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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Man in ladies toilets

662 replies

ItsAHardKn0ckLife · 26/07/2017 10:23

Okay I'm not sure if I'm being unreasonable here, husband works away, have an unwell toddler and I'm a little sleep deprived. So not sure if emotions are getting the better of me.

Popped into our local M&S, DS (2yo) in tow. Needed to use the toilet before shopping. Walk into the ladies (small bathroom, only 2 cubicles) to an older man and woman (late 60's at a guess) changing a babies nappy. I stopped in my tracks, confused, checked I'd definitely walked into the right toilets.
I said "you are aware this is the ladies?"
"Yes" the woman replied, "have you got a problem?"
"Erm, well yes actually I have"
Cue lots of tutting and huffing and puffing whilst I waited patiently for him to leave.
On their way out of the door I was told I was being "absolutely ridiculous" and "totally unreasonable".
In hindsight I probably should have ignored, but I was feeling pretty pissed off so I went to inform a member of staff.
The couple were standing near me and they were shouting that I'm a hypocrite as I took my DS in there with me. Again repeating that I was unreasonable etc and what did I expect them to do? They then walked off.

I ended up crying Blush

The staff were lovely and offered me a very nice cup of tea. I apologised for being an emotional wreck and causing drama.

So was I wrong for being unhappy about this? Would you have said something or just turned a blind eye to him being in there?

OP posts:
wofifomop · 26/07/2017 18:42

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Sparklingbrook · 26/07/2017 18:43

Oh great now there's spam in the ladies loos. Hmm

BasketOfDeplorables · 26/07/2017 18:45

He was the one in the wrong place. They should have immediately said 'sorry, I'm just changing a nappy for x reason, I'll be as quick as I can'. If they had a genuine reason for needing the 2 of them in there, they should have said so, not huffed and puffed. As he did leave, presumably the woman carried on alone alright or they would have said that she couldn't do it herself.

Saying a bunch of nonsense about it being hypocritical to bring a toddler in is ridiculous. You take your children into the appropriate facility for you, the adult, until you can send them in alone. Most changing rooms I've seen have the age 8 cut off.

If they absolutely couldn't do it alone then I'm surprised they were able to do all the other things that are involved in taking a baby out.

GahBuggerit · 26/07/2017 18:46

I'm fine in other situations with men if I'm not in a place where I expect to see only other women.

I'm not fine with a man being in a women's toilet. Or changing room, or women's only gym session etc etc etc

DesperatelySeekingSushi · 26/07/2017 18:47

sparkling Grin

Arealhumanbeing · 26/07/2017 18:49

ajf211

Why are woman so afraid of men.

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

I'm going to the pub.

Mumof56 · 26/07/2017 18:53

YABU

He was helping to change a child.

if you expect ladies toilets to be a no male, female only zone, why did you bring your son in there?

Is your son not male? Children are more likely to look under the gaps in stalls etc

GahBuggerit · 26/07/2017 18:56

A small child is not the same as a grown man. Or would you prefer it if op left him outside to wander off?

Christ did I really have to just type that out?

HoneyDragon · 26/07/2017 18:57

Is your son not male? Children are more likely to look under the gaps in stalls etc

An amazingly intelligent point. Well made. The two year old is exactly the same as a an adult male. Fuck it HOW DO WE KNOW THE BABY WASNT A BOY?!

Seriously need to get my pearls back from cash converters.

busyboysmum · 26/07/2017 19:00

They start early these dodgy blokes....

Zephyr01 · 26/07/2017 19:03

Yes no Penis at all in the women's space, if OP is raising a future rapist she should take him to the gender neutral disabled or make him go to the mens.

Wow. So now a two year old has been branded a future rapist.

Should we kill all males at birth?

BasketOfDeplorables · 26/07/2017 19:10

The benign ageism is pretty amusing. The couple were ELDERLY, so obviously incabable of changing a nappy alone, or explaining 'I'm feeling a bit faint, and my husband has hurt his wrist, so I'm afraid we have to do this together, sorry, won't be long if you'd rather wait til im gone'.

My parents are in their 60s, as are PIL. I look forward to the response to my AIBU to leave DD with PIL if they can only change a nappy together?

User843022 · 26/07/2017 19:11

zephyr I think that particular poster must've been on glue. There's been some overeactions but Mary bless her is in another league Grin

DeleteOrDecay · 26/07/2017 19:12

*if you expect ladies toilets to be a no male, female only zone, why did you bring your son in there?

Is your son not male? Children are more likely to look under the gaps in stalls etc*

HmmThis is such a stupid point but I'm pretty sure everyone posting it knows full well how ridiculous and obtuse this argument is.

DeleteOrDecay · 26/07/2017 19:13

Exactly what I was thinking basket.

If the couple were young I'd imagine the responses here would be very different.

JacquesHammer · 26/07/2017 19:16

If the couple were young I'd imagine the responses here would be very different

Not really. I would assume that there was a reason that they needed to do the nappy change together rather than just assuming it was to make women feel uncomfortable.

I can't honestly imagine many men would actually use a nappy change to try and get into the ladies for nefarious reasons

User843022 · 26/07/2017 19:17

'Not really. I would assume that there was a reason that they needed to do the nappy change together rather than just assuming it was to make women feel uncomfortable. '

Same here.

HoneyDragon · 26/07/2017 19:21

Yes I like the fact that people are insisting it takes two if you're elderly.

My mum suffers from chronic pain, has one boob and no teeth but if I assumed she couldn't change a nappy I'd end up with a shitty one in my face.

Again.....occasionally there is need for a man to be in a woman's space.

However it is not entitlement and no man should act like it is. They are looking after a baby for the day not protecting the Ark of the Covenant from angry Nazis, so should be able to do it with manners and occasionally fly solo for the bum bits.

bambambini · 26/07/2017 19:21

I'm quite robust and don't have an issue peeing/poohing in public loos
though i've often read how many women/girls do have an issue. I do start and feel a bit uncomfortable though if i walk into the ladies and a male cleaner or plumber is there. It just doesn't feel right - I imagine for some women and girls it's even worse.

And as for harmless old men? It was a harmless looking old man who sat beside 15 yr old me at a family concert and let his hands go wandering on my thighs and crotch.

ifeellikechickentonight · 26/07/2017 19:21

By law there needs to be a changing table a man can access so I imagine there was either a baby change unit in the disabled loo, or a specific baby change room. So technically YANBU. But really I'd struggle to get worked up over this situation tbh

bambambini · 26/07/2017 19:24

And i'm a bit shocked at male Toads dismissal that women and girls who might find his presence off putting- just have to suck it up no matter how they feel or what their experiences have been. And i never see men tsking their daughters into the ladies - and I'm fairly old.

Floisme · 26/07/2017 19:26

It doesn't matter what his reasons were for being there. It doesn't matter if he thought the op was being arsey. He was the one in the wrong place and anyone with half a brain would have apologised and most likely defused the situation.

GahBuggerit · 26/07/2017 19:26

I don't think anyone has said Grandpa was in there to tickle his fancy. Just that he shouldn't have been there.

The bigger picture, if you expand on men going into female areas being a concern........oh never mind........

ifeellikechickentonight · 26/07/2017 19:26

Actually I'm not sure it is the law ... it should be! But I'd be very surprised if a store like m&s only had baby change in the ladies

bambambini · 26/07/2017 19:30

And i used a unisex loo recently - row if stalls type with communal hand washing. Felt weird but i managed - then as i washed my hands i noticed a male toilet space seperate snd private and just for males