harder.

12/13 is incredibly rare and probably investigate by authorities hopefully.

It's the term socially acceptable that reeks of judgment.

FanjoForTheMammaries · 27/07/2017 10:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ZoyaTheDestroyer · 27/07/2017 10:45

Certainly in this corner of nappy valley London it is very unusual for an educated woman to have their first child before 30. I was the youngest by some way in our NCT group as a 30-year-old.

A good friend of mine who also lives locally had her first baby at 21. At literally every baby group she was mistaken for the nanny.

waitforitfdear · 27/07/2017 10:46

Are men judged the same way?

Are they bollocks

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 27/07/2017 10:46

Agree with fanjo

It didn't occur to me to say anyone under the age of 16, I assumed that would be obvious

But ya know what happens when you assume dontcha!!

waitforitfdear · 27/07/2017 10:48

I do think it's a regional/class divide on here too.

itstoolateforthisbollox · 27/07/2017 10:49

All context. Two 15 year olds having a baby is yes young and yes need support as do most new parents but it's not necessarily a disaster

2 15 year olds having a baby should appall us all.
It should be completely socially unacceptable, maybe then it wouldn't be so common!

It didn't occur to me to say anyone under the age of 16, I assumed that would be obvious

Clearly its not to those saying that 15 year olds make better parents than 45 year olds....