Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 ··· 18 19 20 ··· 26 27

Original poster

Man in ladies toilets

662 replies

ItsAHardKn0ckLife · 26/07/2017 10:23

Okay I'm not sure if I'm being unreasonable here, husband works away, have an unwell toddler and I'm a little sleep deprived. So not sure if emotions are getting the better of me.

Popped into our local M&S, DS (2yo) in tow. Needed to use the toilet before shopping. Walk into the ladies (small bathroom, only 2 cubicles) to an older man and woman (late 60's at a guess) changing a babies nappy. I stopped in my tracks, confused, checked I'd definitely walked into the right toilets.
I said "you are aware this is the ladies?"
"Yes" the woman replied, "have you got a problem?"
"Erm, well yes actually I have"
Cue lots of tutting and huffing and puffing whilst I waited patiently for him to leave.
On their way out of the door I was told I was being "absolutely ridiculous" and "totally unreasonable".
In hindsight I probably should have ignored, but I was feeling pretty pissed off so I went to inform a member of staff.
The couple were standing near me and they were shouting that I'm a hypocrite as I took my DS in there with me. Again repeating that I was unreasonable etc and what did I expect them to do? They then walked off.

I ended up crying

The staff were lovely and offered me a very nice cup of tea. I apologised for being an emotional wreck and causing drama.

So was I wrong for being unhappy about this? Would you have said something or just turned a blind eye to him being in there?

OP posts:

User843022 · 26/07/2017 18:06

Rufus it's context isn't it, yes shouting can be agressive but so can lots of things, tone, body language facial expression etc etc. I wouldn't run around saying I'd been assaulted because someone gave as good as they got when I was annoyed about something.
There's really no need to label a verbal altercation as assault unless it actually escalated into assault.

Gah I really do get your concerns about 'the bigger picture' but this isn't part of it as most on here can see.

User843022 · 26/07/2017 18:10

Mary

Floisme · 26/07/2017 18:11

I asked and no one minded.
The difference is, you asked. These people didn't.

And when someone did mind - as the op was perfectly entitled to do - they behaved as if she was the one in the wrong.

Sparklingbrook · 26/07/2017 18:13

Who were the couple supposed to have asked?

DeleteOrDecay · 26/07/2017 18:14

It's their belligerence, the huffing and puffing and calling the op 'ridiculous' when - however reasonable their motives - they were the ones in the wrong, that makes me think, 'arseholes'. I can't understand why some posters are so keen to make excuses for them.

Yes exactly. Funny how those facts get in the way of people telling the op to get a grip.

Seems like some people think it's fine for a man to be in the women's toilets as long as they aren't 'being creepy' or 'perving'.

Arealhumanbeing · 26/07/2017 18:15

Lauraagh

Nowhere in op post did she say they got aggressive.

0/10

Pitiful. Honestly the MRA's would be ashamed of you.

Gileswithachainsaw · 26/07/2017 18:16

No the bigger picture here is that peope are seriously telling someone that they are unreasonable to want a women's only space to remain a women's only space.

There doesn't need to he an explanation.

Unless that male is a staff member which by the very notices on the wall users of the facilities will be able to make an informed decision as to whether they continue, a fire fighter or paramedic or administering emergency first aid or conducting a rescue, the people using that toilet have every right to expect it to be a women's toilet.

There were multiple other options the elderly couple had which did not involve intruding unknowingly on women.

And I love how a poster gave a biscuit stating taht everyone thinks that someone is trying to perv on their genitals when the very reason no one will use the men's toilets is because said people apparently can't divert their eyes from genitals and need the cubicale doors.

Floisme · 26/07/2017 18:20

Who were the couple supposed to have asked?
They could have asked the op. 'Our grandchild needs a new nappy and we're both a bit out of practice so I'm here too. Do you mind?'
He was the one in the wrong place.

Sparklingbrook · 26/07/2017 18:22

But the couple were already in there changing the nappy when the OP walked in weren't they?

Lauraagh · 26/07/2017 18:22

They were already in the toilets when she walked in.
Maybe they wouldn't of been as arsey if she hadn't of spoken to them like shit.
Treat people how you expect to be treated

marymoore12 · 26/07/2017 18:24

Or maybe there should be no Penis's in the WOMENS's bathroom

Sparklingbrook · 26/07/2017 18:24

Too many 'maybes' on this thread I think.

busyboysmum · 26/07/2017 18:25

Agreed marymoore

Floisme · 26/07/2017 18:27

They could have asked as soon as she walked in. 'Sorry I know I'm not supposed to be here but....'

He was the one in the wrong place. It was up to him to be conciliatory, not the op.

HoneyDragon · 26/07/2017 18:27

lol at "you are aware this is the ladies?" being talking to people like they're shit.

eggsbenedict89 · 26/07/2017 18:28

He should not be in there - end of.
Highly inappropriate and I too would have felt uncomfortable!

Good on you for saying something!

DeleteOrDecay · 26/07/2017 18:30

Maybe they wouldn't of been as arsey if she hadn't of spoken to them like shit.

I didn't realise pointing out to someone that they are in a room they are not allowed to be in was speaking to them 'like shit'.

Their reaction was more aggressive than what the op said to them.

User843022 · 26/07/2017 18:32

'Their reaction was more aggressive than what the op said to them.'
So she says. Ime people react to how they are spoken to first.

DesperatelySeekingSushi · 26/07/2017 18:33

Maybe there should be no PENISES in the WOMEN'S bathroom...then is the OP's son included in that Mary or is it only when a penis is of a certain age? What is the cut off point? I took my son into the gents last week, he refused to go in the ladies (he's 4). The men were very good about it.

marymoore12 · 26/07/2017 18:35

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

DeleteOrDecay · 26/07/2017 18:35

Yes well we can only go by what the op has said, everything else is just pure speculation. As far as I'm concerned there was a man in the women's toilets and he shouldn't have been there. Whether he was being pervy or not.

JacquesHammer · 26/07/2017 18:37

Or maybe there should be no Penis's in the WOMENS's bathroom

A penis doesn't automatically cause risk.

ajf211 · 26/07/2017 18:40

Why are woman so afraid of men. What about women who have been sexually assaulted by other women. This man wasn't in there for any other reason than changing a nappy. I really wish all toilets were single unisex toilets and get rid of this faux drama. You are in a cubical, what reaction do you have in other situations where shock horror men are near you.

GahBuggerit · 26/07/2017 18:40

Where did the op talk to them like shit?

I think checking that a man is aware that hes in the wrong toilets is perfectly fine

They otoh were horrible to op, oh and they were in the wrong. Clearly.

User843022 · 26/07/2017 18:40

Mary 'raising a future rapist'. Wtf?

Flip

1 2 ··· 18 19 20 ··· 26 27