To ask what age you consider to be socially acceptable to have a baby these days?!

[campino]

I'm currently pregnant with my first and from chatting with my 24yo sister today I was shocked when she told me how many of her school friends have had babies of their own already. Not a bad thing by any means but thought it'd be interesting hearing your opinions on what age it goes from "OMG 'X' is pregnant" to "how lovely 'X' is pregnant!"

I would have preferred to have had my children in my 20s. My parents were older parents and whilst I love them and they love me, my teenage years were awful because frankly they just were so out of touch (although of course that's not necessarily just an age thing) and lacked any understanding of teenage difficulties.

I always yearned to have my children young. But despite being married in my early 20s it was my husband who flat out refused to have children until we were in our thirties. (Although I was still one of the younger ones amongst my peers from school).

The judgement that women face for being the 'wrong' age really pisses me off because in the case of a planned pregnancy there are two people's input into the timing, but no one seems to care about that.

I live in a very middle class area and I do get nasty looks from mostly older women when I'm out with dd, I was 21 when I had her but look a lot younger. I hate the assumption that young mother = irresponsible chav.(horrible word that I wouldn't use but explains the point succinctly) I only know one other mum around my age and she stopped going to baby and toddler groups with her DDs as the other mums wouldn't talk to her or let their children play with hers, I have avoided them for this reason. You don't know anything about someone from just looking at them, none of these judgy women know that DP and I own three houses and have enough saved to educate dd privately. News that I was pregnant was clearly a big topic for our acquaintances gossip for a while as I kept getting add requests on social media from people I hadn't spoken to for years once our news had spread, that didn't make me feel great as I felt like some sort of pariah or science experiment. People should keep their judgement to themselves.

My mum had me at just turned 19 she was such a prude and so out of touch friends used to think she was the cool young mum soo not true you are right though treacle i dont think Women can win whatever they do

This is a generational thing with a shift in what is thought normal thus correct. My mother was considered a geriatric mother when she had me ( her 1st) at 30. Thus she also referred to me as a geriatric mother when o had my 1st at 30 . She was delighted when she discovered I was in the norm and actually the youngest in my antinatal group. She has jumped on 30 being normal ( she didn't like being considered old) thus she will now refer to 20 something mums ( the norm of her generation) as young mums LOL. Basically anyone who has had a wedding in not shocked about a pregnancy anoucment or long term living together. Teenagers living at home yep shocked.

Dont think there is a particular age however

Even though i have known and heard of fantastic young mum i think a teenager is too young

And when i hear of women of 45+ im just i have been knackered since 40!!!

I know everyone is not the sane

I had 3 between the ages of 18-26 and felt awfully young. Closest friends didn't start until one at 30 at which point I had a child in high school. We're 38 this year and my friend is pregnant with her 2nd whereas I'm picking furniture for dd's 1st flat, doing uni applications with ds1 and buying high school uniform for ds2!!! I'm glad I did it young but there were a hell of a lot of eyebrows raised back then.

I couldn't imagine dd20 having a baby, nor could she, we just laugh to think I'd had her and ds18 at her age!!

I got married at 23 and had dd1 less than a year later at almost 24. We both worked and bought a house just before we married.

Now, almost 13 years later, we have three children, are doing really well in our jobs (though are far from being high earners) and live in a 4 bed detached house with a lovely garden - nothing compared to most of the people here on mn but we are very happy.

I would hate to just be starting off now with starting a family, I love that we are still relatively young ourselves but will soon gain increasing freedom as the children grow up. I also love that the mortgage will be paid off in the next ten years - I know people who are looking to buy their first home now at my age, must be awful.

For us this worked and we are happy - clearly this wouldn't be the case for everyone and judging by this thread we are a minority for wanting to start our family before we reached 25 but there you go! Incidentally, I am a midwife and I definitely don't think under 25 is in anyway strange or unusual, I am more surprised when someone in their 30's is having their first so I guess it is a regional thing!

Any age is acceptable as long as the child is loved and well cared for

The youngest person to have their first child in my social circle was 28. Everyone else I know was 30-40 for the most part.

Most couldn't afford to have them any younger as with full time childcare at £12,000 it's hard to afford to have a child until they were more established in their careers and earning a higher salary

Unless a very high earner bugger all chance of saving enough for a deposit AND paying for childcare, so most waited until they'd bought their first home before starting TTC. If they had a child before getting on the ladder they'd never buy a home given the cost of property in the SE

Don't know what the rest of society thinks but for me anywhere between 20 and 40 is 'normal', outside of those ages I'd probably (to myself, obviously not to them) raise an eyebrow.

I had my first at 25 which I think was a good age, I was young and full of energy. I'm going to be 31 when I have this one and I'm starting to feel quite old!

Over 16, because of legal issues.
Under 50, or thereabouts, because of menopause issues.

Otherwise, it's no one else's business at all.

I was 24 when I had my first and 25 when I had my second.

It felt right at the time, but looking back I was nowhere near old enough.

I look at my relatives of the same age and simply cannot imagine them having children.

But that is probably more to do with hindsight. How do you ever know you're ready, really? It's a leap of faith.

"Socially acceptable"

What the fuck? Lots of posters giving ages ranges which might be the norm for their area or peer group, but do all those who have mentioned 25-40 (or thereabouts) actually think a little outside these ranges is "unacceptable" rather than just less usual?

I had my first at 23, my last at 41. Never a comment on my age, ever, before today. It has only been on Mumsnet - by Parents for Parents - that I have had any indication that my parenting choices were "unacceptable"

Fuck that.

I'm an older mum. I get comments about being irresponsible (risking unhealthy children apparently); about expecting others to care (i am the only sahm on our street) and people assume I'm tired. Sometimes as I have a toddler, but no more than 10 years ago when i had a toddler and a baby! Also i get completely ignored as a parent (even by teachers) as i am assumed to be a grandparent. I have to assert my parent status when asking about school info etc.
My mum was a teen. Short on temper as still mostly a child; other parents were openly critical of everything she did and (although she was a married prude) called her a flirt and a tart to be kept away from their husbands (!).
Socially i conclude everyone still hates mothers.

I did NCT with DC1 in a naice part of north London - at 31 myself and DH were the youngest in the group and almost all the others were 35-40.

new sorry definatly not meaning to brag as have nothing to brag about except my perfect kids

I agree the easy home ownership of the 80s and the tiny deposits needed then have made home ownership and stability far easier and it was quite normal to have a first mortgages early 20s.

Also child care was unregulated so the lady down your road could mind 5/6 children at a time for cash without regulation pre ofsted.

Exactly, Fanjo

I also think London Older mummies norm is,as usual,out of step with large parts of the country where it's completely normal to have kids early 20s without the need for pregnancy yoga or crystal therapy

Socially unacceptable implies judgement

Yep. People judge each other for almost everything. You're on MN, this can't be a shock to you!

I don't believe social acceptabilty depends on what age you are when you have children (had both mine in my 40s). Being able to love them and care about them is what counts.

I had my first at 23, my last at 41. Never a comment on my age, ever, before today. It has only been on Mumsnet - by Parents for Parents - that I have had any indication that my parenting choices were "unacceptable"

I agree with this. Have never had anyone in 'real life' comment on the ages I had my children at, but have read a lot over the years on mumsnet about how I was too old having my second at 35.

I think people forget as well that's it's only a few generations ago that people had children from their teens right up to the menopause, because that's just what happened with limited family planning options. There have always been younger parents and older parents.

I'm 24 and have an almost 5 year old. A girl in my year at school is due with her 4th child, very common around here to have had children in teens/early 20s. My mum is 45 and I can no way imagine her having a child, her oldest child is 28 and she has 3 grandchildren

Depends on the maturity of the mum really. My cousin had her first at 21 and she had mentally been ready for years before that. She was very mature and a good mum. Her daughter had a baby at 25 but she acts like a naive stroppy teenager who can't cope so she is too young in our eyes.

socially acceptable reeks of 'handmaids tale' and cherry agree judges mums whatever they do and whatever their age

Right there treakle my great gran had her first at 17 and her 13th child at 47!

We are so so lucky now